Give her a 30-minute orgasm

The ESO technique
If you take pride in the quality of your lady's climax, then read on. Usually a woman's orgasm lasts around 15 seconds at best but, according to American sexperts Alan and Donna Brauer, it's possible to extend those sought-after shudders for as long as half an hour. The Brauers' Extended Sexual Orgasm (ESO) technique is pretty demanding, but if followed correctly can yield deeply intense marathon orgasms – as well as sporadic pleasurable contractions up to 24 hours after the act. If there's a better way to make amends after the inevitable Valentine's row, we'd like to hear it.

While you watch The Wire
In order to have a chance of eliciting an epic orgasm, your lady will need to do some solo preparation. First, she should try to eliminate worry and think more positively about sex. Many women, according to sexologists, resist rather than embrace pleasure, so some "cognitive restructuring" is in order. Next, she should practice Kegel pelvic floor exercises, which involve squeezing, holding, and then releasing the same muscles used to stop urinating mid flow. And finally, she should masturbate more regularly – getting to know the strokes, speeds, pressures and rhythms that suit her best.

She's done all that? And you're sitting comfortably? Okay, then let's begin.

Concentrate now
Get your partner to lie down and then sit or kneel beside her. Apply some lubricant to the whole of her vagina and perineum and then lightly stroke and tease her for at least five minutes – without stimulating the clitoris or the inside of the vagina.

Next, begin to stimulate her clitoris by drawing slow and steady circular movements around it with your index finger, travelling around it once per second. Make sure she tells you exactly what pressure and rhythm feels best.

As you continue to stimulate her clitoris, she should begin her pelvic-floor squeezes while breathing deeply from the stomach. If all is going to plan, orgasm shouldn't be too far away.

When your partner feels she is about to come, watch and feel for the regular two-second contractions in her genital area, which indicate orgasm is imminent. Once they start, stop stimulating the clitoris and immediately move to stroking the inner vaginal walls. Using your fingers either push them in or out or sweep them in circles, slowly and steadily, in and out of the vaginal entrance.

Still with us?
After the orgasm, you should feel the vagina start to draw back, but the aim in ESO is to prolong the contractions, so keep your fingers inside her vagina, stroking gently until she indicates she wants more pressure and frequency. This should set off another series of contractions as you carry on stimulating the inner walls of the vagina.

The moment you feel a pause in the pulsating, move quickly back to stroking the clitoris as before. By continuing to circle the clitoris you should trigger even more contractions, which is the cue to move back to stimulating inside the vagina again. You should then move back and forth from vaginal to clitoral stimulation until the contractions are occurring every one to five seconds.

After doing this for 15 minutes, the vagina will begin to draw away less and less and the contractions should start to become continuous. When the vagina pushes out in a continual wave-like motion, you're in the final phase. Get into a position where you can use both hands to stimulate the clitoris and vagina simultaneously. The result should be wave after wave of multiple orgasms.

Now, have a rest.

Why bother?
After such a mind-blowing orgasm, your lady will feel eternally sexy and very very grateful, meaning lots of blow jobs and sex for you in return. Worth going that extra 29 minutes and 45 seconds wouldn't you say?