Eliminate first date fear

Stress less
So you've grabbed her attention in the Men's Health Dating Lounge, but even if you consider yourself a hit with the ladies, bagging yourself some alone time with the girl of your dreams can turn even the smoothest lothario into a nervous wreck. Read on for our ten-step plan to the perfect first date with Men’s Health Online sex and relationships expert Sam Van Rood.

Step 1: Taking the plunge
You’ve got her to agree to a bit of one-on-one time, now you need to take the initiative and set the date for your intimate tête-à-tête. “As a man, you should always take the lead,” says Van Rood. “Suggest a couple of options, but listen to see if she comes up with something better.” Give her the chance to choose from your picks – nobody likes a control frea – and she’ll be more relaxed if she feels like she’s in the driving seat.

Step 2: The venue
Break the cinema-dinner-drinks cycle by putting some thought into what you want to do together. “A first date should always be fun – do something you’re both going to enjoy,” says Van Rood. “Roller blading, going to the local funfair and riding on the dodgems, a comedy night out, taking her rock climbing – be creative. The more you have to do, the less pressure there will be on the date.” Exercise and laughter both result in increased dopamine levels, which also happens during sexual arousal – get her active and grinning and she’ll associate all those warm fuzzy feelings with you.

Step 3: First date fashion
We’re not advocating spending hours trying on every piece of clothing you own, nor should you turn up looking like you’ve thrown on whatever was least crumpled in your laundry basket. Unless you’re dining at the most credit-card-melting restaurant in town, keep it casual – as you’ll make her feel more at ease. “Try to wear just one item or accessory that makes you stand out – but only one,” says Van Rood. “Avoid at all costs those comfortable old T-shirts you’ve kept for years for special occasions. Leave it at home, you’re probably the only one who likes it!”

Step 4: Treat her like a princess
Ok, maybe not to the point where you’re laying your coat on the pavement so she doesn’t ruin her new shoes walking through that puddle. But a little old-fashioned courtesy can go a long way. “These days, there aren't many knights in shining armour left, so if you act like an old-fashioned gent it will almost always win you brownie points” explains Van Rood. A recent survey by Friends Reunited found 65 per cent of women were impressed by good manners on a first date – so get opening doors and pulling out chairs.

Step 5: Talk the talk
You’ve got your outfit, venue and chair-pulling abilities sorted – but none of that is going to seal the deal unless you can talk to her without getting tongue tied. Good conversation will make her feel like you have chemistry, so make sure you have an idea of what to talk about beforehand. “The easiest way to make the conversation flows is to goldmine and listen,” says Van Rood. “Find out what she loves, whether it’s theatre, running, travel… once you hit this gold vein it can be an endless source of conversation. Just be interested, ask questions and listen!” Avoid any awkward silences by steering clear of sticky subjects such as previous relationships and favourite films – men and women often have different tastes, which can lead to conflict. The likelihood of finding someone who shares your passion for Transformers is slim, so save it for your second date.



Step 6: Body language
Feeling relaxed may be easier said than done but there are a few tricks that will make you look cool as a cucumber – even if on the inside you’re curled up on the floor, whimpering like a five year old. If you’re feeling jittery, take a deep breath – it relaxes you, and lowers the tone of your voice making you sound more confident. “Make sure you make lots of eye contact with your date, people who make eye contact are perceived to be more confident,” suggests Van Rood. Pull your stomach in, square your shoulders, lift up your chest and uncross arms and legs for more open look.

Step 7: Who pays?
If you’ve got the hang of the "old-fashioned courtesy" by now, it can be tempting to insist on paying – but be wary, you could come across as controlling if you don’t let her pay her way if she wants to. When the bill arrives, casually suggest that you pick up the tab– and wait for her reaction. Either way, avoid splitting the bill if you can help it. “Better safe than sorry,” warns Van Rood. “In one survey, 61 per cent of women found that sharing the bill can sour the date.” If she wants to pay, let her but insist you pick up the bill on the next date.

Step 8: Get ready for round two
You should be able to judge by this point if she’s up for a repeat performance, so bite the bullet and ask. “The best way to ask her out again is to close the deal right there and then,” says Van Rood. “Make sure you plan ahead and have ideas for your next date - when things are winding-up make some suggestions and get it locked in. This takes a little bit of extra effort, but saves the endless muddle of leaving messages, sending texts and coordinating diaries when you are both busy.” This also removes the dreaded post-date-who-will-text-first waiting game.

Step 9: Pucker up
If you’re angling for a bit of lip action at the end of the date, be careful – twice as many men to women go in for a kiss at the end of a first date, so you’ve got a 50/50 chance of her puckering up or a slap in the face. Read her body language to weight up if the odds are stacked in your favour. “Lean straight in towards her lips, but stop about 6 inches away,” says Van Rood. “If she turns her cheek, give her a peck. If she moves her lips towards you, go for a passionate good night kiss.”

Step 10: Post-date procedure
Even if you’ve followed step eight to the letter, there’s still an art to post-date contact – too soon, and you look desperate, too long and you run the risk of becoming a hate figure for her best friends. A survey by dating site woowho.co.uk showed that nearly one in three women don’t bother calling after a date as they expect the man to do it – so man up and get in touch. “You can text within 24 hours, just send something light and fun,” says Van Rood. “With calling, one day is too keen, three days is just right, and four days or more you are being cold and sending the message you aren’t interested.” The key word there is calling – research by parships.co.uk showed that those people looking for true love are more likely to call than text – 67 per cent of those looking for long-term relationships will call their date, proving it really is good to talk.