Are you one of those women who think that she isn’t capable of having multiple orgasms? Every woman is capable of having them. I’m going to try to explain how they can be achieved and what the different types are. Grab yourself a snack, a drink and a positive attitude and we will be on our way!!!.
Sequential O’s: Having multiple orgasms is a learned response. If you are going to teach yourself first, a bullet or vibe may work better then your fingers. Get nice and comfortable. Think of how you can bring yourself to orgasm without over stimulating your clitoris. In the past an ultra sensitive clitoris has been what has held me back from going for more but with time and retraining of my brain I have learned to get past it. If your husband is a willing participant then having him performing oral or using a toy on you first would be ideal. I wrote some oral tips in my “Pleasing Your Wife” article. Once you do have that first orgasm bask in the afterglow for a minute and slowly begin exploring again. You want to keep that clitoris engorged so don’t bask too long!!!
This second orgasm will take longer to achieve because your body is not use to going for more. You may be sensitive when you first start again but keep working through it just be gentle. After that ultra sensitive time period has passed you can begin using more pressure to bring that second O on. If I am doing this solo I like using a dual stimulator at this point. This allows penetration, possible G spot stimulation and stimulation of my clitoris as well. Here are some examples of dual vibrators. My husband is always willing and eager to help bring the second one along particularly if I brought the first one on solo. We like either oral or the woman on top position that I discussed in my “Cowgirl” article. Obviously you should get into what ever position sends you to ecstasy the easiest. After your second orgasm make note of how long it took you. We are trying to get them as close together as possible. The more you try to achieve multiple o’s the easier it will become. Just like so many other things, practice makes perfect! After sequential orgasms are obtained you are ready for what I like to refer to as “Bunches of O’s” which I will discuss in part two of this segment.
We all know that you need to learn how to crawl before you can walk. If you haven’t been able to have an orgasm then let me first encourage you explore your body and learn how to bring yourself to orgasm. Cumingirl’s article “Touching Yourself” has some great tips. Once you are comfortable enough to have one with your husband or by yourself in a short amount of time then you are ready to try for multiples. Try bringing yourself to orgasm throughout your cycle. Where you are in your cycle does effect how easily you can orgasm. Remember that a positive attitude is everything!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Touching Urself.....
Touching Yourself
Orgasm… It’s a wonderful euphoric feeling. It’s a high. It’s a stress reducer. It’s also something that can be learned. Masturbation for women can serve several purposes:
It can give a good quick orgasm when one is needed.
It can rev up your sex drive.
It can help you learn how to orgasm more easily with your husband.
So, how should you do it? Women masturbate in different ways. Some like humping or grinding themselves up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress. This can be beneficial to making love. If you can bring yourself to orgasm by this method (hands free), then the woman on top position may be for you! Women who like to be on top while making love say that they like to move around and grind their clitoris against their husband’s pubic bone or flexed abdominal muscles. They can bring themselves to orgasm better this way instead of just pumping up and down on his penis.
Then there is the hands on method. If you can bring yourself to orgasm using your own hand and fingers, then you will be more likely to orgasm by your husband’s touch. You will be able to teach him how to touch you the way your body likes it. Set aside some alone time and practice. Explore yourself and see what feels good. Not sure how to get started? I have some tips.
Make sure that you have plenty of alone time where there will be no interruptions and distractions. Get naked and get comfortable! You may prefer a hot bath or the bed. If you do not self lubricate well, then have a bottle of lube on hand. Sitting in front of a mirror can also be erotic and help put you in the mood. Pick a comfortable position and start touching yourself in all your erogenous zones. You know what feels good to you. If it helps, stick your fingers in your mouth and get them wet. Then trace them over your body, your neck, your nipples, your thighs, all the while imagining that it is your husband’s tongue. When you make it to your vulva, open your legs wide. Lick your fingers again or apply lube if needed. You want your fingers to be able to glide smoothly. Rub all around your vulva, from top to bottom, grazing over your clitoris from time to time. Tease yourself. Let it build. If you want to, then use your other hand to insert a couple of fingers into your vagina at the same time. (A toy can also be used.) This will help to provide g-spot stimulation at the same time. If you like anal play, then lube up your back side and allow your fingers to caress that as well. Some women like gentle caressing while others like penetration of the anus.
When you can’t wait any longer, focus your attentions on your clitoris. Do what feels good for you. If you like direct stimulation, then go for it! You can use the palm of your hand or the tips of your fingers. Back and forth or around in circles. Gentle touches or firmer pressure. Increase your pace while you imagine your husband watching, or helping, or making love to you. If it helps talk dirty to yourself out loud or in your mind. Say those things that you love to hear. Say the things that help to send you over the top. Sometimes really deep breathing or even holding your breath can help to put you over the top. When you orgasm, do what feels natural. If you need to move around, then do so! If you need to scream or moan or say something, then let go and say it! Ride the waves as they spasm throughout your body. Keep going until you can’t take it anymore. Some women can have multiples by continuing to apply pressure to the clitoris after the first orgasm. (Peppermint Girl wrote a nice two-part article on Multiple Orgasms.) Just do what feels good for you. Afterwards, enjoy your come down time.
There are many different variables to consider when touching yourself. Each woman is different. Masturbating is a very safe and totally natural way to learn how your body responds to touch. It can help a woman learn how to reach orgasm more easily with her husband. Doing it regularly can also really increase your sex drive. It will make you feel more sexual and your body will become accustomed to having frequent orgasms. In turn you will want sex with your husband more…and he will be a happy man! I’d love to hear from you ladies out there. Is there a great position that you have found that you like to masturbate in? Do you incorporate toys into your playtime? Do you include your husband in your masturbating sessions or give him a show? Timid and inexperienced women need to hear from those of us who have suggestions and advise to lend. Please feel free
Orgasm… It’s a wonderful euphoric feeling. It’s a high. It’s a stress reducer. It’s also something that can be learned. Masturbation for women can serve several purposes:
It can give a good quick orgasm when one is needed.
It can rev up your sex drive.
It can help you learn how to orgasm more easily with your husband.
So, how should you do it? Women masturbate in different ways. Some like humping or grinding themselves up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress. This can be beneficial to making love. If you can bring yourself to orgasm by this method (hands free), then the woman on top position may be for you! Women who like to be on top while making love say that they like to move around and grind their clitoris against their husband’s pubic bone or flexed abdominal muscles. They can bring themselves to orgasm better this way instead of just pumping up and down on his penis.
Then there is the hands on method. If you can bring yourself to orgasm using your own hand and fingers, then you will be more likely to orgasm by your husband’s touch. You will be able to teach him how to touch you the way your body likes it. Set aside some alone time and practice. Explore yourself and see what feels good. Not sure how to get started? I have some tips.
Make sure that you have plenty of alone time where there will be no interruptions and distractions. Get naked and get comfortable! You may prefer a hot bath or the bed. If you do not self lubricate well, then have a bottle of lube on hand. Sitting in front of a mirror can also be erotic and help put you in the mood. Pick a comfortable position and start touching yourself in all your erogenous zones. You know what feels good to you. If it helps, stick your fingers in your mouth and get them wet. Then trace them over your body, your neck, your nipples, your thighs, all the while imagining that it is your husband’s tongue. When you make it to your vulva, open your legs wide. Lick your fingers again or apply lube if needed. You want your fingers to be able to glide smoothly. Rub all around your vulva, from top to bottom, grazing over your clitoris from time to time. Tease yourself. Let it build. If you want to, then use your other hand to insert a couple of fingers into your vagina at the same time. (A toy can also be used.) This will help to provide g-spot stimulation at the same time. If you like anal play, then lube up your back side and allow your fingers to caress that as well. Some women like gentle caressing while others like penetration of the anus.
When you can’t wait any longer, focus your attentions on your clitoris. Do what feels good for you. If you like direct stimulation, then go for it! You can use the palm of your hand or the tips of your fingers. Back and forth or around in circles. Gentle touches or firmer pressure. Increase your pace while you imagine your husband watching, or helping, or making love to you. If it helps talk dirty to yourself out loud or in your mind. Say those things that you love to hear. Say the things that help to send you over the top. Sometimes really deep breathing or even holding your breath can help to put you over the top. When you orgasm, do what feels natural. If you need to move around, then do so! If you need to scream or moan or say something, then let go and say it! Ride the waves as they spasm throughout your body. Keep going until you can’t take it anymore. Some women can have multiples by continuing to apply pressure to the clitoris after the first orgasm. (Peppermint Girl wrote a nice two-part article on Multiple Orgasms.) Just do what feels good for you. Afterwards, enjoy your come down time.
There are many different variables to consider when touching yourself. Each woman is different. Masturbating is a very safe and totally natural way to learn how your body responds to touch. It can help a woman learn how to reach orgasm more easily with her husband. Doing it regularly can also really increase your sex drive. It will make you feel more sexual and your body will become accustomed to having frequent orgasms. In turn you will want sex with your husband more…and he will be a happy man! I’d love to hear from you ladies out there. Is there a great position that you have found that you like to masturbate in? Do you incorporate toys into your playtime? Do you include your husband in your masturbating sessions or give him a show? Timid and inexperienced women need to hear from those of us who have suggestions and advise to lend. Please feel free
Touching Yourself........
Orgasm… It’s a wonderful euphoric feeling. It’s a high. It’s a stress reducer. It’s also something that can be learned. Masturbation for women can serve several purposes:
It can give a good quick orgasm when one is needed.
It can rev up your sex drive.
It can help you learn how to orgasm more easily with your husband.
So, how should you do it? Women masturbate in different ways. Some like humping or grinding themselves up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress. This can be beneficial to making love. If you can bring yourself to orgasm by this method (hands free), then the woman on top position may be for you! Women who like to be on top while making love say that they like to move around and grind their clitoris against their husband’s pubic bone or flexed abdominal muscles. They can bring themselves to orgasm better this way instead of just pumping up and down on his penis.
Then there is the hands on method. If you can bring yourself to orgasm using your own hand and fingers, then you will be more likely to orgasm by your husband’s touch. You will be able to teach him how to touch you the way your body likes it. Set aside some alone time and practice. Explore yourself and see what feels good. Not sure how to get started? I have some tips.
Make sure that you have plenty of alone time where there will be no interruptions and distractions. Get naked and get comfortable! You may prefer a hot bath or the bed. If you do not self lubricate well, then have a bottle of lube on hand. Sitting in front of a mirror can also be erotic and help put you in the mood. Pick a comfortable position and start touching yourself in all your erogenous zones. You know what feels good to you. If it helps, stick your fingers in your mouth and get them wet. Then trace them over your body, your neck, your nipples, your thighs, all the while imagining that it is your husband’s tongue. When you make it to your vulva, open your legs wide. Lick your fingers again or apply lube if needed. You want your fingers to be able to glide smoothly. Rub all around your vulva, from top to bottom, grazing over your clitoris from time to time. Tease yourself. Let it build. If you want to, then use your other hand to insert a couple of fingers into your vagina at the same time. (A toy can also be used.) This will help to provide g-spot stimulation at the same time. If you like anal play, then lube up your back side and allow your fingers to caress that as well. Some women like gentle caressing while others like penetration of the anus.
When you can’t wait any longer, focus your attentions on your clitoris. Do what feels good for you. If you like direct stimulation, then go for it! You can use the palm of your hand or the tips of your fingers. Back and forth or around in circles. Gentle touches or firmer pressure. Increase your pace while you imagine your husband watching, or helping, or making love to you. If it helps talk dirty to yourself out loud or in your mind. Say those things that you love to hear. Say the things that help to send you over the top. Sometimes really deep breathing or even holding your breath can help to put you over the top. When you orgasm, do what feels natural. If you need to move around, then do so! If you need to scream or moan or say something, then let go and say it! Ride the waves as they spasm throughout your body. Keep going until you can’t take it anymore. Some women can have multiples by continuing to apply pressure to the clitoris after the first orgasm. (Peppermint Girl wrote a nice two-part article on Multiple Orgasms.) Just do what feels good for you. Afterwards, enjoy your come down time.
There are many different variables to consider when touching yourself. Each woman is different. Masturbating is a very safe and totally natural way to learn how your body responds to touch. It can help a woman learn how to reach orgasm more easily with her husband. Doing it regularly can also really increase your sex drive. It will make you feel more sexual and your body will become accustomed to having frequent orgasms. In turn you will want sex with your husband more…and he will be a happy man! I’d love to hear from you ladies out there. Is there a great position that you have found that you like to masturbate in? Do you incorporate toys into your playtime? Do you include your husband in your masturbating sessions or give him a show? Timid and inexperienced women need to hear from those of us who have suggestions and advise to lend. Please
It can give a good quick orgasm when one is needed.
It can rev up your sex drive.
It can help you learn how to orgasm more easily with your husband.
So, how should you do it? Women masturbate in different ways. Some like humping or grinding themselves up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress. This can be beneficial to making love. If you can bring yourself to orgasm by this method (hands free), then the woman on top position may be for you! Women who like to be on top while making love say that they like to move around and grind their clitoris against their husband’s pubic bone or flexed abdominal muscles. They can bring themselves to orgasm better this way instead of just pumping up and down on his penis.
Then there is the hands on method. If you can bring yourself to orgasm using your own hand and fingers, then you will be more likely to orgasm by your husband’s touch. You will be able to teach him how to touch you the way your body likes it. Set aside some alone time and practice. Explore yourself and see what feels good. Not sure how to get started? I have some tips.
Make sure that you have plenty of alone time where there will be no interruptions and distractions. Get naked and get comfortable! You may prefer a hot bath or the bed. If you do not self lubricate well, then have a bottle of lube on hand. Sitting in front of a mirror can also be erotic and help put you in the mood. Pick a comfortable position and start touching yourself in all your erogenous zones. You know what feels good to you. If it helps, stick your fingers in your mouth and get them wet. Then trace them over your body, your neck, your nipples, your thighs, all the while imagining that it is your husband’s tongue. When you make it to your vulva, open your legs wide. Lick your fingers again or apply lube if needed. You want your fingers to be able to glide smoothly. Rub all around your vulva, from top to bottom, grazing over your clitoris from time to time. Tease yourself. Let it build. If you want to, then use your other hand to insert a couple of fingers into your vagina at the same time. (A toy can also be used.) This will help to provide g-spot stimulation at the same time. If you like anal play, then lube up your back side and allow your fingers to caress that as well. Some women like gentle caressing while others like penetration of the anus.
When you can’t wait any longer, focus your attentions on your clitoris. Do what feels good for you. If you like direct stimulation, then go for it! You can use the palm of your hand or the tips of your fingers. Back and forth or around in circles. Gentle touches or firmer pressure. Increase your pace while you imagine your husband watching, or helping, or making love to you. If it helps talk dirty to yourself out loud or in your mind. Say those things that you love to hear. Say the things that help to send you over the top. Sometimes really deep breathing or even holding your breath can help to put you over the top. When you orgasm, do what feels natural. If you need to move around, then do so! If you need to scream or moan or say something, then let go and say it! Ride the waves as they spasm throughout your body. Keep going until you can’t take it anymore. Some women can have multiples by continuing to apply pressure to the clitoris after the first orgasm. (Peppermint Girl wrote a nice two-part article on Multiple Orgasms.) Just do what feels good for you. Afterwards, enjoy your come down time.
There are many different variables to consider when touching yourself. Each woman is different. Masturbating is a very safe and totally natural way to learn how your body responds to touch. It can help a woman learn how to reach orgasm more easily with her husband. Doing it regularly can also really increase your sex drive. It will make you feel more sexual and your body will become accustomed to having frequent orgasms. In turn you will want sex with your husband more…and he will be a happy man! I’d love to hear from you ladies out there. Is there a great position that you have found that you like to masturbate in? Do you incorporate toys into your playtime? Do you include your husband in your masturbating sessions or give him a show? Timid and inexperienced women need to hear from those of us who have suggestions and advise to lend. Please
get a bigger penis..
It's your problem
“Let’s get one thing straight,” says sex adviser Dr Pam Spurr, and author of Sensational Sex: the revolutionary guide to sexual pleasure and fulfilment (Robson Books). “Penis size is your problem – 99% of women are happy with what you’ve got to offer.” And if you are on the smaller side of average, use another appendage – your fingers, your toes, your tongue, whatever it takes – to get her to orgasm. “Women aren’t so different to men,” says Spurr. “They’re delighted if they reach climax – you’d be hard pushed to find a women who had an orgasm yet complained about the size of your penis.”
So now we’ve taken a woman’s satisfaction out of the equation, let’s deal with your problem. “It’s a confidence issue,” says Emily Dubberley, author of Brief Encounters: a woman’s guide to casual sex (Vision). “Regardless of size, some men are simply more inclined to be happy with what they’ve got and these are the men who are usually more relaxed in bed and more fun. Guys who feel inadequate are self-conscious and that shows during sex.” How to up your confidence? Use these tips:
Lose the pad
That bit of extra flesh just above your pubic bone is hiding your penis under a fat-based cloak. When you’re overweight, fat is deposited at the base of the penis, making your penis look smaller and making it more difficult to penetrate your partner as deeply. Work off that unsightly flesh cloak with regular exercise and you could increase the length of your penis by up to an inch.
Trim your hair
Pubic hair is another cloak that hides your pride and joy. Trim the hair around the base of your penis and not only will you expose more of the shaft, you’ll make it more enjoyable for your good lady to provide you with oral pleasure.
Use Durex's Play Vibrations
It’s a cock ring with a difference – a tiny little vibrator is attached, which you can position to stimulate her clitoris (i.e. so it’s on the top of your penis if you’re doing it missionary-style; on the bottom, near your testicles, if from behind). This works as a fantastic distraction – the sensation is so intense she wouldn’t notice if your penis was half the size it is. Durex Play Vibrations costs £6.84 and is available at supermarkets, high-street chemists and online at www.shopdurex.com.
Play in the shallows
Only the first inch of a woman’s vagina has many nerve endings in it – most are housed in her vaginal lips and her clitoris. The further inside you go, the less localised sensation she has. “By focusing your efforts in the shallow part of her vaginal canal you’ll maximise stimulation to her nerve endings,” says Spurr. “This is the area that gives women most pleasure.”
“Let’s get one thing straight,” says sex adviser Dr Pam Spurr, and author of Sensational Sex: the revolutionary guide to sexual pleasure and fulfilment (Robson Books). “Penis size is your problem – 99% of women are happy with what you’ve got to offer.” And if you are on the smaller side of average, use another appendage – your fingers, your toes, your tongue, whatever it takes – to get her to orgasm. “Women aren’t so different to men,” says Spurr. “They’re delighted if they reach climax – you’d be hard pushed to find a women who had an orgasm yet complained about the size of your penis.”
So now we’ve taken a woman’s satisfaction out of the equation, let’s deal with your problem. “It’s a confidence issue,” says Emily Dubberley, author of Brief Encounters: a woman’s guide to casual sex (Vision). “Regardless of size, some men are simply more inclined to be happy with what they’ve got and these are the men who are usually more relaxed in bed and more fun. Guys who feel inadequate are self-conscious and that shows during sex.” How to up your confidence? Use these tips:
Lose the pad
That bit of extra flesh just above your pubic bone is hiding your penis under a fat-based cloak. When you’re overweight, fat is deposited at the base of the penis, making your penis look smaller and making it more difficult to penetrate your partner as deeply. Work off that unsightly flesh cloak with regular exercise and you could increase the length of your penis by up to an inch.
Trim your hair
Pubic hair is another cloak that hides your pride and joy. Trim the hair around the base of your penis and not only will you expose more of the shaft, you’ll make it more enjoyable for your good lady to provide you with oral pleasure.
Use Durex's Play Vibrations
It’s a cock ring with a difference – a tiny little vibrator is attached, which you can position to stimulate her clitoris (i.e. so it’s on the top of your penis if you’re doing it missionary-style; on the bottom, near your testicles, if from behind). This works as a fantastic distraction – the sensation is so intense she wouldn’t notice if your penis was half the size it is. Durex Play Vibrations costs £6.84 and is available at supermarkets, high-street chemists and online at www.shopdurex.com.
Play in the shallows
Only the first inch of a woman’s vagina has many nerve endings in it – most are housed in her vaginal lips and her clitoris. The further inside you go, the less localised sensation she has. “By focusing your efforts in the shallow part of her vaginal canal you’ll maximise stimulation to her nerve endings,” says Spurr. “This is the area that gives women most pleasure.”
Monday, November 22, 2010
This is a Naked lady
The very first issue of Wired magazine included an article about why sex, tech and new media play so nicely together. And while some things have changed radically in the past 14 years — no more $12-an-hour Compuserve porn — the basics have not: we’re still lusty, we’re still somewhat ashamed of our behavior but doing it anyway, we’re still seeking novelty and pleasure and power and understanding and sometimes even just a simple quick climax with no intention of self-discovery or advancing the range of human sexuality.
Back in the dawn of online when a service called The Source was stillin flower, a woman I once knew used to log on as "This is a nakedlady." She wasn’t naked of course, except in the minds of hundreds ofyoung and not-so-young males who also logged on to The Source. Nightafter night, they sent her unremitting text streams of detailed wetdreams, hoping to engage her in online exchanges known as "hot chat" -
a way of engaging in a mutual fantasy typically found only through1-900 telephone services. In return, "The Naked Lady" egged on herdigital admirers with leading questions larded with copious amounts ofdouble entendre.
When I first asked her about this, she initially put it down to "justfooling around on the wires."
"It’s just a hobby," she said. "Maybe I’ll get some dates out of it.
Some of these guys have very creative and interesting fantasy lives."
At the start, The Naked Lady was a rather mousy person - the type whofavored gray clothing of a conservative cut - and was the paragon ofshy and retiring womanhood. Seeing her on the street, you’d neverthink that her online persona was one that excited the libidos ofdozens of men every night.
But as her months of online flirtations progressed, a strangetransformation came over her: She became (through the dint of herblazing typing speed) the kind of person that could keep a dozen ormore online sessions of hot chat going at a time. She got a trendyhaircut. Her clothing tastes went from Peck and Peck to tight skirtsslit up the thigh. She began regaling me with descriptions of herexpanding lingerie collection. Her speech became bawdier, her jokesnaughtier. In short, she was becoming her online personality - lewd,
bawdy, sexy, a man-eater.
Back in the dawn of online when a service called The Source was stillin flower, a woman I once knew used to log on as "This is a nakedlady." She wasn’t naked of course, except in the minds of hundreds ofyoung and not-so-young males who also logged on to The Source. Nightafter night, they sent her unremitting text streams of detailed wetdreams, hoping to engage her in online exchanges known as "hot chat" -
a way of engaging in a mutual fantasy typically found only through1-900 telephone services. In return, "The Naked Lady" egged on herdigital admirers with leading questions larded with copious amounts ofdouble entendre.
When I first asked her about this, she initially put it down to "justfooling around on the wires."
"It’s just a hobby," she said. "Maybe I’ll get some dates out of it.
Some of these guys have very creative and interesting fantasy lives."
At the start, The Naked Lady was a rather mousy person - the type whofavored gray clothing of a conservative cut - and was the paragon ofshy and retiring womanhood. Seeing her on the street, you’d neverthink that her online persona was one that excited the libidos ofdozens of men every night.
But as her months of online flirtations progressed, a strangetransformation came over her: She became (through the dint of herblazing typing speed) the kind of person that could keep a dozen ormore online sessions of hot chat going at a time. She got a trendyhaircut. Her clothing tastes went from Peck and Peck to tight skirtsslit up the thigh. She began regaling me with descriptions of herexpanding lingerie collection. Her speech became bawdier, her jokesnaughtier. In short, she was becoming her online personality - lewd,
bawdy, sexy, a man-eater.
Falling in and out of love.........
Being in love is an amazing feeling. It is everyone's secret fantasy to have that special somebody in life. Even Bollywood survives on love. Almost all movies centre around this theme.
People fall in love for a number of reasons and many relations break down because they are all the wrong reasons for being in love. Some people get into relationships because they feel empty or worthless when they are single. Some people get hooked because their friends are in relationships and they feel left out in the game of love. Some might be repeatedly questioned by family as to when they are settling down. So there is pressure, either direct or indirect, on both men and women to fall in love.
Nowadays, it's very easy to fall in and out of love. Often people mistake lust for love. When the lusting is over and done with, people realize that they were never in love. It is not uncommon to hear couples say that they share a great chemistry and that's the reason why they got together. But relations started on the basis of chemistry and not commitment rarely stand the test of time. A lot of people believe that it's natural to fall out of love. Although it is common, it is not natural.
However, there are relations that start off on the right note, with the right intentions that run into rough weather. People often make the mistake of promising the stars to their better half and later back off from fulfillling that promise or completely deny making such promises. This is one of the reasons why people fall out of love as their expectations have not been met. It also leads to hurt, anger and resentment as your loved one may feel cheated. Another common complaint among couples is that their partners have changed over the course of the relatioships. The truth can be that they haven't changed. It's just that people tend to take each other for granted.
No matter what the reason, all issues can be resolved if a couple is willing to commit to each other and work towards building and strengthening their bonds. Men and women should not think their partners are mind readers. You have to talk to each other. Relationships flourish only where there is trust, understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. It is important to be truthful to yourself to be truthful to your partner. Love heals every scar.
Read more: Falling in and out of love - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Falling-in-and-out-of-love/articleshow/6941552.cms#ixzz165Ywa6AY
People fall in love for a number of reasons and many relations break down because they are all the wrong reasons for being in love. Some people get into relationships because they feel empty or worthless when they are single. Some people get hooked because their friends are in relationships and they feel left out in the game of love. Some might be repeatedly questioned by family as to when they are settling down. So there is pressure, either direct or indirect, on both men and women to fall in love.
Nowadays, it's very easy to fall in and out of love. Often people mistake lust for love. When the lusting is over and done with, people realize that they were never in love. It is not uncommon to hear couples say that they share a great chemistry and that's the reason why they got together. But relations started on the basis of chemistry and not commitment rarely stand the test of time. A lot of people believe that it's natural to fall out of love. Although it is common, it is not natural.
However, there are relations that start off on the right note, with the right intentions that run into rough weather. People often make the mistake of promising the stars to their better half and later back off from fulfillling that promise or completely deny making such promises. This is one of the reasons why people fall out of love as their expectations have not been met. It also leads to hurt, anger and resentment as your loved one may feel cheated. Another common complaint among couples is that their partners have changed over the course of the relatioships. The truth can be that they haven't changed. It's just that people tend to take each other for granted.
No matter what the reason, all issues can be resolved if a couple is willing to commit to each other and work towards building and strengthening their bonds. Men and women should not think their partners are mind readers. You have to talk to each other. Relationships flourish only where there is trust, understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. It is important to be truthful to yourself to be truthful to your partner. Love heals every scar.
Read more: Falling in and out of love - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Falling-in-and-out-of-love/articleshow/6941552.cms#ixzz165Ywa6AY
Friday, November 19, 2010
How to Fight with a Woman..........
How to Fight with a Woman
By: Kristina Grish
Truly passionate sex beats obligatory makeup sex any day. Maybe men don't feel the difference, but we women do. We hate fighting—it makes us feel alienated, confused, and downright disappointed.
But the next time we bite your head off, don't rush to pack up your CDs. Experts insist that squabbling (but not screaming) is a healthy sign. It's silence that should scare you. "The guy might think everything's okay since they're not arguing much, but that can really mean she's over the relationship and planning her exit strategy," says Karen Sherman, Ph.D., author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last.
You need to know what her fighting words mean. What follows is classified intel from behind enemy lines—code breakers that can lead to a cease-fire, then pay off in a peace treaty that will make everyone happier. If we feel closer and more intimate after each resolution, that's more naked for you.
The Attention FightOpening Volley: "We don't go out anymore."
It Means: She's nostalgic. "I want my husband to sit across from me, think I'm attractive, share my food, and realize we still feel what we did before I became a wife and mother," says Jennifer Jeanne Patterson, author of 52 Fights: A Newlywed's Confession.
Battle Tactics: Once a month, surprise her with a real plan. "If you've gone a whole month without proffering flowers, compliments, or a special date, you'll have a problem," says Carol Ritberger, Ph.D., author of Love . . . What's Personality Got to Do with It? "Do something she'd like, but give it a spontaneous twist. Go for a walk, but take her to a sight she's never seen. Or book a babysitter, then lead her through a night of surprises—without prompting." Men like familiar places, "but women respond best to novelty."
What You Win: Dinner counts as foreplay. Really. "Women like to be shown off," says Charles Sophy, M.D., a psychiatrist and an associate professor of psychiatry at UCLA. "Men should hear this as a compliment. Avoid getting defensive, and realize she needs attention or loves PDA with you. You'll come home and have a great evening."
The Friends FightOpening Volley: "What's with the morons in your fantasy baseball league, anyway?"
It Means: She's questioning your judgment. "Criticizing how men spend time with their friends implies that they're irresponsible in making choices," Ritberger says—meaning your partner is nervous about your decision making with regard to the two of you.
Battle Tactics: When she disses your buds, it feels like a personal insult, because friends are directly tied to identity and ego. Hold your ground and try this sneaky attack: Invite her to an event with your friends, suggests David Wygant, a Los Angeles–based dating coach and the author of Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life. "She wants to spend time with your friends, but a lot of this has to do with her not wanting to be the invisible girlfriend, and knowing you're not cheating on her."
What You Win: Peace. "Once she's out, she'll realize your friends are harmless geeks, and she'll never want to join you again," Wygant says. Sherman has a trick play that works: Include her in one of your regular pool or bowling nights—and let her pick her team. Competition—either with or against each other—is well established as an aphrodisiac.
The Money FightOpening Volley: "Do you really need another gadget?"
It Means: She's implying a lack of responsibility on your part. This raises issues of control and insecurity, and highlights both partners' need for order, Sherman says. Women tend to be more security-minded than men, adds psychologist Warren Berland, Ph.D., so you probably have different tolerance levels for spending.
Battle Tactics: Schedule budget talks. Have a sit-down with paper and pencil (or computer and software) to go over spending and debt levels. Negotiating lets her discuss the issue—but as you sympathize, make your case. Use "and" statements rather than "but" ones. ("I understand you're nervous, and I also want to buy this new plasma TV. How do we figure this out together?")
What You Win: You get the TV—as long as you set aside a few hundred for something she wants. Wygant warns that women can view a big purchase as something that will compete for your attention. If ever there were a time to splurge on a pair of $200 jeans for her, this is it. "She'll think of you every time she wears them," Wygant says, "which lets you make love to your plasma all you want."
The Intimacy FightOpening Volley: "Why does everything have to be sex, sex, sex all the time?"
It Means: It's not about sex. She's lacking intimacy, excitement, novelty—all those things that made your early days so darn carnal. She may feel that sex is now more about your enjoyment than something mutual.
Battle Tactics: Research shows that the female snuggle impulse is also her aphrodisiac, so take an honest look at your attempts at intimacy. Do you assume that a shoulder rub must always lead to the bedroom? Ask what she needs from you in order to feel close—it could just be more snuggling or listening.
And leave sex out of the discussion. Berland suggests speaking in "feeling" and "wanting" terms, without accusation. "Don't assume you know what 'affection' and 'love' mean to her," he recommends. "Simply say, 'What do you want? Please tell me, because I want to give it to you.' " Find out what intimacy means to her, then provide it.
What You Win: More sex, of course!
The Kids FightOpening Volley: "Why can't you spend more time with the kids?"
It Means: She feels like she's doing all the work. "The typical scenario is that the woman feels as if she's lost her wits dealing with the kids all day, and her husband comes home from work at night and shuts down," Sherman says. "He removes himself from household responsibility and doesn't understand she's been working all day, too."
Battle Tactics: If she's punchy from a long day, don't plant yourself in front of the Pistons game. Nothing will change until you help with dinner, laundry, or homework. When it comes to chores, both of you should act the way you would at your jobs: Delegate, budget, and set deadlines. "Men have the ability to prioritize like this at work, so why not apply these sensibilities at home?" asks Sherman. "If your report isn't handed in on time, the boss will ask for it. If you aren't contributing to a meeting, your team will be livid."
What You Win: A calmer home, kids who actually like their father, and, after they go to bed, the last quarter of the Pistons game. Which is the best part anyway.
Defuse an Explosive ArgumentDon't ask "why" questions. This creates an emotional response and puts her in fight-or-flight mode, says Carol Ritberger, Ph.D. Other questions are fine, especially if they show an interest in "how" or "when" the two of you can solve the problem.
Don't assume she's basing her decisions on emotion. There may be plenty of logic behind her reactions, though these reactions may be charged with stress and contention. And for goodness' sake, don't tell her she's being emotional.
Don't cross-complain. Countering her bickering with your complaints won't work. If you're fighting to be heard, someone's bound to lose. It might be you.
Don't interrupt. Actively listen to whether she uses kinesthetic ("I feel"), auditory ("I hear"), visual ("I see"), or cognitive ("I think") terms—and respond in her language. She'll hear it more clearly.
Use body language. Touch her, lean forward, and maintain eye contact to show you're in the moment with her.
By: Kristina Grish
Truly passionate sex beats obligatory makeup sex any day. Maybe men don't feel the difference, but we women do. We hate fighting—it makes us feel alienated, confused, and downright disappointed.
But the next time we bite your head off, don't rush to pack up your CDs. Experts insist that squabbling (but not screaming) is a healthy sign. It's silence that should scare you. "The guy might think everything's okay since they're not arguing much, but that can really mean she's over the relationship and planning her exit strategy," says Karen Sherman, Ph.D., author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last.
You need to know what her fighting words mean. What follows is classified intel from behind enemy lines—code breakers that can lead to a cease-fire, then pay off in a peace treaty that will make everyone happier. If we feel closer and more intimate after each resolution, that's more naked for you.
The Attention FightOpening Volley: "We don't go out anymore."
It Means: She's nostalgic. "I want my husband to sit across from me, think I'm attractive, share my food, and realize we still feel what we did before I became a wife and mother," says Jennifer Jeanne Patterson, author of 52 Fights: A Newlywed's Confession.
Battle Tactics: Once a month, surprise her with a real plan. "If you've gone a whole month without proffering flowers, compliments, or a special date, you'll have a problem," says Carol Ritberger, Ph.D., author of Love . . . What's Personality Got to Do with It? "Do something she'd like, but give it a spontaneous twist. Go for a walk, but take her to a sight she's never seen. Or book a babysitter, then lead her through a night of surprises—without prompting." Men like familiar places, "but women respond best to novelty."
What You Win: Dinner counts as foreplay. Really. "Women like to be shown off," says Charles Sophy, M.D., a psychiatrist and an associate professor of psychiatry at UCLA. "Men should hear this as a compliment. Avoid getting defensive, and realize she needs attention or loves PDA with you. You'll come home and have a great evening."
The Friends FightOpening Volley: "What's with the morons in your fantasy baseball league, anyway?"
It Means: She's questioning your judgment. "Criticizing how men spend time with their friends implies that they're irresponsible in making choices," Ritberger says—meaning your partner is nervous about your decision making with regard to the two of you.
Battle Tactics: When she disses your buds, it feels like a personal insult, because friends are directly tied to identity and ego. Hold your ground and try this sneaky attack: Invite her to an event with your friends, suggests David Wygant, a Los Angeles–based dating coach and the author of Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life. "She wants to spend time with your friends, but a lot of this has to do with her not wanting to be the invisible girlfriend, and knowing you're not cheating on her."
What You Win: Peace. "Once she's out, she'll realize your friends are harmless geeks, and she'll never want to join you again," Wygant says. Sherman has a trick play that works: Include her in one of your regular pool or bowling nights—and let her pick her team. Competition—either with or against each other—is well established as an aphrodisiac.
The Money FightOpening Volley: "Do you really need another gadget?"
It Means: She's implying a lack of responsibility on your part. This raises issues of control and insecurity, and highlights both partners' need for order, Sherman says. Women tend to be more security-minded than men, adds psychologist Warren Berland, Ph.D., so you probably have different tolerance levels for spending.
Battle Tactics: Schedule budget talks. Have a sit-down with paper and pencil (or computer and software) to go over spending and debt levels. Negotiating lets her discuss the issue—but as you sympathize, make your case. Use "and" statements rather than "but" ones. ("I understand you're nervous, and I also want to buy this new plasma TV. How do we figure this out together?")
What You Win: You get the TV—as long as you set aside a few hundred for something she wants. Wygant warns that women can view a big purchase as something that will compete for your attention. If ever there were a time to splurge on a pair of $200 jeans for her, this is it. "She'll think of you every time she wears them," Wygant says, "which lets you make love to your plasma all you want."
The Intimacy FightOpening Volley: "Why does everything have to be sex, sex, sex all the time?"
It Means: It's not about sex. She's lacking intimacy, excitement, novelty—all those things that made your early days so darn carnal. She may feel that sex is now more about your enjoyment than something mutual.
Battle Tactics: Research shows that the female snuggle impulse is also her aphrodisiac, so take an honest look at your attempts at intimacy. Do you assume that a shoulder rub must always lead to the bedroom? Ask what she needs from you in order to feel close—it could just be more snuggling or listening.
And leave sex out of the discussion. Berland suggests speaking in "feeling" and "wanting" terms, without accusation. "Don't assume you know what 'affection' and 'love' mean to her," he recommends. "Simply say, 'What do you want? Please tell me, because I want to give it to you.' " Find out what intimacy means to her, then provide it.
What You Win: More sex, of course!
The Kids FightOpening Volley: "Why can't you spend more time with the kids?"
It Means: She feels like she's doing all the work. "The typical scenario is that the woman feels as if she's lost her wits dealing with the kids all day, and her husband comes home from work at night and shuts down," Sherman says. "He removes himself from household responsibility and doesn't understand she's been working all day, too."
Battle Tactics: If she's punchy from a long day, don't plant yourself in front of the Pistons game. Nothing will change until you help with dinner, laundry, or homework. When it comes to chores, both of you should act the way you would at your jobs: Delegate, budget, and set deadlines. "Men have the ability to prioritize like this at work, so why not apply these sensibilities at home?" asks Sherman. "If your report isn't handed in on time, the boss will ask for it. If you aren't contributing to a meeting, your team will be livid."
What You Win: A calmer home, kids who actually like their father, and, after they go to bed, the last quarter of the Pistons game. Which is the best part anyway.
Defuse an Explosive ArgumentDon't ask "why" questions. This creates an emotional response and puts her in fight-or-flight mode, says Carol Ritberger, Ph.D. Other questions are fine, especially if they show an interest in "how" or "when" the two of you can solve the problem.
Don't assume she's basing her decisions on emotion. There may be plenty of logic behind her reactions, though these reactions may be charged with stress and contention. And for goodness' sake, don't tell her she's being emotional.
Don't cross-complain. Countering her bickering with your complaints won't work. If you're fighting to be heard, someone's bound to lose. It might be you.
Don't interrupt. Actively listen to whether she uses kinesthetic ("I feel"), auditory ("I hear"), visual ("I see"), or cognitive ("I think") terms—and respond in her language. She'll hear it more clearly.
Use body language. Touch her, lean forward, and maintain eye contact to show you're in the moment with her.
Her Secret Sex Thoughts..........
Her Secret Sex Thoughts
By: Carolyn Kylstra
High-heat passion can make a man’s mind go blank. That’s understandable—and a compliment to the woman. But sex is different for us women. When the clothes come off, our brains go into overdrive. For proof, have a peek into the secret thoughts of more than 1,000 Women’s Health readers while they’re having sex.
Here’s your job: Read her mind. No pressure—only your sex life depends on it. Researchers find that in order to reach orgasm, women must quiet the parts of their brains linked to anxiety and fear. So if you know what all the chatter inside her head is about, you can react and help bring her to an awesome, cranium-calming climax. Our survey shows you where to start.
Secret Sex Thought #1“I worry he won’t think I’m any good, and that I’ll kill any chance of building the relationship.” —Meghan, 19
Fifty-seven percent of women said that during sex they’re wondering if you’re enjoying it—enjoying her, really. So consider that license to be loudly enthusiastic. “But be specific about what you’re enjoying,” says Lou Paget, author of How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure. The more fully you describe something she’s doing that you like, the more convincing you’ll sound.
Worry not. Here’s how many women are critical of your . . .
Facial expressions: 11%
Sounds: 12%
Penis size: 4%
Secret Sex Thought #2“I wish he’d hurry up and finish already.” —Laura, 22
Surprise: Sex ideally lasts between 3 and 13 minutes, a survey of sex therapists found. Read her breathing and body language. No highs and lows? She’s probably had enough.
Secret Sex Thought #3“Oh, crap—did I shave my legs?” —Carly, 26
More than half of women said they thought about their body hair nearly every time they had sex. So touch her as if you don’t care, or you’ll make her self-conscious—and that makes sex worse for both of you, says Joy Davidson, Ph.D., creator of the online series The Joy Spot. Then go ahead and distract her by becoming really enthusiastic about a part of her body she’s feeling good about.
Secret Sex Thought #4“I think about threesomes during sex—but I’d never want to have one.” —Alexis, 28
Many women spice things up with far-fetched fantasies; they’re exciting and not relationship-threatening. So go with it. During sex, whisper crazy fantasies (that involve her!). Tell her where in public you’d like to go down on her, say. Or give her those two men in bed—by being both of them, Paget says. “Be the wild guy, then switch and be the sensitive lover who lies on top and kisses gently.”
Secret Sex Thought #5“I fantasize that I’m completely uninhibited—taking control, and introducing sex toys.” —Jen, 37
But she’s often too shy to act. More than a third of the women we surveyed said that during sex they’re thinking of dirty things they’re embarrassed to talk about. One in four is imagining a position she’s afraid to ask you to try.
“Often her hesitancy to speak up is related to other inhibitions, like worrying about how she looks or tastes,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., the author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover. So to start, describe senses: how great she smells, how good she looks or feels. If she says something, respond. If she hints at something, go for it. The more you show your excitement—and the more you lead—the more comfortable she’ll be.
Secret Sex Thought #6"Sometimes I’m thinking, ‘I still have laundry to do after this.’” —Jennifer, 22
It’s a cliché, but a true one. More than one in four women said they thought about household chores during sex, and 20 percent thought about work. “It’s just the way my mind operates,” says Stephanie, 27. So bring her back. Our poll’s top suggestion: Turn up the passion—and let her feel it. “When she’s bored, it’s because the sex is routine. So take charge. Move her around and be more assertive,” says Davidson. Hold her tighter, run your nails up her legs, pin her arms down (if she’s comfortable with that). A lot of little things can make her take notice. What laundry?
Here’s a bonus tip: There’s no one way to gain her attention, women say. Some of their suggestions:
Talk dirty: 17%
Become more assertive: 27%
Pull her hair: 7%
Secret Sex Thought #7“I occasionally compare him to my ex. I can’t help it!” —Jessie, 28
Yes, she thinks about other men during sex. Sometimes she even fantasizes about them. Ouch! But she’s conflicted. Consider: 51 percent of respondents said it was natural to fantasize about other men during sex, but 74 percent said they’d be hurt if you fantasized about other women.
Focus her attention. Ask her, “What do you want me to beg for?” Fulbright says. “It gives her the sense that she’s steering the action.” And she’ll know you’re the one giving her what she wants.
By: Carolyn Kylstra
High-heat passion can make a man’s mind go blank. That’s understandable—and a compliment to the woman. But sex is different for us women. When the clothes come off, our brains go into overdrive. For proof, have a peek into the secret thoughts of more than 1,000 Women’s Health readers while they’re having sex.
Here’s your job: Read her mind. No pressure—only your sex life depends on it. Researchers find that in order to reach orgasm, women must quiet the parts of their brains linked to anxiety and fear. So if you know what all the chatter inside her head is about, you can react and help bring her to an awesome, cranium-calming climax. Our survey shows you where to start.
Secret Sex Thought #1“I worry he won’t think I’m any good, and that I’ll kill any chance of building the relationship.” —Meghan, 19
Fifty-seven percent of women said that during sex they’re wondering if you’re enjoying it—enjoying her, really. So consider that license to be loudly enthusiastic. “But be specific about what you’re enjoying,” says Lou Paget, author of How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure. The more fully you describe something she’s doing that you like, the more convincing you’ll sound.
Worry not. Here’s how many women are critical of your . . .
Facial expressions: 11%
Sounds: 12%
Penis size: 4%
Secret Sex Thought #2“I wish he’d hurry up and finish already.” —Laura, 22
Surprise: Sex ideally lasts between 3 and 13 minutes, a survey of sex therapists found. Read her breathing and body language. No highs and lows? She’s probably had enough.
Secret Sex Thought #3“Oh, crap—did I shave my legs?” —Carly, 26
More than half of women said they thought about their body hair nearly every time they had sex. So touch her as if you don’t care, or you’ll make her self-conscious—and that makes sex worse for both of you, says Joy Davidson, Ph.D., creator of the online series The Joy Spot. Then go ahead and distract her by becoming really enthusiastic about a part of her body she’s feeling good about.
Secret Sex Thought #4“I think about threesomes during sex—but I’d never want to have one.” —Alexis, 28
Many women spice things up with far-fetched fantasies; they’re exciting and not relationship-threatening. So go with it. During sex, whisper crazy fantasies (that involve her!). Tell her where in public you’d like to go down on her, say. Or give her those two men in bed—by being both of them, Paget says. “Be the wild guy, then switch and be the sensitive lover who lies on top and kisses gently.”
Secret Sex Thought #5“I fantasize that I’m completely uninhibited—taking control, and introducing sex toys.” —Jen, 37
But she’s often too shy to act. More than a third of the women we surveyed said that during sex they’re thinking of dirty things they’re embarrassed to talk about. One in four is imagining a position she’s afraid to ask you to try.
“Often her hesitancy to speak up is related to other inhibitions, like worrying about how she looks or tastes,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., the author of Sultry Sex Talk to Seduce Any Lover. So to start, describe senses: how great she smells, how good she looks or feels. If she says something, respond. If she hints at something, go for it. The more you show your excitement—and the more you lead—the more comfortable she’ll be.
Secret Sex Thought #6"Sometimes I’m thinking, ‘I still have laundry to do after this.’” —Jennifer, 22
It’s a cliché, but a true one. More than one in four women said they thought about household chores during sex, and 20 percent thought about work. “It’s just the way my mind operates,” says Stephanie, 27. So bring her back. Our poll’s top suggestion: Turn up the passion—and let her feel it. “When she’s bored, it’s because the sex is routine. So take charge. Move her around and be more assertive,” says Davidson. Hold her tighter, run your nails up her legs, pin her arms down (if she’s comfortable with that). A lot of little things can make her take notice. What laundry?
Here’s a bonus tip: There’s no one way to gain her attention, women say. Some of their suggestions:
Talk dirty: 17%
Become more assertive: 27%
Pull her hair: 7%
Secret Sex Thought #7“I occasionally compare him to my ex. I can’t help it!” —Jessie, 28
Yes, she thinks about other men during sex. Sometimes she even fantasizes about them. Ouch! But she’s conflicted. Consider: 51 percent of respondents said it was natural to fantasize about other men during sex, but 74 percent said they’d be hurt if you fantasized about other women.
Focus her attention. Ask her, “What do you want me to beg for?” Fulbright says. “It gives her the sense that she’s steering the action.” And she’ll know you’re the one giving her what she wants.
Countdown to a Lean Belly........
Countdown to a Lean Belly
By: Travis Stork, M.D.
How did they do it? That's the first question anyone asks when they see a friend or colleague who's lost a lot of weight, or remade their body into a healthier, leaner version. How did they do it?
Well, it's no mystery. In fact, one of the most important and intriguing studies ever conducted was put together by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) back in 2006. This is our tax dollars at work, and I'd say we got our money's worth.
The pages of the study—its catchy title is "Dietary and Physical Activity Behaviors Among Adults Successful at Weight Loss Maintenance"—take all the world's weight-loss theories and compare them to what works for real people in the real world. It looked at people who won the fat war by losing at least 30 pounds and then keeping the weight off using strategies that will work for you, too.
Keep in mind: It wasn't a 100 percent success story. The CDC studied 2,124 people, and only 587 of them actually lost the weight and kept it off. But those who succeeded used many of the same strategies, the strategies outlined here.
And for even more ways to revolutionize your diet and get lean for good, check out The Lean Belly Prescription by Dr. Travis Stork. It's filled with simple strategies that will help you lose weight the same way you gained it: By making easy lifestyle choices that will transform your life—for the better.
Lean-Belly Strategy #1Pay Attention to What You Eat
Mindless eating is excessive eating. Researchers at the University of Massachusetts discovered that people who watched TV while they ate consumed nearly 300 more calories than those who dined without an eye on the tube. You need to pay attention to the messages your stomach is sending to your brain; if the TV is blaring, you won't see the "slow" and "stop" signs.
Lean-Belly Strategy #2Slow Down
Fast eaters become fat people. If you consciously stop to take a breath between bites, you can cut your food (and calorie) intake by 10 percent, according to researchers at the University of Rhode Island. Special bonus: You can do this in social situations—Thanksgiving dinner at Aunt Marge's—and nobody will even notice. That is, until you show up next year minus 20 pounds of flab.
Lean-Belly Strategy #3I Said Slow Down!
It takes 20 minutes for the news that you've had enough to eat to travel from your gut to your brain. The reason: Hormones that trigger the "I'm full—stop!" sensation are at the end of your digestive tract, and it takes a while for digested food to reach there. If your mouth is filled with conversation, it won't be so full of food. Talk more between bites, and weigh less when the conversation/meal is over.
Lean-Belly Strategy #4Beware the "Healthy" Menu
If you order the stuff that's supposed to be good for you, you're likely to underestimate a meal's calorie total by more than a third, according to a study in the Journal of Consumer Research. The restaurants know that; now you do, too. So be especially aware when ordering "healthy," and make sure you have a "to go" box handy to carry leftovers home.
Lean-Belly Strategy #5Beware the Community Chest
Always serve snacks in a bowl or dish, and put away the packages. Never eat from the bag or container. That way you won't ever eat an entire bag of something in a single sitting.
Lean-Belly Strategy #6Beat Hunger with Your Mind
Have a craving even though you ate just an hour ago? Before you indulge your mystery hunger, here's how to test whether your appetite is real or not: Imagine sitting down to a large, sizzling steak. If you're truly hungry, the steak will sound good, and you should eat. If the steak isn't appetizing, it means your body isn't actually hungry. You might be bored, or thirsty, or just tempted by something you don't need. Try a change of scenery: Researchers at Flanders University in Australia found that visual distractions can help curb cravings.
Lean-Belly Strategy #7Redecorate, Repack, Remember
If you don't have a countertop fruit bowl, buy one so you can grab a peach, banana, pear, or other piece of fruit on your way out the door in the morning, to munch on during your commute. (Plus, it's fun to throw the core out the window.) Plan a 10 a.m. apple-a-day break. Toss an orange in your briefcase to help you past the mid-afternoon lull (otherwise known as Temptation Time). Make fruit part of your entourage, and it will beat up lesser foods.
Lean-Belly Strategy #8If You Can't Bear to Eat Vegetables, Drink Them Instead
That's right, you could have had a V8—as long as it was the low-sodium variety. It has pureed tomatoes, beets, carrots, celery, spinach, lettuce, parsley, and watercress, and 8 ounces supplies two of your five recommended daily servings of vegetables. It also heats up nicely as a base for soups.
Lean-Belly Strategy #9If You Can't Bear to Eat Vegetables, Hide Them in Your Pasta Sauce
And no, neither you nor the kids will notice. Using a fine grater on your food processor, grate 2 cups total of onions, garlic, carrots, beets, and zucchini (or any combo thereof), then sauté the microscopic vegetable bits in a tablespoon of olive oil. Add 4 cups of basic marinara sauce and simmer to an anonymous tomato flavor.
Lean-Belly Strategy #10If You're Not Yet Drinking Smoothies, Why Not?
Have you read the label of your fruit juice? Lots of sugar (however "natural" it is) and not much fiber, which means it's a carb bomb when it hits your bloodstream. Not so with a blended smoothie, because ingredient number one is whole fruit, making the sugar content drop and the fiber climb.
Two tips: Use frozen fruit; buy it by the bag in your store's freezer section. And buy a wand mixer and a small pitcher so you can mix your smoothie in the same container you drink it from; it's much easier than washing out a blender. Almost any fruit-and-berry combo will do, but you can start with this recipe: 1/2 cup frozen blueberries, 1/2 banana (peeled ones freeze well), 2 tablespoons peanut butter, 2 tablespoons whey powder (it's in the supplements aisle in the grocery store), 1 cup 2% milk, and 1 cup water.
Lean-Belly Strategy #11Buy Smaller Dishes
According to the food scientists at Cornell University, people tend to eat as much food as will fit on their plates. That's where "duh!" overlaps with dangerous. Over the past 100 years, our plates have grown, decade by decade. And we also know that the nation's obesity rates have grown exponentially in that time as well. No, it's not a coincidence. If you dine off of smaller plates, you'll grow smaller, too. Shoot for 9 inches in diameter, and you'll be on your way.
Lean-Belly Strategy #12Drink out of Skinny Glasses
As have gone dinner plates, so have gone drinking glasses. And if you fill the newly cavernous ones with any kind of sweetened beverage, you'll overindulge in calories. But here's a smart tip: We tend to gauge our drink sizes by how tall, not how stout, our drinking glasses are. So if you buy tall, skinny ones, you'll think you're drinking more even though you're drinking less.
Lean-Belly Strategy #13Never Eat from the Box, Carton, or Bag
Those same clever food scientists at Cornell did an experiment in which they gave one set of moviegoers giant boxes of stale popcorn and another set smaller boxes of stale popcorn. The big-box people ate more than the small-box people. The theory: You gauge the amount that's "reasonable" to eat by the size of the container it's in. Put two cookies on a plate, put a scoop of ice cream in a bowl, or lay out a small handful of potato chips on your plate, then put the container away; you'll eat far less of the treat.
Lean-Belly Strategy #14Limit the Fried Stuff
Fun fact: Fast-food burgers and chicken from KFC and McDonald's are the most frequently requested meals on death row. It kinda makes sense. The inmates won't be around to suffer the aftermath. Fried foods are packed with calories and salt, and that crunchy, oily coating beats down any nutritional qualities that whatever is entombed inside might have.
That said, eating one piece of fried chicken won't be, um, a death sentence, if it's surrounded on the plate by generous helpings of vegetables and you follow with fruit—not more fat—for dessert. What's more, the fat in the chicken will help you absorb the fat-soluble vitamins in the veggies.
Lean-Belly Strategy #15Eat the Good Stuff
Make sure your diet is filled with healthy fats in the forms of fatty fish (salmon, tuna, mackerel, sardines), fatty fruits (avocados), extra-virgin olive oil, eggs (among the healthiest foods known to humankind), and healthy-fat snacks (nuts are nutritional powerhouses and keep you feeling full). I even give bacon in moderation a green light; at only 70 calories per strip, it carries big flavor and belly-filling capabilities.
Lean-Belly Strategy #16Wear Your Milk Mustache with Pride
Milk, yogurt, cottage cheese, and cheeses all contain slow-to-digest protein and healthy fat, so they can be excellent belly fillers. And studies have suggested that the calcium in dairy products may aid weight loss. Make them part of your diet and you'll find the cow elbowing aside lesser members of the food kingdom.
Lean-Belly Strategy #17Eliminate Sweetened Beverages
If you're going to follow only one piece of advice in this article, make it this one. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating: Drinks with added sugar account for nearly 450 calories per day in the average American's diet. That's more than twice as much as we were drinking 30 years ago. If you're looking for a way to cut unnecessary daily calories to help you lose a pound a week, wean yourself from the overload of sugar-sweetened carbonated beverages.
No, artificially sweetened sodas are not okay. Even if they have few calories or no calories, they maintain or increase your taste for highly sweetened foods, so you seek out the calorie payload elsewhere. Worse yet, they crowd out the healthy beverages. My prescription: Out with the bad, in with the great—in taste and nutrition.
Lean-Belly Strategy #19Reduce Your Intake of Food Prepared Away From Home
When you let somebody else prepare your food—especially if it's a teenager in a paper hat—you lose control over what you eat. And the fast-food companies, being what they are, encourage all of your worst eating habits by stuffing their products with crave-inducing ingredients like unhealthy fats, sugar, and salt. If you can stay out of the drive-thru, you can shrink your calorie intake every day.
Lean-Belly Strategy #20Keep a Food Diary
Clearly, this weight-loss technique isn't for everybody. It's a hassle to write down every little thing you eat, day after day. But it's strikingly effective for those who do it. My advice: Try it for a week so you can get a handle on how many sodas you drink and under what circumstances, when you're most likely to veg out with a bowl of chips in front of the TV, and when your dessert cravings strike. That will help you identify your dietary danger zones and lead you to strategies that save pounds.
But it wasn't just dietary changes that helped all those folks lose all that weight. Becoming active was another enormous factor in leading the successful losers into the promised land of the lean (but not hungry): exercising for 30 or more minutes per day, and adding physical activity to daily routines. Clearly, these are Lean Belly Prescription kind of people. And that provides a great segue to talking about the activities that these "successful losers" used to shed fat and keep it off .
Here's why it's so important to keep both healthy eating and exercise going as your one-two punch against belly fat. A study published in the Journal of Applied Physiology reported that when people chose healthier foods and combined that benefi t with exercise, they torched 98 percent of their weight directly from their fat stores. People who changed their diets alone were much more likely to break down muscle for fuel, and that's a big problem. Muscle is one of your prime metabolism boosters, so it will help you burn fat for up to 24 hours after a workout. So let's tackle the activity list, and give you strategies to make the most of it.
Lean-Belly Strategy #21Walk for Exercise
I consider that great news. Is there a simpler exercise than walking? Is there a better way to incorporate talking with friends and loved ones into your fitness plan? Is there anything else that gets you out among your neighbors at a pace that lets you say hello? And is there anything that makes your dog happier than your saying the magic word walk?
A study from the University of Prince Edward Island in Canada (a lovely place for a walk, mind you) found that largely sedentary people who wore a pedometer for 12 weeks increased their total steps by 3,451 a day, to about 10,500. By walking more, they also lowered their resting heart rates, BMIs, and waist measurements. Once you start paying attention to footsteps, you'll find ways to bank the extra strides. Thirty here, 300 there, 1,000 after dinner, and suddenly you're walking away from your old weight. Why not start right now? The closer you pay attention, the more you'll walk. And the more you walk, the greater the temptation will be to mix in an even bigger calorie burner: running.
Lean-Belly Strategy #22Lift Weights
I suspect that for 81 percent of you, the picture that just flashed in your mind was of a no-neck Bulgarian weight lifter straining as he hoisted a steel beam over his head in the last Olympics. I know that isn't you.
But you should still be taking advantage of the weight lifter's advantage: Muscle is the all-night convenience store of fat burning—it never shuts down. Not only do you burn a ton of calories while you're actually exercising, but there's also a big afterburn effect that kicks in. Your body has to expend energy to cool you down and repair the small tears in muscle fibers that happen when you lift. (Don't freak out. If you lift reasonable-size weights, you won't tear muscles, you'll just push the muscle fibers hard enough to make them grow.)
Lean-Belly Strategy #23Exercise Regularly
Believe it or not, "none of the above" is a legitimate option when it comes to physical activity, because there's nothing magical about running or weight lifting or even walking. They're just the most common activities people choose in order to add more activity to their days. The only one that's important to you is one that a) you enjoy, b) fits into your life well enough that you can do it most days, and c) allows you to up your energy expenditure.
You can do that by adding three 15-minute walks to your day or by scheduling 2-hour bike rides on weekends. Or simply by walking more, standing more, lifting more, and sitting less.
Just look at your whole day as an opportunity to make the smart choices that will help you lose weight and feel better. Achieve that, and where might you be next month? Or next year? Some place far better than where you are today!
By: Travis Stork, M.D.
How did they do it? That's the first question anyone asks when they see a friend or colleague who's lost a lot of weight, or remade their body into a healthier, leaner version. How did they do it?
Well, it's no mystery. In fact, one of the most important and intriguing studies ever conducted was put together by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) back in 2006. This is our tax dollars at work, and I'd say we got our money's worth.
The pages of the study—its catchy title is "Dietary and Physical Activity Behaviors Among Adults Successful at Weight Loss Maintenance"—take all the world's weight-loss theories and compare them to what works for real people in the real world. It looked at people who won the fat war by losing at least 30 pounds and then keeping the weight off using strategies that will work for you, too.
Keep in mind: It wasn't a 100 percent success story. The CDC studied 2,124 people, and only 587 of them actually lost the weight and kept it off. But those who succeeded used many of the same strategies, the strategies outlined here.
And for even more ways to revolutionize your diet and get lean for good, check out The Lean Belly Prescription by Dr. Travis Stork. It's filled with simple strategies that will help you lose weight the same way you gained it: By making easy lifestyle choices that will transform your life—for the better.
Lean-Belly Strategy #1Pay Attention to What You Eat
Mindless eating is excessive eating. Researchers at the University of Massachusetts discovered that people who watched TV while they ate consumed nearly 300 more calories than those who dined without an eye on the tube. You need to pay attention to the messages your stomach is sending to your brain; if the TV is blaring, you won't see the "slow" and "stop" signs.
Lean-Belly Strategy #2Slow Down
Fast eaters become fat people. If you consciously stop to take a breath between bites, you can cut your food (and calorie) intake by 10 percent, according to researchers at the University of Rhode Island. Special bonus: You can do this in social situations—Thanksgiving dinner at Aunt Marge's—and nobody will even notice. That is, until you show up next year minus 20 pounds of flab.
Lean-Belly Strategy #3I Said Slow Down!
It takes 20 minutes for the news that you've had enough to eat to travel from your gut to your brain. The reason: Hormones that trigger the "I'm full—stop!" sensation are at the end of your digestive tract, and it takes a while for digested food to reach there. If your mouth is filled with conversation, it won't be so full of food. Talk more between bites, and weigh less when the conversation/meal is over.
Lean-Belly Strategy #4Beware the "Healthy" Menu
If you order the stuff that's supposed to be good for you, you're likely to underestimate a meal's calorie total by more than a third, according to a study in the Journal of Consumer Research. The restaurants know that; now you do, too. So be especially aware when ordering "healthy," and make sure you have a "to go" box handy to carry leftovers home.
Lean-Belly Strategy #5Beware the Community Chest
Always serve snacks in a bowl or dish, and put away the packages. Never eat from the bag or container. That way you won't ever eat an entire bag of something in a single sitting.
Lean-Belly Strategy #6Beat Hunger with Your Mind
Have a craving even though you ate just an hour ago? Before you indulge your mystery hunger, here's how to test whether your appetite is real or not: Imagine sitting down to a large, sizzling steak. If you're truly hungry, the steak will sound good, and you should eat. If the steak isn't appetizing, it means your body isn't actually hungry. You might be bored, or thirsty, or just tempted by something you don't need. Try a change of scenery: Researchers at Flanders University in Australia found that visual distractions can help curb cravings.
Lean-Belly Strategy #7Redecorate, Repack, Remember
If you don't have a countertop fruit bowl, buy one so you can grab a peach, banana, pear, or other piece of fruit on your way out the door in the morning, to munch on during your commute. (Plus, it's fun to throw the core out the window.) Plan a 10 a.m. apple-a-day break. Toss an orange in your briefcase to help you past the mid-afternoon lull (otherwise known as Temptation Time). Make fruit part of your entourage, and it will beat up lesser foods.
Lean-Belly Strategy #8If You Can't Bear to Eat Vegetables, Drink Them Instead
That's right, you could have had a V8—as long as it was the low-sodium variety. It has pureed tomatoes, beets, carrots, celery, spinach, lettuce, parsley, and watercress, and 8 ounces supplies two of your five recommended daily servings of vegetables. It also heats up nicely as a base for soups.
Lean-Belly Strategy #9If You Can't Bear to Eat Vegetables, Hide Them in Your Pasta Sauce
And no, neither you nor the kids will notice. Using a fine grater on your food processor, grate 2 cups total of onions, garlic, carrots, beets, and zucchini (or any combo thereof), then sauté the microscopic vegetable bits in a tablespoon of olive oil. Add 4 cups of basic marinara sauce and simmer to an anonymous tomato flavor.
Lean-Belly Strategy #10If You're Not Yet Drinking Smoothies, Why Not?
Have you read the label of your fruit juice? Lots of sugar (however "natural" it is) and not much fiber, which means it's a carb bomb when it hits your bloodstream. Not so with a blended smoothie, because ingredient number one is whole fruit, making the sugar content drop and the fiber climb.
Two tips: Use frozen fruit; buy it by the bag in your store's freezer section. And buy a wand mixer and a small pitcher so you can mix your smoothie in the same container you drink it from; it's much easier than washing out a blender. Almost any fruit-and-berry combo will do, but you can start with this recipe: 1/2 cup frozen blueberries, 1/2 banana (peeled ones freeze well), 2 tablespoons peanut butter, 2 tablespoons whey powder (it's in the supplements aisle in the grocery store), 1 cup 2% milk, and 1 cup water.
Lean-Belly Strategy #11Buy Smaller Dishes
According to the food scientists at Cornell University, people tend to eat as much food as will fit on their plates. That's where "duh!" overlaps with dangerous. Over the past 100 years, our plates have grown, decade by decade. And we also know that the nation's obesity rates have grown exponentially in that time as well. No, it's not a coincidence. If you dine off of smaller plates, you'll grow smaller, too. Shoot for 9 inches in diameter, and you'll be on your way.
Lean-Belly Strategy #12Drink out of Skinny Glasses
As have gone dinner plates, so have gone drinking glasses. And if you fill the newly cavernous ones with any kind of sweetened beverage, you'll overindulge in calories. But here's a smart tip: We tend to gauge our drink sizes by how tall, not how stout, our drinking glasses are. So if you buy tall, skinny ones, you'll think you're drinking more even though you're drinking less.
Lean-Belly Strategy #13Never Eat from the Box, Carton, or Bag
Those same clever food scientists at Cornell did an experiment in which they gave one set of moviegoers giant boxes of stale popcorn and another set smaller boxes of stale popcorn. The big-box people ate more than the small-box people. The theory: You gauge the amount that's "reasonable" to eat by the size of the container it's in. Put two cookies on a plate, put a scoop of ice cream in a bowl, or lay out a small handful of potato chips on your plate, then put the container away; you'll eat far less of the treat.
Lean-Belly Strategy #14Limit the Fried Stuff
Fun fact: Fast-food burgers and chicken from KFC and McDonald's are the most frequently requested meals on death row. It kinda makes sense. The inmates won't be around to suffer the aftermath. Fried foods are packed with calories and salt, and that crunchy, oily coating beats down any nutritional qualities that whatever is entombed inside might have.
That said, eating one piece of fried chicken won't be, um, a death sentence, if it's surrounded on the plate by generous helpings of vegetables and you follow with fruit—not more fat—for dessert. What's more, the fat in the chicken will help you absorb the fat-soluble vitamins in the veggies.
Lean-Belly Strategy #15Eat the Good Stuff
Make sure your diet is filled with healthy fats in the forms of fatty fish (salmon, tuna, mackerel, sardines), fatty fruits (avocados), extra-virgin olive oil, eggs (among the healthiest foods known to humankind), and healthy-fat snacks (nuts are nutritional powerhouses and keep you feeling full). I even give bacon in moderation a green light; at only 70 calories per strip, it carries big flavor and belly-filling capabilities.
Lean-Belly Strategy #16Wear Your Milk Mustache with Pride
Milk, yogurt, cottage cheese, and cheeses all contain slow-to-digest protein and healthy fat, so they can be excellent belly fillers. And studies have suggested that the calcium in dairy products may aid weight loss. Make them part of your diet and you'll find the cow elbowing aside lesser members of the food kingdom.
Lean-Belly Strategy #17Eliminate Sweetened Beverages
If you're going to follow only one piece of advice in this article, make it this one. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating: Drinks with added sugar account for nearly 450 calories per day in the average American's diet. That's more than twice as much as we were drinking 30 years ago. If you're looking for a way to cut unnecessary daily calories to help you lose a pound a week, wean yourself from the overload of sugar-sweetened carbonated beverages.
No, artificially sweetened sodas are not okay. Even if they have few calories or no calories, they maintain or increase your taste for highly sweetened foods, so you seek out the calorie payload elsewhere. Worse yet, they crowd out the healthy beverages. My prescription: Out with the bad, in with the great—in taste and nutrition.
Lean-Belly Strategy #19Reduce Your Intake of Food Prepared Away From Home
When you let somebody else prepare your food—especially if it's a teenager in a paper hat—you lose control over what you eat. And the fast-food companies, being what they are, encourage all of your worst eating habits by stuffing their products with crave-inducing ingredients like unhealthy fats, sugar, and salt. If you can stay out of the drive-thru, you can shrink your calorie intake every day.
Lean-Belly Strategy #20Keep a Food Diary
Clearly, this weight-loss technique isn't for everybody. It's a hassle to write down every little thing you eat, day after day. But it's strikingly effective for those who do it. My advice: Try it for a week so you can get a handle on how many sodas you drink and under what circumstances, when you're most likely to veg out with a bowl of chips in front of the TV, and when your dessert cravings strike. That will help you identify your dietary danger zones and lead you to strategies that save pounds.
But it wasn't just dietary changes that helped all those folks lose all that weight. Becoming active was another enormous factor in leading the successful losers into the promised land of the lean (but not hungry): exercising for 30 or more minutes per day, and adding physical activity to daily routines. Clearly, these are Lean Belly Prescription kind of people. And that provides a great segue to talking about the activities that these "successful losers" used to shed fat and keep it off .
Here's why it's so important to keep both healthy eating and exercise going as your one-two punch against belly fat. A study published in the Journal of Applied Physiology reported that when people chose healthier foods and combined that benefi t with exercise, they torched 98 percent of their weight directly from their fat stores. People who changed their diets alone were much more likely to break down muscle for fuel, and that's a big problem. Muscle is one of your prime metabolism boosters, so it will help you burn fat for up to 24 hours after a workout. So let's tackle the activity list, and give you strategies to make the most of it.
Lean-Belly Strategy #21Walk for Exercise
I consider that great news. Is there a simpler exercise than walking? Is there a better way to incorporate talking with friends and loved ones into your fitness plan? Is there anything else that gets you out among your neighbors at a pace that lets you say hello? And is there anything that makes your dog happier than your saying the magic word walk?
A study from the University of Prince Edward Island in Canada (a lovely place for a walk, mind you) found that largely sedentary people who wore a pedometer for 12 weeks increased their total steps by 3,451 a day, to about 10,500. By walking more, they also lowered their resting heart rates, BMIs, and waist measurements. Once you start paying attention to footsteps, you'll find ways to bank the extra strides. Thirty here, 300 there, 1,000 after dinner, and suddenly you're walking away from your old weight. Why not start right now? The closer you pay attention, the more you'll walk. And the more you walk, the greater the temptation will be to mix in an even bigger calorie burner: running.
Lean-Belly Strategy #22Lift Weights
I suspect that for 81 percent of you, the picture that just flashed in your mind was of a no-neck Bulgarian weight lifter straining as he hoisted a steel beam over his head in the last Olympics. I know that isn't you.
But you should still be taking advantage of the weight lifter's advantage: Muscle is the all-night convenience store of fat burning—it never shuts down. Not only do you burn a ton of calories while you're actually exercising, but there's also a big afterburn effect that kicks in. Your body has to expend energy to cool you down and repair the small tears in muscle fibers that happen when you lift. (Don't freak out. If you lift reasonable-size weights, you won't tear muscles, you'll just push the muscle fibers hard enough to make them grow.)
Lean-Belly Strategy #23Exercise Regularly
Believe it or not, "none of the above" is a legitimate option when it comes to physical activity, because there's nothing magical about running or weight lifting or even walking. They're just the most common activities people choose in order to add more activity to their days. The only one that's important to you is one that a) you enjoy, b) fits into your life well enough that you can do it most days, and c) allows you to up your energy expenditure.
You can do that by adding three 15-minute walks to your day or by scheduling 2-hour bike rides on weekends. Or simply by walking more, standing more, lifting more, and sitting less.
Just look at your whole day as an opportunity to make the smart choices that will help you lose weight and feel better. Achieve that, and where might you be next month? Or next year? Some place far better than where you are today!
The 30 Hottest Things to Say to a Naked Woman
The 30 Hottest Things to Say to a Naked Woman
Compiled by: Lisa Jones1. "Good morning."
2. "Is it okay with you if I take this slow?"
3. "I can't stop touching you."
4. "Want to join me in the shower?"
5. "I want to kiss/lick/touch every inch of you."
6. "I love how you taste."
7. "Do you feel this, too?" ("This" being an incredible emotional euphoria.)
8. "Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you a burrito."
9. Her name—her full name—followed by a "Wow."
10. "I'll get the light."
11. "I'll cancel my plans if you'll stay here with me for the rest of the weekend."
12. "No one's ever done that before."
13. "Can we do that again?"
14. "I love your [fill in body part here]."
15. Nothing. Total, deliberate silence. You can stare at her, grab her, touch her, but don't make a sound. If she tries to talk, place a finger on her lips.
16. While looking out the window at people not currently in bed with her: "Suckers."
17. While looking at moonlight reflecting on the ceiling: "What do you see?"
18. "I'll go make coffee."
19. "Waking up with you is even better than sleeping with you."
20. "Let's play hooky today."
21. Any use of the word "hot." Especially: "You're so hot."
22. "Squeeze my hand when it feels really amazing."
23. Words that end in "uck." Yes, even "duck," when appropriate.
24. "There's nothing else I'd rather be doing right now.
25. "I'm ready to go again."
26. Damn, I've missed you."
27. "How about a massage?"
28. Playful laughter.
29. "Don't ever leave me."
30. "You sleep; I'll go check on the baby."
Compiled by: Lisa Jones1. "Good morning."
2. "Is it okay with you if I take this slow?"
3. "I can't stop touching you."
4. "Want to join me in the shower?"
5. "I want to kiss/lick/touch every inch of you."
6. "I love how you taste."
7. "Do you feel this, too?" ("This" being an incredible emotional euphoria.)
8. "Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you a burrito."
9. Her name—her full name—followed by a "Wow."
10. "I'll get the light."
11. "I'll cancel my plans if you'll stay here with me for the rest of the weekend."
12. "No one's ever done that before."
13. "Can we do that again?"
14. "I love your [fill in body part here]."
15. Nothing. Total, deliberate silence. You can stare at her, grab her, touch her, but don't make a sound. If she tries to talk, place a finger on her lips.
16. While looking out the window at people not currently in bed with her: "Suckers."
17. While looking at moonlight reflecting on the ceiling: "What do you see?"
18. "I'll go make coffee."
19. "Waking up with you is even better than sleeping with you."
20. "Let's play hooky today."
21. Any use of the word "hot." Especially: "You're so hot."
22. "Squeeze my hand when it feels really amazing."
23. Words that end in "uck." Yes, even "duck," when appropriate.
24. "There's nothing else I'd rather be doing right now.
25. "I'm ready to go again."
26. Damn, I've missed you."
27. "How about a massage?"
28. Playful laughter.
29. "Don't ever leave me."
30. "You sleep; I'll go check on the baby."
6 Sex Mistakes You're Making
6 Sex Mistakes You're Making
Want to have more sex? Make it about discovery again. Bust out of your romance rut and jumpstart your sex life by breaking these six relationship routines.
Sex is a RaceBreak it: Explore her. Focus on her thighs and lower belly. Make a mental circle 2 inches around the outside of her vagina, and don't cross the line while you kiss, lick, and caress, says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., author of Different Loving. You'll ignite her nerve endings and bring her close to her red zone. It makes sex about discovery, not some destination. "Goal-oriented sex isn't sexy," Brame says.
Same Time, Same PlaceBreak it: Relive the past. Take her to the garage and reclaim the space you long ago ceded: Seduce her in the backseat of the car. It feels a little public, it's steeped in testosterone, and there's a throwback, high-school quality to it. Make it a quickie, which has its place in the sexual diet; having lots of sex begets more sex, because you stay connected, says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago.
Predictable ForeplayBreak it: Work out together. Think of it as fat-burning foreplay. It will raise her dopamine levels, easing her anxieties. "She'll feel the sex is about her and not some random need she has to accommodate," says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at Washington University. Bonus: Your post-run sweat has androstadienone, a testosterone derivative that spikes her arousal when she smells it.
Lopsided First MovesBreak it: Tie her hands. It's now up to her to figure out how to remove your shirt, tie, cuff links, and pants. You'll share a few laughs and marvel at her ingenuity. Whether you tie her up or she binds you, the game will break your predictable, first-move habits. The bonus: "It acts as an automatic foreplay extender," says Berman.
TV, Then SexBreak it: Read to her. It doesn't have to be erotica. It's an intimate activity that makes her focus on your voice. The deeper, the better. Low voices are a sign of high testosterone, which ups her attraction to you, according to a Scottish study. Read lying in bed with your head up, to dip an octave; it forces you to push air with your diaphragm instead of your lungs.
Habitual Hand HoldingBreak it: Caress her neck. Sure, holding hands can work as an aphrodisiac: It shows her you're devoted and proud to tell the world. But after a while, its poignancy wanes. A stepped-up PDA will deepen her connection to you, so she'll be more willing to really give herself to you in the bedroom, says Schwartz.
Want to have more sex? Make it about discovery again. Bust out of your romance rut and jumpstart your sex life by breaking these six relationship routines.
Sex is a RaceBreak it: Explore her. Focus on her thighs and lower belly. Make a mental circle 2 inches around the outside of her vagina, and don't cross the line while you kiss, lick, and caress, says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., author of Different Loving. You'll ignite her nerve endings and bring her close to her red zone. It makes sex about discovery, not some destination. "Goal-oriented sex isn't sexy," Brame says.
Same Time, Same PlaceBreak it: Relive the past. Take her to the garage and reclaim the space you long ago ceded: Seduce her in the backseat of the car. It feels a little public, it's steeped in testosterone, and there's a throwback, high-school quality to it. Make it a quickie, which has its place in the sexual diet; having lots of sex begets more sex, because you stay connected, says Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center in Chicago.
Predictable ForeplayBreak it: Work out together. Think of it as fat-burning foreplay. It will raise her dopamine levels, easing her anxieties. "She'll feel the sex is about her and not some random need she has to accommodate," says Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., a professor of sociology at Washington University. Bonus: Your post-run sweat has androstadienone, a testosterone derivative that spikes her arousal when she smells it.
Lopsided First MovesBreak it: Tie her hands. It's now up to her to figure out how to remove your shirt, tie, cuff links, and pants. You'll share a few laughs and marvel at her ingenuity. Whether you tie her up or she binds you, the game will break your predictable, first-move habits. The bonus: "It acts as an automatic foreplay extender," says Berman.
TV, Then SexBreak it: Read to her. It doesn't have to be erotica. It's an intimate activity that makes her focus on your voice. The deeper, the better. Low voices are a sign of high testosterone, which ups her attraction to you, according to a Scottish study. Read lying in bed with your head up, to dip an octave; it forces you to push air with your diaphragm instead of your lungs.
Habitual Hand HoldingBreak it: Caress her neck. Sure, holding hands can work as an aphrodisiac: It shows her you're devoted and proud to tell the world. But after a while, its poignancy wanes. A stepped-up PDA will deepen her connection to you, so she'll be more willing to really give herself to you in the bedroom, says Schwartz.
Real Women's Tips for Better Sex........
Real Women's Tips for Better Sex
Eighty-seven percent of the women we polled said they're happy to coach their men through sex. We asked them to start.
Explore the Unexplored"There are still a lot of erogenous spots he hasn't found—behind my knees, inside my elbow, my ankles, and more." —Veronica, 41
Crank Up the Volume"I love hearing him enjoying himself. It's how I know I'm doing it right. Let go and I will, too." —Crystal, 29
Embrace Technology"Just because I want to use sex toys with him doesn't mean he's doing something wrong." —Erika, 28
Follow Through"Sometimes when I'm almost ready to climax and I'm moaning a lot, he gets excited and takes it as a sign to change position. That kills the orgasm, and I have to start all over again." —Kim, 26
Watch with Her"Certain kinds of porn really turn me on, even girl-on-girl. I want him to watch with me." —Amanda, 29
Mix It Up"I really love sex, but not when it's a routine. Make it feel fresh—do it in the morning instead of before bed . . . or even better, in the middle of the day. Take a long lunch break! That's a thrill." —Anna, 20
Be Detail Oriented"A random kiss on the back of my neck can turn me on more than an hour of foreplay does." —Stayce, 43
Start the Conversation"I'm willing to be much more adventurous, but I can't find the words to tell him that." —Ashley, 27
Show Her Your Passion"All he has to do to bring me to orgasm is look into my eyes. Emotion pushes me." —Amy, 33
Play Rough with Her"I wish one day he'd come home from work, throw me on the bed (or floor, or furniture) and ravage me rough." —Michelle, 34
Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues"Certain things suddenly feel great. So when I move your hands somewhere, keep them there!" —Jasmine, 24
Dominate Her"I like it when he leads. I'm in control during my day, and I want a break from that." —Mayaan, 27
Eighty-seven percent of the women we polled said they're happy to coach their men through sex. We asked them to start.
Explore the Unexplored"There are still a lot of erogenous spots he hasn't found—behind my knees, inside my elbow, my ankles, and more." —Veronica, 41
Crank Up the Volume"I love hearing him enjoying himself. It's how I know I'm doing it right. Let go and I will, too." —Crystal, 29
Embrace Technology"Just because I want to use sex toys with him doesn't mean he's doing something wrong." —Erika, 28
Follow Through"Sometimes when I'm almost ready to climax and I'm moaning a lot, he gets excited and takes it as a sign to change position. That kills the orgasm, and I have to start all over again." —Kim, 26
Watch with Her"Certain kinds of porn really turn me on, even girl-on-girl. I want him to watch with me." —Amanda, 29
Mix It Up"I really love sex, but not when it's a routine. Make it feel fresh—do it in the morning instead of before bed . . . or even better, in the middle of the day. Take a long lunch break! That's a thrill." —Anna, 20
Be Detail Oriented"A random kiss on the back of my neck can turn me on more than an hour of foreplay does." —Stayce, 43
Start the Conversation"I'm willing to be much more adventurous, but I can't find the words to tell him that." —Ashley, 27
Show Her Your Passion"All he has to do to bring me to orgasm is look into my eyes. Emotion pushes me." —Amy, 33
Play Rough with Her"I wish one day he'd come home from work, throw me on the bed (or floor, or furniture) and ravage me rough." —Michelle, 34
Pay Attention to Nonverbal Cues"Certain things suddenly feel great. So when I move your hands somewhere, keep them there!" —Jasmine, 24
Dominate Her"I like it when he leads. I'm in control during my day, and I want a break from that." —Mayaan, 27
The Truth Behind the 12 Hottest Sex Myths.......
The Truth Behind the 12 Hottest Sex Myths
You've heard the loose talk. Here's how it stacks up with reality.
Men Reach Their Sexual Peak at 18, and Women Reach Theirs at 28 TRUE: With regard to their supply of sexual hormones, at least. Testosterone peaks at age 18 in men; women's estrogen hits its high point in their mid-20s. "But peak hormones don't mean peak sexual performance," says Marc Goldstein, M.D., a professor of reproductive medicine and urology at Cornell University's Weill Medical College. So feel free to try for a personal best—at any age.
Semen is Low-CarbFALSE: "Semen is mostly fruit sugar [fructose] and enzymes—not low-carb," says Dr. Goldstein. Which finally explains why there's no Oral Sex Diet.
Masturbation Yields the Strongest OrgasmTRUE: But it's not a hard-and-fast rule, as it were. "It depends on the individual," says Jon L. Pryor, M.D., a professor of urologic surgery at the University of Minnesota. "For some it does, but for others, there's nothing that beats good ol' intercourse."
The Average Erection Is 8 InchesFALSE: Relax, Shorty. It's closer to 6.
No Penis is Too Large or Too Small for Any VaginaTRUE: But perception still wins the game in the end. "I was once at a dinner meeting with seven other sex doctors—six men and one woman," says Dr. Pryor. "The men all agreed that size doesn't matter. The woman looked at us and said, 'Think what you want. Size matters.' We all left dejected."
Oysters Make You HornyFALSE: You make you horny. "There is no scientific evidence that oysters increase libido," says Dr. Pryor. "But there may be a placebo effect, so if it works, great!"
Green M&Ms Make You HornyFALSE: Unless they do. Then it's true. Isn't the mind wonderful?
Men Think About Sex Every 7 SecondsFALSE: That number is tossed around a lot, but the truth is that only 23 percent of men claim to fantasize frequently. But maybe the rest are just too distracted to check the clock.
Cutting Out Broccoli Will Make Your Semen Taste BetterTRUE: Semen is naturally bitter, and eating broccoli and drinking coffee can make it worse. A ray of hope for the Oral Sex Diet!
Having Sex Before an Important Event—the Big Game, the Critical Presentation—Can Ruin Your Performance in the EventFALSE: Swiss researchers performed stress tests on people 2 and 10 hours after the subjects had had sex, and found that by 10 hours, the participants were fully recovered. There was only a small dip in performance 2 hours after sex.
Having Sex in Water (Swimming Pool, Hot Tub, Shower) Will Kill SpermTRUE: Some of your swimmers may die, but it isn't an effective method of birth control, according to Dr. Pryor. Though a hot tub can overheat your testicles and kill sperm, there should be plenty left for the egg hunt.
You Can Be Addicted to Web PornTRUE: But the risk is low. Only 1 percent of all people who check out Internet porn will become addicted. If you're sporting a ring, be careful: 38 percent of addicts are married.
You've heard the loose talk. Here's how it stacks up with reality.
Men Reach Their Sexual Peak at 18, and Women Reach Theirs at 28 TRUE: With regard to their supply of sexual hormones, at least. Testosterone peaks at age 18 in men; women's estrogen hits its high point in their mid-20s. "But peak hormones don't mean peak sexual performance," says Marc Goldstein, M.D., a professor of reproductive medicine and urology at Cornell University's Weill Medical College. So feel free to try for a personal best—at any age.
Semen is Low-CarbFALSE: "Semen is mostly fruit sugar [fructose] and enzymes—not low-carb," says Dr. Goldstein. Which finally explains why there's no Oral Sex Diet.
Masturbation Yields the Strongest OrgasmTRUE: But it's not a hard-and-fast rule, as it were. "It depends on the individual," says Jon L. Pryor, M.D., a professor of urologic surgery at the University of Minnesota. "For some it does, but for others, there's nothing that beats good ol' intercourse."
The Average Erection Is 8 InchesFALSE: Relax, Shorty. It's closer to 6.
No Penis is Too Large or Too Small for Any VaginaTRUE: But perception still wins the game in the end. "I was once at a dinner meeting with seven other sex doctors—six men and one woman," says Dr. Pryor. "The men all agreed that size doesn't matter. The woman looked at us and said, 'Think what you want. Size matters.' We all left dejected."
Oysters Make You HornyFALSE: You make you horny. "There is no scientific evidence that oysters increase libido," says Dr. Pryor. "But there may be a placebo effect, so if it works, great!"
Green M&Ms Make You HornyFALSE: Unless they do. Then it's true. Isn't the mind wonderful?
Men Think About Sex Every 7 SecondsFALSE: That number is tossed around a lot, but the truth is that only 23 percent of men claim to fantasize frequently. But maybe the rest are just too distracted to check the clock.
Cutting Out Broccoli Will Make Your Semen Taste BetterTRUE: Semen is naturally bitter, and eating broccoli and drinking coffee can make it worse. A ray of hope for the Oral Sex Diet!
Having Sex Before an Important Event—the Big Game, the Critical Presentation—Can Ruin Your Performance in the EventFALSE: Swiss researchers performed stress tests on people 2 and 10 hours after the subjects had had sex, and found that by 10 hours, the participants were fully recovered. There was only a small dip in performance 2 hours after sex.
Having Sex in Water (Swimming Pool, Hot Tub, Shower) Will Kill SpermTRUE: Some of your swimmers may die, but it isn't an effective method of birth control, according to Dr. Pryor. Though a hot tub can overheat your testicles and kill sperm, there should be plenty left for the egg hunt.
You Can Be Addicted to Web PornTRUE: But the risk is low. Only 1 percent of all people who check out Internet porn will become addicted. If you're sporting a ring, be careful: 38 percent of addicts are married.
5 Ways to Please Her Every Time........
5 Ways to Please Her Every Time
Strategic strokes, not size, spark her orgasm. If you really want to know what drives her wild, the answer might just be hiding in her drawer. Here are five lessons you can learn from her favorite sex toys . . .
Linger a LittleUnlike porn actresses, most women first focus sex toys on their clitoris, penetrating only as climax nears, says Lisa Lawless, Ph.D., cofounder of the National Association for Sexual Awareness and Empowerment.
What you can do: Your penis isn't just for penetration. Use it to stroke her outer labia and clitoris during foreplay, says Vivienne Cass, Ph.D., author of The Elusive Orgasm. Gyrating along these pleasure points while steadily increasing pressure will push her desire to the tipping point, so once you penetrate, you'll deliver orgasm-inducing thrusts.
Pick the Right PositionG-spot stimulators target the spongy, sensitive area in her upper vaginal wall, 2 inches from the opening. G-spot (as opposed to clitoral) orgasms come from strategic pressure, not size. "Those huge, manmade members aren't what she's hiding under the mattress," says Lawless.
What you can do: To put pressure on this sensitive area with each thrust, you should enter her when she's on her back, with her knees resting on her chest.
Warm Her UpWith two vibrating petals shaped like a set of hare's ears, the Rabbit rubs both sides of her clitoris.
What you can do: Stimulate (gently) the clitoris from all sides. First, use your index and ring fingers to rub the sides. After she warms up, simultaneously stroke the top of her clitoris with your middle finger, completing the chorus that will send her over the edge.
Multi-TaskDual-action devices massage her clitoris and G-spot in tandem so she's flushed with sensation in the two areas that trigger an orgasm.
What you can do: Good things come in pairs. If you're licking her clitoris, finger her G-spot. If she's in the cowgirl position, rub her clitoris. "At any given time, either the G-spot or the clitoris should receive attention," says Dorian Solot, coauthor of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide.
Change SpeedsThe classic, multispeed vibrator lets her focus on her most nerve-rich erogenous spot, the clitoris, as she slowly increases the intensity.
What you can do: A little change is good; too much can capsize an orgasm. Always start slow, with gentle, broad strokes of your finger or tongue. Build toward a climax, instead of rapidly changing techniques and intensity. Hum while you lick and you'll cause the same sensation as her pocket rocket.
Strategic strokes, not size, spark her orgasm. If you really want to know what drives her wild, the answer might just be hiding in her drawer. Here are five lessons you can learn from her favorite sex toys . . .
Linger a LittleUnlike porn actresses, most women first focus sex toys on their clitoris, penetrating only as climax nears, says Lisa Lawless, Ph.D., cofounder of the National Association for Sexual Awareness and Empowerment.
What you can do: Your penis isn't just for penetration. Use it to stroke her outer labia and clitoris during foreplay, says Vivienne Cass, Ph.D., author of The Elusive Orgasm. Gyrating along these pleasure points while steadily increasing pressure will push her desire to the tipping point, so once you penetrate, you'll deliver orgasm-inducing thrusts.
Pick the Right PositionG-spot stimulators target the spongy, sensitive area in her upper vaginal wall, 2 inches from the opening. G-spot (as opposed to clitoral) orgasms come from strategic pressure, not size. "Those huge, manmade members aren't what she's hiding under the mattress," says Lawless.
What you can do: To put pressure on this sensitive area with each thrust, you should enter her when she's on her back, with her knees resting on her chest.
Warm Her UpWith two vibrating petals shaped like a set of hare's ears, the Rabbit rubs both sides of her clitoris.
What you can do: Stimulate (gently) the clitoris from all sides. First, use your index and ring fingers to rub the sides. After she warms up, simultaneously stroke the top of her clitoris with your middle finger, completing the chorus that will send her over the edge.
Multi-TaskDual-action devices massage her clitoris and G-spot in tandem so she's flushed with sensation in the two areas that trigger an orgasm.
What you can do: Good things come in pairs. If you're licking her clitoris, finger her G-spot. If she's in the cowgirl position, rub her clitoris. "At any given time, either the G-spot or the clitoris should receive attention," says Dorian Solot, coauthor of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide.
Change SpeedsThe classic, multispeed vibrator lets her focus on her most nerve-rich erogenous spot, the clitoris, as she slowly increases the intensity.
What you can do: A little change is good; too much can capsize an orgasm. Always start slow, with gentle, broad strokes of your finger or tongue. Build toward a climax, instead of rapidly changing techniques and intensity. Hum while you lick and you'll cause the same sensation as her pocket rocket.
Who Handles Breakups Better?
Who Handles Breakups Better?
By: Dave Zinczenko
Some relationships end with fighting. Some end with crying. Some end with sex. Some end with verbal insults (or dishes) being thrown at sound-barrier-breaking speeds. Whatever the case, breakups can be uglier than some Dancing with the Stars performances.
Let's face it: Some relationships aren't meant to be, so a breakup averts a bigger disaster.
So when the Love Boat hits the iceberg, who handles it better? My answer: women.
Several studies show that men experience more depression, distress, and anxiety after breakups than women do. Men might like to come across as being tougher than overcooked steak after a breakup, but the truth is that they're actually more the consistency of jelly.
Believe me—I see the letters of hundreds of men desperate for advice on how to win their ex back. Here's why some men come undone during a breakup.
Men Mask Their PainWhen a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. How he sometimes does it: With a couple pitchers and a night out with the guys. In fact, 26 percent of men say that the dumped party should get drunk with the guys after a breakup, according to a Men's Health online survey.
But those beer swillers are actually in the minority: 36 percent say a guy should look at his new ex, smile, and thank her. The thing is, both of those reactions are exactly the same thing—masks for their true feelings. They can't deal with being hurt, or angry, or bummed. It's not until after they get past their initial reaction that men actually mourn the loss of the relationship.
Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup, and they're also more likely to use straight talk when ending a relationship, studies find. So women face their relationship blues head on, and get them out of their systems earlier. Many men tend to repress their reaction, so it lingers like basement mold.
Men Have Fewer FriendsOne of the reasons why women can get over sour relationships faster than the guys they break up with is that women have an amazing network of people to latch on to. Research indicates that men depend on romantic relationships for emotional intimacy and social support, whereas women are more likely to turn to family and female friends to satisfy those needs. Mothers, sisters, friends, hairdressers, cabbies, whoever—the more times she tells the story about what a jerk he was, the better she's going to feel.
A man, on the other hand, stays corked. Often he shrugs off a breakup with a shoulder shrug, shoots a Jager shot, and tries to convince himself that he's not upset. That is, until about six months later, at 1 a.m. after the fourth pitcher, when he confesses to his buds that all he ever wanted is for Janelle to take him back.
Men Hate Starting OverAfter the breakup, a man may feel an initial surge of excitement of future prospects—the women he's yet to meet. But after three, four, or two dozen dates, he realizes that it's going to take a long time to reach the level of comfort he had with his ex. Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon University suggests that women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they've already given consideration to the possibility of a breakup, whereas men are typically unprepared for it.
While that sense of emotional security can't be the only reason to stay together, it also makes him realize that he was very lucky to have a woman like her. Meanwhile, she's already moved on. And perhaps the only time he lets his guard down enough to admit the emotional truth is when he's drunk-dialing her. And that's too little, way too late.
Men Idealize the Dating GameMany breakups are a knee-jerk reaction to what men perceive as stagnation: He's bored with the same restaurants, the same petty arguments, the repetitive sex. Once he's back on the prowl, he thinks, he'll be bedding 10s and living the high life. After the breakup, however, he quickly realizes that the singles scene isn't all champagne and half-naked strangers—it's work.
Instead of the exciting bar scene, he finds that he misses the intimacy of his past relationship. Studies show that women consistently outscore men on measures of social, sexual, and intellectual intimacy—and women are often quicker than men to realize that intimacy provides the foundation of a lasting relationship, not the sexual thrills.
By: Dave Zinczenko
Some relationships end with fighting. Some end with crying. Some end with sex. Some end with verbal insults (or dishes) being thrown at sound-barrier-breaking speeds. Whatever the case, breakups can be uglier than some Dancing with the Stars performances.
Let's face it: Some relationships aren't meant to be, so a breakup averts a bigger disaster.
So when the Love Boat hits the iceberg, who handles it better? My answer: women.
Several studies show that men experience more depression, distress, and anxiety after breakups than women do. Men might like to come across as being tougher than overcooked steak after a breakup, but the truth is that they're actually more the consistency of jelly.
Believe me—I see the letters of hundreds of men desperate for advice on how to win their ex back. Here's why some men come undone during a breakup.
Men Mask Their PainWhen a guy is dumped, his first reaction is: I'll show her. How he sometimes does it: With a couple pitchers and a night out with the guys. In fact, 26 percent of men say that the dumped party should get drunk with the guys after a breakup, according to a Men's Health online survey.
But those beer swillers are actually in the minority: 36 percent say a guy should look at his new ex, smile, and thank her. The thing is, both of those reactions are exactly the same thing—masks for their true feelings. They can't deal with being hurt, or angry, or bummed. It's not until after they get past their initial reaction that men actually mourn the loss of the relationship.
Women are more likely to cry soon after the breakup, and they're also more likely to use straight talk when ending a relationship, studies find. So women face their relationship blues head on, and get them out of their systems earlier. Many men tend to repress their reaction, so it lingers like basement mold.
Men Have Fewer FriendsOne of the reasons why women can get over sour relationships faster than the guys they break up with is that women have an amazing network of people to latch on to. Research indicates that men depend on romantic relationships for emotional intimacy and social support, whereas women are more likely to turn to family and female friends to satisfy those needs. Mothers, sisters, friends, hairdressers, cabbies, whoever—the more times she tells the story about what a jerk he was, the better she's going to feel.
A man, on the other hand, stays corked. Often he shrugs off a breakup with a shoulder shrug, shoots a Jager shot, and tries to convince himself that he's not upset. That is, until about six months later, at 1 a.m. after the fourth pitcher, when he confesses to his buds that all he ever wanted is for Janelle to take him back.
Men Hate Starting OverAfter the breakup, a man may feel an initial surge of excitement of future prospects—the women he's yet to meet. But after three, four, or two dozen dates, he realizes that it's going to take a long time to reach the level of comfort he had with his ex. Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon University suggests that women adjust better to the end of a relationship because they've already given consideration to the possibility of a breakup, whereas men are typically unprepared for it.
While that sense of emotional security can't be the only reason to stay together, it also makes him realize that he was very lucky to have a woman like her. Meanwhile, she's already moved on. And perhaps the only time he lets his guard down enough to admit the emotional truth is when he's drunk-dialing her. And that's too little, way too late.
Men Idealize the Dating GameMany breakups are a knee-jerk reaction to what men perceive as stagnation: He's bored with the same restaurants, the same petty arguments, the repetitive sex. Once he's back on the prowl, he thinks, he'll be bedding 10s and living the high life. After the breakup, however, he quickly realizes that the singles scene isn't all champagne and half-naked strangers—it's work.
Instead of the exciting bar scene, he finds that he misses the intimacy of his past relationship. Studies show that women consistently outscore men on measures of social, sexual, and intellectual intimacy—and women are often quicker than men to realize that intimacy provides the foundation of a lasting relationship, not the sexual thrills.
Her Biggest Secrets, Revealed.......
Her Biggest Secrets, Revealed
By: Nicole Beland
The woman you just started dating? She's much hornier than she seems. Discover the 15 things she's hiding from you—and how to use your new knowledge to make sex better.
Secret #1She may like zombies, but she loves talking animals.
Women flash their guy-friendly facets early on, so you quickly learned about her passion for nachos, her George Romero movie collection, and her signature snowboarding trick. But every tough girl has her soft side. It won't be long before she suggests renting Madagascar and playing Scrabble on a Saturday night.
Give the cornball stuff a chance. As a mood booster, it's as effective as Prozac.
Secret #2Her entourage knows all about you.
As hard as she might try—which probably isn't hard at all—a girl can't keep a new fling to herself. Early in a relationship, you dominate her life, so her friends are already calling and e-mailing for daily updates. If she were any less discreet, she'd have a blog with your name in the URL.
When you see one of her crew, ask how your stock is doing.
Secret #3The worse she is at accepting compliments, the more she craves them.
A babe who barely blinks when you tell her she's beautiful knows she's hot, and your praise scarcely registers. On the other hand, a woman who blushes, looks away, or tells you you're crazy doesn't consider herself particularly pretty. To her, the words "You look gorgeous" are pure gold.
Say them often and watch her melt a little more every time.
Secret #4That sex trick she says she's never done before? She has. Many times.
Women figure that even the most sensitive man likes to feel sexually dominant at first, so she'll downplay her carnal knowledge. In a couple of months, her real bedroom persona will rear its randy head.
Speed up the process by "accidentally" leaving two ties hanging from your bedposts.
Secret #5She bought that outfit 4 hours ago.
It feels wrong to wear an old dress on a date with a new guy. Since she met you, this girl has blown more than $500 on looking good.
Taking careful note of her clothing—running your hands over a stretch of lace, fingering the bow on her bra, unzipping her knee-high boots—will make every penny well spent.
Secret #6Half of her ecstatic moans are total b.s.
You could be stimulating every one of her erogenous zones, but the odds that she's having monster orgasms right off the bat are low. The majority of women are far too self-conscious at the beginning of a relationship to totally let go, so we fake it till we make it.
Don't worry; just last as long as you can.
Secret #7Her job is more impressive than she lets on.
Don't believe her when she says her title isn't as VIP as it sounds. Women tend to be modest when it comes to work, in part because we don't base our self-worth entirely on our career status.
Talk up her career when introducing her to others, to give her the credit she deserves.
Secret #8How she feels about you is written all over her face.
If she's into you, she'll grin like an idiot when you enter a room. If she stands up and walks toward you, she's downright smitten.
Unless you want her to curb her enthusiasm, respond in kind when she makes an entrance.
Secret #9She's picturing what you'll look like in 10 years.
From your posture to your waistline, she's evaluating how well you're likely to age, especially if you're older than she is. She wants to make sure you aren't going to turn out like her beer-bellied, couch-potato dad.
Allay her fears by mentioning the adventure trips you've booked. Then maintain the body you'll need for them.
Secret #10It takes her 20 minutes to write you a one-line e-mail.
Don't think that just because it's all in lowercase and there's one misspelled word, she shot off that e-mail without a thought. She's revising and reading it out loud until it seems pithy yet spontaneous.
Every time you shoot back an even wittier reply, you kick her lust meter up a notch.
Secret #11Whatever you say will be held against you, eventually.
Early on, you might feel free to say all sorts of things about drugs you've tried, actresses you'd love to sleep with, or your buddy's bachelor party. She'll appear to take it in stride, but in fact she's storing the details for future fights.
Instead of censoring yourself, stump her with "If we can't be open with each other, what's the point of being in an intimate relationship?"
Secret #12Refuse to tell a lie and she's sure to swoon.
Most people have flexible morals. They wouldn't steal anything, but they don't bother to correct a cashier if she hands back an extra $5 in change. Your date secretly hopes that you'll turn out to be as upstanding as Superman.
Casually and consistently do the right thing and she'll consider you a rare find.
Secret #13She's gathering clues about your last girlfriend.
If she could, she would track your ex down and interview her about what you're like and why the two of you didn't work out. But she's not a psycho, so she waits for you to disclose tidbits that she can piece together.
It's simple: Don't talk about former flames.
Secret #14She's judging you by your books.
The movies and albums you own tell a girl a lot about your personality, but it's the titles on your bookshelves that she's interested in. Back issues of Motor Trend and dog-eared Tom Clancy paperbacks won't win you any love.
You'll earn points for biographies, history, Eastern philosophy, and literary novels. It helps if you've actually read some of them.
Secret #15She fears commitment, too.
She just doesn't realize it. Before long, she'll start nudging your relationship to the next level, because that's what women are trained to do from birth. Deep inside, she's just as unsure about what she wants and reluctant to give up her independence. That's why, when she finally is your girlfriend, she'll start freaking out.
Defuse her doubt-induced mood swings with a female tranquilizer, a.k.a. a bear hug
By: Nicole Beland
The woman you just started dating? She's much hornier than she seems. Discover the 15 things she's hiding from you—and how to use your new knowledge to make sex better.
Secret #1She may like zombies, but she loves talking animals.
Women flash their guy-friendly facets early on, so you quickly learned about her passion for nachos, her George Romero movie collection, and her signature snowboarding trick. But every tough girl has her soft side. It won't be long before she suggests renting Madagascar and playing Scrabble on a Saturday night.
Give the cornball stuff a chance. As a mood booster, it's as effective as Prozac.
Secret #2Her entourage knows all about you.
As hard as she might try—which probably isn't hard at all—a girl can't keep a new fling to herself. Early in a relationship, you dominate her life, so her friends are already calling and e-mailing for daily updates. If she were any less discreet, she'd have a blog with your name in the URL.
When you see one of her crew, ask how your stock is doing.
Secret #3The worse she is at accepting compliments, the more she craves them.
A babe who barely blinks when you tell her she's beautiful knows she's hot, and your praise scarcely registers. On the other hand, a woman who blushes, looks away, or tells you you're crazy doesn't consider herself particularly pretty. To her, the words "You look gorgeous" are pure gold.
Say them often and watch her melt a little more every time.
Secret #4That sex trick she says she's never done before? She has. Many times.
Women figure that even the most sensitive man likes to feel sexually dominant at first, so she'll downplay her carnal knowledge. In a couple of months, her real bedroom persona will rear its randy head.
Speed up the process by "accidentally" leaving two ties hanging from your bedposts.
Secret #5She bought that outfit 4 hours ago.
It feels wrong to wear an old dress on a date with a new guy. Since she met you, this girl has blown more than $500 on looking good.
Taking careful note of her clothing—running your hands over a stretch of lace, fingering the bow on her bra, unzipping her knee-high boots—will make every penny well spent.
Secret #6Half of her ecstatic moans are total b.s.
You could be stimulating every one of her erogenous zones, but the odds that she's having monster orgasms right off the bat are low. The majority of women are far too self-conscious at the beginning of a relationship to totally let go, so we fake it till we make it.
Don't worry; just last as long as you can.
Secret #7Her job is more impressive than she lets on.
Don't believe her when she says her title isn't as VIP as it sounds. Women tend to be modest when it comes to work, in part because we don't base our self-worth entirely on our career status.
Talk up her career when introducing her to others, to give her the credit she deserves.
Secret #8How she feels about you is written all over her face.
If she's into you, she'll grin like an idiot when you enter a room. If she stands up and walks toward you, she's downright smitten.
Unless you want her to curb her enthusiasm, respond in kind when she makes an entrance.
Secret #9She's picturing what you'll look like in 10 years.
From your posture to your waistline, she's evaluating how well you're likely to age, especially if you're older than she is. She wants to make sure you aren't going to turn out like her beer-bellied, couch-potato dad.
Allay her fears by mentioning the adventure trips you've booked. Then maintain the body you'll need for them.
Secret #10It takes her 20 minutes to write you a one-line e-mail.
Don't think that just because it's all in lowercase and there's one misspelled word, she shot off that e-mail without a thought. She's revising and reading it out loud until it seems pithy yet spontaneous.
Every time you shoot back an even wittier reply, you kick her lust meter up a notch.
Secret #11Whatever you say will be held against you, eventually.
Early on, you might feel free to say all sorts of things about drugs you've tried, actresses you'd love to sleep with, or your buddy's bachelor party. She'll appear to take it in stride, but in fact she's storing the details for future fights.
Instead of censoring yourself, stump her with "If we can't be open with each other, what's the point of being in an intimate relationship?"
Secret #12Refuse to tell a lie and she's sure to swoon.
Most people have flexible morals. They wouldn't steal anything, but they don't bother to correct a cashier if she hands back an extra $5 in change. Your date secretly hopes that you'll turn out to be as upstanding as Superman.
Casually and consistently do the right thing and she'll consider you a rare find.
Secret #13She's gathering clues about your last girlfriend.
If she could, she would track your ex down and interview her about what you're like and why the two of you didn't work out. But she's not a psycho, so she waits for you to disclose tidbits that she can piece together.
It's simple: Don't talk about former flames.
Secret #14She's judging you by your books.
The movies and albums you own tell a girl a lot about your personality, but it's the titles on your bookshelves that she's interested in. Back issues of Motor Trend and dog-eared Tom Clancy paperbacks won't win you any love.
You'll earn points for biographies, history, Eastern philosophy, and literary novels. It helps if you've actually read some of them.
Secret #15She fears commitment, too.
She just doesn't realize it. Before long, she'll start nudging your relationship to the next level, because that's what women are trained to do from birth. Deep inside, she's just as unsure about what she wants and reluctant to give up her independence. That's why, when she finally is your girlfriend, she'll start freaking out.
Defuse her doubt-induced mood swings with a female tranquilizer, a.k.a. a bear hug
10 Ways to Make Her Beg for More........
10 Ways to Make Her Beg for More
By: Sarah Miller
Women love men. We want your attention and love more than we want anything else on this planet. That's the good news. The less-good news is that the amount of attention and love we want is very specific. If you don't give us enough, we will get mad and seek it elsewhere. Shower us with too much, though, and we lose interest, right after we get grossed out. Striking the perfect balance makes us feel taken care of and independent all at once, and that makes you irresistible. These 10 simple lessons will help you find the right proportions.
Say "Hello"You're trying too hard if you use any line other than "Hi, my name is Jimmy." You're not trying hard enough if you just stand there and drink beer.
The first step, as always, is getting a woman to go out with you. Whether you're talking to a friend of a friend, a woman you met at a bar, or a photogenic stranger online, you want to come across as interested and friendly but not desperate. You will not lose points for approaching with confidence. Remember, women want you to hit on them; it's why we wear tank tops and lipstick. Once you have engaged her attention, the really hard part is over. The best thing you can do at this point is just let her talk. She should be good at that.
When it's your turn, try to give answers that are not mumbled and are more detailed than a Magic 8-Ball response. Say something about why you got into your line of work or, if you hate your job, something about your pet. If you hate your job and you don't have a pet, you must be very unhappy, so then, of course, you could start talking about therapy. The point is, you can talk about anything, and if you're funny and relatively sure of yourself, she'll appreciate your input. When in doubt, turn the focus back on her.
Also, during initial encounters, it's common for guys to start ticking off their accomplishments. Such as, "It's funny you should mention your plans for the Fourth of July, because I happened to go to Harvard—near Boston, where the American Revolution began." Keep in mind that talking to a woman for the first time is not a job interview, however similar the two might seem. Excerpt your resume sparingly.
Make PlansYou're trying too hard if the evening you've arranged required more than two reservations. You're not trying hard enough if you show up expecting her to improvise a game plan.
Some men make the mistake of going all out on the first date—the limo, the four-star restaurant, the front-row seats. This worked for Frank Sinatra, but unless you once sold out the Copa Room at the Sands, it will not work for you.
If such luxury is not your standard, you're going to be out of your element at a time when you should be smack in its middle. Stick with what you know. Take her to a place you like, where the owner and host and waitstaff know you. Familiarity and friendliness impress us, unless it's a topless bar.
And don't forget: Clean your car. If you invite her back to your place at the end of the evening and your home is a little messy, that's not such a big deal. (You might even get bonus points because it will appear that your proposition wasn't premeditated.) A messy car, however, is a different story. Something about it just says, "I want to be alone. Forever."
Keep It SimpleSmitten can easily turn into pathetic.
It's natural, in the heat of a new relationship, to go wild. You want to whisk her away for a romantic weekend, you want to create brilliant mix CDs for her, you want to pull her into every available photo booth for cute snapshots of the two of you nuzzling. And if you're pretty sure she's 100 percent into you, go for it. (Just don't make us watch.) If, however, you sense that she's interested, yet not quite as over the moon as you are, try doing one of those things, but not all of them.
See, you shouldn't be afraid to try to win over a woman who's undecided about you; if it didn't occasionally work, the word "woo" wouldn't exist. But if you must pursue, do so without getting all neurotic about it, and simply because you enjoy the pleasure of her company. Most women find such pure dedication difficult to ignore.
Tip: Don't ever ask a woman you're dating, "Where is this going?" If you have to ask, the answer is not likely to be one you'll want to hear. And anyway, women have exclusive rights to that query, don't ya know?
Have Great SexWhen it comes to sex, her saying "Wow" is good. "Wow, are you auditioning for the circus?" means you probably need to ease it down a notch.
Women do like to have orgasms. We don't need to have 10 in one night. Secret, exciting techniques are great; if they're effective, it will be evident and there will be no need for a recap, complete with anatomy lesson, of what's just transpired. The good thing about sex is that it's intimate. The scary thing about sex is that intimacy brings out everyone's insecurities. Avoid the impulse to ask if it was good, and how good, and was it the best? As for trying to find out what she likes, you should be able to tell by her responses.
If you're not sure, say something like, "Just FYI, I take requests." Add a wink, and an icky conversation is successfully avoided.
Don't ask, "Did you enjoy that?" You'll sound like a waiter. A particularly annoying waiter, at that.
Keep It RealCommunication: good. Poetry: bad.
My friend received an e-mail from her new boyfriend the other day that said, "I'm watching the skies of Seattle grayen and begin to weep, and taking some time to reflect on the day." This is a classic example of a guy trying way, way too hard. I don't know if she's broken up with him yet, but she's probably thinking about it. What's sad is that some ex-girlfriend probably told him he should share his feelings more, but then neglected to add that those feelings should be expressed in plain English and not dressed up in a stupid little outfit.
Women really want to hear absolutely everything, so talk, fax, e-mail, call us all you want. But when you do, make sure you sound genuine.
Rule of thumb: You know you're in trouble when you start making up words.
Be a GentlemanThink boyfriend, not butler.
Men with good manners are cute and can even be sexy. Men with excessively good manners are obsequious and often repulsive. It's a question of degree: If it's raining or she's wearing a formal gown, go ahead and open her car door first; otherwise, it's fine, after the first few dates, to just unlock it from inside. Getting her a drink from the bar is great, but don't order dinner for her. Opening doors is nice, but not if you have to sprint ahead of her to do so. Leaving her at the coffeeshop while you run to the deli for the soy milk she likes or mailing a shower puff to her at the office because she mentioned in passing that she needs a new one (true stories) is way too attentive.
Relax. We're not expecting too much. Show us just a degree more courtesy than you'd show the next guy, and you'll impress.
Take a Fun TripGo the fun (not romantic with a capital R) route for a first-time getaway.
Flying to Paris with a man sounds romantic to a woman. Your mentioning it on date three sounds moderately psycho—and a lot like a false promise. When you first knock suitcases with a new lover, make sure they're weekender bags—and drive to a nearby casual destination. Heading to Texas for your cousin's wedding: not so casual.
Side note: If you're both outdoorsy and athletic, an adventurous weekend spent rafting or rock climbing will show off your muscles and be sure to impress. However, if you lack athletic grace, it's a bad idea to ask a woman you've just started seeing to go on, say, a ski weekend. Your sitzmark won't be sexy. Her fake fall to ease your embarrassment won't be subtle. Everyone will end up bruised and turned off.
Talk About MomYou're trying too hard if you take her home to Mama too soon. You're not trying hard enough if she suspects you're an orphan.
It's okay—good, even—to talk about your family on early dates. It helps us create the emotional profile of you that we're building in our minds. But it's scary to a woman if you let slip too early that you told your mom about her. Or if you ask her to meet your parents before it's clear you're an exclusive couple.
Tip: Family photos on your fridge can launch intimate conversations. However, nonstop chatter about your nieces and nephews says you're trying too hard to convince us you're really into kids. This tends to be a common tipoff of commitment phobia. Consider yourself suspect.
Be Her PartnerRandom acts of kindness impress. Doing everything for her is patronizing.
Changing the lightbulb in her high-ceilinged kitchen because you've noticed it's been out for a while and, well, you know she can't reach it and has a fear of ladders is the kind of stealth thoughtful move that makes a girl want to keep you around forever. Changing all the bulbs in her apartment to energy-saving fluorescent: trying too hard. Yes, women love men who volunteer their strength and guy knowledge when needed and, sometimes, without asking. The fact that you want to take care of her is sexy.
But bear in mind: She managed her life before you came along.
Don't Be a JerkRemember: Your cousin Victor, who acts like a jerk but has nine girlfriends, is not a role model. He's a force of nature.
Yes, there are guys out there who treat women poorly and still get laid all the time. You wonder, Would I have better luck if I behaved the way they do? You wouldn't. And here's why: Those guys are either really gorgeous or otherwise oozing some mysterious sex appeal that can be neither identified nor emulated. Sorry. Some day those men will be old and will not, like you, have cultivated all these amazing woman-pleasing skills. Their beautiful young wives will cheat on them with the next generation of sex-seeping slimeballs. Take comfort in this.
In the meantime: You're sentenced to a romantic life demanding a healthy modicum of effort, many acts of kindness, and occasional restraint. Start now!
By: Sarah Miller
Women love men. We want your attention and love more than we want anything else on this planet. That's the good news. The less-good news is that the amount of attention and love we want is very specific. If you don't give us enough, we will get mad and seek it elsewhere. Shower us with too much, though, and we lose interest, right after we get grossed out. Striking the perfect balance makes us feel taken care of and independent all at once, and that makes you irresistible. These 10 simple lessons will help you find the right proportions.
Say "Hello"You're trying too hard if you use any line other than "Hi, my name is Jimmy." You're not trying hard enough if you just stand there and drink beer.
The first step, as always, is getting a woman to go out with you. Whether you're talking to a friend of a friend, a woman you met at a bar, or a photogenic stranger online, you want to come across as interested and friendly but not desperate. You will not lose points for approaching with confidence. Remember, women want you to hit on them; it's why we wear tank tops and lipstick. Once you have engaged her attention, the really hard part is over. The best thing you can do at this point is just let her talk. She should be good at that.
When it's your turn, try to give answers that are not mumbled and are more detailed than a Magic 8-Ball response. Say something about why you got into your line of work or, if you hate your job, something about your pet. If you hate your job and you don't have a pet, you must be very unhappy, so then, of course, you could start talking about therapy. The point is, you can talk about anything, and if you're funny and relatively sure of yourself, she'll appreciate your input. When in doubt, turn the focus back on her.
Also, during initial encounters, it's common for guys to start ticking off their accomplishments. Such as, "It's funny you should mention your plans for the Fourth of July, because I happened to go to Harvard—near Boston, where the American Revolution began." Keep in mind that talking to a woman for the first time is not a job interview, however similar the two might seem. Excerpt your resume sparingly.
Make PlansYou're trying too hard if the evening you've arranged required more than two reservations. You're not trying hard enough if you show up expecting her to improvise a game plan.
Some men make the mistake of going all out on the first date—the limo, the four-star restaurant, the front-row seats. This worked for Frank Sinatra, but unless you once sold out the Copa Room at the Sands, it will not work for you.
If such luxury is not your standard, you're going to be out of your element at a time when you should be smack in its middle. Stick with what you know. Take her to a place you like, where the owner and host and waitstaff know you. Familiarity and friendliness impress us, unless it's a topless bar.
And don't forget: Clean your car. If you invite her back to your place at the end of the evening and your home is a little messy, that's not such a big deal. (You might even get bonus points because it will appear that your proposition wasn't premeditated.) A messy car, however, is a different story. Something about it just says, "I want to be alone. Forever."
Keep It SimpleSmitten can easily turn into pathetic.
It's natural, in the heat of a new relationship, to go wild. You want to whisk her away for a romantic weekend, you want to create brilliant mix CDs for her, you want to pull her into every available photo booth for cute snapshots of the two of you nuzzling. And if you're pretty sure she's 100 percent into you, go for it. (Just don't make us watch.) If, however, you sense that she's interested, yet not quite as over the moon as you are, try doing one of those things, but not all of them.
See, you shouldn't be afraid to try to win over a woman who's undecided about you; if it didn't occasionally work, the word "woo" wouldn't exist. But if you must pursue, do so without getting all neurotic about it, and simply because you enjoy the pleasure of her company. Most women find such pure dedication difficult to ignore.
Tip: Don't ever ask a woman you're dating, "Where is this going?" If you have to ask, the answer is not likely to be one you'll want to hear. And anyway, women have exclusive rights to that query, don't ya know?
Have Great SexWhen it comes to sex, her saying "Wow" is good. "Wow, are you auditioning for the circus?" means you probably need to ease it down a notch.
Women do like to have orgasms. We don't need to have 10 in one night. Secret, exciting techniques are great; if they're effective, it will be evident and there will be no need for a recap, complete with anatomy lesson, of what's just transpired. The good thing about sex is that it's intimate. The scary thing about sex is that intimacy brings out everyone's insecurities. Avoid the impulse to ask if it was good, and how good, and was it the best? As for trying to find out what she likes, you should be able to tell by her responses.
If you're not sure, say something like, "Just FYI, I take requests." Add a wink, and an icky conversation is successfully avoided.
Don't ask, "Did you enjoy that?" You'll sound like a waiter. A particularly annoying waiter, at that.
Keep It RealCommunication: good. Poetry: bad.
My friend received an e-mail from her new boyfriend the other day that said, "I'm watching the skies of Seattle grayen and begin to weep, and taking some time to reflect on the day." This is a classic example of a guy trying way, way too hard. I don't know if she's broken up with him yet, but she's probably thinking about it. What's sad is that some ex-girlfriend probably told him he should share his feelings more, but then neglected to add that those feelings should be expressed in plain English and not dressed up in a stupid little outfit.
Women really want to hear absolutely everything, so talk, fax, e-mail, call us all you want. But when you do, make sure you sound genuine.
Rule of thumb: You know you're in trouble when you start making up words.
Be a GentlemanThink boyfriend, not butler.
Men with good manners are cute and can even be sexy. Men with excessively good manners are obsequious and often repulsive. It's a question of degree: If it's raining or she's wearing a formal gown, go ahead and open her car door first; otherwise, it's fine, after the first few dates, to just unlock it from inside. Getting her a drink from the bar is great, but don't order dinner for her. Opening doors is nice, but not if you have to sprint ahead of her to do so. Leaving her at the coffeeshop while you run to the deli for the soy milk she likes or mailing a shower puff to her at the office because she mentioned in passing that she needs a new one (true stories) is way too attentive.
Relax. We're not expecting too much. Show us just a degree more courtesy than you'd show the next guy, and you'll impress.
Take a Fun TripGo the fun (not romantic with a capital R) route for a first-time getaway.
Flying to Paris with a man sounds romantic to a woman. Your mentioning it on date three sounds moderately psycho—and a lot like a false promise. When you first knock suitcases with a new lover, make sure they're weekender bags—and drive to a nearby casual destination. Heading to Texas for your cousin's wedding: not so casual.
Side note: If you're both outdoorsy and athletic, an adventurous weekend spent rafting or rock climbing will show off your muscles and be sure to impress. However, if you lack athletic grace, it's a bad idea to ask a woman you've just started seeing to go on, say, a ski weekend. Your sitzmark won't be sexy. Her fake fall to ease your embarrassment won't be subtle. Everyone will end up bruised and turned off.
Talk About MomYou're trying too hard if you take her home to Mama too soon. You're not trying hard enough if she suspects you're an orphan.
It's okay—good, even—to talk about your family on early dates. It helps us create the emotional profile of you that we're building in our minds. But it's scary to a woman if you let slip too early that you told your mom about her. Or if you ask her to meet your parents before it's clear you're an exclusive couple.
Tip: Family photos on your fridge can launch intimate conversations. However, nonstop chatter about your nieces and nephews says you're trying too hard to convince us you're really into kids. This tends to be a common tipoff of commitment phobia. Consider yourself suspect.
Be Her PartnerRandom acts of kindness impress. Doing everything for her is patronizing.
Changing the lightbulb in her high-ceilinged kitchen because you've noticed it's been out for a while and, well, you know she can't reach it and has a fear of ladders is the kind of stealth thoughtful move that makes a girl want to keep you around forever. Changing all the bulbs in her apartment to energy-saving fluorescent: trying too hard. Yes, women love men who volunteer their strength and guy knowledge when needed and, sometimes, without asking. The fact that you want to take care of her is sexy.
But bear in mind: She managed her life before you came along.
Don't Be a JerkRemember: Your cousin Victor, who acts like a jerk but has nine girlfriends, is not a role model. He's a force of nature.
Yes, there are guys out there who treat women poorly and still get laid all the time. You wonder, Would I have better luck if I behaved the way they do? You wouldn't. And here's why: Those guys are either really gorgeous or otherwise oozing some mysterious sex appeal that can be neither identified nor emulated. Sorry. Some day those men will be old and will not, like you, have cultivated all these amazing woman-pleasing skills. Their beautiful young wives will cheat on them with the next generation of sex-seeping slimeballs. Take comfort in this.
In the meantime: You're sentenced to a romantic life demanding a healthy modicum of effort, many acts of kindness, and occasional restraint. Start now!
The Truth About Women, Sex, and Alcohol.......
The Truth About Women, Sex, and Alcohol
By: Elizabeth Svoboda
For most couples, alcohol is either the ultimate confidence booster, guaranteed to liven up the action between the sheets, or the death knell of a promising encounter, leaving one or both of you too stewed for love. But the real interaction between alcohol and sex is more nuanced, says SUNY at Potsdam sociologist David Hanson, Ph. D., the author of Preventing Alcohol Abuse. For instance, some of alcohol's apparent aphrodisiac effects may be there because we want them to be. "Alcohol does have a real physical impact, but there's also a big aspect of expectancy," Hanson says. "What we think is going to happen while we're under the influence is likely to happen."
Researchers say people assign too much blame to alcohol for the way their sex lives play out. They also give it too much credit. We've cleared away the misconceptions about alcohol and sex to help ensure that this vaunted social lubricant will enhance your love life—not destroy it.
She Wears Beer Goggles, TooThere's a gender divide in the way partiers experience the beer-goggles effect. Both men and women, once they've knocked back a few, perceive potential partners as more attractive. But the effect lasts longer on guys.
Men base their ratings of a woman's physical attractiveness on her degree of facial symmetry. In a 2008 Brazilian study, intoxicated males were significantly less able to detect asymmetry than were sober ones. That helps explain why hammered men pick up women they ordinarily wouldn't be attracted to.
Similarly, in a 2008 University of Bristol study, both male and female subjects were given cocktails spiked with vodka—enough to make them tipsy but not drunk. Both genders saw opposite-sex faces as more enticing while they were buzzed.
The differences emerged at dawn. By the next morning, while the women's beer goggles had come off, men were still being influenced by their perceptions from the night before. They continued to rate opposite-sex faces as more attractive than they normally would. So even if the woman in bed with you still looks pretty good when the sun comes up, beware: She may not have the same rosy impression of you as she did the night before.
She's Receptive After 2 DrinksAlcohol has a dampening effect on the brain's prefrontal cortex area, which normally controls inhibition, according to a recent University of Helsinki study. This loosening of inhibitions may account for your boosted sex drive after a glass or two of wine.
It's the same for her. Women who drink daily also show more interest in sex than their non-drinking counterparts, according to a 2008 University of Chicago study. So making a pass at the vixen you see in your favorite bar on a regular basis may indeed pay off.
But alcohol's effect on arousal is directly related to the amount ingested. Men show more interest in sex as their blood alcohol levels rise after two or three drinks, says Jeanette Norris, Ph. D., a researcher at the University of Washington's alcohol and drug abuse institute. But when the drink count rises to four or five, most men actually become less randy.
If you're drinking heavily, you're also less likely to be mentally present during sex, and being inattentive to your partner can deep-six a promising encounter faster than Mom walking in on you would.
She Wants You to Wear a CondomThe two people fumbling around in bed aren't sharing their true sexual selves—they're just operating with their IQs down about 30 points. A 2007 University of Washington study found that both men and women tend to be more open to having unprotected sex when they drink moderate amounts of alcohol than when they're sober.
"As you become more intoxicated, you have trouble processing as much information from the environment. It's called alcohol myopia," says Norris, the study's coauthor. "If you've been drinking and both of you are very focused on 'go,' you're going to be a lot less worried about whether there's a condom present."
It's worse if either of you is a truly dedicated barfly. Men and women who have a higher dependence on alcohol are more likely to multiply their exposure to risk by going home with too many partners, according to a 2007 Washington University in St. Louis study. "People who are drinking more may not be thinking as clearly about engaging in random sex," says psychologist Patricia Cavazos-Rehg, Ph. D., who conducted the study. "Also, people who drink a lot might have the personality makeup to engage in risky behaviors in general."
To avoid a worst-case situation like contracting an STD or causing an unintended pregnancy, Cavazos-Rehg recommends deciding how far you're willing to go before you pour your first drink—and enlisting some pals to help make sure you don't stray too far from your plan.
She Has Better Sex If You DrinkLight drinking can help when the action heats up. That's not because it speeds up the physiological process, but because it can lower the inhibitions you both feel, relax you, and make you less self-conscious, says author and certified sexuality educator Cory Silverberg. But as your blood alcohol level rises, things do start to slow down.
When sober and intoxicated men squared off in a 2006 University of Washington study and were told to get ready as quickly as possible, sober men were able to achieve erections faster than their inebriated counterparts. These lethargic lotharios may have been stymied by alcohol slowing down their nervous system, which controls arousal, says Norris.
"People start out very excitable and social when they drink, but over time there are more depressive effects," she explains, noting that this applies to both women and men.
Those effects may prevent arousal from taking place as quickly as it would have before the booze began flowing. If you can keep your wits, though, you can use this to your advantage by engaging in more foreplay and making sure both of you are having a good time, at the same time, Silverberg says.
She'll Lose Her Inhibitions SoberWhen it comes to drinking and sex, expectations—not biology—may be the real culprit. "Anthropologists call it the 'think-drink' effect," says Hanson. "If you convince people to falsely believe that they're intoxicated, for example, they tend to become more aggressive and to report more sexual arousal." This suggests that ingrained cultural notions about alcohol's sexual effects actually guide our behavior.
Those kinds of deep-seated expectations are likely to set the stage for what happens in bed later on. "A lot of people don't realize that much of the sexual impact of alcohol is psychological," says Silverberg. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you believe alcohol is going to make you more relaxed and experimental, it will. And as long as you maintain this mindset, you'll reap the sexual benefits.
But knowing that your thoughts have more control over your sexual encounter than the beers you just drank can protect you from assuming that alcohol is the crutch you need to have good sex. "Most people are drinking to reduce their inhibitions, but another way to do that is to communicate honestly with the person you want to have sex with," Silverberg says. "You can find other ways besides alcohol to bring yourself to that place where you're not thinking about, 'Is it going to be good? Am I going to perform?' "
If you can reach the sex-and-booze golden mean—judiciously using alcohol to enhance your sex life without depending on it to do that—you'll be well on your way to many happy soused (and sober) sexual encounters.
By: Elizabeth Svoboda
For most couples, alcohol is either the ultimate confidence booster, guaranteed to liven up the action between the sheets, or the death knell of a promising encounter, leaving one or both of you too stewed for love. But the real interaction between alcohol and sex is more nuanced, says SUNY at Potsdam sociologist David Hanson, Ph. D., the author of Preventing Alcohol Abuse. For instance, some of alcohol's apparent aphrodisiac effects may be there because we want them to be. "Alcohol does have a real physical impact, but there's also a big aspect of expectancy," Hanson says. "What we think is going to happen while we're under the influence is likely to happen."
Researchers say people assign too much blame to alcohol for the way their sex lives play out. They also give it too much credit. We've cleared away the misconceptions about alcohol and sex to help ensure that this vaunted social lubricant will enhance your love life—not destroy it.
She Wears Beer Goggles, TooThere's a gender divide in the way partiers experience the beer-goggles effect. Both men and women, once they've knocked back a few, perceive potential partners as more attractive. But the effect lasts longer on guys.
Men base their ratings of a woman's physical attractiveness on her degree of facial symmetry. In a 2008 Brazilian study, intoxicated males were significantly less able to detect asymmetry than were sober ones. That helps explain why hammered men pick up women they ordinarily wouldn't be attracted to.
Similarly, in a 2008 University of Bristol study, both male and female subjects were given cocktails spiked with vodka—enough to make them tipsy but not drunk. Both genders saw opposite-sex faces as more enticing while they were buzzed.
The differences emerged at dawn. By the next morning, while the women's beer goggles had come off, men were still being influenced by their perceptions from the night before. They continued to rate opposite-sex faces as more attractive than they normally would. So even if the woman in bed with you still looks pretty good when the sun comes up, beware: She may not have the same rosy impression of you as she did the night before.
She's Receptive After 2 DrinksAlcohol has a dampening effect on the brain's prefrontal cortex area, which normally controls inhibition, according to a recent University of Helsinki study. This loosening of inhibitions may account for your boosted sex drive after a glass or two of wine.
It's the same for her. Women who drink daily also show more interest in sex than their non-drinking counterparts, according to a 2008 University of Chicago study. So making a pass at the vixen you see in your favorite bar on a regular basis may indeed pay off.
But alcohol's effect on arousal is directly related to the amount ingested. Men show more interest in sex as their blood alcohol levels rise after two or three drinks, says Jeanette Norris, Ph. D., a researcher at the University of Washington's alcohol and drug abuse institute. But when the drink count rises to four or five, most men actually become less randy.
If you're drinking heavily, you're also less likely to be mentally present during sex, and being inattentive to your partner can deep-six a promising encounter faster than Mom walking in on you would.
She Wants You to Wear a CondomThe two people fumbling around in bed aren't sharing their true sexual selves—they're just operating with their IQs down about 30 points. A 2007 University of Washington study found that both men and women tend to be more open to having unprotected sex when they drink moderate amounts of alcohol than when they're sober.
"As you become more intoxicated, you have trouble processing as much information from the environment. It's called alcohol myopia," says Norris, the study's coauthor. "If you've been drinking and both of you are very focused on 'go,' you're going to be a lot less worried about whether there's a condom present."
It's worse if either of you is a truly dedicated barfly. Men and women who have a higher dependence on alcohol are more likely to multiply their exposure to risk by going home with too many partners, according to a 2007 Washington University in St. Louis study. "People who are drinking more may not be thinking as clearly about engaging in random sex," says psychologist Patricia Cavazos-Rehg, Ph. D., who conducted the study. "Also, people who drink a lot might have the personality makeup to engage in risky behaviors in general."
To avoid a worst-case situation like contracting an STD or causing an unintended pregnancy, Cavazos-Rehg recommends deciding how far you're willing to go before you pour your first drink—and enlisting some pals to help make sure you don't stray too far from your plan.
She Has Better Sex If You DrinkLight drinking can help when the action heats up. That's not because it speeds up the physiological process, but because it can lower the inhibitions you both feel, relax you, and make you less self-conscious, says author and certified sexuality educator Cory Silverberg. But as your blood alcohol level rises, things do start to slow down.
When sober and intoxicated men squared off in a 2006 University of Washington study and were told to get ready as quickly as possible, sober men were able to achieve erections faster than their inebriated counterparts. These lethargic lotharios may have been stymied by alcohol slowing down their nervous system, which controls arousal, says Norris.
"People start out very excitable and social when they drink, but over time there are more depressive effects," she explains, noting that this applies to both women and men.
Those effects may prevent arousal from taking place as quickly as it would have before the booze began flowing. If you can keep your wits, though, you can use this to your advantage by engaging in more foreplay and making sure both of you are having a good time, at the same time, Silverberg says.
She'll Lose Her Inhibitions SoberWhen it comes to drinking and sex, expectations—not biology—may be the real culprit. "Anthropologists call it the 'think-drink' effect," says Hanson. "If you convince people to falsely believe that they're intoxicated, for example, they tend to become more aggressive and to report more sexual arousal." This suggests that ingrained cultural notions about alcohol's sexual effects actually guide our behavior.
Those kinds of deep-seated expectations are likely to set the stage for what happens in bed later on. "A lot of people don't realize that much of the sexual impact of alcohol is psychological," says Silverberg. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you believe alcohol is going to make you more relaxed and experimental, it will. And as long as you maintain this mindset, you'll reap the sexual benefits.
But knowing that your thoughts have more control over your sexual encounter than the beers you just drank can protect you from assuming that alcohol is the crutch you need to have good sex. "Most people are drinking to reduce their inhibitions, but another way to do that is to communicate honestly with the person you want to have sex with," Silverberg says. "You can find other ways besides alcohol to bring yourself to that place where you're not thinking about, 'Is it going to be good? Am I going to perform?' "
If you can reach the sex-and-booze golden mean—judiciously using alcohol to enhance your sex life without depending on it to do that—you'll be well on your way to many happy soused (and sober) sexual encounters.
25 Secrets She Wishes You Knew..........
25 Secrets She Wishes You Knew
By: Laura Milne
Of course you don't understand women. Sometimes they can't even explain themselves. But often their secrets are universal, like these 25 things she wishes you knew.
Secret 1Please listen to me. Not because what I'm about to say will rock your world, but because listening is a sign of respect that rocks my world.
Secret 2Women speak a different dialect than men. For example, "I'm fine" means "I'm so not fine," just as "No dessert for me" means "I'll be polishing off yours."
Secret 3Remember, PMS stands for "physical and mental stress." So let me cry freely, behave irrationally, and eat your dessert. My mood swings are hormonal, not personal.
Secret 4Manicures and pedicures are a woman's gift to her man. I love looking pretty for you. The time to worry is when I stop going for them.
Secret 5Always tell me when I look hot; never tell me when I don't. And don't forget: I need 20 compliments to offset one thoughtless remark
Secret 6I remember the shirt you were wearing when you first said, "I love you." The fact that you don't makes me question whether you meant it.
Secret 7I loved you long before I told you. Playing the long game is in a woman's DNA. We don't throw a Hail Mary in the first quarter. (And you thought we didn't know football.)
Secret 8Of course you're the best lover I've ever had. All others cease to exist when I fall in love.
Secret 9I'll never tell you my true number. Never, never, never! Besides, see Secret 8.
Secret 10I read your horoscope every day.
Secret 11I secretly delight when the maitre d' slips up and calls us Mr. and Mrs.
Secret 12Spontaneously kiss my neck from behind, and I might let you stay back there for a while.
Secret 13Yes, my girlfriend knows what we did last night. We share everything, including that.
Secret 14Make me laugh and I'm happy. Laugh at yourself and I'm all yours.
Secret 15A little jealousy is good if (a) no kneecaps are broken and (b) you don't cross-examine me to exhaustion. The right balance shows you care, and it's even flattering.
Secret 16I don't withhold sex to punish you. Sometimes I just need to be left alone but, at the same time, not left alone. And no, I can't explain that.
Secret 17I can, will, and do fake it. Like when Gossip Girl is starting. Would you rather I fake a headache?
Secret 18I love sex. With or without you, as Bono might say. My mind is filthier than you might think.
Secret 19You are irresistible: freshly showered, doing something sporty or strenuous, smiling, charming the old lady from the third floor, suited, reading the business section,
DIY-ing . . .
Secret 20"Do you want flowers?" kills the romantic gesture. Don't ask, just do.
Secret 21I'll probably be late—because I'm preening for you. At least that's how I reason. My reasoning skills are phenomenal!
Secret 22If you cheat, I may not break up with you. But you'll wish I had.
Secret 23I once kissed a girl and liked the taste of her cherry ChapStick. No, I didn't. That's your fantasy. Sincerely sorry.
Secret 24Here's how to fix what you're doing wrong in bed: When you go slow, go slower. When you go fast, go faster.
Secret 25I feel lucky to have you, and I hope you feel the same. You can't have it all unless you have someone to share it with.
By: Laura Milne
Of course you don't understand women. Sometimes they can't even explain themselves. But often their secrets are universal, like these 25 things she wishes you knew.
Secret 1Please listen to me. Not because what I'm about to say will rock your world, but because listening is a sign of respect that rocks my world.
Secret 2Women speak a different dialect than men. For example, "I'm fine" means "I'm so not fine," just as "No dessert for me" means "I'll be polishing off yours."
Secret 3Remember, PMS stands for "physical and mental stress." So let me cry freely, behave irrationally, and eat your dessert. My mood swings are hormonal, not personal.
Secret 4Manicures and pedicures are a woman's gift to her man. I love looking pretty for you. The time to worry is when I stop going for them.
Secret 5Always tell me when I look hot; never tell me when I don't. And don't forget: I need 20 compliments to offset one thoughtless remark
Secret 6I remember the shirt you were wearing when you first said, "I love you." The fact that you don't makes me question whether you meant it.
Secret 7I loved you long before I told you. Playing the long game is in a woman's DNA. We don't throw a Hail Mary in the first quarter. (And you thought we didn't know football.)
Secret 8Of course you're the best lover I've ever had. All others cease to exist when I fall in love.
Secret 9I'll never tell you my true number. Never, never, never! Besides, see Secret 8.
Secret 10I read your horoscope every day.
Secret 11I secretly delight when the maitre d' slips up and calls us Mr. and Mrs.
Secret 12Spontaneously kiss my neck from behind, and I might let you stay back there for a while.
Secret 13Yes, my girlfriend knows what we did last night. We share everything, including that.
Secret 14Make me laugh and I'm happy. Laugh at yourself and I'm all yours.
Secret 15A little jealousy is good if (a) no kneecaps are broken and (b) you don't cross-examine me to exhaustion. The right balance shows you care, and it's even flattering.
Secret 16I don't withhold sex to punish you. Sometimes I just need to be left alone but, at the same time, not left alone. And no, I can't explain that.
Secret 17I can, will, and do fake it. Like when Gossip Girl is starting. Would you rather I fake a headache?
Secret 18I love sex. With or without you, as Bono might say. My mind is filthier than you might think.
Secret 19You are irresistible: freshly showered, doing something sporty or strenuous, smiling, charming the old lady from the third floor, suited, reading the business section,
DIY-ing . . .
Secret 20"Do you want flowers?" kills the romantic gesture. Don't ask, just do.
Secret 21I'll probably be late—because I'm preening for you. At least that's how I reason. My reasoning skills are phenomenal!
Secret 22If you cheat, I may not break up with you. But you'll wish I had.
Secret 23I once kissed a girl and liked the taste of her cherry ChapStick. No, I didn't. That's your fantasy. Sincerely sorry.
Secret 24Here's how to fix what you're doing wrong in bed: When you go slow, go slower. When you go fast, go faster.
Secret 25I feel lucky to have you, and I hope you feel the same. You can't have it all unless you have someone to share it with.
13 Simple Phrases to Ignite Her Passion.......
13 Simple Phrases to Ignite Her Passion
By: Amy Levin-Epstein
Relationships are funny things: One partner can be cruising along thinking everything's just fine and dandy, and the other can be curling up inside like a poinsettia after New Year's. One of us is sure we're on the right track, while the other is wondering, "Why don't we talk anymore?" And more often than not, it's the female cohort who's dying for more—more communication, more intimacy, more verbal acknowledgment that you're committed to her happiness.
The reason is simple: When it comes to communication, women are like tropical plants, and men are like cacti. Studies suggest that the average woman speaks 7,000 words a day. The average man mutters just 2,000, and half of those are spoken to clients, colleagues, or the electronic image of John Madden. And it's that discrepancy between our verbal styles and needs that can turn a once-hot relationship into yesterday's oatmeal.
Want proof? Researchers at the University of Washington say they can predict with 90 percent accuracy whether couples will divorce or stay married simply by listening to them talk for a few minutes. After reviewing data from more than 500 couples in discussion, psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D., of the University of Washington's Relationship Research Institute, and applied mathematicians James Murray and Kristin Swanson have come up with a mathematical model that can predict likelihood of divorce. They dub it the "Dow Jones Industrial Average for marital conversation." A 5-to-1 ratio of positive comments to negative ones indicates a healthy marriage, they say. A ratio lower than that suggests trouble ahead.
A simple rule of thumb, then, is to talk more, share more, and be more open with your emotions. But telling a guy to share more is like telling him to eat less meat: Simple in concept, but not so tasty in practice. The solution is to maximize the communication you do have—to know a few simple phrases that will warm her heart and a few other intimate places, as well. If things feel a little chilly, a little distant, or a little lacking in boudoir beatitude, try speaking up. Here's what to say.
"I'm so glad . . . ""I'm so glad we ended up together."
Every long-term relationship is a celebration of two people beating the odds. But the longer the two of you are together, the more couples you'll know who didn't make it.
Each time a friend or neighbor goes through a divorce, it can send one or both of you looking for cracks in your own marriage. And that can have a dampening effect on your wife's sex drive. Consider a recent survey that asked 2,000 women for the key factor in deciding whether or not they will sleep with a partner: Forty-six percent responded "knowing where the relationship is headed."
To rekindle her desire, focus her attention on the commitment you've made to her. The house, the kids, the wedding album—they're all still there, but she needs spoken evidence, too.
"I understand . . . ""I understand how important this is to you."
Women gauge the health of a relationship by how well they think you understand them, says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., the director of the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health, in Columbus, Ohio.
And one of the ways to communicate understanding to your partner is not to spring into action every time she expresses concern about something—a common male default. Instead of saying "here's how we fix this," simply listen to her and acknowledge that you understand her concern, even if you disagree with it. Listening and understanding are powerful validations of how much you respect her.
"Let me tell you . . . ""Let me tell you how my presentation went."
When she asks how your day went, she doesn't want to hear "fine, and yours?" She wants details, not a highlight reel. To maximize the effectiveness, frame things in terms of your emotional reactions: "I was nervous when they didn't jump at the offer, but I felt excited when they realized I was right."
"She needs to hear you talk about your feelings as best you can. You'll be amazed at what revealing your feelings can do for the level of intimacy between you," says Les Parrott III, Ph.D., the author of Love Talk.
"Let's talk about . . . ""Let's talk about Jenny's grades tomorrow. Tonight should just be about us."
In bed, focus on each other and the moment as much as possible, whether or not it leads to sex. "Don't bring critical conversations into the bed. These are some of the most important minutes in your relationship each day," says Parrott.
"I've been fantasizing . . . ""I've been fantasizing about making you feel good."
Here's a shocker: When it comes to sexual fantasies, women are more selfish than men. In a University of California at Santa Cruz survey of 85 men and 77 women ages 21 to 45, more than two-thirds of the men said they fantasized about pleasing their partners, while more than half of the women fantasized about their own pleasure.
"Women focus on themselves in fantasy because in real life the man's pleasure is prioritized," says study author Eileen Zubriggan, Ph.D. Key in to her fantasy; let her know her wish is your command.
"I'm taking you . . . ""Put the 14th on your calendar; I'm taking you away."
Tune in to your wife's sexual calendar by timing her menstrual cycle, suggests Scott Haltzman, M.D., the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. Then time your romantic weekends accordingly. Ovulation raises testosterone levels, which makes some women extremely horny during their most fertile days.
The science: A recent study of 68 sexually active women published in the Journal of Human Reproduction revealed elevated levels of testosterone and an average 24 percent increase in frequency of intercourse during the 6 days leading up to each woman's ovulation.
Calculate the start of this magic window by counting 2 weeks after she begins her period and subtracting 6 days.
"I'll draw you . . . ""I'll draw you a bath."
"Many women need a transition period between dealing with the stress of work and family life and feeling sexual," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. "A few minutes of foreplay usually aren't enough."
After a few years together, men tend to start shortening foreplay, but the average woman takes 27 minutes to reach orgasm. A warm bath is a good place to start.
"You deserve . . . ""You deserve a long weekend with your girlfriends. I'll watch the kids."
A recent study conducted at Purdue University found that long-distance couples have fewer trivial arguments than those couples who live with each other. "Because their time together is so precious, [long-distance lovers] really make an effort to reserve time for the relationship when they do see each other," explains Mary Carole Pistole, Ph.D., an associate professor of counseling psychology at Purdue University.
To reap the benefits of space, manufacture your own distance by buying her a plane ticket for a minivacation from you.
"I adore . . . ""I adore your freckles."
In order to feel sexy, a woman first has to feel beautiful. "Women get intimacy from words," says anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., of Rutgers University, the author of Why We Love. "You look beautiful" is a fine comment. But follow up by complimenting her on something that is unique to her, like her laugh or her freckles. This assures her that you find her attractive, as opposed to every other woman in the room.
"I've always thought . . . ""I've always thought it would be fun if you didn't use your hands."
During those times when the two of you are on solid ground and you want to move things to a higher plane, consider pushing the boundaries a bit. A recent survey of 2,000 women found that two out of three were interested in light bondage. The key is to keep the adventure positive. "Don't imply that you want this because the sex has grown stale," says Elliott. "When you phrase it as something fun you want to try, it's about having a good time, not fixing something that's broken."
"Let's show the kids . . . ""Let's show the kids our honeymoon photos."
Reminding your wife of commonalities you share—whether it's a birth date, a passion for Japanese architecture, or your favorite vacation spot—will ignite her desire for you, suggests recent research published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. There's even a scientific term for the phenomenon: "implicit egotism." It means we humans are attracted to things and people that remind us of ourselves.
"I'll meet you . . . ""I'll meet you in the bedroom after I fold the laundry."
In a study of 3,500 people completed in 2003, researchers at the University of California at Riverside found that men who performed the most domestic chores were more sexually attractive to their partners than husbands who never or rarely pitched in around the house. Again, women react to verbal cues: It helps to nonchalantly mention it whenever you feel the urge to wash, dry, or fold.
"Let me . . . ""The weather's terrible. Let me pick up the kids from day care."
Women prefer mates who are protective and heroic rather than reckless and risk-taking, according to a study published recently in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior.
In the study, which involved 52 women, researchers described fictional men who decided whether or not to climb a steep mountain, travel alone in treacherous terrain, or jump into a river to save a drowning child. The majority of the subjects said they admired the men who took heroic risks but were not very impressed by the thrill-seeking adventurers.
"A woman wants a mate who is going to survive to continue being a provider and protector for her children and her," explains study author William Farthing, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Maine.
By: Amy Levin-Epstein
Relationships are funny things: One partner can be cruising along thinking everything's just fine and dandy, and the other can be curling up inside like a poinsettia after New Year's. One of us is sure we're on the right track, while the other is wondering, "Why don't we talk anymore?" And more often than not, it's the female cohort who's dying for more—more communication, more intimacy, more verbal acknowledgment that you're committed to her happiness.
The reason is simple: When it comes to communication, women are like tropical plants, and men are like cacti. Studies suggest that the average woman speaks 7,000 words a day. The average man mutters just 2,000, and half of those are spoken to clients, colleagues, or the electronic image of John Madden. And it's that discrepancy between our verbal styles and needs that can turn a once-hot relationship into yesterday's oatmeal.
Want proof? Researchers at the University of Washington say they can predict with 90 percent accuracy whether couples will divorce or stay married simply by listening to them talk for a few minutes. After reviewing data from more than 500 couples in discussion, psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D., of the University of Washington's Relationship Research Institute, and applied mathematicians James Murray and Kristin Swanson have come up with a mathematical model that can predict likelihood of divorce. They dub it the "Dow Jones Industrial Average for marital conversation." A 5-to-1 ratio of positive comments to negative ones indicates a healthy marriage, they say. A ratio lower than that suggests trouble ahead.
A simple rule of thumb, then, is to talk more, share more, and be more open with your emotions. But telling a guy to share more is like telling him to eat less meat: Simple in concept, but not so tasty in practice. The solution is to maximize the communication you do have—to know a few simple phrases that will warm her heart and a few other intimate places, as well. If things feel a little chilly, a little distant, or a little lacking in boudoir beatitude, try speaking up. Here's what to say.
"I'm so glad . . . ""I'm so glad we ended up together."
Every long-term relationship is a celebration of two people beating the odds. But the longer the two of you are together, the more couples you'll know who didn't make it.
Each time a friend or neighbor goes through a divorce, it can send one or both of you looking for cracks in your own marriage. And that can have a dampening effect on your wife's sex drive. Consider a recent survey that asked 2,000 women for the key factor in deciding whether or not they will sleep with a partner: Forty-six percent responded "knowing where the relationship is headed."
To rekindle her desire, focus her attention on the commitment you've made to her. The house, the kids, the wedding album—they're all still there, but she needs spoken evidence, too.
"I understand . . . ""I understand how important this is to you."
Women gauge the health of a relationship by how well they think you understand them, says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., the director of the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health, in Columbus, Ohio.
And one of the ways to communicate understanding to your partner is not to spring into action every time she expresses concern about something—a common male default. Instead of saying "here's how we fix this," simply listen to her and acknowledge that you understand her concern, even if you disagree with it. Listening and understanding are powerful validations of how much you respect her.
"Let me tell you . . . ""Let me tell you how my presentation went."
When she asks how your day went, she doesn't want to hear "fine, and yours?" She wants details, not a highlight reel. To maximize the effectiveness, frame things in terms of your emotional reactions: "I was nervous when they didn't jump at the offer, but I felt excited when they realized I was right."
"She needs to hear you talk about your feelings as best you can. You'll be amazed at what revealing your feelings can do for the level of intimacy between you," says Les Parrott III, Ph.D., the author of Love Talk.
"Let's talk about . . . ""Let's talk about Jenny's grades tomorrow. Tonight should just be about us."
In bed, focus on each other and the moment as much as possible, whether or not it leads to sex. "Don't bring critical conversations into the bed. These are some of the most important minutes in your relationship each day," says Parrott.
"I've been fantasizing . . . ""I've been fantasizing about making you feel good."
Here's a shocker: When it comes to sexual fantasies, women are more selfish than men. In a University of California at Santa Cruz survey of 85 men and 77 women ages 21 to 45, more than two-thirds of the men said they fantasized about pleasing their partners, while more than half of the women fantasized about their own pleasure.
"Women focus on themselves in fantasy because in real life the man's pleasure is prioritized," says study author Eileen Zubriggan, Ph.D. Key in to her fantasy; let her know her wish is your command.
"I'm taking you . . . ""Put the 14th on your calendar; I'm taking you away."
Tune in to your wife's sexual calendar by timing her menstrual cycle, suggests Scott Haltzman, M.D., the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. Then time your romantic weekends accordingly. Ovulation raises testosterone levels, which makes some women extremely horny during their most fertile days.
The science: A recent study of 68 sexually active women published in the Journal of Human Reproduction revealed elevated levels of testosterone and an average 24 percent increase in frequency of intercourse during the 6 days leading up to each woman's ovulation.
Calculate the start of this magic window by counting 2 weeks after she begins her period and subtracting 6 days.
"I'll draw you . . . ""I'll draw you a bath."
"Many women need a transition period between dealing with the stress of work and family life and feeling sexual," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., the author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. "A few minutes of foreplay usually aren't enough."
After a few years together, men tend to start shortening foreplay, but the average woman takes 27 minutes to reach orgasm. A warm bath is a good place to start.
"You deserve . . . ""You deserve a long weekend with your girlfriends. I'll watch the kids."
A recent study conducted at Purdue University found that long-distance couples have fewer trivial arguments than those couples who live with each other. "Because their time together is so precious, [long-distance lovers] really make an effort to reserve time for the relationship when they do see each other," explains Mary Carole Pistole, Ph.D., an associate professor of counseling psychology at Purdue University.
To reap the benefits of space, manufacture your own distance by buying her a plane ticket for a minivacation from you.
"I adore . . . ""I adore your freckles."
In order to feel sexy, a woman first has to feel beautiful. "Women get intimacy from words," says anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., of Rutgers University, the author of Why We Love. "You look beautiful" is a fine comment. But follow up by complimenting her on something that is unique to her, like her laugh or her freckles. This assures her that you find her attractive, as opposed to every other woman in the room.
"I've always thought . . . ""I've always thought it would be fun if you didn't use your hands."
During those times when the two of you are on solid ground and you want to move things to a higher plane, consider pushing the boundaries a bit. A recent survey of 2,000 women found that two out of three were interested in light bondage. The key is to keep the adventure positive. "Don't imply that you want this because the sex has grown stale," says Elliott. "When you phrase it as something fun you want to try, it's about having a good time, not fixing something that's broken."
"Let's show the kids . . . ""Let's show the kids our honeymoon photos."
Reminding your wife of commonalities you share—whether it's a birth date, a passion for Japanese architecture, or your favorite vacation spot—will ignite her desire for you, suggests recent research published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. There's even a scientific term for the phenomenon: "implicit egotism." It means we humans are attracted to things and people that remind us of ourselves.
"I'll meet you . . . ""I'll meet you in the bedroom after I fold the laundry."
In a study of 3,500 people completed in 2003, researchers at the University of California at Riverside found that men who performed the most domestic chores were more sexually attractive to their partners than husbands who never or rarely pitched in around the house. Again, women react to verbal cues: It helps to nonchalantly mention it whenever you feel the urge to wash, dry, or fold.
"Let me . . . ""The weather's terrible. Let me pick up the kids from day care."
Women prefer mates who are protective and heroic rather than reckless and risk-taking, according to a study published recently in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior.
In the study, which involved 52 women, researchers described fictional men who decided whether or not to climb a steep mountain, travel alone in treacherous terrain, or jump into a river to save a drowning child. The majority of the subjects said they admired the men who took heroic risks but were not very impressed by the thrill-seeking adventurers.
"A woman wants a mate who is going to survive to continue being a provider and protector for her children and her," explains study author William Farthing, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Maine.
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