If your witticisms and wisecracks fail to help you make headway with that gorgeous friend's friend, you happened to stumble upon on a social networking site, then drop all efforts and simply follow the word of mouth. Literally. A recent survey conducted by a dating portal has found that when you want to chat-up a woman on the Internet, telling her that she has lovely lips will take you closer to your goal than any other one-liner!
The portal analysed the success rates of opening lines from nearly 2,00,000 online flirtations in 11 languages over the course of one month to come up with a 'Compliment Success Index'. Users were asked to use one of 12 different chat-up lines, each complimenting an aspect of a woman's body and it was concluded that complimenting a woman's lips was the most successful.
This is hardly a surprising conclusion, considering that merely weeks back, a study surfaced which claimed that for men, a woman's lips are the most attractive part of her body and that they spend a good seven seconds gazing at them during the first meeting. But what is it about this pick-up line that floors the women? "Well, we spend a sizeable amount on our lips every month, so obviously we care about how they look," shrugs arts student S Ragini, "From fancy, branded lipsticks to shimmery gloss to moisturising balms, women have since antiquity been bothered with making our lips look delicious. And obviously when they're appreciated, it feels nice; like a job well done!"
Lakshminarayanan Raghu, a graphic designer agrees, "When a woman wears lipstick or gloss, it is with the intent of drawing attention to her lips, so I guess she wants to be complimented on them," he says, adding quickly, "However, I'd never have the guts to tell a woman that I fancy her lips, especially if I've just met her on the Internet. God knows, she might be a prude and take offence. 'You look pretty' is a safer bet."
Rightly enough, the study has stated that there are certain countries where other lines score over this lippy logic (for instance, in Portugal, women like to be complimented on their ears!). And India could well be one of them. Soft skills trainer Sindhuja Natraj states that she'd fume as opposed to blush if a man told her on the Internet that her lips were lovely. "I'd be put off if a guy started up a conversation on that note. It's creepy. In the Indian context, a girl would never respond to such a pick-up line. We'd prefer something more refined like maybe 'You look interesting and I would like to get to know you' or if he's taken the effort to go through my profile 'Hey, we seem to have a few common interests. We could perhaps chat sometime?' And if it has to be about the appearance, it's eye, eye sir all the way!"
However, systems analyst Giri Prasad concludes, "Lips are the new hips and guys are crazy about them. Blame it on the Angelina Jolie phenomenon; every guy today wants a girl with soft, plump lips. And girls are evolved enough to know that when we chat them up saying that they have beautiful lips, we're not being creepy."
Well, guys, if the line does work for you and your Internet relationship translates into real-time, you know what to do. Seal it with a kiss!
Other Internet chat-up lines:
Do's:
You have soulful eyes
Your smile is disarming
I love your sense of dressing
I love The Simpsons too!
Have you been to this cool hangout in town?
Don'ts:
You are a sex bomb
I want to make friendship with you
Hi you're cute. Can I have your number?
Can you be my girlfriend?
So how come you're awake so late?
Read more: Lip service - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Lip-service/articleshow/7184675.cms#ixzz19axE6g62
Thursday, December 30, 2010
BRITISH COUNCIL....
An organisation that creates opportunity worldwide
The British Council is the United Kingdom's leading cultural relations organisation and India is our largest operation worldwide. In India, we operate as a division of the British High Commission and have offices in the four main metros as well as a network of 9 libraries. Through our centres and programmes we promote the diversity and creativity of British society and culture. We do this by helping people to appreciate its vibrancy.
British Council outside India
We operate in 110 countries around the world, running similar programmes to those here. Mainly we enhance the UK's reputation and create opportunities for people by working in partnership with various individuals and organisations.
How we are funded
The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) provides us with a core grant-in-aid. We also work with other government departments and agencies, and increasingly with the private sector. On top of this we also provide services such as project management, UK-based training, English language courses and examinations.
What we do
Building relationships with people all around the world.
Here at the British Council our main goal is to build the UK's role as a leading provider of educational and cultural opportunities. We do this by promoting teaching and learning of the English language, while building relationships with people all around the world. Worldwide we have issued nearly eight million books and videos, dealt with almost two million enquiries in our libraries and welcomed five and a half million visitors. We have employed more than 1,900 teachers in 138 teaching centres around the world who have taught almost 1.2 million class hours.
Where we are
We are very well established in India and in the year 2000 we celebrated the 50th anniversary of our library network right here.
Our Libraries are in the following 11 cities:
Ahmedabad Bangalore Chandigarh Chennai
Hyderabad Kolkata Mumbai New Delhi
Pune Colombo Kandy
Our activities in these cities focus on:
Learning and teaching English
Education
Library and information services
Arts and culture
Rights and society
Science
Our broad range of interests mean that we have been able to organise over 3,000 arts events globally, more than 1,500 science events in over 60 countries and helped 13,000 young people take part in exchange projects.
We have been building face-to-face contacts and we now intend to reach millions of people through online and various other media.
British Council Online is one initiative helping us to achieve our goals of reaching millions of people, strengthening the cultural relations, English language teaching and spreading the international dimensions of learning and knowledge sharing.
It is an information site offering access to online information resources across a vast range of subjects, interactive English language lessons and work-place related learning modules.
British Library, Hyderabad
A favourite haunt of avid book lovers, the British Library Hyderabad, has something for everybone - individuals, families and corporates. You can spend your time browsing through our latest magazines, UK newspapers, contemporary British music CDs, the best of British film DVDs, self development training CDs and of course books – both fiction and non fiction. We regularly add to our collection by releasing new books on popular themes based on what you want. If you are a student aspiring to study in the UK or searching for a UK qualification like IELTS in India, simply stop by the British Library. Visit the British Library and be pleasantly surprised.
Our online library provides unlimited access to more than 40,000 e-books including key subject areas like Business & Economics, Computers & IT, Humanities, Science & Engineering and many more. The single easy-to-use online interface makes research quick and easy through powerful features such as InfoTools, personal bookshelves, automatic citations, highlighting, annotating and more. The advantages of using the online library are:
- No closing hours. The online library is open 24x7
- No book is off-the-shelf. Entire collection available all the time
The British Council is the United Kingdom's leading cultural relations organisation and India is our largest operation worldwide. In India, we operate as a division of the British High Commission and have offices in the four main metros as well as a network of 9 libraries. Through our centres and programmes we promote the diversity and creativity of British society and culture. We do this by helping people to appreciate its vibrancy.
British Council outside India
We operate in 110 countries around the world, running similar programmes to those here. Mainly we enhance the UK's reputation and create opportunities for people by working in partnership with various individuals and organisations.
How we are funded
The Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) provides us with a core grant-in-aid. We also work with other government departments and agencies, and increasingly with the private sector. On top of this we also provide services such as project management, UK-based training, English language courses and examinations.
What we do
Building relationships with people all around the world.
Here at the British Council our main goal is to build the UK's role as a leading provider of educational and cultural opportunities. We do this by promoting teaching and learning of the English language, while building relationships with people all around the world. Worldwide we have issued nearly eight million books and videos, dealt with almost two million enquiries in our libraries and welcomed five and a half million visitors. We have employed more than 1,900 teachers in 138 teaching centres around the world who have taught almost 1.2 million class hours.
Where we are
We are very well established in India and in the year 2000 we celebrated the 50th anniversary of our library network right here.
Our Libraries are in the following 11 cities:
Ahmedabad Bangalore Chandigarh Chennai
Hyderabad Kolkata Mumbai New Delhi
Pune Colombo Kandy
Our activities in these cities focus on:
Learning and teaching English
Education
Library and information services
Arts and culture
Rights and society
Science
Our broad range of interests mean that we have been able to organise over 3,000 arts events globally, more than 1,500 science events in over 60 countries and helped 13,000 young people take part in exchange projects.
We have been building face-to-face contacts and we now intend to reach millions of people through online and various other media.
British Council Online is one initiative helping us to achieve our goals of reaching millions of people, strengthening the cultural relations, English language teaching and spreading the international dimensions of learning and knowledge sharing.
It is an information site offering access to online information resources across a vast range of subjects, interactive English language lessons and work-place related learning modules.
British Library, Hyderabad
A favourite haunt of avid book lovers, the British Library Hyderabad, has something for everybone - individuals, families and corporates. You can spend your time browsing through our latest magazines, UK newspapers, contemporary British music CDs, the best of British film DVDs, self development training CDs and of course books – both fiction and non fiction. We regularly add to our collection by releasing new books on popular themes based on what you want. If you are a student aspiring to study in the UK or searching for a UK qualification like IELTS in India, simply stop by the British Library. Visit the British Library and be pleasantly surprised.
Our online library provides unlimited access to more than 40,000 e-books including key subject areas like Business & Economics, Computers & IT, Humanities, Science & Engineering and many more. The single easy-to-use online interface makes research quick and easy through powerful features such as InfoTools, personal bookshelves, automatic citations, highlighting, annotating and more. The advantages of using the online library are:
- No closing hours. The online library is open 24x7
- No book is off-the-shelf. Entire collection available all the time
Don't be shy!.......
Everybody has faced shyness in their life at some point or the other and that too in varying degrees. Some people are shy at their home, whereas, quite outgoing elsewhere and vice-versa. Do you feel very self-conscious in a room full of people or perhaps scared to speak in front of an audience? Are you unable to ask someone you like out for a date or convey your romantic feeling for someone? Do you experience a sinking feeling in your stomach and feel awkward in social situations? If you answered yes to any one of the above questions, chances are that you are a shy person. But there's nothing to be afraid of as shyness can be overcome.
Definition
Clinical psychologist, Dr Kanan Khatau Chikhal says, "Shyness is a form of social inhibition where one is afraid to interact with others outside their comfort zone. People who are shy tend to suffer from a feeling of
insecurity and fear of being reprimanded and being ostracized."
Clinical psychologist and trauma therapist, Seema Hingorrany says, "Shyness can also be defined in
technical terms, such as anxiety felt in social situations. A person who is shy may avoid meeting new people,
confronting new situations or drawing attention towards themselves. In some people, shyness is bad enough to be given a name — social phobia, also known as social anxiety disorder."
Dr Anjali Chhabria, psychiatrist and psychotherapist mentions the three important components of shyness:
Excessive Self-Consciousness — Where one may be overtly aware of oneself, particularly in social situations.
Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation — Where one may evaluate themselves negatively.
Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation — Where one pays too much attention to all the things he/she is doing wrong whilst around other people.
Causes
Shyness is rooted in fear or rather an irrational fear of speaking up and being humiliated or ignored. Causes are oversensitivity and insecurity. It's also about bad experiences. When one dwells on a bad experience, it grows into something much more frightening than reality. Someone with overprotective and very critical parents may be more likely to develop social phobia or shyness. Sometimes, underlying shyness is an inferiority complex that was created during childhood and that is now frozen in one's mind, says Hingorrany.
Dr Chhabria adds that shyness may also stem from a pre-occupation with self and being overly conscious about others around. A person may be sensitive and feel that he/she has been put in the center stage. This creates anxiety in the person and unfortunately the focus becomes 'what I was doing wrong' creating a downward spiral.
Effects
Shyness does have repercussions on one's personality, relationships, social life as well as on the professional front. Regarding personality, Dr Chhabria says, "A person who is shy may be less likely to take initiative in personal and professional matters. They may not be able to express themselves openly. At times they may also be perceived as aloof. They may shy away from challenging situations. Excessive shyness may cause anxiety and stress that is detrimental to one's health and immune system."
As for social life, shy people have difficulty initiating or maintaining relationships with others. It may be difficult for them to have intimate and close relations with others. They may have a small social circle. They may avoid social situations. Shyness decreases ones ability to make new friends and keeps them from talking to new people.
Dr Kanan opines that shy people may prefer to take up professions in which there is minimal interaction with others. They become the scapegoat for office politics. At times, it may also lead to decreased performance at work place.
Hingorrany says that shy people feel more of social anxiety, and are less confident in dealing with problems in love relationships. People who are shy may find it hard to find a companion or a partner.
Coping with it
The first step in coping with shyness is identification of core issues. One must learn to relax and stay calm during tense situations. If one's shyness is affecting their profession, relationships and social life, its better to seek professional help. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) can be sought to cope with shyness. Sometimes, one might require medications due to excessive shyness or social anxiety. This is where shyness is pathological, in social situations where one might experience intense anxiety, with symptoms like blushing, sweating, trembling, dizziness, heart palpitations and a dry mouth.
Read more: Don't be shy! - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Dont-be-shy/articleshow/7185359.cms#ixzz19atCKHUe
Definition
Clinical psychologist, Dr Kanan Khatau Chikhal says, "Shyness is a form of social inhibition where one is afraid to interact with others outside their comfort zone. People who are shy tend to suffer from a feeling of
insecurity and fear of being reprimanded and being ostracized."
Clinical psychologist and trauma therapist, Seema Hingorrany says, "Shyness can also be defined in
technical terms, such as anxiety felt in social situations. A person who is shy may avoid meeting new people,
confronting new situations or drawing attention towards themselves. In some people, shyness is bad enough to be given a name — social phobia, also known as social anxiety disorder."
Dr Anjali Chhabria, psychiatrist and psychotherapist mentions the three important components of shyness:
Excessive Self-Consciousness — Where one may be overtly aware of oneself, particularly in social situations.
Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation — Where one may evaluate themselves negatively.
Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation — Where one pays too much attention to all the things he/she is doing wrong whilst around other people.
Causes
Shyness is rooted in fear or rather an irrational fear of speaking up and being humiliated or ignored. Causes are oversensitivity and insecurity. It's also about bad experiences. When one dwells on a bad experience, it grows into something much more frightening than reality. Someone with overprotective and very critical parents may be more likely to develop social phobia or shyness. Sometimes, underlying shyness is an inferiority complex that was created during childhood and that is now frozen in one's mind, says Hingorrany.
Dr Chhabria adds that shyness may also stem from a pre-occupation with self and being overly conscious about others around. A person may be sensitive and feel that he/she has been put in the center stage. This creates anxiety in the person and unfortunately the focus becomes 'what I was doing wrong' creating a downward spiral.
Effects
Shyness does have repercussions on one's personality, relationships, social life as well as on the professional front. Regarding personality, Dr Chhabria says, "A person who is shy may be less likely to take initiative in personal and professional matters. They may not be able to express themselves openly. At times they may also be perceived as aloof. They may shy away from challenging situations. Excessive shyness may cause anxiety and stress that is detrimental to one's health and immune system."
As for social life, shy people have difficulty initiating or maintaining relationships with others. It may be difficult for them to have intimate and close relations with others. They may have a small social circle. They may avoid social situations. Shyness decreases ones ability to make new friends and keeps them from talking to new people.
Dr Kanan opines that shy people may prefer to take up professions in which there is minimal interaction with others. They become the scapegoat for office politics. At times, it may also lead to decreased performance at work place.
Hingorrany says that shy people feel more of social anxiety, and are less confident in dealing with problems in love relationships. People who are shy may find it hard to find a companion or a partner.
Coping with it
The first step in coping with shyness is identification of core issues. One must learn to relax and stay calm during tense situations. If one's shyness is affecting their profession, relationships and social life, its better to seek professional help. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) can be sought to cope with shyness. Sometimes, one might require medications due to excessive shyness or social anxiety. This is where shyness is pathological, in social situations where one might experience intense anxiety, with symptoms like blushing, sweating, trembling, dizziness, heart palpitations and a dry mouth.
Read more: Don't be shy! - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Dont-be-shy/articleshow/7185359.cms#ixzz19atCKHUe
10 kissing commandments........
Our date was extremely romantic, until I offered to seal the night with a kiss, which unexpectedly turned out to be quite awkward. While, I was gravely ashamed, she never came back," shares 23-year-old, Rishi Gulati (name changed on request), a sad victim of a kissing-faux-pas.
Well, the misfortune of a bad kiss can fall upon any of us. Consider yourself lucky if your kiss left your partner craving for more. And keep your fingers tightly crossed for no one plans a kissing blunder, it simply happens! And mind it, you are hardly left with anything to mend the embarrassment caused by a 'dud kiss.' If a perfect kiss can register success in your relationship, a kissing bummer is good enough to bring your love journey to a dead end even before it starts.
Follow our '10 commandments of perfect kissing' and you'll never be tagged as a 'poor kisser'...
1. Thou shall not be a stinking fish
Nothing can kill a kiss like foul breadth. So, the first commandment keeps you off kissing, if your mouth is stinking due to hygiene issues, food, tobacco or excessive smoking. If you don't want your partner to remember the kiss for all the wrong reasons, try to look out for solutions. Dr. Kamal Bisht, a general physician suggests, "Begin by brushing your teeth before you go out on a date, irrespective of the time. Cleaning your tongue is also important as it removes bacteria. Avoid kissing if you have just had smelly food products like garlic, onions etc. Keep a breath spray handy and use it periodically throughout the day." Last but not the least, if you are a smoker, the pleasure of smooching your partner can be your motivation to kick the butt!
2. Thou shall open your mouth with care
"My girlfriend has this habit of opening her mouth very little while kissing, which does not allow me to enjoy a passionate kiss to the fullest," avers Rajdeep Bhawmik, a Delhi-based architect.
While, there's no accurate rule for opening the mouth, it's generally seen that a deep kiss using tongue is a huge turn on. Equally terrifying are gulpers who open their mouth wide open while kissing, ready to swallow their partner. The trick is to keep one's lips lose enough to let the lips of both the partners glide smoothly over each other making it a yummy kiss. Also, "start with a lip-to-lip kiss and gradually taste the depths of pleasure," suggests sex expert, Dr. Rajan.
3. Thou shall not be a dead dud
"For both men and women, responsiveness is the chief factor that makes for a better kisser," says author William Cane in his book, The Art of Kissing Book of Question and Answers . So, rather than pouncing upon your partner's mouth, try and figure out the styles and movements that your partner enjoys. Try to figure out his/her likes and dislikes and adapt your technique accordingly.
Going with the other partner's rhythm is crucial. Don't expect your beau to do all the work while you enjoy his kissing moves. "My girlfriend is a hesitant kisser. She doesn't even move her head; forget about getting playful with her tongue and lips. It's just like I'm trying to find pleasure with a stiff stick," reveals Chandan Gupta, a 20-year-old college student.
4. Thou shall be a learner
No body is a born kisser. So, if you are an amateur kisser, who is apprehensive about locking lips, just follow your partner and the rest will fall into place, the way it happened with Jayati and Mayank. "During the initial days of our courtship, my girlfriend Jayanti was quite clueless about kissing, which was a big turn-off for me. But soon she realised her awkwardness and made a smart move. She simply started copying my style and now she can beat me in a passionate kiss," tells Mayank Taneja, a Mumbai-based PR professional.
Remember kissing is all about adapting and learning.
5. Thou shall use your hands appropriately
Agreed, that using hands results in elevating levels of passion. But do not pull his hair or grab her waist as if she'll run if you leave. Kissing is about imparting pleasure rather than inflicting pain. "Keep your hand movements limited to sensual and soft strokes on your lover's arms, back, neck, waist and hair or simply cup the face," suggests Cane. Don't get too aggressive in the name of showing wild passion. "My first boyfriend almost gave me bruises every time we kissed. Pinching and grabbing me gave him a sense of high, but I failed to match up with his wild passion and we broke up after a few dates and kisses," relates Madhurima Goel, a 19-year-old college student.
6. Thou shall not let your tongue go loose
You don't have to gag your partner by shoving off your tongue deep down into his/her mouth. Take it easy. The kissing rule for tongue says –less is more! Let the tip of your tongue perform the magic with subtle and gentle strokes. You can use your tongue for exploring, but that doesn't allow you to reach between your partner's teeth –as it can be a big turnoff. "Remember, slower the tongue movements, hotter is the passion," says Dr. Shivi Jaggi.
7. Thou shall not give me a saliva bath
Wet kisses undoubtedly work when it comes to getting into some raunchy action, but that doesn't give you the liberty to go lap,lap,lap all over your partner's face. "My girl is a passionate kisser. But, the only problem with her is that her kisses are really wet. She licks my chin, cheeks, forehead etc, which becomes quite messy for me," complains Jatin Sharma, a 24-year-old, management student. So, slobbery is not welcomed while kissing.
8. Thou shall not have sex on your mind
It is not necessary for a kiss to end in some hot action between the sheets. Your kiss shouldn't give away the hint that you are getting desperate to hit the bed. "Kissing brings people close physically and emotionally. And this closeness satisfies a deep emotional need for connecting with your partner," explains Cane.
So, while you are kissing, be sensitive to your partner's need. He/she may or may not be ready for sex immediately. Don't use a kiss as a means to reach a sexual climax. Let your kiss be romantic rather than plain sexual.
"I can still remember my first kiss, though for unpleasant things. The way the guy was busy groping me, gave clear clues that he wanted to have sex with me on our first date itself and I wasn't ready. And soon after that date, within no time I made up my mind to never meet him again."
Another way to keep your first kiss plain romantic, rather than hard core sexual can be to keep your hand-work limited to the non-erotic zones like the neck, arms, back waist etc., rather than reaching out to the erotic zones. Though, imagination and experimentation can be your yardstick if both of you are ready and enjoying.
9. Though shall not stare while kissing
You might be curious; you might feel like watching your partner taking pleasure in the act, but continuously staring at him/her while kissing is a big no no! Whenever a person is enjoying something to the hilt, their eyes automatically shut. Closing the eyes is an autonomous stimulus to pleasure. So, kissing is no exception to this rule and people tend to close their eyes. "Also, the sight of your partner almost eating you might not look very beautiful if you watch it continuously, though there's nothing wrong in getting a peep every now and then," suggests Dr. Rajan.
10. Thou shall be confident of your kiss
Be it a plain pucker or a passionate lip lock, not just the initiator, but even the recipient ought to be confident. Remember, to go with the flow and you'll do fine. When passion reaches its zenith, no guide-book or tips remain in one's mind. So, just be yourself and let the warmth of your lips take over. "Be it approaching your lover for a kiss or accepting his proposal, both should be utmost confident. Jitters may spoil the mood, irrespective of who is getting them," explains Dr. Jaggi.
Read more: Ten kissing commandments - Full Story - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Ten-kissing-commandments/articleshow/4118073.cms#ixzz19asZuljb
Well, the misfortune of a bad kiss can fall upon any of us. Consider yourself lucky if your kiss left your partner craving for more. And keep your fingers tightly crossed for no one plans a kissing blunder, it simply happens! And mind it, you are hardly left with anything to mend the embarrassment caused by a 'dud kiss.' If a perfect kiss can register success in your relationship, a kissing bummer is good enough to bring your love journey to a dead end even before it starts.
Follow our '10 commandments of perfect kissing' and you'll never be tagged as a 'poor kisser'...
1. Thou shall not be a stinking fish
Nothing can kill a kiss like foul breadth. So, the first commandment keeps you off kissing, if your mouth is stinking due to hygiene issues, food, tobacco or excessive smoking. If you don't want your partner to remember the kiss for all the wrong reasons, try to look out for solutions. Dr. Kamal Bisht, a general physician suggests, "Begin by brushing your teeth before you go out on a date, irrespective of the time. Cleaning your tongue is also important as it removes bacteria. Avoid kissing if you have just had smelly food products like garlic, onions etc. Keep a breath spray handy and use it periodically throughout the day." Last but not the least, if you are a smoker, the pleasure of smooching your partner can be your motivation to kick the butt!
2. Thou shall open your mouth with care
"My girlfriend has this habit of opening her mouth very little while kissing, which does not allow me to enjoy a passionate kiss to the fullest," avers Rajdeep Bhawmik, a Delhi-based architect.
While, there's no accurate rule for opening the mouth, it's generally seen that a deep kiss using tongue is a huge turn on. Equally terrifying are gulpers who open their mouth wide open while kissing, ready to swallow their partner. The trick is to keep one's lips lose enough to let the lips of both the partners glide smoothly over each other making it a yummy kiss. Also, "start with a lip-to-lip kiss and gradually taste the depths of pleasure," suggests sex expert, Dr. Rajan.
3. Thou shall not be a dead dud
"For both men and women, responsiveness is the chief factor that makes for a better kisser," says author William Cane in his book, The Art of Kissing Book of Question and Answers . So, rather than pouncing upon your partner's mouth, try and figure out the styles and movements that your partner enjoys. Try to figure out his/her likes and dislikes and adapt your technique accordingly.
Going with the other partner's rhythm is crucial. Don't expect your beau to do all the work while you enjoy his kissing moves. "My girlfriend is a hesitant kisser. She doesn't even move her head; forget about getting playful with her tongue and lips. It's just like I'm trying to find pleasure with a stiff stick," reveals Chandan Gupta, a 20-year-old college student.
4. Thou shall be a learner
No body is a born kisser. So, if you are an amateur kisser, who is apprehensive about locking lips, just follow your partner and the rest will fall into place, the way it happened with Jayati and Mayank. "During the initial days of our courtship, my girlfriend Jayanti was quite clueless about kissing, which was a big turn-off for me. But soon she realised her awkwardness and made a smart move. She simply started copying my style and now she can beat me in a passionate kiss," tells Mayank Taneja, a Mumbai-based PR professional.
Remember kissing is all about adapting and learning.
5. Thou shall use your hands appropriately
Agreed, that using hands results in elevating levels of passion. But do not pull his hair or grab her waist as if she'll run if you leave. Kissing is about imparting pleasure rather than inflicting pain. "Keep your hand movements limited to sensual and soft strokes on your lover's arms, back, neck, waist and hair or simply cup the face," suggests Cane. Don't get too aggressive in the name of showing wild passion. "My first boyfriend almost gave me bruises every time we kissed. Pinching and grabbing me gave him a sense of high, but I failed to match up with his wild passion and we broke up after a few dates and kisses," relates Madhurima Goel, a 19-year-old college student.
6. Thou shall not let your tongue go loose
You don't have to gag your partner by shoving off your tongue deep down into his/her mouth. Take it easy. The kissing rule for tongue says –less is more! Let the tip of your tongue perform the magic with subtle and gentle strokes. You can use your tongue for exploring, but that doesn't allow you to reach between your partner's teeth –as it can be a big turnoff. "Remember, slower the tongue movements, hotter is the passion," says Dr. Shivi Jaggi.
7. Thou shall not give me a saliva bath
Wet kisses undoubtedly work when it comes to getting into some raunchy action, but that doesn't give you the liberty to go lap,lap,lap all over your partner's face. "My girl is a passionate kisser. But, the only problem with her is that her kisses are really wet. She licks my chin, cheeks, forehead etc, which becomes quite messy for me," complains Jatin Sharma, a 24-year-old, management student. So, slobbery is not welcomed while kissing.
8. Thou shall not have sex on your mind
It is not necessary for a kiss to end in some hot action between the sheets. Your kiss shouldn't give away the hint that you are getting desperate to hit the bed. "Kissing brings people close physically and emotionally. And this closeness satisfies a deep emotional need for connecting with your partner," explains Cane.
So, while you are kissing, be sensitive to your partner's need. He/she may or may not be ready for sex immediately. Don't use a kiss as a means to reach a sexual climax. Let your kiss be romantic rather than plain sexual.
"I can still remember my first kiss, though for unpleasant things. The way the guy was busy groping me, gave clear clues that he wanted to have sex with me on our first date itself and I wasn't ready. And soon after that date, within no time I made up my mind to never meet him again."
Another way to keep your first kiss plain romantic, rather than hard core sexual can be to keep your hand-work limited to the non-erotic zones like the neck, arms, back waist etc., rather than reaching out to the erotic zones. Though, imagination and experimentation can be your yardstick if both of you are ready and enjoying.
9. Though shall not stare while kissing
You might be curious; you might feel like watching your partner taking pleasure in the act, but continuously staring at him/her while kissing is a big no no! Whenever a person is enjoying something to the hilt, their eyes automatically shut. Closing the eyes is an autonomous stimulus to pleasure. So, kissing is no exception to this rule and people tend to close their eyes. "Also, the sight of your partner almost eating you might not look very beautiful if you watch it continuously, though there's nothing wrong in getting a peep every now and then," suggests Dr. Rajan.
10. Thou shall be confident of your kiss
Be it a plain pucker or a passionate lip lock, not just the initiator, but even the recipient ought to be confident. Remember, to go with the flow and you'll do fine. When passion reaches its zenith, no guide-book or tips remain in one's mind. So, just be yourself and let the warmth of your lips take over. "Be it approaching your lover for a kiss or accepting his proposal, both should be utmost confident. Jitters may spoil the mood, irrespective of who is getting them," explains Dr. Jaggi.
Read more: Ten kissing commandments - Full Story - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Ten-kissing-commandments/articleshow/4118073.cms#ixzz19asZuljb
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Be his 'sexy' always...........
Here are ways to up the heat in the lovelymonsoons...
Early morning 'sex' surprise: Begin your day by surprising him! How about turning the table and you playing the initiator in an early-morning romp before turkey and trimmings stuff you two?
Massage time: The early morning steamy action must have left him tired. It's time to pamper him a little. Go ahead turn your bathroom into a spa and arrange for a sexy massage for your man. Get out those seasonal smelling lotions, candles and warm towels and let your hands do the magic on his body. You never know, he may just want to return the favour!
Yummy 'sexy' breakfast: By the time the massage is over, the two of you will be tormented with hunger pangs. So, brace up for a yummy breakfast, prepared by the two of you together. Make sure you only have the most sensuous of food items on your plate for the day! You can also try feeding each other sensual fruits like strawberries.
Gifts galore: Gift time is not restricted to certain days of the year. What better way to surprise him in the afternoon by turning into a 'hot' gift yourself? Drive him wild by wrapping yourself in nothing but ribbons. Lace-up yourself in a sexy bra and knicker set and add the final touch with bows for him to untie later. Do you still say afternoons are boring?
Text him 'sex': Just when he though it was all over for the day, send him a racy text message hinting what's in store for the evening. The excitement isn't over yet!
Rub of love: Keep the early evening for a refreshing bath. Rub each other with anything staring from yummy strawberry and chocolate sauces followed by a final rinse with sweet smelling bathing gels. All set for the eventful night.
It's time to party: Set the mood for a really sexy party that includes just the two of you. Titillate him by dancing around in a sensuous party dress. Bring some more fun by adding a strip tease only for him.
Dinner can't get sexier: The party is sure to leave you in some hot surprises between the sheets and of course hungry! So, instead of going out, order your favourite food at home and serve it on your body. Yes, you heard it right, blind fold your man and let him eat his food off your hot bod!
Good night surprise: Wrap up his eventful day by wearing proper, old-fashioned sexy, silky stockings and suspenders. Trust us, he will from now onwards only shower you with all you the stuff you have been craving for!
Read more: Be his 'sexy' always - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Be-his-sexy-always/articleshow/5369741.cms#ixzz19CHelyN3
Early morning 'sex' surprise: Begin your day by surprising him! How about turning the table and you playing the initiator in an early-morning romp before turkey and trimmings stuff you two?
Massage time: The early morning steamy action must have left him tired. It's time to pamper him a little. Go ahead turn your bathroom into a spa and arrange for a sexy massage for your man. Get out those seasonal smelling lotions, candles and warm towels and let your hands do the magic on his body. You never know, he may just want to return the favour!
Yummy 'sexy' breakfast: By the time the massage is over, the two of you will be tormented with hunger pangs. So, brace up for a yummy breakfast, prepared by the two of you together. Make sure you only have the most sensuous of food items on your plate for the day! You can also try feeding each other sensual fruits like strawberries.
Gifts galore: Gift time is not restricted to certain days of the year. What better way to surprise him in the afternoon by turning into a 'hot' gift yourself? Drive him wild by wrapping yourself in nothing but ribbons. Lace-up yourself in a sexy bra and knicker set and add the final touch with bows for him to untie later. Do you still say afternoons are boring?
Text him 'sex': Just when he though it was all over for the day, send him a racy text message hinting what's in store for the evening. The excitement isn't over yet!
Rub of love: Keep the early evening for a refreshing bath. Rub each other with anything staring from yummy strawberry and chocolate sauces followed by a final rinse with sweet smelling bathing gels. All set for the eventful night.
It's time to party: Set the mood for a really sexy party that includes just the two of you. Titillate him by dancing around in a sensuous party dress. Bring some more fun by adding a strip tease only for him.
Dinner can't get sexier: The party is sure to leave you in some hot surprises between the sheets and of course hungry! So, instead of going out, order your favourite food at home and serve it on your body. Yes, you heard it right, blind fold your man and let him eat his food off your hot bod!
Good night surprise: Wrap up his eventful day by wearing proper, old-fashioned sexy, silky stockings and suspenders. Trust us, he will from now onwards only shower you with all you the stuff you have been craving for!
Read more: Be his 'sexy' always - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Be-his-sexy-always/articleshow/5369741.cms#ixzz19CHelyN3
Seeking porn pleasure
Seeking porn pleasure
Pornography had started influencing us long before it came out of the underground and crept into Wall Street boardrooms a couple of decades ago.
But now, with porn stars bagging the status of 'crossover artistes', XXX has seeped into our very sexual identities, convincing obsessive users that the art of lovemaking begins and ends like the way it is shown on screen. Gail Dines, American anti-porn activist and professor of sociology, exchanges notes with Arghya Ganguly about her new book, 'Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality' and how the multibillion-dollar industry is shaping people's lives, sexuality and relationships ...
In your book, you say that in American society, porn is probably the most articulate teller of sexual stories for men. In your land of vibrant literature, it's a bold statement to make...
Yes. It is bold, but it's a statement I stand by. Boys are not going to great works of literature or art to learn about sex; they are going to porn. They first learn about sex in a culture steeped in porn imagery, so they develop a pornographic way of looking at women's bodies at a young age. Just watching TV, going to the movies, or playing video games introduces boys to images that reduce women to sex objects. With this pornographic gaze well established by adolescence, boys graduate to actual porn. Most porn on the internet is hardcore, and boys are catapulted into a world of body-punishing sex that is based on the dehumanisation of women. We have no alternative images in the culture that counter this way of looking at women, so this one becomes dominant.
The message porn sends to men is that they are entitled to access women's bodies. In porn, the man makes hate to the woman, as each sex act is designed to deliver the maximum amount of degradation. Whether it be choking her or brutal intercourse, the goal of porn is to illustrate how much power he has over her. The narrative about women is that they are all whores by nature, ready and willing to do whatever men want. In this world, women are never concerned about pregnancy, STDs, or damage to the body, and are astonishingly indifferent to being called whores. This is an uncomplicated world where women don't need equal pay, healthcare, retirement plans, or good schools for their children. It is a world filled with one-dimensional women, who are nothing more than a collection of holes.
The story pornography tells about men is much simpler than the one about women, since men in porn are depicted as nothing more than soulless, amoral life-support systems for erect penises who are entitled to use women in any way they want. No matter how uncomfortable or in pain the woman looks, these men are utterly oblivious to her as a person. She is to them just a set of orifices. These stories get delivered to men's brains via the penis. The younger the boy is when he first views porn - the average age of first viewing is 11 - the more likely these stories are going to form the core of his sexual identity.
You also talk about how women have internalised the men's gaze and they spend hours in front of the mirror due to it. 'Porn penises' have also become the standard against which men judge themselves. Do you suppose it will be a good idea to rehabilitate the youth by showing Renaissance art - for instance, Michelangelo's 'David' - which mostly feature modestly endowed men?
Unfortunately, we live in a world in which culture is commercialised through the mass media, so there is little room for fine art. A better idea would be for men to stop using porn. They do measure themselves against male porn performers, and many feel like sexual losers. Their penises are not as big, nor can they perform the same way as the Viagra-fortified penises in porn. Many feel let down by actual sex, because they get used to masturbating to industrial-strength sex that is supposed to give their partners screaming orgasms. Next to this, real sex looks and feels bland and boring. I don't think we need to 'rehabilitate' men; rather we need to raise their consciousness as to the harm of porn. I believe that the more men learn about the ways in which porn affects their sexual identity, the more they will think before clicking on a porn site. Girls and women have indeed internalised men's gaze, and they are increasingly turning themselves into objects. This makes absolute sense when you think about the images that they are bombarded with. Flip through the pages of popular women's magazines and you'll see slight variations on a theme: a heavily made-up, young, attractive, technologically perfected woman devoid of body hair, cellulite, age lines or physical disabilities. She's minimally clothed, with a seductive look plastered on her face. Whether it be an almost naked Britney Spears writhing around on stage or a Victoria's Secret model clad in a plunging bra and thong, women and girls today are overwhelmed by images of themselves as sex objects whose worth is measured only by their 'hotness.'
Do you agree with the historical argument that if the Great Depression and WW II didn't occur then Playboy wouldn't have been able to successfully advertise its anti-woman ideology?
Yes. It was no accident that Playboy became so successful in the 1950s.The obvious question here is how a porn magazine became a best seller in what was one of the most conservative decades of the second half of the twentieth century. To understand this, it is pivotal to map out some of the economic and cultural themes that marked this era. The post-World War II America required a consumer population that would spend money to build the economy. However, the targeted group - the emerging white suburban middle class - was born during a depression and raised during a war, circumstances that lead to frugality. To nurture consumerism, businesses adopted a number of techniques, not the least of which was a massive marketing campaign, to turn frugal people into spenders. The expansion of television helped spread the ideology of consumerism through advertisements and sit-coms, which were often thirty-minute ads for how to furnish a suburban home. However, women were typically targeted by television, so there were few avenues for luring men into buying products they did not need.
Enter Hugh Hefner, a failed cartoonist who - by design or accident - hit on an idea that meshed beautifully with the needs of capitalism. He created a lifestyle magazine for men that placed consumerism at the centre of the new identity of the upwardly mobile male. Playboy spent much of its early years crafting a magazine that taught men what clothes to wear, what furniture to buy for the office, what food to cook, and, most important, how to consume to a level that would attract women, whose goal was to marry out of the working class. Playboy promised men that if they bought the products they would get the real prize: lots of women, just like the ones in the centerfolds. Playboy thus not only commodified sexuality, it also sexualised commodities.
Why has the US government been insouciant with respect to porn? Is it because 'Pornland' is a capitalist's dream?
Porn is indeed a capitalist's dream, since it is a multi-billion-dollar-a-year machine with ties to other major industries. This is a business with considerable political clout, with the capacity to lobby politicians, engage in expensive legal battles, and use public relations to influence debate. The porn industry sells the idea that women who enter the industry do so because they love sex and enjoy what they are doing. What we don't hear about are their economic circumstances. Jenna Jameson is a major recruitment tool for the porn industry. She is a walking ad for what a woman can supposedly achieve by doing porn. I don't think the solution to porn will come through the government. In a capitalist society, the role of the government is to protect the rights of corporations, not the people. If we are going to tackle this problem, it has to be through a mass movement.
Is it fair to conclude that dinners, vanilla sex and post-coital affection are passe due to capitalism and its tag team partner, porn?
I would say what we are witnessing is a move away from relationships toward a hook-up culture where sex, rather than an ongoing relationship, is the expectation. The increasing pornification of our society has been instrumental in shifting heterosexual relationships. Given its lack of commitment and intimate connection, hookup sex is a lot like porn sex, and it is being played out in the real world. If porn and women's media are to be believed, these women are having as good a time as the men. But research is finding that women do hope for more than just sex from a hook-up - many express a desire for the encounter to evolve into a relationship. Sociologist Kathleen Bogle, for example, found in her study of college-age students that many of the women 'were interested in turning hook-up partners into boyfriends', while the men preferred it 'with no strings attached'.
Do you approve of film schools having porn in their curriculum?
I don't think educational institutions should support the porn industry in any way. I do, however, believe courses on porn are appropriate for a college classroom as long as they critically explore different ways of thinking about porn, not just ones that celebrate it. Showing movies or stills can be tricky, given the effect it may have on students. In my classes, I show stills, but only after much discussion and the establishment of a clear set of guidelines that allow students to not attend or to leave if they feel uncomfortable or upset. I also worry about students who have a history of abuse, since such images can trigger memories. Given that we live in a porn culture, we should be providing our students with media literacy skills.
Do you reckon that feminists fighting for sexual liberation in the '60s and '70s erred somewhere, because all they got is sexuality that has its roots in porn?
Feminism fought for a sexuality based on equality and respect, and what we got was a pornified, plasticised, formulaic sexuality that is an industrial product rather than a reflection of women's authentic desires. This is not the fault of the feminist movement, but the result of a predatory porn industry that has become the main producer and disseminator of sexual images, ideologies, and messages. I have been doing work in this area for over twenty years, and I never expected porn to get so mainstream or cruel and brutal so quickly. Remember also that the feminism of the '60s and '70s was not just about sex, but about radical economic, political, and social change. This feminism understood that without equal access to material resources, women would always be oppressed. Today, feminism talks a lot about sex, but not much about the economic and social conditions of women's lives.
arghya.ganguly@timesgroup.com
The XXX effect
The global porn industry was estimated to be worth around $96 billion in 2006 with the US market worth around $13 billion. Each year, over 13,000 porn films are released and, despite their modest budgets, pornography revenues rival those of all the major Hollywood studios
A key factor driving the growth of the porn market has been the development of technologies. There are 420 million internet porn pages, 4.2 million porn web sites and 68 million search engine requests for porn daily. However, officials estimate DVD sales were down by 50 per cent in the last year due to a weak economy, piracy and free or cheap porn on the Internet.
Read more: Seeking porn pleasure - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Seeking-porn-pleasure/articleshow/6270499.cms#ixzz19CHD2cX7
Pornography had started influencing us long before it came out of the underground and crept into Wall Street boardrooms a couple of decades ago.
But now, with porn stars bagging the status of 'crossover artistes', XXX has seeped into our very sexual identities, convincing obsessive users that the art of lovemaking begins and ends like the way it is shown on screen. Gail Dines, American anti-porn activist and professor of sociology, exchanges notes with Arghya Ganguly about her new book, 'Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality' and how the multibillion-dollar industry is shaping people's lives, sexuality and relationships ...
In your book, you say that in American society, porn is probably the most articulate teller of sexual stories for men. In your land of vibrant literature, it's a bold statement to make...
Yes. It is bold, but it's a statement I stand by. Boys are not going to great works of literature or art to learn about sex; they are going to porn. They first learn about sex in a culture steeped in porn imagery, so they develop a pornographic way of looking at women's bodies at a young age. Just watching TV, going to the movies, or playing video games introduces boys to images that reduce women to sex objects. With this pornographic gaze well established by adolescence, boys graduate to actual porn. Most porn on the internet is hardcore, and boys are catapulted into a world of body-punishing sex that is based on the dehumanisation of women. We have no alternative images in the culture that counter this way of looking at women, so this one becomes dominant.
The message porn sends to men is that they are entitled to access women's bodies. In porn, the man makes hate to the woman, as each sex act is designed to deliver the maximum amount of degradation. Whether it be choking her or brutal intercourse, the goal of porn is to illustrate how much power he has over her. The narrative about women is that they are all whores by nature, ready and willing to do whatever men want. In this world, women are never concerned about pregnancy, STDs, or damage to the body, and are astonishingly indifferent to being called whores. This is an uncomplicated world where women don't need equal pay, healthcare, retirement plans, or good schools for their children. It is a world filled with one-dimensional women, who are nothing more than a collection of holes.
The story pornography tells about men is much simpler than the one about women, since men in porn are depicted as nothing more than soulless, amoral life-support systems for erect penises who are entitled to use women in any way they want. No matter how uncomfortable or in pain the woman looks, these men are utterly oblivious to her as a person. She is to them just a set of orifices. These stories get delivered to men's brains via the penis. The younger the boy is when he first views porn - the average age of first viewing is 11 - the more likely these stories are going to form the core of his sexual identity.
You also talk about how women have internalised the men's gaze and they spend hours in front of the mirror due to it. 'Porn penises' have also become the standard against which men judge themselves. Do you suppose it will be a good idea to rehabilitate the youth by showing Renaissance art - for instance, Michelangelo's 'David' - which mostly feature modestly endowed men?
Unfortunately, we live in a world in which culture is commercialised through the mass media, so there is little room for fine art. A better idea would be for men to stop using porn. They do measure themselves against male porn performers, and many feel like sexual losers. Their penises are not as big, nor can they perform the same way as the Viagra-fortified penises in porn. Many feel let down by actual sex, because they get used to masturbating to industrial-strength sex that is supposed to give their partners screaming orgasms. Next to this, real sex looks and feels bland and boring. I don't think we need to 'rehabilitate' men; rather we need to raise their consciousness as to the harm of porn. I believe that the more men learn about the ways in which porn affects their sexual identity, the more they will think before clicking on a porn site. Girls and women have indeed internalised men's gaze, and they are increasingly turning themselves into objects. This makes absolute sense when you think about the images that they are bombarded with. Flip through the pages of popular women's magazines and you'll see slight variations on a theme: a heavily made-up, young, attractive, technologically perfected woman devoid of body hair, cellulite, age lines or physical disabilities. She's minimally clothed, with a seductive look plastered on her face. Whether it be an almost naked Britney Spears writhing around on stage or a Victoria's Secret model clad in a plunging bra and thong, women and girls today are overwhelmed by images of themselves as sex objects whose worth is measured only by their 'hotness.'
Do you agree with the historical argument that if the Great Depression and WW II didn't occur then Playboy wouldn't have been able to successfully advertise its anti-woman ideology?
Yes. It was no accident that Playboy became so successful in the 1950s.The obvious question here is how a porn magazine became a best seller in what was one of the most conservative decades of the second half of the twentieth century. To understand this, it is pivotal to map out some of the economic and cultural themes that marked this era. The post-World War II America required a consumer population that would spend money to build the economy. However, the targeted group - the emerging white suburban middle class - was born during a depression and raised during a war, circumstances that lead to frugality. To nurture consumerism, businesses adopted a number of techniques, not the least of which was a massive marketing campaign, to turn frugal people into spenders. The expansion of television helped spread the ideology of consumerism through advertisements and sit-coms, which were often thirty-minute ads for how to furnish a suburban home. However, women were typically targeted by television, so there were few avenues for luring men into buying products they did not need.
Enter Hugh Hefner, a failed cartoonist who - by design or accident - hit on an idea that meshed beautifully with the needs of capitalism. He created a lifestyle magazine for men that placed consumerism at the centre of the new identity of the upwardly mobile male. Playboy spent much of its early years crafting a magazine that taught men what clothes to wear, what furniture to buy for the office, what food to cook, and, most important, how to consume to a level that would attract women, whose goal was to marry out of the working class. Playboy promised men that if they bought the products they would get the real prize: lots of women, just like the ones in the centerfolds. Playboy thus not only commodified sexuality, it also sexualised commodities.
Why has the US government been insouciant with respect to porn? Is it because 'Pornland' is a capitalist's dream?
Porn is indeed a capitalist's dream, since it is a multi-billion-dollar-a-year machine with ties to other major industries. This is a business with considerable political clout, with the capacity to lobby politicians, engage in expensive legal battles, and use public relations to influence debate. The porn industry sells the idea that women who enter the industry do so because they love sex and enjoy what they are doing. What we don't hear about are their economic circumstances. Jenna Jameson is a major recruitment tool for the porn industry. She is a walking ad for what a woman can supposedly achieve by doing porn. I don't think the solution to porn will come through the government. In a capitalist society, the role of the government is to protect the rights of corporations, not the people. If we are going to tackle this problem, it has to be through a mass movement.
Is it fair to conclude that dinners, vanilla sex and post-coital affection are passe due to capitalism and its tag team partner, porn?
I would say what we are witnessing is a move away from relationships toward a hook-up culture where sex, rather than an ongoing relationship, is the expectation. The increasing pornification of our society has been instrumental in shifting heterosexual relationships. Given its lack of commitment and intimate connection, hookup sex is a lot like porn sex, and it is being played out in the real world. If porn and women's media are to be believed, these women are having as good a time as the men. But research is finding that women do hope for more than just sex from a hook-up - many express a desire for the encounter to evolve into a relationship. Sociologist Kathleen Bogle, for example, found in her study of college-age students that many of the women 'were interested in turning hook-up partners into boyfriends', while the men preferred it 'with no strings attached'.
Do you approve of film schools having porn in their curriculum?
I don't think educational institutions should support the porn industry in any way. I do, however, believe courses on porn are appropriate for a college classroom as long as they critically explore different ways of thinking about porn, not just ones that celebrate it. Showing movies or stills can be tricky, given the effect it may have on students. In my classes, I show stills, but only after much discussion and the establishment of a clear set of guidelines that allow students to not attend or to leave if they feel uncomfortable or upset. I also worry about students who have a history of abuse, since such images can trigger memories. Given that we live in a porn culture, we should be providing our students with media literacy skills.
Do you reckon that feminists fighting for sexual liberation in the '60s and '70s erred somewhere, because all they got is sexuality that has its roots in porn?
Feminism fought for a sexuality based on equality and respect, and what we got was a pornified, plasticised, formulaic sexuality that is an industrial product rather than a reflection of women's authentic desires. This is not the fault of the feminist movement, but the result of a predatory porn industry that has become the main producer and disseminator of sexual images, ideologies, and messages. I have been doing work in this area for over twenty years, and I never expected porn to get so mainstream or cruel and brutal so quickly. Remember also that the feminism of the '60s and '70s was not just about sex, but about radical economic, political, and social change. This feminism understood that without equal access to material resources, women would always be oppressed. Today, feminism talks a lot about sex, but not much about the economic and social conditions of women's lives.
arghya.ganguly@timesgroup.com
The XXX effect
The global porn industry was estimated to be worth around $96 billion in 2006 with the US market worth around $13 billion. Each year, over 13,000 porn films are released and, despite their modest budgets, pornography revenues rival those of all the major Hollywood studios
A key factor driving the growth of the porn market has been the development of technologies. There are 420 million internet porn pages, 4.2 million porn web sites and 68 million search engine requests for porn daily. However, officials estimate DVD sales were down by 50 per cent in the last year due to a weak economy, piracy and free or cheap porn on the Internet.
Read more: Seeking porn pleasure - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Seeking-porn-pleasure/articleshow/6270499.cms#ixzz19CHD2cX7
Friday, December 24, 2010
ISI LIFE MEIN
Isi Life Mein is a movie which is truly inspiring for the youth. It has all the flavors of what one goes through in college life along with the various challenges that one faces through the years of growing from a youngster to an young adult.
The director Vidhi Kasliwal who is also young has created quite a magical tale of love, hate, strange feelings of awkwardness and lack of confidence which the youth are surrounded by. The element of over-confidence and the effects are also well conjectured in the format of the film which is indeed awe inspiring.
The basic storyline revolves around a group of friends in college and how each one aspires to be different from the other and yet wants to reach for the stars and succeed in life to the fullest. The basic idea outlined in the movie is that there is so much to do and so little time in hand as every dream has to be achieved in this life itself –therefore the title Isi Life Mein.
Rajnandini played by Sandeepa Dhar, is a down to earth girl who has been brought up in very traditional way with a lot of do’s and don’ts in life. As Rajnandini has to shift to the city for pursuing her studies she meets this group of friends who are very different from her friends back home.
The challenges she faces to adjust and with Vivian’s help (played by Akshay Oberoi) she overcomes her inhibitions, only to find out that every youngster has the same problems to face whether he or she comes from the village or from the city.
The movie is a great treat for the mind and the heart and like a breath of fresh air.
Isi Life Mein by Rajshri Productions is lifeless agenda even though the movie makers have tried so hard to make it a wholesome family entertainer.
The romance does not work and neither does the family portions of the movie. The culprit for this is the film writer as supposed.
The movie deals with two young bloods Sandeepa Dhar and Akhshay Oberoi who meet in Mumbai. Akhshay has been living in Mumbai while Sandeepa goes there for her studies and actually hails from Ajmer.
Akhshay is a part of her college and is the head of the dramatics society. Even though love brews in between the two but the actuality does not come forth until the end.
Vidhi Kasliwal the director of this movie has done a good job by pouring in the Rajshri tradition along with the urban-centric themes that are equipped with absolute regularity.
As a part of the movie there is family bonding, desi sentiments and noble intentions that form a part of the movie.
During the first half the flick is slow and the story can be said to take a lot from HUM AAPKE HAIN KOUN but the progress in the story line can be felt during the second hour. But even with the twists nothing much is seen.
The USP of this movie is the production banner and it is like most Rajshri flicks that even this one has extra nice characters that are sugar sweet.
The filming of the songs is good but the music is nothing special. The lead actors of this movie have done a good job and are surely talented without a second doubt.
saccharine sweet romance from Rajshri's posing to be progressive. But the fresh new pair of Akshay-Sandeepa is definitely worth checking out.
Debutant director Vidhi Kasliwal has clearly made this film under the strong influence of her uncle Sooraj Barjatya who coined his own syntax of cinema - of platonic romance and marriage ceremonies. The script is pretty hackneyed and therefore predictable. But the setting, cast and the music is refreshing - making up somewhat - for the moth-eaten plot. Rajnandini (Sandeepa) is a cute teenager from a small town in Rajasthan. She’s kept on a tight rope by her disciplinarian dad (Mohnish Bahl) and restrictive granny (Shagufta Ali, imagine she’s now been reduced to playing daadi roles!) However her liberal minded mom (Prachee Shah) wants to give wings to her gifted daughter’s dreams. So she bundles off her daughter to Mumbai under the pretext of learning
exotic cookery but in reality she admits her to a college for further studies. Well this college is full of prismatic graffiti, vivacious students dedicated to the Dramatic Society. Academics hardly seem to figure anywhere on the campus. The students are casting, rehearsing or promoting their play for most of the time. Into such dramatic setting walks in our sweet, naïve and conservative Rajnandini. Just like the good old 60s, our heroine starts off by confronting Vivaan (Akshay Oberoi), the college stud by refusing to let him into the auditorium because he has no entry ticket. Tsk, tsk not realizing that he’s the head of the said dramatic society!! Well one thing leads to another and Rajnandini ends up joining the drama gang. She even lands the lead role in their next play, Taming Of The Shrew with Vivaan as her hero and director.
Too much fun is happening Isi Life Mein and you know a jerk is just round the corner. And sure enough, the disciplinarian dad drops by to check his daughter’s progress in culinary art and that very day Rajnandini, now known among her friends as RJ, has gone in for a makeover from shorn stresses to a slinky dress! Ouch, dad hauls her over the coals for lack of “sanskar” and whisks her off from the foul company of the mod pals. Back in Rajasthan, he quickly arranges Rajnandini’s marriage to a wealthy groom. But of course, DDLJ style Vivaan and his gang gate crash the wedding celebrations and start ingratiating themselves to the family. Like the girls take over the make-up and hair for all the wedding guests while the boys take over the decoration department. Vivaan searches for fat granny’s slippers from under her bed! And when the ‘ladkewale’ demand for some extra wedding gifts, Vivaan and his gang raise the requisite funds from their own belongings – camera, jewelry and the dramatic society funds. Cute na! That’s when RJ’s dad gets a rude awakening call from his conscience. You see, that’s what the basic premise of the film is according to the young director Vidhi – never mind if they use swear words or not touch their elder’s feet, today’s youth has it’s heart in the right place – they go to any length to help their friends!
Ah all is well that ends well! The teen lovers are finally united. To debutant director Vidhi’s credit, the film flows easy but the script remains time warped. Akshay Oberoi’s melting eyes and Sandeepa Dhar’s natural innocence make them a charming couple. Never mind that they really have no romantic scenes or chemistry in the film, but they fit their parts perfectly. Rest of the gang is nothing like Jaane Tu Na Jaane Na… but it comprises stock characters like the fat friend, bossy girl and the besura singer et al. Shailesh Mahadik and Sheetal Kanvinde’s sets blend in well with the story and Aviram Mishra’s cinematography is picturesque. But Abhay Pandey’s edit should have been much sharper in the climatic scene of staging of the drama, which stretched on endlessly. Music by Meet Bros Anjjan is refreshing, modern and catchy. But on the whole, the Rajshri entrant serves old wine in a new bottle, she doesn’t dare to think out of the box.
The director Vidhi Kasliwal who is also young has created quite a magical tale of love, hate, strange feelings of awkwardness and lack of confidence which the youth are surrounded by. The element of over-confidence and the effects are also well conjectured in the format of the film which is indeed awe inspiring.
The basic storyline revolves around a group of friends in college and how each one aspires to be different from the other and yet wants to reach for the stars and succeed in life to the fullest. The basic idea outlined in the movie is that there is so much to do and so little time in hand as every dream has to be achieved in this life itself –therefore the title Isi Life Mein.
Rajnandini played by Sandeepa Dhar, is a down to earth girl who has been brought up in very traditional way with a lot of do’s and don’ts in life. As Rajnandini has to shift to the city for pursuing her studies she meets this group of friends who are very different from her friends back home.
The challenges she faces to adjust and with Vivian’s help (played by Akshay Oberoi) she overcomes her inhibitions, only to find out that every youngster has the same problems to face whether he or she comes from the village or from the city.
The movie is a great treat for the mind and the heart and like a breath of fresh air.
Isi Life Mein by Rajshri Productions is lifeless agenda even though the movie makers have tried so hard to make it a wholesome family entertainer.
The romance does not work and neither does the family portions of the movie. The culprit for this is the film writer as supposed.
The movie deals with two young bloods Sandeepa Dhar and Akhshay Oberoi who meet in Mumbai. Akhshay has been living in Mumbai while Sandeepa goes there for her studies and actually hails from Ajmer.
Akhshay is a part of her college and is the head of the dramatics society. Even though love brews in between the two but the actuality does not come forth until the end.
Vidhi Kasliwal the director of this movie has done a good job by pouring in the Rajshri tradition along with the urban-centric themes that are equipped with absolute regularity.
As a part of the movie there is family bonding, desi sentiments and noble intentions that form a part of the movie.
During the first half the flick is slow and the story can be said to take a lot from HUM AAPKE HAIN KOUN but the progress in the story line can be felt during the second hour. But even with the twists nothing much is seen.
The USP of this movie is the production banner and it is like most Rajshri flicks that even this one has extra nice characters that are sugar sweet.
The filming of the songs is good but the music is nothing special. The lead actors of this movie have done a good job and are surely talented without a second doubt.
saccharine sweet romance from Rajshri's posing to be progressive. But the fresh new pair of Akshay-Sandeepa is definitely worth checking out.
Debutant director Vidhi Kasliwal has clearly made this film under the strong influence of her uncle Sooraj Barjatya who coined his own syntax of cinema - of platonic romance and marriage ceremonies. The script is pretty hackneyed and therefore predictable. But the setting, cast and the music is refreshing - making up somewhat - for the moth-eaten plot. Rajnandini (Sandeepa) is a cute teenager from a small town in Rajasthan. She’s kept on a tight rope by her disciplinarian dad (Mohnish Bahl) and restrictive granny (Shagufta Ali, imagine she’s now been reduced to playing daadi roles!) However her liberal minded mom (Prachee Shah) wants to give wings to her gifted daughter’s dreams. So she bundles off her daughter to Mumbai under the pretext of learning
exotic cookery but in reality she admits her to a college for further studies. Well this college is full of prismatic graffiti, vivacious students dedicated to the Dramatic Society. Academics hardly seem to figure anywhere on the campus. The students are casting, rehearsing or promoting their play for most of the time. Into such dramatic setting walks in our sweet, naïve and conservative Rajnandini. Just like the good old 60s, our heroine starts off by confronting Vivaan (Akshay Oberoi), the college stud by refusing to let him into the auditorium because he has no entry ticket. Tsk, tsk not realizing that he’s the head of the said dramatic society!! Well one thing leads to another and Rajnandini ends up joining the drama gang. She even lands the lead role in their next play, Taming Of The Shrew with Vivaan as her hero and director.
Too much fun is happening Isi Life Mein and you know a jerk is just round the corner. And sure enough, the disciplinarian dad drops by to check his daughter’s progress in culinary art and that very day Rajnandini, now known among her friends as RJ, has gone in for a makeover from shorn stresses to a slinky dress! Ouch, dad hauls her over the coals for lack of “sanskar” and whisks her off from the foul company of the mod pals. Back in Rajasthan, he quickly arranges Rajnandini’s marriage to a wealthy groom. But of course, DDLJ style Vivaan and his gang gate crash the wedding celebrations and start ingratiating themselves to the family. Like the girls take over the make-up and hair for all the wedding guests while the boys take over the decoration department. Vivaan searches for fat granny’s slippers from under her bed! And when the ‘ladkewale’ demand for some extra wedding gifts, Vivaan and his gang raise the requisite funds from their own belongings – camera, jewelry and the dramatic society funds. Cute na! That’s when RJ’s dad gets a rude awakening call from his conscience. You see, that’s what the basic premise of the film is according to the young director Vidhi – never mind if they use swear words or not touch their elder’s feet, today’s youth has it’s heart in the right place – they go to any length to help their friends!
Ah all is well that ends well! The teen lovers are finally united. To debutant director Vidhi’s credit, the film flows easy but the script remains time warped. Akshay Oberoi’s melting eyes and Sandeepa Dhar’s natural innocence make them a charming couple. Never mind that they really have no romantic scenes or chemistry in the film, but they fit their parts perfectly. Rest of the gang is nothing like Jaane Tu Na Jaane Na… but it comprises stock characters like the fat friend, bossy girl and the besura singer et al. Shailesh Mahadik and Sheetal Kanvinde’s sets blend in well with the story and Aviram Mishra’s cinematography is picturesque. But Abhay Pandey’s edit should have been much sharper in the climatic scene of staging of the drama, which stretched on endlessly. Music by Meet Bros Anjjan is refreshing, modern and catchy. But on the whole, the Rajshri entrant serves old wine in a new bottle, she doesn’t dare to think out of the box.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sex-facts' you never knew!
Do you believe that your bedroom life is on an all time high, thanks to the immense knowledge you have about sex? Well, we bring you seven never-heard-before facts about the 'S' word, which are sure to leave you thinking...
1. Globally, lovers are having sex 139 times a year. The French are the lovemaking pacesetters, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2002, coming in at 167 times each 365 days.
2. Condoms are biodegradable — some of them. Lambskin and latex condoms are biodegradable, but polyurethane condoms aren't.
3. Sex-enhancing CDs are being sold for setting the mood. Try some classical options to rock your world: Shacking Up to Chopin, Making Out to Mozart and Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven are available.
4. Don't douche — it's not recommended anymore. Douching washes away the healthy bacteria in the vagina and alters the natural, healthy pH level. The practice can actually lead to the spread of infections in the reproductive organs.
5. Sex with a celebrity is the No. 1 fantasy worldwide. That's according to the recent Durex survey, which also found that four in 10 people have fantasized about sex with their best friend's partner!
6. Believe it – blue balls are for real. The discomfort is caused when more blood flows into the penis than out. The uneven blood flow causes an increase in the volume of blood trapped in the genitals and contributes to the penis becoming erect and the testicles becoming engorged with blood.
7. It could take eight months for a couple to conceive. So you might not get a baby off the bat, but the wait can be more than worthwhile. At least a year should go by before you fret about your fertility.
Oral sex enough for women!
Men are more likely to orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse and women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts, a new study has revealed.
Findings from the study of sexual and sexual-health behaviours conducted by Indiana University has provided an updated and much needed snapshot of contemporary Americans' sexual behaviours, including a description of more than 40 combinations of sexual acts that people perform during sexual events, patterns of condom use by adolescents and adults, and the percentage of Americans participating in same-sex encounters.
The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour (NSSHB) is one of the most comprehensive studies on these topics in almost two decades and documents the sexual experiences and condom-use behaviours of 5,865 adolescents and adults ages 14 to 94.
According to the study's findings, one of four acts of vaginal intercourse are condom protected in the U.S. (one in three among singles).
"These data about sexual behaviours and condom use in contemporary America are critically needed by medical and public health professionals who are on the front lines addressing issues such as HIV, sexually transmissible infections and unintended pregnancy," said Michael Reece of the Centre for Sexual Health Promotion.
Debby Herbenick, of the CSHP said Herbenick said: "Findings show that condoms are used twice as often with casual sexual partners as with relationship partners, a trend that is consistent for both men and women across age groups that span 50 years."
The report has also suggested that adults using a condom for intercourse were just as likely to rate the sexual extent positively in terms of arousal, pleasure and orgasm than when having intercourse without one.
Many older adults continue to have active pleasurable sex lives, reporting a range of different behaviours and partner types, however adults over the age of 40 have the lowest rates of condom use. Although these individuals may not be as concerned about pregnancy, this suggests the need to enhance education efforts for older individuals regarding STI risks and prevention.
Read more: Oral sex enough for women! - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Oral-sex-enough-for-women/articleshow/6683818.cms#ixzz18qncMUdV
1. Globally, lovers are having sex 139 times a year. The French are the lovemaking pacesetters, according to the Durex Global Sex Survey 2002, coming in at 167 times each 365 days.
2. Condoms are biodegradable — some of them. Lambskin and latex condoms are biodegradable, but polyurethane condoms aren't.
3. Sex-enhancing CDs are being sold for setting the mood. Try some classical options to rock your world: Shacking Up to Chopin, Making Out to Mozart and Bedroom Bliss with Beethoven are available.
4. Don't douche — it's not recommended anymore. Douching washes away the healthy bacteria in the vagina and alters the natural, healthy pH level. The practice can actually lead to the spread of infections in the reproductive organs.
5. Sex with a celebrity is the No. 1 fantasy worldwide. That's according to the recent Durex survey, which also found that four in 10 people have fantasized about sex with their best friend's partner!
6. Believe it – blue balls are for real. The discomfort is caused when more blood flows into the penis than out. The uneven blood flow causes an increase in the volume of blood trapped in the genitals and contributes to the penis becoming erect and the testicles becoming engorged with blood.
7. It could take eight months for a couple to conceive. So you might not get a baby off the bat, but the wait can be more than worthwhile. At least a year should go by before you fret about your fertility.
Oral sex enough for women!
Men are more likely to orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse and women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts, a new study has revealed.
Findings from the study of sexual and sexual-health behaviours conducted by Indiana University has provided an updated and much needed snapshot of contemporary Americans' sexual behaviours, including a description of more than 40 combinations of sexual acts that people perform during sexual events, patterns of condom use by adolescents and adults, and the percentage of Americans participating in same-sex encounters.
The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour (NSSHB) is one of the most comprehensive studies on these topics in almost two decades and documents the sexual experiences and condom-use behaviours of 5,865 adolescents and adults ages 14 to 94.
According to the study's findings, one of four acts of vaginal intercourse are condom protected in the U.S. (one in three among singles).
"These data about sexual behaviours and condom use in contemporary America are critically needed by medical and public health professionals who are on the front lines addressing issues such as HIV, sexually transmissible infections and unintended pregnancy," said Michael Reece of the Centre for Sexual Health Promotion.
Debby Herbenick, of the CSHP said Herbenick said: "Findings show that condoms are used twice as often with casual sexual partners as with relationship partners, a trend that is consistent for both men and women across age groups that span 50 years."
The report has also suggested that adults using a condom for intercourse were just as likely to rate the sexual extent positively in terms of arousal, pleasure and orgasm than when having intercourse without one.
Many older adults continue to have active pleasurable sex lives, reporting a range of different behaviours and partner types, however adults over the age of 40 have the lowest rates of condom use. Although these individuals may not be as concerned about pregnancy, this suggests the need to enhance education efforts for older individuals regarding STI risks and prevention.
Read more: Oral sex enough for women! - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Oral-sex-enough-for-women/articleshow/6683818.cms#ixzz18qncMUdV
Virginity, lost it yet?
A recent survey states the average age for losing virginity is 17. Is that so or are teenagers getting sexually active even earlier? Debarati S Sen explores ...
Studies have revealed that children, these days, are losing their virginity at a very young age. Experts say that with the average age of puberty going down to 9-10 years for girls and 10-11 years for boys, the average age for losing virginity too is going down. And the deadly paring with this is — awareness about sex is more these days and information (not always from the right sources) is freely available. Television, movies and most prominently the Internet is loaded with extremely easily accessible information and graphic details. This, most of the time, helps to entice the youngsters to experiment, who already have hormones raging through them.
Anju Uppal, principal of an international high school says, "I have been dealing with children for a long time and I do believe that children these days are losing their virginity very early. They get attracted to each other and are tempted to take it all further."
Curiosity killed the cat
Psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria says, "It's human nature to be curious. A teenager would definitely want to experiment and experience the information he/she has heard about sex. For certain kids who are more shy, withdrawn and introverts, social networking sites are best for communication. Kids who may be new to exploring sexuality or may have a high drive, do indulge in cyber sex or phone sex at times." Anju Uppal adds, "They are much more aware of things these days and they are very keen to experiment."
Lack of attention from parents
With most parents working, kids are without proper supervision (a maid would not even understand the nuances of phone or cyber sex) and free to do as they like. "Sometimes the attention from the parents is not enough, kids may indulge in these things just to attract negative attention from parents," says Dr Chhabria.
Family history
Children who are from broken families are prone to indulge in flings with multiple partners without emotional attachments. Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist adds, "When there is a marital discord between parents the children may try to cling to their relationships and are ready to lose their virginity to hold on to it."
Sex isn't taboo anymore
Sex in our society is also not such a taboo as it used to be earlier and virginity is not such a big deal. Psychotherapist Shilpa Raheja agrees, "Virginity has lost its sacred value. 'Saving your virginity for marriage' is something that is even laughed at these days by some people." This attitude, though not very common is accepted.
Influence of alcohol
Is influence of alcohol or substance abuse one of the reasons that lead to lowering the age of sexual activity among children? Dr Chhabria says, "It may not be one of the reasons but it may stimulate the sexual urge further for them to indulge in sex. Also substance and alcohol tend to reduce the anxiety towards sex and alter consciousness which definitely plays a major role in letting the person freely perform sex."
Peer-group pressure
To have a boyfriend or girlfriend is like a status symbol say experts. "So much of 'hanging around' at pubs, cafes and discos are happening. You need a girl in your arms when you walk in to a party," says Shilpa. There are children who have their reasons for absistence but sometimes they are counteracted upon in a very strong way by the friends and the peer group. "Friends often provide the means when a parent refuses," says Anju.
Proper education needed
Yes we all know sex education is provided in schools. Period. But with rampant teenage pregnancies it obviously is not enough. Shilpa says, "Talking openly about sex is still not common. Parents usually want some other organisation to do the sex-talk with their kids."
Effects on children
Seema says, "In the last five years I have seen the number rise rapidly. Around 50-75 per cent young girls and guys lose their virginity much before they are anywhere near adulthood. And this affects them mentally. When kids are in Std 5, they have crushes and before they are in college most lose their virginity. When such a relationship does not work out depression hits them. There are anxiety disorders, eating disorders and feelings of guilt that may ruin their childhood."
Expert advice for parents
A good relationship between parents may be important where both have similar parenting styles. Parents need to be role models and need to make their child see how important is love, affection, care and commitment in a relationship. They need to explain that sex is something precious to be shared with the person you love and not just an act of physical satisfaction.The emotional problems that come up with losing virginity at an early age and that come along with multiple partners needs to be explained to your child with a lot of patience. Children also need to understand that their parents are the one who they need to confide into. Also all information from friends and elsewhere needs to be confirmed as it may not always be true. Children also need to judge better for themselves what is right and wrong and what will be good for them in the future.
Advice for teenagers
-The only way you can guarantee that you won't catch a sexually transmitted disease and won't get pregnant is abstinence.
- No one can force you into it. 'If you loved me you'd do it', can be countered with a 'If you really loved me you would wait'.
- Saying a no to a person even if it is someone you have said a yes to earlier, is perfectly okay.
- Always keep in mind that despite what rumors and gossip may suggest, virgins are a majority in most high schools, not a minority.
- If you want to show someone how much you care intercourse is not the only way to go about it. Don't let others try to convince you otherwise.
- If you kiss someone passionately does not mean that you have to go on to having sex with them.
R
Studies have revealed that children, these days, are losing their virginity at a very young age. Experts say that with the average age of puberty going down to 9-10 years for girls and 10-11 years for boys, the average age for losing virginity too is going down. And the deadly paring with this is — awareness about sex is more these days and information (not always from the right sources) is freely available. Television, movies and most prominently the Internet is loaded with extremely easily accessible information and graphic details. This, most of the time, helps to entice the youngsters to experiment, who already have hormones raging through them.
Anju Uppal, principal of an international high school says, "I have been dealing with children for a long time and I do believe that children these days are losing their virginity very early. They get attracted to each other and are tempted to take it all further."
Curiosity killed the cat
Psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria says, "It's human nature to be curious. A teenager would definitely want to experiment and experience the information he/she has heard about sex. For certain kids who are more shy, withdrawn and introverts, social networking sites are best for communication. Kids who may be new to exploring sexuality or may have a high drive, do indulge in cyber sex or phone sex at times." Anju Uppal adds, "They are much more aware of things these days and they are very keen to experiment."
Lack of attention from parents
With most parents working, kids are without proper supervision (a maid would not even understand the nuances of phone or cyber sex) and free to do as they like. "Sometimes the attention from the parents is not enough, kids may indulge in these things just to attract negative attention from parents," says Dr Chhabria.
Family history
Children who are from broken families are prone to indulge in flings with multiple partners without emotional attachments. Seema Hingorrany, clinical psychologist adds, "When there is a marital discord between parents the children may try to cling to their relationships and are ready to lose their virginity to hold on to it."
Sex isn't taboo anymore
Sex in our society is also not such a taboo as it used to be earlier and virginity is not such a big deal. Psychotherapist Shilpa Raheja agrees, "Virginity has lost its sacred value. 'Saving your virginity for marriage' is something that is even laughed at these days by some people." This attitude, though not very common is accepted.
Influence of alcohol
Is influence of alcohol or substance abuse one of the reasons that lead to lowering the age of sexual activity among children? Dr Chhabria says, "It may not be one of the reasons but it may stimulate the sexual urge further for them to indulge in sex. Also substance and alcohol tend to reduce the anxiety towards sex and alter consciousness which definitely plays a major role in letting the person freely perform sex."
Peer-group pressure
To have a boyfriend or girlfriend is like a status symbol say experts. "So much of 'hanging around' at pubs, cafes and discos are happening. You need a girl in your arms when you walk in to a party," says Shilpa. There are children who have their reasons for absistence but sometimes they are counteracted upon in a very strong way by the friends and the peer group. "Friends often provide the means when a parent refuses," says Anju.
Proper education needed
Yes we all know sex education is provided in schools. Period. But with rampant teenage pregnancies it obviously is not enough. Shilpa says, "Talking openly about sex is still not common. Parents usually want some other organisation to do the sex-talk with their kids."
Effects on children
Seema says, "In the last five years I have seen the number rise rapidly. Around 50-75 per cent young girls and guys lose their virginity much before they are anywhere near adulthood. And this affects them mentally. When kids are in Std 5, they have crushes and before they are in college most lose their virginity. When such a relationship does not work out depression hits them. There are anxiety disorders, eating disorders and feelings of guilt that may ruin their childhood."
Expert advice for parents
A good relationship between parents may be important where both have similar parenting styles. Parents need to be role models and need to make their child see how important is love, affection, care and commitment in a relationship. They need to explain that sex is something precious to be shared with the person you love and not just an act of physical satisfaction.The emotional problems that come up with losing virginity at an early age and that come along with multiple partners needs to be explained to your child with a lot of patience. Children also need to understand that their parents are the one who they need to confide into. Also all information from friends and elsewhere needs to be confirmed as it may not always be true. Children also need to judge better for themselves what is right and wrong and what will be good for them in the future.
Advice for teenagers
-The only way you can guarantee that you won't catch a sexually transmitted disease and won't get pregnant is abstinence.
- No one can force you into it. 'If you loved me you'd do it', can be countered with a 'If you really loved me you would wait'.
- Saying a no to a person even if it is someone you have said a yes to earlier, is perfectly okay.
- Always keep in mind that despite what rumors and gossip may suggest, virgins are a majority in most high schools, not a minority.
- If you want to show someone how much you care intercourse is not the only way to go about it. Don't let others try to convince you otherwise.
- If you kiss someone passionately does not mean that you have to go on to having sex with them.
R
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The everyman guide to ultra running
Go ultra
It seems impossible, doesn’t it? Fifty miles. It’d take almost an hour cruising down the motorway. Odds are, though, you once viewed running a marathon as the exclusive province of elite athletes. Perhaps you still do. But it’s not. And neither is an ultra. The 150-mile Marathon Des Sables had four times as many UK entrants as places this year for good reason: all across the country ordinary men are discovering their body’s limits are far beyond what they always imagined. Whatever your excuse, MH is here to bust it and give you that friendly shove out onto the (very) long and winding road.
Myth: Extreme endurance running is bad for your heart
The most recent research on this subject, from the Swedish School of Sport and Health Sciences, found ultra-endurance competitors suffered no cardiac fatigue even after six days of non-stop exercise. Since the average work intensity of those monitored in the study was just 40%, this suggests it is exercise intensity, rather than exercise duration, which may cause heart damage.
Reap all the benefits of sustained cardio while dodging the potential pitfalls by breaking up a slow pace with periods of walking. “Introducing walking breaks makes a huge difference to your endurance and your perceptions of how far you can go,” says ultra running world-record holder William Sichel. Next time you head out for a long run, take a walking break of 5-10 minutes for every 30 minutes jogging. “Monitor how you feel at the end compared to your normal run,” says Sichel. “You will probably be amazed.”
Myth: You’ll need a complex nutritional plan
While gorging on pizza and pies in the lead up to an ultra isn’t recommended, undertaking an intricate regimen of superfoods and supplements is far from crucial. “If your goal is to finish then you needn’t worry yourself with an eating plan which requires a PhD in dietetics to understand,” says sports nutritionist Alexandra Rees.
Before
Carb loading. Count back 10 days before the race. For the first six, eat a very low carb diet. Rees suggests porridge for breakfast, an apple as a morning snack, and the rest of the day’s intake based around lean protein – with nuts and low fat yoghurt as snacks. For the last four days, simply ensure you get a good hit of carbs five times a day: porridge, fruit, jacket potatoes, rice, oatcakes, fruit loaf, and pasta are all great sources. “By first depriving the body of carbs, we are subsequently more receptive to storing it, leaving replenished energy stores for endurance work,” explains Rees.
During
You can sweat between one and three litres an hour, so perfecting sipping on the go without cramping your stomach is perhaps the most vital skill an ultra runner needs master. Drink little, drink often, and drink both water and isotonic sports drinks – which provide the glucose, sodium and potassium you need. As for food, you’ll require more than a few jelly babies, says Rees: “Add bananas, slices of orange, oatcakes, dried fruit – all in bite-sized pieces to eat on the run.” Research where the water stations are and at what distance your gel, sweet and energy bar-stocked bag will be dropped for the event.
After
Drink a recovery shake as soon as you can after finishing, and try to get 2-3g of carbohydrates for every kilogram of your body-weight – and a gram of protein for every three carbs. “Plan your post-race meals around pasta, rice, or potato with meat or beans,” says Rees. “Weigh out your carbs, divide by three, and slap that amount in protein on top.” Simple.
Myth: A terrifyingly intense training schedule is necessary
If you’re going to best 50 miles you’ll have to kiss goodbye to your social life, right? Wrong, says Sichel. “Anyone who can complete a marathon could complete an ultra, with no extra training, provided they adopt a suitable run/walk pacing strategy.”
It’s all about fastidious control of your speed. Drifting along at just under four miles an hour might seem incredibly slow, but it’s absolutely the right pace for a dedicated marathon man interested in going the extra (23.8) miles. “Even if you simply went out for a run tomorrow and maintained an average 3.75mph running/walking pace you would probably find you could cover 50 miles with no additional training at all,” says Sichel. That’s Sunday covered then.
Myth: It’s going to hurt like hell
An ultra marathon isn’t going to be a walk in the park, obviously (unless, of course, one of your ambling stints coincides with said environs), but you may well find your body’s screaming is less torturous than during a marathon.
This is thanks to those heavenly half-hour walks. “By using a run/walk pacing plan, the degree of muscle damage is reduced and competitors don’t usually experience a rising spiral of pain,” says Sichel. “Typically, there’s good and bad phases – often with a good patch in the final stages.” Sprint finishing an ultra marathon? Now there’s an endurance attainment really worth bragging about.
Ready already?
September’s London to Brighton ultra winds for 56 miles through the beautiful countryside of three counties – Kent, Surrey and Sussex – ending at the perfect seaside spot for some well-deserved celebrations.
Lakeland’s 50 and 100 mile jaunts take place in July. There’s six manned checkpoints with food and drink available on the 50 and it ascends a measly 3100m over rough terrain. Easy.
After something a bit more tricky? The second Thames Ring race will span four days, cover 250 miles, and take place over the same days as Glastonbury: June 22-26. Painful? No doubt. But not half as soul-rending as forking out hundreds of pounds to watch a man in his late forties who calls himself The Edge play guitar.
It seems impossible, doesn’t it? Fifty miles. It’d take almost an hour cruising down the motorway. Odds are, though, you once viewed running a marathon as the exclusive province of elite athletes. Perhaps you still do. But it’s not. And neither is an ultra. The 150-mile Marathon Des Sables had four times as many UK entrants as places this year for good reason: all across the country ordinary men are discovering their body’s limits are far beyond what they always imagined. Whatever your excuse, MH is here to bust it and give you that friendly shove out onto the (very) long and winding road.
Myth: Extreme endurance running is bad for your heart
The most recent research on this subject, from the Swedish School of Sport and Health Sciences, found ultra-endurance competitors suffered no cardiac fatigue even after six days of non-stop exercise. Since the average work intensity of those monitored in the study was just 40%, this suggests it is exercise intensity, rather than exercise duration, which may cause heart damage.
Reap all the benefits of sustained cardio while dodging the potential pitfalls by breaking up a slow pace with periods of walking. “Introducing walking breaks makes a huge difference to your endurance and your perceptions of how far you can go,” says ultra running world-record holder William Sichel. Next time you head out for a long run, take a walking break of 5-10 minutes for every 30 minutes jogging. “Monitor how you feel at the end compared to your normal run,” says Sichel. “You will probably be amazed.”
Myth: You’ll need a complex nutritional plan
While gorging on pizza and pies in the lead up to an ultra isn’t recommended, undertaking an intricate regimen of superfoods and supplements is far from crucial. “If your goal is to finish then you needn’t worry yourself with an eating plan which requires a PhD in dietetics to understand,” says sports nutritionist Alexandra Rees.
Before
Carb loading. Count back 10 days before the race. For the first six, eat a very low carb diet. Rees suggests porridge for breakfast, an apple as a morning snack, and the rest of the day’s intake based around lean protein – with nuts and low fat yoghurt as snacks. For the last four days, simply ensure you get a good hit of carbs five times a day: porridge, fruit, jacket potatoes, rice, oatcakes, fruit loaf, and pasta are all great sources. “By first depriving the body of carbs, we are subsequently more receptive to storing it, leaving replenished energy stores for endurance work,” explains Rees.
During
You can sweat between one and three litres an hour, so perfecting sipping on the go without cramping your stomach is perhaps the most vital skill an ultra runner needs master. Drink little, drink often, and drink both water and isotonic sports drinks – which provide the glucose, sodium and potassium you need. As for food, you’ll require more than a few jelly babies, says Rees: “Add bananas, slices of orange, oatcakes, dried fruit – all in bite-sized pieces to eat on the run.” Research where the water stations are and at what distance your gel, sweet and energy bar-stocked bag will be dropped for the event.
After
Drink a recovery shake as soon as you can after finishing, and try to get 2-3g of carbohydrates for every kilogram of your body-weight – and a gram of protein for every three carbs. “Plan your post-race meals around pasta, rice, or potato with meat or beans,” says Rees. “Weigh out your carbs, divide by three, and slap that amount in protein on top.” Simple.
Myth: A terrifyingly intense training schedule is necessary
If you’re going to best 50 miles you’ll have to kiss goodbye to your social life, right? Wrong, says Sichel. “Anyone who can complete a marathon could complete an ultra, with no extra training, provided they adopt a suitable run/walk pacing strategy.”
It’s all about fastidious control of your speed. Drifting along at just under four miles an hour might seem incredibly slow, but it’s absolutely the right pace for a dedicated marathon man interested in going the extra (23.8) miles. “Even if you simply went out for a run tomorrow and maintained an average 3.75mph running/walking pace you would probably find you could cover 50 miles with no additional training at all,” says Sichel. That’s Sunday covered then.
Myth: It’s going to hurt like hell
An ultra marathon isn’t going to be a walk in the park, obviously (unless, of course, one of your ambling stints coincides with said environs), but you may well find your body’s screaming is less torturous than during a marathon.
This is thanks to those heavenly half-hour walks. “By using a run/walk pacing plan, the degree of muscle damage is reduced and competitors don’t usually experience a rising spiral of pain,” says Sichel. “Typically, there’s good and bad phases – often with a good patch in the final stages.” Sprint finishing an ultra marathon? Now there’s an endurance attainment really worth bragging about.
Ready already?
September’s London to Brighton ultra winds for 56 miles through the beautiful countryside of three counties – Kent, Surrey and Sussex – ending at the perfect seaside spot for some well-deserved celebrations.
Lakeland’s 50 and 100 mile jaunts take place in July. There’s six manned checkpoints with food and drink available on the 50 and it ascends a measly 3100m over rough terrain. Easy.
After something a bit more tricky? The second Thames Ring race will span four days, cover 250 miles, and take place over the same days as Glastonbury: June 22-26. Painful? No doubt. But not half as soul-rending as forking out hundreds of pounds to watch a man in his late forties who calls himself The Edge play guitar.
The ultimate cardio workout....
Get ready…
Those who spend half their allotted court-time leaning against the wall and gasping "just... 10... more... seconds" will be unsurprised to learn that squash burns 10% more calories than any other sport. But how do the game's best players train for the barrage of interminable rallies that make up top-flight matches? Well, Nick Matthew, the Commonwealth champion, likes to indulge in "full-body rumble circuits". Try to match his Herculean exploits – or adapt this chop-and-change session to your own capabilities – to build superhuman fitness fast.
Get steady…
In this workout your total number of reps can be split up according to fatigue and preference, explains Mark Campbell, Matthew’s senior strength and conditioning coach: “For example, you may perform the bench dips as 4 sets of 25, executing a set and then moving on to another exercise.”
Matthew tends to put a time limit on his rumble circuit of 30 or 60 minutes and do as many of the exercises on the list as possible. We recommend you set yourself a (probably shorter) deadline, too, and work without rest through as many moves as you can. Since you’ll be flitting constantly between different pieces of equipment, Campbell advises it’s best to try this workout when the gym is a bit quiet. That way there’ll be no-one around to wonder why you’re struggling purple-faced through body-weight squats, either.
If you’re unsure how to perform an exercise, simply click on it for a demonstration.
Then rumble...
Bench dips – 100 reps in total
Dumb-bell press-up rows (5-10kg) – 50 reps in total
Body weight squats – 100 reps in total
Bar-bell curl and press (20kg) – 50 reps in total
Side plank – 3 minutes each side in total
Crunches – 200 reps in total
Lunges – 50 reps each leg in total
Plate row (10-20kg) – 100 reps in total
Leg lowers – 100 reps in total
Row – 4 x 500m efforts
Treadmill – 2 x 800m efforts
Cycle – 2 x 2km efforts
Do each of the following four exercises for 30 seconds, then repeat without rest (so the whole section takes four minutes)
Bar-bell curls (10kg) – 30 seconds
Bar-bell shoulder press (10kg) – 30 seconds
Bar-bell upright rows (10kg) – 30 seconds
Bar-bell bent over row (10kg) – 30 seconds
Perform 10 press-ups followed by 20 burpees three times through non-stop
Press-ups – 10
Burpees – 20
Repeat the following two exercises three times in a row non-stop
Dumb-bell squat and press (10kg) – 20 reps
Box jumps – 45cm box, 20 reps
Everybody rumble...
We’d love to know how many of the exercises you’re able to get through in 30 minutes – or, if you’re feeling confident, how long it takes you to complete the whole workout. If you've given it a shot, leave a comment below...
Those who spend half their allotted court-time leaning against the wall and gasping "just... 10... more... seconds" will be unsurprised to learn that squash burns 10% more calories than any other sport. But how do the game's best players train for the barrage of interminable rallies that make up top-flight matches? Well, Nick Matthew, the Commonwealth champion, likes to indulge in "full-body rumble circuits". Try to match his Herculean exploits – or adapt this chop-and-change session to your own capabilities – to build superhuman fitness fast.
Get steady…
In this workout your total number of reps can be split up according to fatigue and preference, explains Mark Campbell, Matthew’s senior strength and conditioning coach: “For example, you may perform the bench dips as 4 sets of 25, executing a set and then moving on to another exercise.”
Matthew tends to put a time limit on his rumble circuit of 30 or 60 minutes and do as many of the exercises on the list as possible. We recommend you set yourself a (probably shorter) deadline, too, and work without rest through as many moves as you can. Since you’ll be flitting constantly between different pieces of equipment, Campbell advises it’s best to try this workout when the gym is a bit quiet. That way there’ll be no-one around to wonder why you’re struggling purple-faced through body-weight squats, either.
If you’re unsure how to perform an exercise, simply click on it for a demonstration.
Then rumble...
Bench dips – 100 reps in total
Dumb-bell press-up rows (5-10kg) – 50 reps in total
Body weight squats – 100 reps in total
Bar-bell curl and press (20kg) – 50 reps in total
Side plank – 3 minutes each side in total
Crunches – 200 reps in total
Lunges – 50 reps each leg in total
Plate row (10-20kg) – 100 reps in total
Leg lowers – 100 reps in total
Row – 4 x 500m efforts
Treadmill – 2 x 800m efforts
Cycle – 2 x 2km efforts
Do each of the following four exercises for 30 seconds, then repeat without rest (so the whole section takes four minutes)
Bar-bell curls (10kg) – 30 seconds
Bar-bell shoulder press (10kg) – 30 seconds
Bar-bell upright rows (10kg) – 30 seconds
Bar-bell bent over row (10kg) – 30 seconds
Perform 10 press-ups followed by 20 burpees three times through non-stop
Press-ups – 10
Burpees – 20
Repeat the following two exercises three times in a row non-stop
Dumb-bell squat and press (10kg) – 20 reps
Box jumps – 45cm box, 20 reps
Everybody rumble...
We’d love to know how many of the exercises you’re able to get through in 30 minutes – or, if you’re feeling confident, how long it takes you to complete the whole workout. If you've given it a shot, leave a comment below...
The best muscle moves you can do........
Serious strength training
Ten years ago, Olympic strength coach Dr Tudor Bompa used electromyography (the process of recording the physiologic properties of muscles at rest and while contracting) to determine which exercises caused the greatest amount of activity within each muscle group. His study, Serious Strength Training (published in Human Kinetics), set the benchmark for which exercises produced the greatest gains in mass and strength.
Olympic gains
Admittedly, it's some time since Bompa first trumpeted his findings. But the science not only still stands (the second edition of his book was published in 2003), it has bred success – Bompa personally trained 11 Olympic Games medallists including four gold medal winners. In case you missed his book second-time round, the best moves and the percentage of muscle fibres worked are listed below. Both novices and advanced trainers can start each session for a particular body part with the best exercise listed below. And you can do them in the order shown if you want a full body-strength workout.
1. Body part: quads
Best move: deep squats
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and rest a bar-bell on the back of your shoulders. Bend your hips and knees to lower yourself as far as you can go or until your glutes touch the ground. Keep your knees in line with your feet and heels on the ground. Rise to the start. Keep your knees slightly bent at the top.
Portion of quads used: 88%
Why: you'll work your legs through a full range of motion rather than stopping when your thighs become parallel to the ground.
Make it better: substitute your normal squats for deep squats and add three sets of single-leg squats to your leg routine. A study revealed at the National Strength and Conditional annual conference found that two-leg squats burden your stronger leg with 6% more weight, which can lead to strength imbalances and posture problems.
2. Body part: chest
Best move: decline dumb-bell bench press
Lie on a decline bench with your lower shins beneath the leg supports. Hold a pair of dumb-bells along the sides of your chest, palms facing away from you. Push the weights up above your chest until your arms are extended. Don't completely straighten your elbows.
Portion of chest used: 93%
Why: dumb-bells allow for a deeper stretch at the bottom of the move.
Make it better: lower the weights as wide and as far away from your armpits as possible. A study in the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research found that taking a grip wider than shoulder width recruits even more chest-muscle fibres.
3. Body part: shoulders
Best move: incline dumb-bell side raises
Lie your right side on an incline bench and hold a dumb-bell with your left hand. Keeping your elbow locked and your arm straight raise the dumb-bell until it's directly over your shoulder joint. Then lower to the start position.
Portion of shoulders used: 66%
Why: lying on your side makes you work against gravity for the entire lift.
Make it better: "This move targets the sides of your shoulder so you look wider," says Dr Ross Sherman, senior exercise physiologist at Kingston University, London. "To work the rest of your shoulder muscles, raise the weight until your bicep touches your ear then lower it."
4. Body part: biceps
Best move: preacher curls with straight bar
Grasp a straight bar with an underhand shoulder-width grip. Lean across a preacher bench and extend your arms fully. Bend your elbows to curl the weight up as far as possible. Keep your elbows firmly anchored.
Portion of biceps used: 90%
Why: the bench stops you from leaning back to cheat and isolates your biceps.
Make it better: "Don't let your wrists bend back while curling the bar," says Sherman. "Keep them locked and in line with your forearms. This will help you shift more weight and target your biceps further."
5. Body part: back
Best move: bent-over bar-bell row
Stand holding a bar-bell with an overhand grip, with your feet shoulder-width apart. Keeping your back flat, bend forward at the hips until your back is at a 45° to the floor. You should have a slight bend in your knees with your straight arms beneath your shoulders. Bend your elbows to bring the bar to point just below your chest. Pause then lower to the start.
Portion of back used: 93%
Why: this exercise makes you keep the tension on your back muscles through the lifting and lowering portions of the move.
Make it better: "Use an alternating grip – one hand over, one hand under," advises Sherman. "This will give you a sturdier grip allowing you to shift more weight. After each set, reverse the position of each hand for more balanced lat growth."
6. Body part: triceps
Best move: decline triceps extensions
Lie on a decline bench and position a bar-bell above your shoulders with fully extended arms. Bend your elbows to lower the weight until it is behind your head. Keep your elbows pointed up throughout the move. Straighten your arms to go to the start of the move.
Portion of triceps used: 92%
Why: it works all three heads of your triceps and the decline keeps the stress on the muscle for the whole lift.
Make it better: "Use dumb-bells," says Sherman. "They let you lower the weight either side of your head which will isolate your triceps more."
The book
The latest version of Dr Bompa's book contains new information on nutrition and new exercises. Bompa expands on his periodised approach to strength training to include periodisation of nutrition. Readers can match nutrition guidelines to each of the six training phases, maximising their strength and muscle definition. In addition, Mauro Di Pasquale, an internationally renowned physician and body-building nutrition expert, presents his revolutionary diet. His method allows readers to structure their diets to meet their individual metabolic profiles.
Ten years ago, Olympic strength coach Dr Tudor Bompa used electromyography (the process of recording the physiologic properties of muscles at rest and while contracting) to determine which exercises caused the greatest amount of activity within each muscle group. His study, Serious Strength Training (published in Human Kinetics), set the benchmark for which exercises produced the greatest gains in mass and strength.
Olympic gains
Admittedly, it's some time since Bompa first trumpeted his findings. But the science not only still stands (the second edition of his book was published in 2003), it has bred success – Bompa personally trained 11 Olympic Games medallists including four gold medal winners. In case you missed his book second-time round, the best moves and the percentage of muscle fibres worked are listed below. Both novices and advanced trainers can start each session for a particular body part with the best exercise listed below. And you can do them in the order shown if you want a full body-strength workout.
1. Body part: quads
Best move: deep squats
Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and rest a bar-bell on the back of your shoulders. Bend your hips and knees to lower yourself as far as you can go or until your glutes touch the ground. Keep your knees in line with your feet and heels on the ground. Rise to the start. Keep your knees slightly bent at the top.
Portion of quads used: 88%
Why: you'll work your legs through a full range of motion rather than stopping when your thighs become parallel to the ground.
Make it better: substitute your normal squats for deep squats and add three sets of single-leg squats to your leg routine. A study revealed at the National Strength and Conditional annual conference found that two-leg squats burden your stronger leg with 6% more weight, which can lead to strength imbalances and posture problems.
2. Body part: chest
Best move: decline dumb-bell bench press
Lie on a decline bench with your lower shins beneath the leg supports. Hold a pair of dumb-bells along the sides of your chest, palms facing away from you. Push the weights up above your chest until your arms are extended. Don't completely straighten your elbows.
Portion of chest used: 93%
Why: dumb-bells allow for a deeper stretch at the bottom of the move.
Make it better: lower the weights as wide and as far away from your armpits as possible. A study in the Journal of Strength and Conditioning Research found that taking a grip wider than shoulder width recruits even more chest-muscle fibres.
3. Body part: shoulders
Best move: incline dumb-bell side raises
Lie your right side on an incline bench and hold a dumb-bell with your left hand. Keeping your elbow locked and your arm straight raise the dumb-bell until it's directly over your shoulder joint. Then lower to the start position.
Portion of shoulders used: 66%
Why: lying on your side makes you work against gravity for the entire lift.
Make it better: "This move targets the sides of your shoulder so you look wider," says Dr Ross Sherman, senior exercise physiologist at Kingston University, London. "To work the rest of your shoulder muscles, raise the weight until your bicep touches your ear then lower it."
4. Body part: biceps
Best move: preacher curls with straight bar
Grasp a straight bar with an underhand shoulder-width grip. Lean across a preacher bench and extend your arms fully. Bend your elbows to curl the weight up as far as possible. Keep your elbows firmly anchored.
Portion of biceps used: 90%
Why: the bench stops you from leaning back to cheat and isolates your biceps.
Make it better: "Don't let your wrists bend back while curling the bar," says Sherman. "Keep them locked and in line with your forearms. This will help you shift more weight and target your biceps further."
5. Body part: back
Best move: bent-over bar-bell row
Stand holding a bar-bell with an overhand grip, with your feet shoulder-width apart. Keeping your back flat, bend forward at the hips until your back is at a 45° to the floor. You should have a slight bend in your knees with your straight arms beneath your shoulders. Bend your elbows to bring the bar to point just below your chest. Pause then lower to the start.
Portion of back used: 93%
Why: this exercise makes you keep the tension on your back muscles through the lifting and lowering portions of the move.
Make it better: "Use an alternating grip – one hand over, one hand under," advises Sherman. "This will give you a sturdier grip allowing you to shift more weight. After each set, reverse the position of each hand for more balanced lat growth."
6. Body part: triceps
Best move: decline triceps extensions
Lie on a decline bench and position a bar-bell above your shoulders with fully extended arms. Bend your elbows to lower the weight until it is behind your head. Keep your elbows pointed up throughout the move. Straighten your arms to go to the start of the move.
Portion of triceps used: 92%
Why: it works all three heads of your triceps and the decline keeps the stress on the muscle for the whole lift.
Make it better: "Use dumb-bells," says Sherman. "They let you lower the weight either side of your head which will isolate your triceps more."
The book
The latest version of Dr Bompa's book contains new information on nutrition and new exercises. Bompa expands on his periodised approach to strength training to include periodisation of nutrition. Readers can match nutrition guidelines to each of the six training phases, maximising their strength and muscle definition. In addition, Mauro Di Pasquale, an internationally renowned physician and body-building nutrition expert, presents his revolutionary diet. His method allows readers to structure their diets to meet their individual metabolic profiles.
Sneaky muscle-builders.......
Roll over
It’s not all about grunt, sweat and tears – the smart man bulks up under his duvet: Your muscles recover twice as quickly in the deep regenerative stages of sleep. If you’re doing full-body weights, add an extra hour to your usual sleep quota. Call it the snooze-button workout.
And an udder thing…
Down 500ml of skimmed milk a day. University of Ontario nutritionists found lifters who drank the white stuff gained up to 10% more muscle than those drinking soy or sports drinks. More good news for middle managers: milk drinkers also lost up to 20% more fat.
Sofa, so good
“Adding an extra day of complete rest after a heavy session will significantly increase your gains,” says Nick Grantham, Director of Strength and Conditioning at genr8sport.com. “After a workout your body’s in muscle-growth mode for 48 hours - interrupt that with another session and you’ll undo your hard work."
Prep talk
The bulk-up process can begin hours before you pick up the dumb-bells, while you’re lifting your knife and fork. The Journal of Applied Physiology reports you can spike production of the essential muscle-making growth hormone IGF-1 by a fifth when you eat a 200g 65/35 combo of carbs and protein two hours before a workout.
Perfect dining
Don’t leave your pre-workout fuel too late, though. University of California research found working out with undigested food in your gut can inhibit your body's production of growth hormone by 54%.
Skip sessions
“Combining complex full-body moves three times a week, rather than more frequent, body-part specific training is the most effective way to gain muscle,” says Jonathan Folland, lecturer in Exercise Physiology at Loughborough University. Start with squats, lunges and deadlifts.
Sleep on it
Smart snacking before bed means you’ll pile on pounds in the right places. “Your muscles regenerate while you sleep, but they can’t without a drip-feed of nutrients,” says Anita Bean, author of Food For Fitness (A&C Black). Ninety minutes before bed have two boiled eggs (20g protein), a piece of wholemeal toast (complex carbs for consistent energy) and a glass of milk (slow-release casein protein).
Clean up
Keep building muscle in the shower. “Immediately after exercising, stand under a cold shower for 60 seconds, then turn up the heat for 60 seconds, and repeat five times,” says Grantham. “Your blood vessels will dilate and constrict, flushing out lactic acid so your muscles recover and grow quicker."
Less is more
Trick your body into growing more by doing less: “Alternating high rep, lower weight sessions with your heavy weight workouts causes a surge in the growth hormones and testosterone needed for muscle growth,” says Andy Wadsworth, author of Personal Trainer (Anness Publishing). Interested? Weeks 1-4: 3-5 sets of 10-15 reps, lifting 65% of your single maximum rep (SMR). Weeks 5-8: 4-6 sets of 3-6 reps, lifting 80% of your SMR.
The lard way
“Low-fat diets restrict testosterone production, limiting muscle growth,” says Folland. So embrace the lard-side, but make sure it’s not all bacon butties. A daily 2tbsp dose of Udo’s Choice Ultimate Oil Blend (www.health4youonline.com) was proven by University of Scranton researchers in the US to not only increase testosterone production and prevent muscle breakdown, but also increase good, HDL cholesterol.
Find pod
“Music has a proven pain-relieving effect while weight training, shown in tests to up your chances of completing your reps by a third,” says Brunel University sports psychologist Dr Costas Karageorghis.
Tap in
Up your daily H2O hit to over two litres and you’ll pack on 10% more bulk, University of New South Wales scientists found. “Protein generates metabolic waste that must be dissolved in water, without which your muscles simply don’t recover as quickly,” says hydration specialist Dr Susan Shirreffs from Loughborough University.
It’s not all about grunt, sweat and tears – the smart man bulks up under his duvet: Your muscles recover twice as quickly in the deep regenerative stages of sleep. If you’re doing full-body weights, add an extra hour to your usual sleep quota. Call it the snooze-button workout.
And an udder thing…
Down 500ml of skimmed milk a day. University of Ontario nutritionists found lifters who drank the white stuff gained up to 10% more muscle than those drinking soy or sports drinks. More good news for middle managers: milk drinkers also lost up to 20% more fat.
Sofa, so good
“Adding an extra day of complete rest after a heavy session will significantly increase your gains,” says Nick Grantham, Director of Strength and Conditioning at genr8sport.com. “After a workout your body’s in muscle-growth mode for 48 hours - interrupt that with another session and you’ll undo your hard work."
Prep talk
The bulk-up process can begin hours before you pick up the dumb-bells, while you’re lifting your knife and fork. The Journal of Applied Physiology reports you can spike production of the essential muscle-making growth hormone IGF-1 by a fifth when you eat a 200g 65/35 combo of carbs and protein two hours before a workout.
Perfect dining
Don’t leave your pre-workout fuel too late, though. University of California research found working out with undigested food in your gut can inhibit your body's production of growth hormone by 54%.
Skip sessions
“Combining complex full-body moves three times a week, rather than more frequent, body-part specific training is the most effective way to gain muscle,” says Jonathan Folland, lecturer in Exercise Physiology at Loughborough University. Start with squats, lunges and deadlifts.
Sleep on it
Smart snacking before bed means you’ll pile on pounds in the right places. “Your muscles regenerate while you sleep, but they can’t without a drip-feed of nutrients,” says Anita Bean, author of Food For Fitness (A&C Black). Ninety minutes before bed have two boiled eggs (20g protein), a piece of wholemeal toast (complex carbs for consistent energy) and a glass of milk (slow-release casein protein).
Clean up
Keep building muscle in the shower. “Immediately after exercising, stand under a cold shower for 60 seconds, then turn up the heat for 60 seconds, and repeat five times,” says Grantham. “Your blood vessels will dilate and constrict, flushing out lactic acid so your muscles recover and grow quicker."
Less is more
Trick your body into growing more by doing less: “Alternating high rep, lower weight sessions with your heavy weight workouts causes a surge in the growth hormones and testosterone needed for muscle growth,” says Andy Wadsworth, author of Personal Trainer (Anness Publishing). Interested? Weeks 1-4: 3-5 sets of 10-15 reps, lifting 65% of your single maximum rep (SMR). Weeks 5-8: 4-6 sets of 3-6 reps, lifting 80% of your SMR.
The lard way
“Low-fat diets restrict testosterone production, limiting muscle growth,” says Folland. So embrace the lard-side, but make sure it’s not all bacon butties. A daily 2tbsp dose of Udo’s Choice Ultimate Oil Blend (www.health4youonline.com) was proven by University of Scranton researchers in the US to not only increase testosterone production and prevent muscle breakdown, but also increase good, HDL cholesterol.
Find pod
“Music has a proven pain-relieving effect while weight training, shown in tests to up your chances of completing your reps by a third,” says Brunel University sports psychologist Dr Costas Karageorghis.
Tap in
Up your daily H2O hit to over two litres and you’ll pack on 10% more bulk, University of New South Wales scientists found. “Protein generates metabolic waste that must be dissolved in water, without which your muscles simply don’t recover as quickly,” says hydration specialist Dr Susan Shirreffs from Loughborough University.
The perfect six-pack-sculpting day.........
Hit all your core areas with this 24-hour abs-blasting plan
07:00 Wake up to water
Drink at least half a litre of chilled H2O as soon as you wake. Muscles grow faster when hydrated and German scientists found drinking this amount at dawn boosts your metabolism by 24% for 90 minutes. Providing more energy for them to ‘bags' those early sun loungers.
07:15 30 crunches
Keep your knees bent and feet an inch off the floor.
08:00 Pack on protein with microwave omelettes
Blend two eggs with a tablespoon of diced onion and nuke for 2½ mins.
10:00 Grab a snack of raisins or a banana
...with a black coffee. Carbs and caffeine refuel your muscle glycogen levels 34% faster than carbs alone. It's not called an espresso for nothing.
12:00 Attack fat with a lunchtime cardio session
Run at 40% of your max to warm up for 2 mins, then 95% of your max for 30 seconds. Drop to 40% again for 90 seconds – repeat these intervals 7 times.
13:30 Fill up with a salad
...of black beans, peppers, tomatoes, onion and sweetcorn, along with a simple home-made olive oil and lemon dressing. This encourages fat-burning while avoiding the trans fats found in shop-bought options.
16:00 Have a drink at your desk
Sadly not a beer: it needs to be a 250ml whey powder smoothie, taken 90 minutes before your evening workout, so you digest it fully but still fuel your muscles.
17:30 Get in 30 mins more cardio
...then crunches and a plank combo move, says Matt McGorry, Peak Performance trainer (peakperformance.com). "A front, left-side and then right-side plank forces you to contract all your abs for long intervals."
21:30 10 close hand push-ups
You've got time for 3 sets. Don't slack now.
22:30 Hit the sack to unveil your pack
University of Chicago scientists found staying up late causes muscle cells to become insulin resistant – leading to fat storage around your belly. After a full day's workout your stomach muscles need ample time to grow for show.
07:00 Wake up to water
Drink at least half a litre of chilled H2O as soon as you wake. Muscles grow faster when hydrated and German scientists found drinking this amount at dawn boosts your metabolism by 24% for 90 minutes. Providing more energy for them to ‘bags' those early sun loungers.
07:15 30 crunches
Keep your knees bent and feet an inch off the floor.
08:00 Pack on protein with microwave omelettes
Blend two eggs with a tablespoon of diced onion and nuke for 2½ mins.
10:00 Grab a snack of raisins or a banana
...with a black coffee. Carbs and caffeine refuel your muscle glycogen levels 34% faster than carbs alone. It's not called an espresso for nothing.
12:00 Attack fat with a lunchtime cardio session
Run at 40% of your max to warm up for 2 mins, then 95% of your max for 30 seconds. Drop to 40% again for 90 seconds – repeat these intervals 7 times.
13:30 Fill up with a salad
...of black beans, peppers, tomatoes, onion and sweetcorn, along with a simple home-made olive oil and lemon dressing. This encourages fat-burning while avoiding the trans fats found in shop-bought options.
16:00 Have a drink at your desk
Sadly not a beer: it needs to be a 250ml whey powder smoothie, taken 90 minutes before your evening workout, so you digest it fully but still fuel your muscles.
17:30 Get in 30 mins more cardio
...then crunches and a plank combo move, says Matt McGorry, Peak Performance trainer (peakperformance.com). "A front, left-side and then right-side plank forces you to contract all your abs for long intervals."
21:30 10 close hand push-ups
You've got time for 3 sets. Don't slack now.
22:30 Hit the sack to unveil your pack
University of Chicago scientists found staying up late causes muscle cells to become insulin resistant – leading to fat storage around your belly. After a full day's workout your stomach muscles need ample time to grow for show.
10 ways to a six-pack
1 Scrub up
As well as a dazzling Tom Cruise smile, brushing your teeth the right way will give you an A-list midriff. "Standing on one leg when you're brushing works deep core muscles," says Dr Tim Hutchful, of the British Chiropractic Association. "It's a perfect short workout, creating a degree of instability that works smaller muscles essential for core strength." Just don't try the same thing at the urinals.
2 Get in-tense abs
Intensify your workout to pound the paunch. A study by Laval University, Canada showed men who endured 15 weeks of interval training lost nine times more subcutaneous fat than men who did 20 weeks of steady-state endurance training. Insert a high-intensity interval session into your routine 3 times a week. Do 1 min at a rate of 9/10; 3 mins at 4/10 and repeat for 20 mins. That's only 5 mins at full speed.
3 Get deep
Work your deep core by locating the transverse abdominus (TVA) muscle responsible for a washboard stomach. "Take a deep breath and hold it before the lifting phase of any exercise to fire-up your TVA," says Kate Eddy, strength and conditioning coach at Bath University. "Then forcefully exhale on the return phase." For a six-pack, it's what's on the inside that counts. Watch exercises that will work your core on MH TV.
4 C the light
People who consume 500mg of vitamin C daily burn 39% more fat during exercise than those who have less than 100mg, according to a study from Arizona State University. "Low levels of vitamin C may impede your body's ability to use fat as energy," says study author Professor Carol Johnston. Kiwi fruit and peppers pack twice the C per gram of oranges. Half-time kiwi, anyone?
5 Pile it on
Your abs are some of your strongest muscles – they can take more than just your bodyweight. "Hold a 10kg disc or dumb-bell above your head when doing variations on crunches, or attach leg weights to your ankles during leg raises," says Phil Learney, strength trainer at The Third Space (thethirdspace.com). "You need to load your core for the muscle fibres to grow for real definition."
6 Prepare to be punched
Scare your six-pack into being by imagining heavyweight champ David Haye is about to slog you with a body blow. Researchers at Utah State University found that you increase your deep-core activity during squats by 167% if you tense as though you're about to take a hit. That's almost worth two rounds with the Hayemaker... almost.
7 Lie down
University of Chicago scientists found that three consecutive nights of poor sleep causes your muscle cells to become resistant to insulin, leading to increased fat storage in your belly. Guarantee quality shut-eye by snacking on high-fibre cereal such as a bowl of Shredded Wheat just before you go to bed, says Anita Bean, author of Food for Fitness. "It lets the sleep-inducing tryptophan through to your brain so your cells start processing insulin efficiently again." You'll sleep like a baby, albeit one with a remarkably toned midriff.
8 Eat a burger
Packed with zinc, protein and magnesium, a burger needn't be a sin. Cornell University found athletes who upped their weekly intake to 550g – five average burgers – increased fat burn by 20% over those who ate under 300g of lean red meat. Get thee to the Gourmet Burger Kitchen.
9 Delay
Leave any core-specific workouts until the end of your session. "Working your abs first will fatigue them so you won't get the same benefits from moves such as squats and deadlifts," says Carl Ellis, personal trainer at Fitness First (fitnessfirst.co.uk). Good abs come to those who wait.
10 Get cable
Put your core's hidden muscles centre stage on the cable machine. "It gives you the variety to hit every one of your abdominal muscles," says PT Nick Grantham (nickgrantham.com). Try 10-12 reps of the cable push-pull. Face the stack in a fighting stance with your left foot forward and left arm extended in front of you. Your rear hand should be at chest height. Pull from the front and push from the rear, as though you're punching through. Imagine Noel Edmonds' face if that helps.
As well as a dazzling Tom Cruise smile, brushing your teeth the right way will give you an A-list midriff. "Standing on one leg when you're brushing works deep core muscles," says Dr Tim Hutchful, of the British Chiropractic Association. "It's a perfect short workout, creating a degree of instability that works smaller muscles essential for core strength." Just don't try the same thing at the urinals.
2 Get in-tense abs
Intensify your workout to pound the paunch. A study by Laval University, Canada showed men who endured 15 weeks of interval training lost nine times more subcutaneous fat than men who did 20 weeks of steady-state endurance training. Insert a high-intensity interval session into your routine 3 times a week. Do 1 min at a rate of 9/10; 3 mins at 4/10 and repeat for 20 mins. That's only 5 mins at full speed.
3 Get deep
Work your deep core by locating the transverse abdominus (TVA) muscle responsible for a washboard stomach. "Take a deep breath and hold it before the lifting phase of any exercise to fire-up your TVA," says Kate Eddy, strength and conditioning coach at Bath University. "Then forcefully exhale on the return phase." For a six-pack, it's what's on the inside that counts. Watch exercises that will work your core on MH TV.
4 C the light
People who consume 500mg of vitamin C daily burn 39% more fat during exercise than those who have less than 100mg, according to a study from Arizona State University. "Low levels of vitamin C may impede your body's ability to use fat as energy," says study author Professor Carol Johnston. Kiwi fruit and peppers pack twice the C per gram of oranges. Half-time kiwi, anyone?
5 Pile it on
Your abs are some of your strongest muscles – they can take more than just your bodyweight. "Hold a 10kg disc or dumb-bell above your head when doing variations on crunches, or attach leg weights to your ankles during leg raises," says Phil Learney, strength trainer at The Third Space (thethirdspace.com). "You need to load your core for the muscle fibres to grow for real definition."
6 Prepare to be punched
Scare your six-pack into being by imagining heavyweight champ David Haye is about to slog you with a body blow. Researchers at Utah State University found that you increase your deep-core activity during squats by 167% if you tense as though you're about to take a hit. That's almost worth two rounds with the Hayemaker... almost.
7 Lie down
University of Chicago scientists found that three consecutive nights of poor sleep causes your muscle cells to become resistant to insulin, leading to increased fat storage in your belly. Guarantee quality shut-eye by snacking on high-fibre cereal such as a bowl of Shredded Wheat just before you go to bed, says Anita Bean, author of Food for Fitness. "It lets the sleep-inducing tryptophan through to your brain so your cells start processing insulin efficiently again." You'll sleep like a baby, albeit one with a remarkably toned midriff.
8 Eat a burger
Packed with zinc, protein and magnesium, a burger needn't be a sin. Cornell University found athletes who upped their weekly intake to 550g – five average burgers – increased fat burn by 20% over those who ate under 300g of lean red meat. Get thee to the Gourmet Burger Kitchen.
9 Delay
Leave any core-specific workouts until the end of your session. "Working your abs first will fatigue them so you won't get the same benefits from moves such as squats and deadlifts," says Carl Ellis, personal trainer at Fitness First (fitnessfirst.co.uk). Good abs come to those who wait.
10 Get cable
Put your core's hidden muscles centre stage on the cable machine. "It gives you the variety to hit every one of your abdominal muscles," says PT Nick Grantham (nickgrantham.com). Try 10-12 reps of the cable push-pull. Face the stack in a fighting stance with your left foot forward and left arm extended in front of you. Your rear hand should be at chest height. Pull from the front and push from the rear, as though you're punching through. Imagine Noel Edmonds' face if that helps.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Multiple Orgasms (Part 1)
Are you one of those women who think that she isn’t capable of having multiple orgasms? Every woman is capable of having them. I’m going to try to explain how they can be achieved and what the different types are. Grab yourself a snack, a drink and a positive attitude and we will be on our way!!!.
Sequential O’s: Having multiple orgasms is a learned response. If you are going to teach yourself first, a bullet or vibe may work better then your fingers. Get nice and comfortable. Think of how you can bring yourself to orgasm without over stimulating your clitoris. In the past an ultra sensitive clitoris has been what has held me back from going for more but with time and retraining of my brain I have learned to get past it. If your husband is a willing participant then having him performing oral or using a toy on you first would be ideal. I wrote some oral tips in my “Pleasing Your Wife” article. Once you do have that first orgasm bask in the afterglow for a minute and slowly begin exploring again. You want to keep that clitoris engorged so don’t bask too long!!!
This second orgasm will take longer to achieve because your body is not use to going for more. You may be sensitive when you first start again but keep working through it just be gentle. After that ultra sensitive time period has passed you can begin using more pressure to bring that second O on. If I am doing this solo I like using a dual stimulator at this point. This allows penetration, possible G spot stimulation and stimulation of my clitoris as well. Here are some examples of dual vibrators. My husband is always willing and eager to help bring the second one along particularly if I brought the first one on solo. We like either oral or the woman on top position that I discussed in my “Cowgirl” article. Obviously you should get into what ever position sends you to ecstasy the easiest. After your second orgasm make note of how long it took you. We are trying to get them as close together as possible. The more you try to achieve multiple o’s the easier it will become. Just like so many other things, practice makes perfect! After sequential orgasms are obtained you are ready for what I like to refer to as “Bunches of O’s” which I will discuss in part two of this segment.
We all know that you need to learn how to crawl before you can walk. If you haven’t been able to have an orgasm then let me first encourage you explore your body and learn how to bring yourself to orgasm. Cumingirl’s article “Touching Yourself” has some great tips. Once you are comfortable enough to have one with your husband or by yourself in a short amount of time then you are ready to try for multiples. Try bringing yourself to orgasm throughout your cycle. Where you are in your cycle does effect how easily you can orgasm. Remember that a positive attitude is everything!
Sequential O’s: Having multiple orgasms is a learned response. If you are going to teach yourself first, a bullet or vibe may work better then your fingers. Get nice and comfortable. Think of how you can bring yourself to orgasm without over stimulating your clitoris. In the past an ultra sensitive clitoris has been what has held me back from going for more but with time and retraining of my brain I have learned to get past it. If your husband is a willing participant then having him performing oral or using a toy on you first would be ideal. I wrote some oral tips in my “Pleasing Your Wife” article. Once you do have that first orgasm bask in the afterglow for a minute and slowly begin exploring again. You want to keep that clitoris engorged so don’t bask too long!!!
This second orgasm will take longer to achieve because your body is not use to going for more. You may be sensitive when you first start again but keep working through it just be gentle. After that ultra sensitive time period has passed you can begin using more pressure to bring that second O on. If I am doing this solo I like using a dual stimulator at this point. This allows penetration, possible G spot stimulation and stimulation of my clitoris as well. Here are some examples of dual vibrators. My husband is always willing and eager to help bring the second one along particularly if I brought the first one on solo. We like either oral or the woman on top position that I discussed in my “Cowgirl” article. Obviously you should get into what ever position sends you to ecstasy the easiest. After your second orgasm make note of how long it took you. We are trying to get them as close together as possible. The more you try to achieve multiple o’s the easier it will become. Just like so many other things, practice makes perfect! After sequential orgasms are obtained you are ready for what I like to refer to as “Bunches of O’s” which I will discuss in part two of this segment.
We all know that you need to learn how to crawl before you can walk. If you haven’t been able to have an orgasm then let me first encourage you explore your body and learn how to bring yourself to orgasm. Cumingirl’s article “Touching Yourself” has some great tips. Once you are comfortable enough to have one with your husband or by yourself in a short amount of time then you are ready to try for multiples. Try bringing yourself to orgasm throughout your cycle. Where you are in your cycle does effect how easily you can orgasm. Remember that a positive attitude is everything!
Touching Urself.....
Touching Yourself
Orgasm… It’s a wonderful euphoric feeling. It’s a high. It’s a stress reducer. It’s also something that can be learned. Masturbation for women can serve several purposes:
It can give a good quick orgasm when one is needed.
It can rev up your sex drive.
It can help you learn how to orgasm more easily with your husband.
So, how should you do it? Women masturbate in different ways. Some like humping or grinding themselves up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress. This can be beneficial to making love. If you can bring yourself to orgasm by this method (hands free), then the woman on top position may be for you! Women who like to be on top while making love say that they like to move around and grind their clitoris against their husband’s pubic bone or flexed abdominal muscles. They can bring themselves to orgasm better this way instead of just pumping up and down on his penis.
Then there is the hands on method. If you can bring yourself to orgasm using your own hand and fingers, then you will be more likely to orgasm by your husband’s touch. You will be able to teach him how to touch you the way your body likes it. Set aside some alone time and practice. Explore yourself and see what feels good. Not sure how to get started? I have some tips.
Make sure that you have plenty of alone time where there will be no interruptions and distractions. Get naked and get comfortable! You may prefer a hot bath or the bed. If you do not self lubricate well, then have a bottle of lube on hand. Sitting in front of a mirror can also be erotic and help put you in the mood. Pick a comfortable position and start touching yourself in all your erogenous zones. You know what feels good to you. If it helps, stick your fingers in your mouth and get them wet. Then trace them over your body, your neck, your nipples, your thighs, all the while imagining that it is your husband’s tongue. When you make it to your vulva, open your legs wide. Lick your fingers again or apply lube if needed. You want your fingers to be able to glide smoothly. Rub all around your vulva, from top to bottom, grazing over your clitoris from time to time. Tease yourself. Let it build. If you want to, then use your other hand to insert a couple of fingers into your vagina at the same time. (A toy can also be used.) This will help to provide g-spot stimulation at the same time. If you like anal play, then lube up your back side and allow your fingers to caress that as well. Some women like gentle caressing while others like penetration of the anus.
When you can’t wait any longer, focus your attentions on your clitoris. Do what feels good for you. If you like direct stimulation, then go for it! You can use the palm of your hand or the tips of your fingers. Back and forth or around in circles. Gentle touches or firmer pressure. Increase your pace while you imagine your husband watching, or helping, or making love to you. If it helps talk dirty to yourself out loud or in your mind. Say those things that you love to hear. Say the things that help to send you over the top. Sometimes really deep breathing or even holding your breath can help to put you over the top. When you orgasm, do what feels natural. If you need to move around, then do so! If you need to scream or moan or say something, then let go and say it! Ride the waves as they spasm throughout your body. Keep going until you can’t take it anymore. Some women can have multiples by continuing to apply pressure to the clitoris after the first orgasm. (Peppermint Girl wrote a nice two-part article on Multiple Orgasms.) Just do what feels good for you. Afterwards, enjoy your come down time.
There are many different variables to consider when touching yourself. Each woman is different. Masturbating is a very safe and totally natural way to learn how your body responds to touch. It can help a woman learn how to reach orgasm more easily with her husband. Doing it regularly can also really increase your sex drive. It will make you feel more sexual and your body will become accustomed to having frequent orgasms. In turn you will want sex with your husband more…and he will be a happy man! I’d love to hear from you ladies out there. Is there a great position that you have found that you like to masturbate in? Do you incorporate toys into your playtime? Do you include your husband in your masturbating sessions or give him a show? Timid and inexperienced women need to hear from those of us who have suggestions and advise to lend. Please feel free
Orgasm… It’s a wonderful euphoric feeling. It’s a high. It’s a stress reducer. It’s also something that can be learned. Masturbation for women can serve several purposes:
It can give a good quick orgasm when one is needed.
It can rev up your sex drive.
It can help you learn how to orgasm more easily with your husband.
So, how should you do it? Women masturbate in different ways. Some like humping or grinding themselves up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress. This can be beneficial to making love. If you can bring yourself to orgasm by this method (hands free), then the woman on top position may be for you! Women who like to be on top while making love say that they like to move around and grind their clitoris against their husband’s pubic bone or flexed abdominal muscles. They can bring themselves to orgasm better this way instead of just pumping up and down on his penis.
Then there is the hands on method. If you can bring yourself to orgasm using your own hand and fingers, then you will be more likely to orgasm by your husband’s touch. You will be able to teach him how to touch you the way your body likes it. Set aside some alone time and practice. Explore yourself and see what feels good. Not sure how to get started? I have some tips.
Make sure that you have plenty of alone time where there will be no interruptions and distractions. Get naked and get comfortable! You may prefer a hot bath or the bed. If you do not self lubricate well, then have a bottle of lube on hand. Sitting in front of a mirror can also be erotic and help put you in the mood. Pick a comfortable position and start touching yourself in all your erogenous zones. You know what feels good to you. If it helps, stick your fingers in your mouth and get them wet. Then trace them over your body, your neck, your nipples, your thighs, all the while imagining that it is your husband’s tongue. When you make it to your vulva, open your legs wide. Lick your fingers again or apply lube if needed. You want your fingers to be able to glide smoothly. Rub all around your vulva, from top to bottom, grazing over your clitoris from time to time. Tease yourself. Let it build. If you want to, then use your other hand to insert a couple of fingers into your vagina at the same time. (A toy can also be used.) This will help to provide g-spot stimulation at the same time. If you like anal play, then lube up your back side and allow your fingers to caress that as well. Some women like gentle caressing while others like penetration of the anus.
When you can’t wait any longer, focus your attentions on your clitoris. Do what feels good for you. If you like direct stimulation, then go for it! You can use the palm of your hand or the tips of your fingers. Back and forth or around in circles. Gentle touches or firmer pressure. Increase your pace while you imagine your husband watching, or helping, or making love to you. If it helps talk dirty to yourself out loud or in your mind. Say those things that you love to hear. Say the things that help to send you over the top. Sometimes really deep breathing or even holding your breath can help to put you over the top. When you orgasm, do what feels natural. If you need to move around, then do so! If you need to scream or moan or say something, then let go and say it! Ride the waves as they spasm throughout your body. Keep going until you can’t take it anymore. Some women can have multiples by continuing to apply pressure to the clitoris after the first orgasm. (Peppermint Girl wrote a nice two-part article on Multiple Orgasms.) Just do what feels good for you. Afterwards, enjoy your come down time.
There are many different variables to consider when touching yourself. Each woman is different. Masturbating is a very safe and totally natural way to learn how your body responds to touch. It can help a woman learn how to reach orgasm more easily with her husband. Doing it regularly can also really increase your sex drive. It will make you feel more sexual and your body will become accustomed to having frequent orgasms. In turn you will want sex with your husband more…and he will be a happy man! I’d love to hear from you ladies out there. Is there a great position that you have found that you like to masturbate in? Do you incorporate toys into your playtime? Do you include your husband in your masturbating sessions or give him a show? Timid and inexperienced women need to hear from those of us who have suggestions and advise to lend. Please feel free
Touching Yourself........
Orgasm… It’s a wonderful euphoric feeling. It’s a high. It’s a stress reducer. It’s also something that can be learned. Masturbation for women can serve several purposes:
It can give a good quick orgasm when one is needed.
It can rev up your sex drive.
It can help you learn how to orgasm more easily with your husband.
So, how should you do it? Women masturbate in different ways. Some like humping or grinding themselves up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress. This can be beneficial to making love. If you can bring yourself to orgasm by this method (hands free), then the woman on top position may be for you! Women who like to be on top while making love say that they like to move around and grind their clitoris against their husband’s pubic bone or flexed abdominal muscles. They can bring themselves to orgasm better this way instead of just pumping up and down on his penis.
Then there is the hands on method. If you can bring yourself to orgasm using your own hand and fingers, then you will be more likely to orgasm by your husband’s touch. You will be able to teach him how to touch you the way your body likes it. Set aside some alone time and practice. Explore yourself and see what feels good. Not sure how to get started? I have some tips.
Make sure that you have plenty of alone time where there will be no interruptions and distractions. Get naked and get comfortable! You may prefer a hot bath or the bed. If you do not self lubricate well, then have a bottle of lube on hand. Sitting in front of a mirror can also be erotic and help put you in the mood. Pick a comfortable position and start touching yourself in all your erogenous zones. You know what feels good to you. If it helps, stick your fingers in your mouth and get them wet. Then trace them over your body, your neck, your nipples, your thighs, all the while imagining that it is your husband’s tongue. When you make it to your vulva, open your legs wide. Lick your fingers again or apply lube if needed. You want your fingers to be able to glide smoothly. Rub all around your vulva, from top to bottom, grazing over your clitoris from time to time. Tease yourself. Let it build. If you want to, then use your other hand to insert a couple of fingers into your vagina at the same time. (A toy can also be used.) This will help to provide g-spot stimulation at the same time. If you like anal play, then lube up your back side and allow your fingers to caress that as well. Some women like gentle caressing while others like penetration of the anus.
When you can’t wait any longer, focus your attentions on your clitoris. Do what feels good for you. If you like direct stimulation, then go for it! You can use the palm of your hand or the tips of your fingers. Back and forth or around in circles. Gentle touches or firmer pressure. Increase your pace while you imagine your husband watching, or helping, or making love to you. If it helps talk dirty to yourself out loud or in your mind. Say those things that you love to hear. Say the things that help to send you over the top. Sometimes really deep breathing or even holding your breath can help to put you over the top. When you orgasm, do what feels natural. If you need to move around, then do so! If you need to scream or moan or say something, then let go and say it! Ride the waves as they spasm throughout your body. Keep going until you can’t take it anymore. Some women can have multiples by continuing to apply pressure to the clitoris after the first orgasm. (Peppermint Girl wrote a nice two-part article on Multiple Orgasms.) Just do what feels good for you. Afterwards, enjoy your come down time.
There are many different variables to consider when touching yourself. Each woman is different. Masturbating is a very safe and totally natural way to learn how your body responds to touch. It can help a woman learn how to reach orgasm more easily with her husband. Doing it regularly can also really increase your sex drive. It will make you feel more sexual and your body will become accustomed to having frequent orgasms. In turn you will want sex with your husband more…and he will be a happy man! I’d love to hear from you ladies out there. Is there a great position that you have found that you like to masturbate in? Do you incorporate toys into your playtime? Do you include your husband in your masturbating sessions or give him a show? Timid and inexperienced women need to hear from those of us who have suggestions and advise to lend. Please
It can give a good quick orgasm when one is needed.
It can rev up your sex drive.
It can help you learn how to orgasm more easily with your husband.
So, how should you do it? Women masturbate in different ways. Some like humping or grinding themselves up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress. This can be beneficial to making love. If you can bring yourself to orgasm by this method (hands free), then the woman on top position may be for you! Women who like to be on top while making love say that they like to move around and grind their clitoris against their husband’s pubic bone or flexed abdominal muscles. They can bring themselves to orgasm better this way instead of just pumping up and down on his penis.
Then there is the hands on method. If you can bring yourself to orgasm using your own hand and fingers, then you will be more likely to orgasm by your husband’s touch. You will be able to teach him how to touch you the way your body likes it. Set aside some alone time and practice. Explore yourself and see what feels good. Not sure how to get started? I have some tips.
Make sure that you have plenty of alone time where there will be no interruptions and distractions. Get naked and get comfortable! You may prefer a hot bath or the bed. If you do not self lubricate well, then have a bottle of lube on hand. Sitting in front of a mirror can also be erotic and help put you in the mood. Pick a comfortable position and start touching yourself in all your erogenous zones. You know what feels good to you. If it helps, stick your fingers in your mouth and get them wet. Then trace them over your body, your neck, your nipples, your thighs, all the while imagining that it is your husband’s tongue. When you make it to your vulva, open your legs wide. Lick your fingers again or apply lube if needed. You want your fingers to be able to glide smoothly. Rub all around your vulva, from top to bottom, grazing over your clitoris from time to time. Tease yourself. Let it build. If you want to, then use your other hand to insert a couple of fingers into your vagina at the same time. (A toy can also be used.) This will help to provide g-spot stimulation at the same time. If you like anal play, then lube up your back side and allow your fingers to caress that as well. Some women like gentle caressing while others like penetration of the anus.
When you can’t wait any longer, focus your attentions on your clitoris. Do what feels good for you. If you like direct stimulation, then go for it! You can use the palm of your hand or the tips of your fingers. Back and forth or around in circles. Gentle touches or firmer pressure. Increase your pace while you imagine your husband watching, or helping, or making love to you. If it helps talk dirty to yourself out loud or in your mind. Say those things that you love to hear. Say the things that help to send you over the top. Sometimes really deep breathing or even holding your breath can help to put you over the top. When you orgasm, do what feels natural. If you need to move around, then do so! If you need to scream or moan or say something, then let go and say it! Ride the waves as they spasm throughout your body. Keep going until you can’t take it anymore. Some women can have multiples by continuing to apply pressure to the clitoris after the first orgasm. (Peppermint Girl wrote a nice two-part article on Multiple Orgasms.) Just do what feels good for you. Afterwards, enjoy your come down time.
There are many different variables to consider when touching yourself. Each woman is different. Masturbating is a very safe and totally natural way to learn how your body responds to touch. It can help a woman learn how to reach orgasm more easily with her husband. Doing it regularly can also really increase your sex drive. It will make you feel more sexual and your body will become accustomed to having frequent orgasms. In turn you will want sex with your husband more…and he will be a happy man! I’d love to hear from you ladies out there. Is there a great position that you have found that you like to masturbate in? Do you incorporate toys into your playtime? Do you include your husband in your masturbating sessions or give him a show? Timid and inexperienced women need to hear from those of us who have suggestions and advise to lend. Please
get a bigger penis..
It's your problem
“Let’s get one thing straight,” says sex adviser Dr Pam Spurr, and author of Sensational Sex: the revolutionary guide to sexual pleasure and fulfilment (Robson Books). “Penis size is your problem – 99% of women are happy with what you’ve got to offer.” And if you are on the smaller side of average, use another appendage – your fingers, your toes, your tongue, whatever it takes – to get her to orgasm. “Women aren’t so different to men,” says Spurr. “They’re delighted if they reach climax – you’d be hard pushed to find a women who had an orgasm yet complained about the size of your penis.”
So now we’ve taken a woman’s satisfaction out of the equation, let’s deal with your problem. “It’s a confidence issue,” says Emily Dubberley, author of Brief Encounters: a woman’s guide to casual sex (Vision). “Regardless of size, some men are simply more inclined to be happy with what they’ve got and these are the men who are usually more relaxed in bed and more fun. Guys who feel inadequate are self-conscious and that shows during sex.” How to up your confidence? Use these tips:
Lose the pad
That bit of extra flesh just above your pubic bone is hiding your penis under a fat-based cloak. When you’re overweight, fat is deposited at the base of the penis, making your penis look smaller and making it more difficult to penetrate your partner as deeply. Work off that unsightly flesh cloak with regular exercise and you could increase the length of your penis by up to an inch.
Trim your hair
Pubic hair is another cloak that hides your pride and joy. Trim the hair around the base of your penis and not only will you expose more of the shaft, you’ll make it more enjoyable for your good lady to provide you with oral pleasure.
Use Durex's Play Vibrations
It’s a cock ring with a difference – a tiny little vibrator is attached, which you can position to stimulate her clitoris (i.e. so it’s on the top of your penis if you’re doing it missionary-style; on the bottom, near your testicles, if from behind). This works as a fantastic distraction – the sensation is so intense she wouldn’t notice if your penis was half the size it is. Durex Play Vibrations costs £6.84 and is available at supermarkets, high-street chemists and online at www.shopdurex.com.
Play in the shallows
Only the first inch of a woman’s vagina has many nerve endings in it – most are housed in her vaginal lips and her clitoris. The further inside you go, the less localised sensation she has. “By focusing your efforts in the shallow part of her vaginal canal you’ll maximise stimulation to her nerve endings,” says Spurr. “This is the area that gives women most pleasure.”
“Let’s get one thing straight,” says sex adviser Dr Pam Spurr, and author of Sensational Sex: the revolutionary guide to sexual pleasure and fulfilment (Robson Books). “Penis size is your problem – 99% of women are happy with what you’ve got to offer.” And if you are on the smaller side of average, use another appendage – your fingers, your toes, your tongue, whatever it takes – to get her to orgasm. “Women aren’t so different to men,” says Spurr. “They’re delighted if they reach climax – you’d be hard pushed to find a women who had an orgasm yet complained about the size of your penis.”
So now we’ve taken a woman’s satisfaction out of the equation, let’s deal with your problem. “It’s a confidence issue,” says Emily Dubberley, author of Brief Encounters: a woman’s guide to casual sex (Vision). “Regardless of size, some men are simply more inclined to be happy with what they’ve got and these are the men who are usually more relaxed in bed and more fun. Guys who feel inadequate are self-conscious and that shows during sex.” How to up your confidence? Use these tips:
Lose the pad
That bit of extra flesh just above your pubic bone is hiding your penis under a fat-based cloak. When you’re overweight, fat is deposited at the base of the penis, making your penis look smaller and making it more difficult to penetrate your partner as deeply. Work off that unsightly flesh cloak with regular exercise and you could increase the length of your penis by up to an inch.
Trim your hair
Pubic hair is another cloak that hides your pride and joy. Trim the hair around the base of your penis and not only will you expose more of the shaft, you’ll make it more enjoyable for your good lady to provide you with oral pleasure.
Use Durex's Play Vibrations
It’s a cock ring with a difference – a tiny little vibrator is attached, which you can position to stimulate her clitoris (i.e. so it’s on the top of your penis if you’re doing it missionary-style; on the bottom, near your testicles, if from behind). This works as a fantastic distraction – the sensation is so intense she wouldn’t notice if your penis was half the size it is. Durex Play Vibrations costs £6.84 and is available at supermarkets, high-street chemists and online at www.shopdurex.com.
Play in the shallows
Only the first inch of a woman’s vagina has many nerve endings in it – most are housed in her vaginal lips and her clitoris. The further inside you go, the less localised sensation she has. “By focusing your efforts in the shallow part of her vaginal canal you’ll maximise stimulation to her nerve endings,” says Spurr. “This is the area that gives women most pleasure.”
Monday, November 22, 2010
This is a Naked lady
The very first issue of Wired magazine included an article about why sex, tech and new media play so nicely together. And while some things have changed radically in the past 14 years — no more $12-an-hour Compuserve porn — the basics have not: we’re still lusty, we’re still somewhat ashamed of our behavior but doing it anyway, we’re still seeking novelty and pleasure and power and understanding and sometimes even just a simple quick climax with no intention of self-discovery or advancing the range of human sexuality.
Back in the dawn of online when a service called The Source was stillin flower, a woman I once knew used to log on as "This is a nakedlady." She wasn’t naked of course, except in the minds of hundreds ofyoung and not-so-young males who also logged on to The Source. Nightafter night, they sent her unremitting text streams of detailed wetdreams, hoping to engage her in online exchanges known as "hot chat" -
a way of engaging in a mutual fantasy typically found only through1-900 telephone services. In return, "The Naked Lady" egged on herdigital admirers with leading questions larded with copious amounts ofdouble entendre.
When I first asked her about this, she initially put it down to "justfooling around on the wires."
"It’s just a hobby," she said. "Maybe I’ll get some dates out of it.
Some of these guys have very creative and interesting fantasy lives."
At the start, The Naked Lady was a rather mousy person - the type whofavored gray clothing of a conservative cut - and was the paragon ofshy and retiring womanhood. Seeing her on the street, you’d neverthink that her online persona was one that excited the libidos ofdozens of men every night.
But as her months of online flirtations progressed, a strangetransformation came over her: She became (through the dint of herblazing typing speed) the kind of person that could keep a dozen ormore online sessions of hot chat going at a time. She got a trendyhaircut. Her clothing tastes went from Peck and Peck to tight skirtsslit up the thigh. She began regaling me with descriptions of herexpanding lingerie collection. Her speech became bawdier, her jokesnaughtier. In short, she was becoming her online personality - lewd,
bawdy, sexy, a man-eater.
Back in the dawn of online when a service called The Source was stillin flower, a woman I once knew used to log on as "This is a nakedlady." She wasn’t naked of course, except in the minds of hundreds ofyoung and not-so-young males who also logged on to The Source. Nightafter night, they sent her unremitting text streams of detailed wetdreams, hoping to engage her in online exchanges known as "hot chat" -
a way of engaging in a mutual fantasy typically found only through1-900 telephone services. In return, "The Naked Lady" egged on herdigital admirers with leading questions larded with copious amounts ofdouble entendre.
When I first asked her about this, she initially put it down to "justfooling around on the wires."
"It’s just a hobby," she said. "Maybe I’ll get some dates out of it.
Some of these guys have very creative and interesting fantasy lives."
At the start, The Naked Lady was a rather mousy person - the type whofavored gray clothing of a conservative cut - and was the paragon ofshy and retiring womanhood. Seeing her on the street, you’d neverthink that her online persona was one that excited the libidos ofdozens of men every night.
But as her months of online flirtations progressed, a strangetransformation came over her: She became (through the dint of herblazing typing speed) the kind of person that could keep a dozen ormore online sessions of hot chat going at a time. She got a trendyhaircut. Her clothing tastes went from Peck and Peck to tight skirtsslit up the thigh. She began regaling me with descriptions of herexpanding lingerie collection. Her speech became bawdier, her jokesnaughtier. In short, she was becoming her online personality - lewd,
bawdy, sexy, a man-eater.
Falling in and out of love.........
Being in love is an amazing feeling. It is everyone's secret fantasy to have that special somebody in life. Even Bollywood survives on love. Almost all movies centre around this theme.
People fall in love for a number of reasons and many relations break down because they are all the wrong reasons for being in love. Some people get into relationships because they feel empty or worthless when they are single. Some people get hooked because their friends are in relationships and they feel left out in the game of love. Some might be repeatedly questioned by family as to when they are settling down. So there is pressure, either direct or indirect, on both men and women to fall in love.
Nowadays, it's very easy to fall in and out of love. Often people mistake lust for love. When the lusting is over and done with, people realize that they were never in love. It is not uncommon to hear couples say that they share a great chemistry and that's the reason why they got together. But relations started on the basis of chemistry and not commitment rarely stand the test of time. A lot of people believe that it's natural to fall out of love. Although it is common, it is not natural.
However, there are relations that start off on the right note, with the right intentions that run into rough weather. People often make the mistake of promising the stars to their better half and later back off from fulfillling that promise or completely deny making such promises. This is one of the reasons why people fall out of love as their expectations have not been met. It also leads to hurt, anger and resentment as your loved one may feel cheated. Another common complaint among couples is that their partners have changed over the course of the relatioships. The truth can be that they haven't changed. It's just that people tend to take each other for granted.
No matter what the reason, all issues can be resolved if a couple is willing to commit to each other and work towards building and strengthening their bonds. Men and women should not think their partners are mind readers. You have to talk to each other. Relationships flourish only where there is trust, understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. It is important to be truthful to yourself to be truthful to your partner. Love heals every scar.
Read more: Falling in and out of love - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Falling-in-and-out-of-love/articleshow/6941552.cms#ixzz165Ywa6AY
People fall in love for a number of reasons and many relations break down because they are all the wrong reasons for being in love. Some people get into relationships because they feel empty or worthless when they are single. Some people get hooked because their friends are in relationships and they feel left out in the game of love. Some might be repeatedly questioned by family as to when they are settling down. So there is pressure, either direct or indirect, on both men and women to fall in love.
Nowadays, it's very easy to fall in and out of love. Often people mistake lust for love. When the lusting is over and done with, people realize that they were never in love. It is not uncommon to hear couples say that they share a great chemistry and that's the reason why they got together. But relations started on the basis of chemistry and not commitment rarely stand the test of time. A lot of people believe that it's natural to fall out of love. Although it is common, it is not natural.
However, there are relations that start off on the right note, with the right intentions that run into rough weather. People often make the mistake of promising the stars to their better half and later back off from fulfillling that promise or completely deny making such promises. This is one of the reasons why people fall out of love as their expectations have not been met. It also leads to hurt, anger and resentment as your loved one may feel cheated. Another common complaint among couples is that their partners have changed over the course of the relatioships. The truth can be that they haven't changed. It's just that people tend to take each other for granted.
No matter what the reason, all issues can be resolved if a couple is willing to commit to each other and work towards building and strengthening their bonds. Men and women should not think their partners are mind readers. You have to talk to each other. Relationships flourish only where there is trust, understanding, acceptance, and forgiveness. It is important to be truthful to yourself to be truthful to your partner. Love heals every scar.
Read more: Falling in and out of love - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Falling-in-and-out-of-love/articleshow/6941552.cms#ixzz165Ywa6AY
Friday, November 19, 2010
How to Fight with a Woman..........
How to Fight with a Woman
By: Kristina Grish
Truly passionate sex beats obligatory makeup sex any day. Maybe men don't feel the difference, but we women do. We hate fighting—it makes us feel alienated, confused, and downright disappointed.
But the next time we bite your head off, don't rush to pack up your CDs. Experts insist that squabbling (but not screaming) is a healthy sign. It's silence that should scare you. "The guy might think everything's okay since they're not arguing much, but that can really mean she's over the relationship and planning her exit strategy," says Karen Sherman, Ph.D., author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last.
You need to know what her fighting words mean. What follows is classified intel from behind enemy lines—code breakers that can lead to a cease-fire, then pay off in a peace treaty that will make everyone happier. If we feel closer and more intimate after each resolution, that's more naked for you.
The Attention FightOpening Volley: "We don't go out anymore."
It Means: She's nostalgic. "I want my husband to sit across from me, think I'm attractive, share my food, and realize we still feel what we did before I became a wife and mother," says Jennifer Jeanne Patterson, author of 52 Fights: A Newlywed's Confession.
Battle Tactics: Once a month, surprise her with a real plan. "If you've gone a whole month without proffering flowers, compliments, or a special date, you'll have a problem," says Carol Ritberger, Ph.D., author of Love . . . What's Personality Got to Do with It? "Do something she'd like, but give it a spontaneous twist. Go for a walk, but take her to a sight she's never seen. Or book a babysitter, then lead her through a night of surprises—without prompting." Men like familiar places, "but women respond best to novelty."
What You Win: Dinner counts as foreplay. Really. "Women like to be shown off," says Charles Sophy, M.D., a psychiatrist and an associate professor of psychiatry at UCLA. "Men should hear this as a compliment. Avoid getting defensive, and realize she needs attention or loves PDA with you. You'll come home and have a great evening."
The Friends FightOpening Volley: "What's with the morons in your fantasy baseball league, anyway?"
It Means: She's questioning your judgment. "Criticizing how men spend time with their friends implies that they're irresponsible in making choices," Ritberger says—meaning your partner is nervous about your decision making with regard to the two of you.
Battle Tactics: When she disses your buds, it feels like a personal insult, because friends are directly tied to identity and ego. Hold your ground and try this sneaky attack: Invite her to an event with your friends, suggests David Wygant, a Los Angeles–based dating coach and the author of Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life. "She wants to spend time with your friends, but a lot of this has to do with her not wanting to be the invisible girlfriend, and knowing you're not cheating on her."
What You Win: Peace. "Once she's out, she'll realize your friends are harmless geeks, and she'll never want to join you again," Wygant says. Sherman has a trick play that works: Include her in one of your regular pool or bowling nights—and let her pick her team. Competition—either with or against each other—is well established as an aphrodisiac.
The Money FightOpening Volley: "Do you really need another gadget?"
It Means: She's implying a lack of responsibility on your part. This raises issues of control and insecurity, and highlights both partners' need for order, Sherman says. Women tend to be more security-minded than men, adds psychologist Warren Berland, Ph.D., so you probably have different tolerance levels for spending.
Battle Tactics: Schedule budget talks. Have a sit-down with paper and pencil (or computer and software) to go over spending and debt levels. Negotiating lets her discuss the issue—but as you sympathize, make your case. Use "and" statements rather than "but" ones. ("I understand you're nervous, and I also want to buy this new plasma TV. How do we figure this out together?")
What You Win: You get the TV—as long as you set aside a few hundred for something she wants. Wygant warns that women can view a big purchase as something that will compete for your attention. If ever there were a time to splurge on a pair of $200 jeans for her, this is it. "She'll think of you every time she wears them," Wygant says, "which lets you make love to your plasma all you want."
The Intimacy FightOpening Volley: "Why does everything have to be sex, sex, sex all the time?"
It Means: It's not about sex. She's lacking intimacy, excitement, novelty—all those things that made your early days so darn carnal. She may feel that sex is now more about your enjoyment than something mutual.
Battle Tactics: Research shows that the female snuggle impulse is also her aphrodisiac, so take an honest look at your attempts at intimacy. Do you assume that a shoulder rub must always lead to the bedroom? Ask what she needs from you in order to feel close—it could just be more snuggling or listening.
And leave sex out of the discussion. Berland suggests speaking in "feeling" and "wanting" terms, without accusation. "Don't assume you know what 'affection' and 'love' mean to her," he recommends. "Simply say, 'What do you want? Please tell me, because I want to give it to you.' " Find out what intimacy means to her, then provide it.
What You Win: More sex, of course!
The Kids FightOpening Volley: "Why can't you spend more time with the kids?"
It Means: She feels like she's doing all the work. "The typical scenario is that the woman feels as if she's lost her wits dealing with the kids all day, and her husband comes home from work at night and shuts down," Sherman says. "He removes himself from household responsibility and doesn't understand she's been working all day, too."
Battle Tactics: If she's punchy from a long day, don't plant yourself in front of the Pistons game. Nothing will change until you help with dinner, laundry, or homework. When it comes to chores, both of you should act the way you would at your jobs: Delegate, budget, and set deadlines. "Men have the ability to prioritize like this at work, so why not apply these sensibilities at home?" asks Sherman. "If your report isn't handed in on time, the boss will ask for it. If you aren't contributing to a meeting, your team will be livid."
What You Win: A calmer home, kids who actually like their father, and, after they go to bed, the last quarter of the Pistons game. Which is the best part anyway.
Defuse an Explosive ArgumentDon't ask "why" questions. This creates an emotional response and puts her in fight-or-flight mode, says Carol Ritberger, Ph.D. Other questions are fine, especially if they show an interest in "how" or "when" the two of you can solve the problem.
Don't assume she's basing her decisions on emotion. There may be plenty of logic behind her reactions, though these reactions may be charged with stress and contention. And for goodness' sake, don't tell her she's being emotional.
Don't cross-complain. Countering her bickering with your complaints won't work. If you're fighting to be heard, someone's bound to lose. It might be you.
Don't interrupt. Actively listen to whether she uses kinesthetic ("I feel"), auditory ("I hear"), visual ("I see"), or cognitive ("I think") terms—and respond in her language. She'll hear it more clearly.
Use body language. Touch her, lean forward, and maintain eye contact to show you're in the moment with her.
By: Kristina Grish
Truly passionate sex beats obligatory makeup sex any day. Maybe men don't feel the difference, but we women do. We hate fighting—it makes us feel alienated, confused, and downright disappointed.
But the next time we bite your head off, don't rush to pack up your CDs. Experts insist that squabbling (but not screaming) is a healthy sign. It's silence that should scare you. "The guy might think everything's okay since they're not arguing much, but that can really mean she's over the relationship and planning her exit strategy," says Karen Sherman, Ph.D., author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last.
You need to know what her fighting words mean. What follows is classified intel from behind enemy lines—code breakers that can lead to a cease-fire, then pay off in a peace treaty that will make everyone happier. If we feel closer and more intimate after each resolution, that's more naked for you.
The Attention FightOpening Volley: "We don't go out anymore."
It Means: She's nostalgic. "I want my husband to sit across from me, think I'm attractive, share my food, and realize we still feel what we did before I became a wife and mother," says Jennifer Jeanne Patterson, author of 52 Fights: A Newlywed's Confession.
Battle Tactics: Once a month, surprise her with a real plan. "If you've gone a whole month without proffering flowers, compliments, or a special date, you'll have a problem," says Carol Ritberger, Ph.D., author of Love . . . What's Personality Got to Do with It? "Do something she'd like, but give it a spontaneous twist. Go for a walk, but take her to a sight she's never seen. Or book a babysitter, then lead her through a night of surprises—without prompting." Men like familiar places, "but women respond best to novelty."
What You Win: Dinner counts as foreplay. Really. "Women like to be shown off," says Charles Sophy, M.D., a psychiatrist and an associate professor of psychiatry at UCLA. "Men should hear this as a compliment. Avoid getting defensive, and realize she needs attention or loves PDA with you. You'll come home and have a great evening."
The Friends FightOpening Volley: "What's with the morons in your fantasy baseball league, anyway?"
It Means: She's questioning your judgment. "Criticizing how men spend time with their friends implies that they're irresponsible in making choices," Ritberger says—meaning your partner is nervous about your decision making with regard to the two of you.
Battle Tactics: When she disses your buds, it feels like a personal insult, because friends are directly tied to identity and ego. Hold your ground and try this sneaky attack: Invite her to an event with your friends, suggests David Wygant, a Los Angeles–based dating coach and the author of Always Talk to Strangers: 3 Simple Steps to Finding the Love of Your Life. "She wants to spend time with your friends, but a lot of this has to do with her not wanting to be the invisible girlfriend, and knowing you're not cheating on her."
What You Win: Peace. "Once she's out, she'll realize your friends are harmless geeks, and she'll never want to join you again," Wygant says. Sherman has a trick play that works: Include her in one of your regular pool or bowling nights—and let her pick her team. Competition—either with or against each other—is well established as an aphrodisiac.
The Money FightOpening Volley: "Do you really need another gadget?"
It Means: She's implying a lack of responsibility on your part. This raises issues of control and insecurity, and highlights both partners' need for order, Sherman says. Women tend to be more security-minded than men, adds psychologist Warren Berland, Ph.D., so you probably have different tolerance levels for spending.
Battle Tactics: Schedule budget talks. Have a sit-down with paper and pencil (or computer and software) to go over spending and debt levels. Negotiating lets her discuss the issue—but as you sympathize, make your case. Use "and" statements rather than "but" ones. ("I understand you're nervous, and I also want to buy this new plasma TV. How do we figure this out together?")
What You Win: You get the TV—as long as you set aside a few hundred for something she wants. Wygant warns that women can view a big purchase as something that will compete for your attention. If ever there were a time to splurge on a pair of $200 jeans for her, this is it. "She'll think of you every time she wears them," Wygant says, "which lets you make love to your plasma all you want."
The Intimacy FightOpening Volley: "Why does everything have to be sex, sex, sex all the time?"
It Means: It's not about sex. She's lacking intimacy, excitement, novelty—all those things that made your early days so darn carnal. She may feel that sex is now more about your enjoyment than something mutual.
Battle Tactics: Research shows that the female snuggle impulse is also her aphrodisiac, so take an honest look at your attempts at intimacy. Do you assume that a shoulder rub must always lead to the bedroom? Ask what she needs from you in order to feel close—it could just be more snuggling or listening.
And leave sex out of the discussion. Berland suggests speaking in "feeling" and "wanting" terms, without accusation. "Don't assume you know what 'affection' and 'love' mean to her," he recommends. "Simply say, 'What do you want? Please tell me, because I want to give it to you.' " Find out what intimacy means to her, then provide it.
What You Win: More sex, of course!
The Kids FightOpening Volley: "Why can't you spend more time with the kids?"
It Means: She feels like she's doing all the work. "The typical scenario is that the woman feels as if she's lost her wits dealing with the kids all day, and her husband comes home from work at night and shuts down," Sherman says. "He removes himself from household responsibility and doesn't understand she's been working all day, too."
Battle Tactics: If she's punchy from a long day, don't plant yourself in front of the Pistons game. Nothing will change until you help with dinner, laundry, or homework. When it comes to chores, both of you should act the way you would at your jobs: Delegate, budget, and set deadlines. "Men have the ability to prioritize like this at work, so why not apply these sensibilities at home?" asks Sherman. "If your report isn't handed in on time, the boss will ask for it. If you aren't contributing to a meeting, your team will be livid."
What You Win: A calmer home, kids who actually like their father, and, after they go to bed, the last quarter of the Pistons game. Which is the best part anyway.
Defuse an Explosive ArgumentDon't ask "why" questions. This creates an emotional response and puts her in fight-or-flight mode, says Carol Ritberger, Ph.D. Other questions are fine, especially if they show an interest in "how" or "when" the two of you can solve the problem.
Don't assume she's basing her decisions on emotion. There may be plenty of logic behind her reactions, though these reactions may be charged with stress and contention. And for goodness' sake, don't tell her she's being emotional.
Don't cross-complain. Countering her bickering with your complaints won't work. If you're fighting to be heard, someone's bound to lose. It might be you.
Don't interrupt. Actively listen to whether she uses kinesthetic ("I feel"), auditory ("I hear"), visual ("I see"), or cognitive ("I think") terms—and respond in her language. She'll hear it more clearly.
Use body language. Touch her, lean forward, and maintain eye contact to show you're in the moment with her.
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