Don't be shy!.......

Everybody has faced shyness in their life at some point or the other and that too in varying degrees. Some people are shy at their home, whereas, quite outgoing elsewhere and vice-versa. Do you feel very self-conscious in a room full of people or perhaps scared to speak in front of an audience? Are you unable to ask someone you like out for a date or convey your romantic feeling for someone? Do you experience a sinking feeling in your stomach and feel awkward in social situations? If you answered yes to any one of the above questions, chances are that you are a shy person. But there's nothing to be afraid of as shyness can be overcome.

Definition
Clinical psychologist, Dr Kanan Khatau Chikhal says, "Shyness is a form of social inhibition where one is afraid to interact with others outside their comfort zone. People who are shy tend to suffer from a feeling of
insecurity and fear of being reprimanded and being ostracized."

Clinical psychologist and trauma therapist, Seema Hingorrany says, "Shyness can also be defined in
technical terms, such as anxiety felt in social situations. A person who is shy may avoid meeting new people,
confronting new situations or drawing attention towards themselves. In some people, shyness is bad enough to be given a name — social phobia, also known as social anxiety disorder."

Dr Anjali Chhabria, psychiatrist and psychotherapist mentions the three important components of shyness:

Excessive Self-Consciousness — Where one may be overtly aware of oneself, particularly in social situations.

Excessive Negative Self-Evaluation — Where one may evaluate themselves negatively.

Excessive Negative Self-Preoccupation — Where one pays too much attention to all the things he/she is doing wrong whilst around other people.

Causes
Shyness is rooted in fear or rather an irrational fear of speaking up and being humiliated or ignored. Causes are oversensitivity and insecurity. It's also about bad experiences. When one dwells on a bad experience, it grows into something much more frightening than reality. Someone with overprotective and very critical parents may be more likely to develop social phobia or shyness. Sometimes, underlying shyness is an inferiority complex that was created during childhood and that is now frozen in one's mind, says Hingorrany.
Dr Chhabria adds that shyness may also stem from a pre-occupation with self and being overly conscious about others around. A person may be sensitive and feel that he/she has been put in the center stage. This creates anxiety in the person and unfortunately the focus becomes 'what I was doing wrong' creating a downward spiral.

Effects
Shyness does have repercussions on one's personality, relationships, social life as well as on the professional front. Regarding personality, Dr Chhabria says, "A person who is shy may be less likely to take initiative in personal and professional matters. They may not be able to express themselves openly. At times they may also be perceived as aloof. They may shy away from challenging situations. Excessive shyness may cause anxiety and stress that is detrimental to one's health and immune system."

As for social life, shy people have difficulty initiating or maintaining relationships with others. It may be difficult for them to have intimate and close relations with others. They may have a small social circle. They may avoid social situations. Shyness decreases ones ability to make new friends and keeps them from talking to new people.

Dr Kanan opines that shy people may prefer to take up professions in which there is minimal interaction with others. They become the scapegoat for office politics. At times, it may also lead to decreased performance at work place.

Hingorrany says that shy people feel more of social anxiety, and are less confident in dealing with problems in love relationships. People who are shy may find it hard to find a companion or a partner.

Coping with it
The first step in coping with shyness is identification of core issues. One must learn to relax and stay calm during tense situations. If one's shyness is affecting their profession, relationships and social life, its better to seek professional help. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) can be sought to cope with shyness. Sometimes, one might require medications due to excessive shyness or social anxiety. This is where shyness is pathological, in social situations where one might experience intense anxiety, with symptoms like blushing, sweating, trembling, dizziness, heart palpitations and a dry mouth.



Read more: Don't be shy! - The Times of India http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/man-woman/Dont-be-shy/articleshow/7185359.cms#ixzz19atCKHUe