They say men are from Mars and women from Venus. Women have sex to feel loved and men find love for sex. So, are love and sex inextricably linked? Can love exist without sex? Quite often, a woman considers love as the foundation of intimacy and a man considers sex to be the ultimate expression of love. Understanding how each views sex is important for sustaining a relationship and keeping love alive. But what is it that drives women closer to men - is it love that leads to lust or vice versa?
For Indians, yes. Both the guys and gals are deprived of sex till their late ages. So they have no oMore..
sure love can exist...but sex helps to make bonds stronger and it helps develop a feeling of trust aMore..
Sex is one way of making love.Sex is a subset of love.Love do exist without sex
sex is apart of love. no one can imagine love without it sex.sex make love intersting
Love is beyond words like you give sugarcane to dumb to eat he would enjoy it but won't be able to express it... if a human being does not happen to experience love... he has missed the most beautiful experience that human can have. Driven by only sex is like very material even pets do that... whereas love is spiritual...
It is just a single way of expressing your love out of many such ways. U cannot have willing sex without loving anybody.
Lets not be hypocrite, I can't go for a sex free love. It is true that sex is not all about love but it is a very very essential eliment of love.
Love is mental satisfection but sex is physical only.You can find sex any where in the world but love its god gifted.Without love you can not live but sex you can.....Love always stand and exist whole life but sex only for a moment.....
love can exist without sex... when you love some body or you are attractd to a guy and then you fall in love but the feeling is only one sided as you never get to have sex but love still exists!!!!!
What is the greatest thing in the world? Answer is "LOVE", irrespective of sex. (Mental) Love is everlasting, whereas (Physical) Love is sort of lust, where he/she loves him/her self. This is temporary type. If any male does sex with prostitute, does he actually love her? No, only he fortifies his physical lust in lieu of certain amount of money. i.e. he buys sex and nothing else. True love binds both spouse together in battle of life at every instant, irrespective of sex. If (mental) love is not there in their middle, then they will have quarrelsome/sorrowful life or even go upto divorce, although they both are physically strong for sex, for it carries no meaning at all
sex is the center of the universe....no love can exist without lust as every species had to move its generation ahead and there has been fights in history whether it was Helen of troy or Cleopatra......the lust has more power than gravitational force......even those who are writing that love is more powerful than lust they all know deep inside their minds what is true ...and being a man i need not make them understand ...everyone knows it
There can be love without sex. A soft touch on your partners cheek, a peck on that,scrolling your fingers on his/her hair, one can express and sense how the other person feels for him/her. If one considers that the only way to express love is sex, then its just a lust and not love. I would contradict, when I say that ultimate result of two people getting bonded with is sex. Its something very special, which you can not have with every other person.
No.. There cannot be any love without longing for sex. Sex is the ultimate destination which love must lead to.. How can one love someone without passion? People may say like that, but there will be an inner most desire to have sex, when you think that some one has impressed you or when there is crush!!
Sex is an physical need which holds for few minutes,where as love exists for life long.
Love n sex go hand in hand but one cannot find passions of love without sex atleast me
yes! love is more imp! if you have sex its gud if dont than also its ok.. but yes.. sex is more kind of a need of body and mind.
Love , happiness , sorrow , bliss is a state of mind. Love can exist if there is mutual liking and giving.
Yes, Love attracts women closer and leads to LUST. some times its vice versa in recent days..Lust tries to attract women.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Soul Curry: Hey, fatso...sorry, sexy!
There is a famous saying that ‘beauty lies within’, but does this hold true in today’s society, where we greet each other with plastic smiles? The answer is a big no, since what matters is physical beauty. Beauty, as they say, is only skin deep.
A few months ago, I weighed 86 kgs. As a 20-year-old girl lugging around those kilos, life wasn’t easy. My identity and individuality were lost behind the word “moti”. My friends and cousins stopped referring to me by my name and resorted to calling me moti , fatso, etc. It didn’t stop there. When I went shopping, shopkeepers would tell me, “Madam, thode patle ho jao ” (Please reduce your weight). The remarks always hurt, but it never dented my confidence.
The jibes made their way to social gatherings as well. My weight was always a topic for a good laugh for friends and family. Anybody dropping in at home gave me unwanted advice on losing the kilos. While out on a dinner, if I wanted to have a second ice-cream, my dad always scolded me, but for my slim sister, it was just the opposite. Every time I expressed hunger, thirst or exhaustion, inability to study for long hours, or even a bad mood...it was attributed to the fact that I was overweight.
My relatives, predictably, advised my parents, “Why don’t you ask her to reduce her weight? It will be difficult to get her married otherwise.” My parents left no stone unturned in trying to convince me to lose weight. But, all in vain, since I was happy in my own world and not a wee bit ashamed of my extra kilos.
One day, though, a friend asked me to join the gym with her. I decided to go along, not at all sure that I would last the month. During my initial days, I had no friends in the gym, nobody talked to me, but I got to know the reason much later. Now, when I weigh a respectable 66 kgs, I have so-called friends in the gym and boys who never talked to me earlier vie for my attention and offer to do me favours. “Can I drop you home?”, “I’ll get this for you,” is what I hear these days.
Now my friends call me Ravneet and the moniker moti has been replaced with ‘gorgeous’, ‘sexy’, etc. I feel I’ve regained my lost identity and individuality. I had no idea that losing that extra weight would make such a difference in the attitudes and behaviour of people towards me. I have lost 22 kgs and want to reduce more...not just for my satisfaction, but also to win this game that I’m playing with the world, this time on my own terms.
(Soul Curry is a column where we invite our readers to share their soul-stirring experiences)
A few months ago, I weighed 86 kgs. As a 20-year-old girl lugging around those kilos, life wasn’t easy. My identity and individuality were lost behind the word “moti”. My friends and cousins stopped referring to me by my name and resorted to calling me moti , fatso, etc. It didn’t stop there. When I went shopping, shopkeepers would tell me, “Madam, thode patle ho jao ” (Please reduce your weight). The remarks always hurt, but it never dented my confidence.
The jibes made their way to social gatherings as well. My weight was always a topic for a good laugh for friends and family. Anybody dropping in at home gave me unwanted advice on losing the kilos. While out on a dinner, if I wanted to have a second ice-cream, my dad always scolded me, but for my slim sister, it was just the opposite. Every time I expressed hunger, thirst or exhaustion, inability to study for long hours, or even a bad mood...it was attributed to the fact that I was overweight.
My relatives, predictably, advised my parents, “Why don’t you ask her to reduce her weight? It will be difficult to get her married otherwise.” My parents left no stone unturned in trying to convince me to lose weight. But, all in vain, since I was happy in my own world and not a wee bit ashamed of my extra kilos.
One day, though, a friend asked me to join the gym with her. I decided to go along, not at all sure that I would last the month. During my initial days, I had no friends in the gym, nobody talked to me, but I got to know the reason much later. Now, when I weigh a respectable 66 kgs, I have so-called friends in the gym and boys who never talked to me earlier vie for my attention and offer to do me favours. “Can I drop you home?”, “I’ll get this for you,” is what I hear these days.
Now my friends call me Ravneet and the moniker moti has been replaced with ‘gorgeous’, ‘sexy’, etc. I feel I’ve regained my lost identity and individuality. I had no idea that losing that extra weight would make such a difference in the attitudes and behaviour of people towards me. I have lost 22 kgs and want to reduce more...not just for my satisfaction, but also to win this game that I’m playing with the world, this time on my own terms.
(Soul Curry is a column where we invite our readers to share their soul-stirring experiences)
How to win a woman's heart
Try growing stubble, for according to a new research, ladies are more smitten by men with stubbly chins than those with clean-shaven faces or full beards.
According to the study, which was conducted by Northumbria University researchers, stubble is the way to win a woman’s heart. As for the reason, why women find men with stubble attractive: they find them tough, mature, aggressive, dominant and masculine and the best romantic partners.
The findings of the experiment, carried out on British women aged 18 to 44, could explain the appeal of actors such as George Clooney and Brad Pitt who cultivate their unshaven look. The explanation for the preference is not clear, but experts in human evolution say that that facial hair may be a signal of aggression because it boosts the apparent size of the lower jaw.
The research team believes that stubbly men may offer women the best worlds - not too strongly masculine, but mature and with the potential to grow a full beard. The researchers carried out the study using computer technology to alter pictures of 15 men’s faces. Five levels of facial hair were used - clean-shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, light beard and full beard.
The pictures were shown to 76 women who were asked to rate them for masculinity, aggression, dominance, attractiveness, age, and social maturity. They were also asked how desirable each man would be as a short-term or long-term partner. Faces with full beards were judged to be the most masculine, aggressive and socially mature. They were also believed to look five years older.
They were rated the least attractive and the worst choice for a short-term relationship. Men with light beards were considered the most dominant. Those with light stubble were rated the most attractive and as the ideal romantic partner for short or long term.
Clean-shaven men finished bottom for masculinity, dominance, aggression, and social maturity and they were the least favoured choice as a long-term partner. They came second-to-last for attractiveness.
“Facial hair, or beardedness, is a powerful sociosexual signal, and an obvious biological marker of sexual maturity. Facial hair may have been sexually selected by females on the basis of associated male success, despite its threatening appearance. Clean-shaven faces therefore may suggest appeasement, as well as being an obvious sign of sexual immaturity,” the Telegraph quoted the researchers, as saying.
"Increasing levels of facial hair were associated with increased perceptions of aggression, in that bearded faces were perceived as being the most aggressive, whilst clean-shaven faces were rated as being the least aggressive. And as facial hair increased in a linear fashion, so did female ratings of masculinity and dominance,”
According to the study, which was conducted by Northumbria University researchers, stubble is the way to win a woman’s heart. As for the reason, why women find men with stubble attractive: they find them tough, mature, aggressive, dominant and masculine and the best romantic partners.
The findings of the experiment, carried out on British women aged 18 to 44, could explain the appeal of actors such as George Clooney and Brad Pitt who cultivate their unshaven look. The explanation for the preference is not clear, but experts in human evolution say that that facial hair may be a signal of aggression because it boosts the apparent size of the lower jaw.
The research team believes that stubbly men may offer women the best worlds - not too strongly masculine, but mature and with the potential to grow a full beard. The researchers carried out the study using computer technology to alter pictures of 15 men’s faces. Five levels of facial hair were used - clean-shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, light beard and full beard.
The pictures were shown to 76 women who were asked to rate them for masculinity, aggression, dominance, attractiveness, age, and social maturity. They were also asked how desirable each man would be as a short-term or long-term partner. Faces with full beards were judged to be the most masculine, aggressive and socially mature. They were also believed to look five years older.
They were rated the least attractive and the worst choice for a short-term relationship. Men with light beards were considered the most dominant. Those with light stubble were rated the most attractive and as the ideal romantic partner for short or long term.
Clean-shaven men finished bottom for masculinity, dominance, aggression, and social maturity and they were the least favoured choice as a long-term partner. They came second-to-last for attractiveness.
“Facial hair, or beardedness, is a powerful sociosexual signal, and an obvious biological marker of sexual maturity. Facial hair may have been sexually selected by females on the basis of associated male success, despite its threatening appearance. Clean-shaven faces therefore may suggest appeasement, as well as being an obvious sign of sexual immaturity,” the Telegraph quoted the researchers, as saying.
"Increasing levels of facial hair were associated with increased perceptions of aggression, in that bearded faces were perceived as being the most aggressive, whilst clean-shaven faces were rated as being the least aggressive. And as facial hair increased in a linear fashion, so did female ratings of masculinity and dominance,”
Here's what women want
It’s the untold story.
Feminism has made us want more. We’re greedy like never before. No compromises, please! Rouge did a random poll, here’s what we found out about what women want!
Women want to find true love!
Lusty women, passionate women, one-man women, sigh! Women want the same thing -- they want fairytale. They want to feel like Cinderella. Love still makes the world go round. Model Amanpreet Wahi says, “One thing, that I want the most is a person who loves me unconditionally. Believe me, if you get that one person, your life is perfect. I know many people who want money but what’s life without that someone special who loves you. My life is beautiful because of my boyfriend Raghav. A lot of people envy me for that.” Agrees actor Mona Singh, “I want everything but if I am asked to choose, it would be love.”
Women want to be a tigeress at work!
When you see a woman pitching fresh ideas in every meeting and also cancelling dinner dates with her partner or friends for attending an official gathering, she’s a woman who chooses career, hands down. Sarah Jane Dias, model says, “For me, work is my passion. This definitely doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love to have that special someone but being good at work gives me a high.” Sanya Kapoor, a college student says, “If you have a good career, you get good money with which you can shop, socialise, have nice people around and also get a successful man as your partner.”
Women still want a good marriage!
We’re still traditional. You got it right. We want to be wooed, and then finally get married happily. At least, that’s what a majority of the women dream about. Is it easy? TV actor Shilpa Saklani says, “For me, there’s nothing more important than a good marriage. Making my married life work is an ambition.”
Women want good friends
We all need a shoulder to cry on. The TV soap Friends has given us great lessons in love and frienships. When we’re down, the ‘dial-a-friend’ therapy works wonders. Every woman needs friends. Why isn’t Sex and the City all about great friendships. “If you have good friends around you, nothing can bother you. They guard you like pillars all the time,” says HR consultant Deepti Kalra. Isn’t that what friends are for!
Women want to be high maintainence girls
Show me the money, honey! Yes, that’s what some women love to sing. Gucci bags, Chanel glasses, solitaires, high heels, Armani clothes and a penthouse. Aaah! Now, that’s what women dream of. It’s not only a happy distraction but a reality. “I would like to embark on a shopping spree every now and then, without bothering about my dipping bank balance. This will make me the object of envy for every other woman. Money can buy anything - even a nice guy,” says team leader Smita Kullu.
Women want good sex!
We’ve glamourised sex too much! While men are bragging about the amazing sex they are enjoying, women are left asking for more. Women as you know, don’t need much time to rev up when it comes to sex. Bad sex is a dampener! So, we were not surprised when 70% women voted for good sex. Actor Sherlyn Chopra says, “Sex is very important for me. There’s no greater pleasure than a good sex session. I even use sex toys as I think no man can satisfy me completely.”
Women want to be intellectuals!
Actor Tisca Chopra says, “For me, time is the most desirable thing in this world. There are so many places to visit, so many people to meet. I always feel that if I am not living 60 seconds of a minute, I am not doing justice to my life.”
Feminism has made us want more. We’re greedy like never before. No compromises, please! Rouge did a random poll, here’s what we found out about what women want!
Women want to find true love!
Lusty women, passionate women, one-man women, sigh! Women want the same thing -- they want fairytale. They want to feel like Cinderella. Love still makes the world go round. Model Amanpreet Wahi says, “One thing, that I want the most is a person who loves me unconditionally. Believe me, if you get that one person, your life is perfect. I know many people who want money but what’s life without that someone special who loves you. My life is beautiful because of my boyfriend Raghav. A lot of people envy me for that.” Agrees actor Mona Singh, “I want everything but if I am asked to choose, it would be love.”
Women want to be a tigeress at work!
When you see a woman pitching fresh ideas in every meeting and also cancelling dinner dates with her partner or friends for attending an official gathering, she’s a woman who chooses career, hands down. Sarah Jane Dias, model says, “For me, work is my passion. This definitely doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love to have that special someone but being good at work gives me a high.” Sanya Kapoor, a college student says, “If you have a good career, you get good money with which you can shop, socialise, have nice people around and also get a successful man as your partner.”
Women still want a good marriage!
We’re still traditional. You got it right. We want to be wooed, and then finally get married happily. At least, that’s what a majority of the women dream about. Is it easy? TV actor Shilpa Saklani says, “For me, there’s nothing more important than a good marriage. Making my married life work is an ambition.”
Women want good friends
We all need a shoulder to cry on. The TV soap Friends has given us great lessons in love and frienships. When we’re down, the ‘dial-a-friend’ therapy works wonders. Every woman needs friends. Why isn’t Sex and the City all about great friendships. “If you have good friends around you, nothing can bother you. They guard you like pillars all the time,” says HR consultant Deepti Kalra. Isn’t that what friends are for!
Women want to be high maintainence girls
Show me the money, honey! Yes, that’s what some women love to sing. Gucci bags, Chanel glasses, solitaires, high heels, Armani clothes and a penthouse. Aaah! Now, that’s what women dream of. It’s not only a happy distraction but a reality. “I would like to embark on a shopping spree every now and then, without bothering about my dipping bank balance. This will make me the object of envy for every other woman. Money can buy anything - even a nice guy,” says team leader Smita Kullu.
Women want good sex!
We’ve glamourised sex too much! While men are bragging about the amazing sex they are enjoying, women are left asking for more. Women as you know, don’t need much time to rev up when it comes to sex. Bad sex is a dampener! So, we were not surprised when 70% women voted for good sex. Actor Sherlyn Chopra says, “Sex is very important for me. There’s no greater pleasure than a good sex session. I even use sex toys as I think no man can satisfy me completely.”
Women want to be intellectuals!
Actor Tisca Chopra says, “For me, time is the most desirable thing in this world. There are so many places to visit, so many people to meet. I always feel that if I am not living 60 seconds of a minute, I am not doing justice to my life.”
Master the art of attraction!
Gen Y chicks are smart, intelligent and not to mention, extremely demanding. When it comes to the man of their choice, they precisely know the difference between Mr Right and Mr Right Now.
So, to make it a little easier for the uber-cool guys we bring a checklist of what new age divas define as attractors and repeller...
Mr Big Shot
He looks elegant, talks slick and smells great. His perfectly coiffed looks impress all the women he passes by. Most of them love to be in the company of classy rich men- but try not to get swept away by his richie rich airs. Shruti Bhatia, a media person says, "My boyfriend takes me to lavish restaurants for dinner, opts for the costliest wine in the menu and throws a lavish bash on my birthday. It's great to have such a man as your arm candy when you walk into a party. But the only problem is, he is so good that I feel as if I always have to be as perfect and sophisticated as he is."
Guy Tip: Being chic and stylish does not mean, being artificial. If you are aiming at something more than a fling, remember, women like gentlemen, not the ones who pretend to be one. Pranay Singh, a businessman opines, "Never lose you identity while you are trying to woo the woman of your choice. Women find genuine guys more trustworthy. Ours was an arranged marriage and before tying the knot I really tried hard to impress my wife. I thought, showing off my wealth was the easiest way of impressing her. But soon after my marriage, I realised that more than my expensive gifts and designer outfits, she was interested in knowing the real me."
Mr Metrosexual
Gone are the days when only women used to take hours in dressing up and used to splurge recklessly on their beauty treatments. Welcome to the world of the ultra modern, metrosexual men, who is as conscious about his eyebrows, nails and facials as his female counterparts.
Simran Gupta, an airhostess says, "Because of my profession I have to be very careful, when it comes to my looks. Even a pimple can give me nightmares. I am glad my hubby understands this completely, we go for spa treatments and body massages together. I was never fond of hairy men and my man takes care of his physical appearance which is what keeps me hooked on to him."
Guy Tip: While on a date don't go on and on with your beauty problems. Secondly, some women find such behavior the sign of being gay, so keep your beauty treatments talk to yourself. Sumita Roy, a human resource officer, shares her experience, "I really appreciate well groomed men, as it's definitely the need of the hour. However, when I see my husband using my face packs and my skin cosmetics, it really irritates me. Some of my female friends find his habits a little abnormal so when he openly flaunts his preference for grooming, I need a corner to hide."
Normal is boring
A large number of girls in their late teens and early twenties think good guys are boring and bad boys aren't worth the trouble. Therefore they generally fall for those who fall somewhere between the two.
Saloni Mehra, a student says, "Toby was my guitar teacher and I simply loved the way he carried himself and the depth in his eyes. Finally, I gathered the courage to ask him out for coffee. On our first date, I realised he was not a shy loner. He had dated some gorgeous and interesting women in the past. He had an amazing bunch of friends and they were in the process of creating their own band. Despite me being so different from him, Toby combined the best of both worlds - a toughie with a soft heart. I would define him as Vodka with Vanilla ice-cream."
So, to make it a little easier for the uber-cool guys we bring a checklist of what new age divas define as attractors and repeller...
Mr Big Shot
He looks elegant, talks slick and smells great. His perfectly coiffed looks impress all the women he passes by. Most of them love to be in the company of classy rich men- but try not to get swept away by his richie rich airs. Shruti Bhatia, a media person says, "My boyfriend takes me to lavish restaurants for dinner, opts for the costliest wine in the menu and throws a lavish bash on my birthday. It's great to have such a man as your arm candy when you walk into a party. But the only problem is, he is so good that I feel as if I always have to be as perfect and sophisticated as he is."
Guy Tip: Being chic and stylish does not mean, being artificial. If you are aiming at something more than a fling, remember, women like gentlemen, not the ones who pretend to be one. Pranay Singh, a businessman opines, "Never lose you identity while you are trying to woo the woman of your choice. Women find genuine guys more trustworthy. Ours was an arranged marriage and before tying the knot I really tried hard to impress my wife. I thought, showing off my wealth was the easiest way of impressing her. But soon after my marriage, I realised that more than my expensive gifts and designer outfits, she was interested in knowing the real me."
Mr Metrosexual
Gone are the days when only women used to take hours in dressing up and used to splurge recklessly on their beauty treatments. Welcome to the world of the ultra modern, metrosexual men, who is as conscious about his eyebrows, nails and facials as his female counterparts.
Simran Gupta, an airhostess says, "Because of my profession I have to be very careful, when it comes to my looks. Even a pimple can give me nightmares. I am glad my hubby understands this completely, we go for spa treatments and body massages together. I was never fond of hairy men and my man takes care of his physical appearance which is what keeps me hooked on to him."
Guy Tip: While on a date don't go on and on with your beauty problems. Secondly, some women find such behavior the sign of being gay, so keep your beauty treatments talk to yourself. Sumita Roy, a human resource officer, shares her experience, "I really appreciate well groomed men, as it's definitely the need of the hour. However, when I see my husband using my face packs and my skin cosmetics, it really irritates me. Some of my female friends find his habits a little abnormal so when he openly flaunts his preference for grooming, I need a corner to hide."
Normal is boring
A large number of girls in their late teens and early twenties think good guys are boring and bad boys aren't worth the trouble. Therefore they generally fall for those who fall somewhere between the two.
Saloni Mehra, a student says, "Toby was my guitar teacher and I simply loved the way he carried himself and the depth in his eyes. Finally, I gathered the courage to ask him out for coffee. On our first date, I realised he was not a shy loner. He had dated some gorgeous and interesting women in the past. He had an amazing bunch of friends and they were in the process of creating their own band. Despite me being so different from him, Toby combined the best of both worlds - a toughie with a soft heart. I would define him as Vodka with Vanilla ice-cream."
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Top ten sex romps
Are you always complaining that your sex life is running out of steam? Well, what’s stopping you from getting adventurous and innovative? Charge up your sex life using this list of the 10 craziest places to fool around...or you could get inspired and think of a few of your own!
1. On the couch: After the bed, the couch in the living room is screaming for attention. And the best part...it’s comfy too. The cushions work as a support system to get those curves and arches to enjoy the perfect moves, while the lack of space will keep up the intimacy levels. Want some more action? Put on a wild flick on video and you have a perfect mood maker!
Word of caution: Watch out your moves, going out of control is injurious...for the couch of course!
2. In the bathtub: Things can get real hot even in a cool bath tub. For the ultimate romantic experience, arrange for a bubble bath with aromatic rose petals and passion perfume. Add some mood lighting, splash a few drops of ‘ylang ylang’ essential oil and be certain that the sensuous experiment will lead to some supah hot sex.
Word of caution: Check out the water temperature, you don’t want to end up with painful blisters or a frozen lover...isn’t?
3. In the kitchen: Be it 91/2 Weeks or Fatal Attraction , the kitchen has borne witness to quite a number of sexapades. The sturdy surfaces and shelves offer great support, especially for stand-up acts, while the feeling of being at an unconventional place pumps up the excitement to newer heights. And how can you miss the yummy treats your kitchen is loaded with? Eat them, but off each other’s hot bods. Think chocolate, cream, jams and jellies!
Word of caution: Know the stuff you are eating and applying...some edibles are good only to eat. So watch out for allergies!
4. In the pool: Though not many are privileged to have one in the confines of their home, if you are one of the lucky few, make the most of it. Challenge your swimming skills and get under for into some underwater escapades. Who said that the inflatable water turtle is meant only for tanning, use it for some steamy adventure...ride it together and get a new high!
Word of caution: You need not be swimming champs, but fairly decent floating skills are definitely expected to get into the water-y fun.
5. In the car: Yes it’s crammed, but it’s cosy too. A quickie in the backseat can rekindle the excitement that you felt during your heady college days. Put on some romantic retro tracks and switch on the AC. Don’t fret, it won’t cool down the passion. When the place is different, the position can’t be a drab. It’s tough to adjust facing each other, but turning the world around can definitely help...hope you got the clue!
Word of caution: Just be careful where you park...you don’t want to get busted!
6. In the dressing room: How about catching her unawares in the dressing room of a store? Sounds dangerous but thrilling too! The fear of getting caught will only add to the sensual experience, while the lack of time is perfect to give you a never before quickie. Thinking comfort? Sorry! All you have is a stool...let him stand as you take charge!
Word of caution: Making noise is not allowed here and do take care of hidden cameras and key-holes.
7. The stairs: If you are thinking they can be a pain to one’s body, think again, as they can be adventurous too. After all, they can give you those highs and lows, especially when the girl is comparatively short.
Word of caution: Don’t get really aggressive if getting cramps in your lower back is not on your mind.
8. On the roof : Yes, this can be a great playground; the gentle moonlight, a cool breeze to caress your passionate entwinings. Pep it up with some paper lamps or scented candles and light music, which will just add to the mood. You have all the space to set the ball rolling...so go ahead and explore her contours under a starry sky.
Word of caution: No physical risks are involved...but just take care of peeping Toms around.
9. In a sleeping bag: Nothing could bring you as close as that sleeping bag that’s meant for a single person and is loaded with two! Why not get into some naughty action and add to a fun-filled camping trip? Instead of the normal position, turn around and have some fun from behind. Talk about kinky fantasies!
Word of caution: Zip the bag properly, you don’t want end up killing insects in the mid of the act.
10. On a plane: You can try the toilet and if that’s too cramped, the seat in a Business or First class cabin. Some airliners with long-haul flights now boast of recliner seats that go as flat as a bed. Take a flight of fantasy.
Word of caution: Don’t try it if you already have flight phobia and take care of people lining-up outside the loo.
1. On the couch: After the bed, the couch in the living room is screaming for attention. And the best part...it’s comfy too. The cushions work as a support system to get those curves and arches to enjoy the perfect moves, while the lack of space will keep up the intimacy levels. Want some more action? Put on a wild flick on video and you have a perfect mood maker!
Word of caution: Watch out your moves, going out of control is injurious...for the couch of course!
2. In the bathtub: Things can get real hot even in a cool bath tub. For the ultimate romantic experience, arrange for a bubble bath with aromatic rose petals and passion perfume. Add some mood lighting, splash a few drops of ‘ylang ylang’ essential oil and be certain that the sensuous experiment will lead to some supah hot sex.
Word of caution: Check out the water temperature, you don’t want to end up with painful blisters or a frozen lover...isn’t?
3. In the kitchen: Be it 91/2 Weeks or Fatal Attraction , the kitchen has borne witness to quite a number of sexapades. The sturdy surfaces and shelves offer great support, especially for stand-up acts, while the feeling of being at an unconventional place pumps up the excitement to newer heights. And how can you miss the yummy treats your kitchen is loaded with? Eat them, but off each other’s hot bods. Think chocolate, cream, jams and jellies!
Word of caution: Know the stuff you are eating and applying...some edibles are good only to eat. So watch out for allergies!
4. In the pool: Though not many are privileged to have one in the confines of their home, if you are one of the lucky few, make the most of it. Challenge your swimming skills and get under for into some underwater escapades. Who said that the inflatable water turtle is meant only for tanning, use it for some steamy adventure...ride it together and get a new high!
Word of caution: You need not be swimming champs, but fairly decent floating skills are definitely expected to get into the water-y fun.
5. In the car: Yes it’s crammed, but it’s cosy too. A quickie in the backseat can rekindle the excitement that you felt during your heady college days. Put on some romantic retro tracks and switch on the AC. Don’t fret, it won’t cool down the passion. When the place is different, the position can’t be a drab. It’s tough to adjust facing each other, but turning the world around can definitely help...hope you got the clue!
Word of caution: Just be careful where you park...you don’t want to get busted!
6. In the dressing room: How about catching her unawares in the dressing room of a store? Sounds dangerous but thrilling too! The fear of getting caught will only add to the sensual experience, while the lack of time is perfect to give you a never before quickie. Thinking comfort? Sorry! All you have is a stool...let him stand as you take charge!
Word of caution: Making noise is not allowed here and do take care of hidden cameras and key-holes.
7. The stairs: If you are thinking they can be a pain to one’s body, think again, as they can be adventurous too. After all, they can give you those highs and lows, especially when the girl is comparatively short.
Word of caution: Don’t get really aggressive if getting cramps in your lower back is not on your mind.
8. On the roof : Yes, this can be a great playground; the gentle moonlight, a cool breeze to caress your passionate entwinings. Pep it up with some paper lamps or scented candles and light music, which will just add to the mood. You have all the space to set the ball rolling...so go ahead and explore her contours under a starry sky.
Word of caution: No physical risks are involved...but just take care of peeping Toms around.
9. In a sleeping bag: Nothing could bring you as close as that sleeping bag that’s meant for a single person and is loaded with two! Why not get into some naughty action and add to a fun-filled camping trip? Instead of the normal position, turn around and have some fun from behind. Talk about kinky fantasies!
Word of caution: Zip the bag properly, you don’t want end up killing insects in the mid of the act.
10. On a plane: You can try the toilet and if that’s too cramped, the seat in a Business or First class cabin. Some airliners with long-haul flights now boast of recliner seats that go as flat as a bed. Take a flight of fantasy.
Word of caution: Don’t try it if you already have flight phobia and take care of people lining-up outside the loo.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Your guide to flirting!
Washington: Trying to woo your dream partner, but are clueless in the flirting front? Philosophy professor is here!
Gettysburg College philosophy researcher Steve Gimbel has offered some ethical and practical advice on flirting.
"Flirting is an art form. The accomplished flirt knows when to be subtle and when to be blunt. But the game can be dangerous, especially if you are involved with someone. Does your lover have a right to be pissed at you for flirting? Like so much in ethics, the answer is it depends,” Gimbel said.
Gimbel defined flirting as the first step of courtship without the intent of it going beyond that point. It is good-natured play and added that neither person will get hurt because both parties know that it is going nowhere.
"Flirting is different from engaged, friendly conversation. It is also different from hitting on or teasing someone. There's an edge to flirting because both of you know it isn't real. Flirting is for playing around, hitting on is for players,” Gimbel said.
Gimbel further added that nothing is intrinsically wrong with being a flirt. Exclusive relationships require fidelity and that means not sharing one's most intimate side with anyone else, either physically or emotionally.
"Flirts, like married actors who perform love scenes, are playing a part, only this one is not pre-scripted. The depth of true romantic involvement is something completely different from the shallowness of flirting. A flirt is perfectly capable of enjoying a fulfilling and exclusive relationship. Of course, that requires a certain sort of partner,” he said.
Gimbel explained that generally partners in a relationship come in two flavours: confident and secure or insecure and seeking approval. "Being with a flirt is a constant reminder that the person attracted to you is found attractive by those around you, and some people are comfortable with that but most people are not," Gimbel said.
Gettysburg College philosophy researcher Steve Gimbel has offered some ethical and practical advice on flirting.
"Flirting is an art form. The accomplished flirt knows when to be subtle and when to be blunt. But the game can be dangerous, especially if you are involved with someone. Does your lover have a right to be pissed at you for flirting? Like so much in ethics, the answer is it depends,” Gimbel said.
Gimbel defined flirting as the first step of courtship without the intent of it going beyond that point. It is good-natured play and added that neither person will get hurt because both parties know that it is going nowhere.
"Flirting is different from engaged, friendly conversation. It is also different from hitting on or teasing someone. There's an edge to flirting because both of you know it isn't real. Flirting is for playing around, hitting on is for players,” Gimbel said.
Gimbel further added that nothing is intrinsically wrong with being a flirt. Exclusive relationships require fidelity and that means not sharing one's most intimate side with anyone else, either physically or emotionally.
"Flirts, like married actors who perform love scenes, are playing a part, only this one is not pre-scripted. The depth of true romantic involvement is something completely different from the shallowness of flirting. A flirt is perfectly capable of enjoying a fulfilling and exclusive relationship. Of course, that requires a certain sort of partner,” he said.
Gimbel explained that generally partners in a relationship come in two flavours: confident and secure or insecure and seeking approval. "Being with a flirt is a constant reminder that the person attracted to you is found attractive by those around you, and some people are comfortable with that but most people are not," Gimbel said.
Made for each other
Riyaz Khan, Actor
MY FIRST MEETING
I had known Uma since childhood but I fell in love with her only during the shoot of our movie. The movie din’t work out, but it worked out for us. (laughs Riyaz)
ATTRACTION FACTOR
She was just the girl I wanted - bold and beautiful. She seemed outgoing and most importantly not a closed pack.Uma's impeccable talent, beautiful looking thick and long hairs were enough to make me fall for her.
THE PURSUIT
Unlike other couples, it was Uma who kicked off the proposal in our case. Though we had known each other for long it was her who made the proposal first. I was overwhelmed with joy as I was also about to confess the same to her. Though it was an inter caste marriage our family did not have any objection and we went ahead tying the knot.
COMMON ZONE
Our wardrobe displays similar collection of brands and even shoes. We do contradict at times in our views but finally I end giving up to whatever she says. I am glad that we both hold a broader view towards life.
MY GROUSE
Undoubtedly, her anger. She goes on bla, bla, and bla when hyper but cools down soon.
HONEY, I CONFESS
Uma, thanks a lot for being a part of my struggles in career and life. I love you for the two wonderful kids you have given me and do remain the same forever.
Uma Riyaz Khan, Actress
MY FIRST MEETING
I had met him few years before marriage on the sets of a film casting both of us. We also did a few photo shoots for the same and that's when I actually noticed him. I had known him for a long time right since he was in New York but we never spoke. His sister was my schoolmate who made things easy for us.
WHAT ATTRACTED
His overall persona charmed me. I had never come across anyone like him in my life. He was (I mean 'is') handsome and soft natured. Generally we don't find guys being soft natured, but he was. Being a New York return he carried an accent which fascinated me the most.
THE PURSUIT
He had come home to give me the photographs of our photo shoot and that's how we started meeting up regularly. The affair was on a roll and we did not beat around the bush to take our love to the next level- Marriage.
COMMON ZONES
He is a very homemade kind of person and I love spending time with him at home. We are complete shopoholics. We have similar taste for clothing, shoes and brands.
MY GROUSE
He is 'Perfect'. It's chanceless to crib anything about him.
HONEY, I CONFESS
Riyaz, you are the only person I love and nobody can ever come between us. I am thankful to God for giving me a husband like you.
MY FIRST MEETING
I had known Uma since childhood but I fell in love with her only during the shoot of our movie. The movie din’t work out, but it worked out for us. (laughs Riyaz)
ATTRACTION FACTOR
She was just the girl I wanted - bold and beautiful. She seemed outgoing and most importantly not a closed pack.Uma's impeccable talent, beautiful looking thick and long hairs were enough to make me fall for her.
THE PURSUIT
Unlike other couples, it was Uma who kicked off the proposal in our case. Though we had known each other for long it was her who made the proposal first. I was overwhelmed with joy as I was also about to confess the same to her. Though it was an inter caste marriage our family did not have any objection and we went ahead tying the knot.
COMMON ZONE
Our wardrobe displays similar collection of brands and even shoes. We do contradict at times in our views but finally I end giving up to whatever she says. I am glad that we both hold a broader view towards life.
MY GROUSE
Undoubtedly, her anger. She goes on bla, bla, and bla when hyper but cools down soon.
HONEY, I CONFESS
Uma, thanks a lot for being a part of my struggles in career and life. I love you for the two wonderful kids you have given me and do remain the same forever.
Uma Riyaz Khan, Actress
MY FIRST MEETING
I had met him few years before marriage on the sets of a film casting both of us. We also did a few photo shoots for the same and that's when I actually noticed him. I had known him for a long time right since he was in New York but we never spoke. His sister was my schoolmate who made things easy for us.
WHAT ATTRACTED
His overall persona charmed me. I had never come across anyone like him in my life. He was (I mean 'is') handsome and soft natured. Generally we don't find guys being soft natured, but he was. Being a New York return he carried an accent which fascinated me the most.
THE PURSUIT
He had come home to give me the photographs of our photo shoot and that's how we started meeting up regularly. The affair was on a roll and we did not beat around the bush to take our love to the next level- Marriage.
COMMON ZONES
He is a very homemade kind of person and I love spending time with him at home. We are complete shopoholics. We have similar taste for clothing, shoes and brands.
MY GROUSE
He is 'Perfect'. It's chanceless to crib anything about him.
HONEY, I CONFESS
Riyaz, you are the only person I love and nobody can ever come between us. I am thankful to God for giving me a husband like you.
Top sex mistakes men make
There just isn’t any other way to say it – a sex slip-up just isn’t sexy, and to save all men from bedroom ‘disasters’, a leading sexologist has come to the rescue.
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc., has come up with top mistakes men make in bed...
The biggest mistakes men make include:
1. Foreplay doesn't start in the sack
The timer for enticing does not start once you hit the sheets. Your pre-game show is best approached as an all day affair.
Women love to be wooed. Sex is a head game — in more ways than one - and women want to know you can’t get them out of your mind. We love knowing that we are desired.
2. Don't head south straight away
A woman needs to be properly aroused before any below-the-belt action feels good. Be sure to focus on her entire body - head to toe - before going for the gold.
3. Get to that G spot
In digging for buried treasure, many guys don’t know that “X” doesn’t always mark the spot. Found on the front wall of the vagina, a woman’s G spot may be a little higher or lower, or more to one side than the other, than often depicted.
4. Don't be too goal-oriented
There is nothing more endearing than a man who wants to play. Just don’t get caught up in yourself. Your sexual exploration should be playtime for two.
Stay “present” in the moment - connecting with your partner will bring the ultimate climax for both of you.
5. Let her be naughty
Sometimes she needs to get in touch with her adulterated side. In fact, research has found that women are more aroused by explicit fantasies than romantic ones. It's not always about the prince on a white horse or canoodling on the beach.
6. She's not a porn star
As seen in porn films, many men expect their lovers to fulfill their every fantasy. Remember that porn is fantasy, not reality. Expecting her to act like a porn star is simply not fair.
7. And men aren't supposed to look like porn stars
Despite what XXX-rated films indicate, most women are not lusting after a three-legged man. Maybe some women are up for the challenge, but many are fine with the guy who fits within the norm. Don’t be too hard on yourself for being just that.
8. One orgasm is not always enough
Women are not as quick to come down from their aroused state as men are post-sex. Many can be launched right back to bliss, and many women do crave more action and orgasms, even if they were perfectly satisfied the first time round.
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc., has come up with top mistakes men make in bed...
The biggest mistakes men make include:
1. Foreplay doesn't start in the sack
The timer for enticing does not start once you hit the sheets. Your pre-game show is best approached as an all day affair.
Women love to be wooed. Sex is a head game — in more ways than one - and women want to know you can’t get them out of your mind. We love knowing that we are desired.
2. Don't head south straight away
A woman needs to be properly aroused before any below-the-belt action feels good. Be sure to focus on her entire body - head to toe - before going for the gold.
3. Get to that G spot
In digging for buried treasure, many guys don’t know that “X” doesn’t always mark the spot. Found on the front wall of the vagina, a woman’s G spot may be a little higher or lower, or more to one side than the other, than often depicted.
4. Don't be too goal-oriented
There is nothing more endearing than a man who wants to play. Just don’t get caught up in yourself. Your sexual exploration should be playtime for two.
Stay “present” in the moment - connecting with your partner will bring the ultimate climax for both of you.
5. Let her be naughty
Sometimes she needs to get in touch with her adulterated side. In fact, research has found that women are more aroused by explicit fantasies than romantic ones. It's not always about the prince on a white horse or canoodling on the beach.
6. She's not a porn star
As seen in porn films, many men expect their lovers to fulfill their every fantasy. Remember that porn is fantasy, not reality. Expecting her to act like a porn star is simply not fair.
7. And men aren't supposed to look like porn stars
Despite what XXX-rated films indicate, most women are not lusting after a three-legged man. Maybe some women are up for the challenge, but many are fine with the guy who fits within the norm. Don’t be too hard on yourself for being just that.
8. One orgasm is not always enough
Women are not as quick to come down from their aroused state as men are post-sex. Many can be launched right back to bliss, and many women do crave more action and orgasms, even if they were perfectly satisfied the first time round.
When to say 'I love you'
When you are totally smitten by him, those three little words are waggling at the tip of your tongue, threatening to tumble at the slightest provocation.
But, you may want to be on guard, unless you want to scare away the poor fella! 'I love you' may be the most natural thing to say when you are dating, but once those words are said, you take your relationship to a whole new plane. There is a world of difference between 'I like you' and 'I love you'. It's time you use them with caution.
They are definitely not the golden words to say when...
The drinks are talking
It definitely may be easy to get those words out and loosen your guard when you are drunk, but the question is if you really mean them, or is it just the vodka that you downed showing its colour!? It is hard to believe anything out of some one who's been hammered. Save the proposals for the pre-party bit. That way, you'll have an even better reason to rejoice.
The love mist is between your eyes
Murmuring sweet nothings into his ear may set the mood for a session of rolling on the mat. But, along with those nothings, it is quite natural to yell 'I love you!' This may leave him baffled into thinking, is it really him that you love?! Don't get heady and impulsive; this will only blur the lines of distinction between love and lust. Hold those reigns, and if you feel the same even when the lust fog lifts you have found true love!
Wired communication
Avoid voicing your inner feelings through the telephone, e- mail or instant messages. Simply because, it is a thrill killer. It is a chicken thing to do. It doesn't show how serious you are. Also spare those emoticons, they are hardly romantic!
Let him see it in your eyes, and judge for himself about how serious you are. If you are indeed serious, there is nothing like looking him in the eye, holding his hand and professing how you feel.
But, you may want to be on guard, unless you want to scare away the poor fella! 'I love you' may be the most natural thing to say when you are dating, but once those words are said, you take your relationship to a whole new plane. There is a world of difference between 'I like you' and 'I love you'. It's time you use them with caution.
They are definitely not the golden words to say when...
The drinks are talking
It definitely may be easy to get those words out and loosen your guard when you are drunk, but the question is if you really mean them, or is it just the vodka that you downed showing its colour!? It is hard to believe anything out of some one who's been hammered. Save the proposals for the pre-party bit. That way, you'll have an even better reason to rejoice.
The love mist is between your eyes
Murmuring sweet nothings into his ear may set the mood for a session of rolling on the mat. But, along with those nothings, it is quite natural to yell 'I love you!' This may leave him baffled into thinking, is it really him that you love?! Don't get heady and impulsive; this will only blur the lines of distinction between love and lust. Hold those reigns, and if you feel the same even when the lust fog lifts you have found true love!
Wired communication
Avoid voicing your inner feelings through the telephone, e- mail or instant messages. Simply because, it is a thrill killer. It is a chicken thing to do. It doesn't show how serious you are. Also spare those emoticons, they are hardly romantic!
Let him see it in your eyes, and judge for himself about how serious you are. If you are indeed serious, there is nothing like looking him in the eye, holding his hand and professing how you feel.
Are you single? Make the most of it!
Does the sight of a friend getting ready for Friday night’s movie-and-dinner routine make you want to crawl under the covers and cry all night? Or do you get the blues every time a colleague croons ‘It’s only words...’? Are you single and feeling sorry for yourself?
Just STOP. Stop all the self-pity, stop inflicting yourself with pain. For a moment ask yourself: are you really lonely or do you want to be in a relationship just because its ‘cool’ and all your friends have one. A beau we mean. Heck, even Kantabai seems to have that ‘dreamy look’ in her eyes lately. Do you really want the phone running off the hook and having your newfound love ask you about your whereabouts every single minute of the day? Do you really want to tag him or her along wherever you go, be it to buy your favourite lingerie or to the spa or an IPL match? Do you really want to be told what to wear and that your favourite jeans are so passé? And worst of all, do you want to stop talking to all your guy/girl friends you’ve known for years only because your partner feels insecure about them?
If you are still trying to find the answers to these questions, it is time to sit back and think...
Is ‘love’ suffocating you?
Quite often, though not always, ‘love’ becomes suffocating after a while. At times, so much so that people feel that they are losing their own identity and being only what their loved one wants them to be.
“I was in love with a guy for two years. I don’t remember any weekend when I had the freedom to go shopping alone or hang out with my friends. My boyfriend assumed that my weekends are only for him. I gave up talking to most of my friends who were guys only because he felt insecure with them. Finally, I decided to break up with him and I realised that I had being losing my identity over the years. Now I am happily single and have all the freedom to do what I want to do without being answerable to anyone,” says Satnam who works in a private bank.
Want to be happily single?
Your best friend may be in a relationship that is just getting on her nerves and your cousin’s marriage may be no better than routine household work, then why is it that people feel sorry for you being single? In fact, being single may be the most wonderful thing that could have happened to you. If you are not convinced yet, check out what’s the fun in being single...
•You can go out shopping alone without getting frantic phone calls from your partner to know your whereabouts.
•You can pamper yourself by experimenting with your looks without getting worried whether he or she will like it or not.
•You can go out with all your friends and flirt to your heart’s content without anyone stopping you from doing so. And, if you are still thinking whether this is the right thing to do, don’t trust your ‘conscience’, for it will never stop you from doing anything wrong, it’ll only stop you from enjoying it!
•Grab a packet of popcorn and go out to watch your favourite romantic film without any one to laugh at you for sobbing through the film. Do all the things you love to do and have been missing out in the last few days. (in case you were recently in a relationship and just called it a day)
•Ignore the toxic people in your life, who would tell you that you are single only because you are too ‘picky’, too fat or too old to be in love.
Being single and loving it!
“I’ve been single for the last one year. It’s not that I haven’t got proposals but I just love my freedom. It’s true that being in a relationship gives you a companion but after a while it also starts interfering with your privacy. I think it’s also about setting priorities. My career is much more important to me than being in a relationship and I think I’ll lose my focus if I am committed to someone,” says Nandita (name changed on request), a software engineer.
While it’s true that companionship is a beautiful part of a relationship, privacy is equally important. The tricky part is keeping the balance and knowing where to draw the line. As Arvinder Singh, a psychotherapist and consultant, says, “The most beautiful relationships are the ones that give you space. You can go places if your partner is supportive. So, being in a relationship may not necessarily mean that you lose your independence. Sometimes, spending time alone can also get difficult.”
Being single is not always easy; there are times when you just want to share that special moment with someone....but till that special someone comes along, enjoy some ‘me time’!
Just STOP. Stop all the self-pity, stop inflicting yourself with pain. For a moment ask yourself: are you really lonely or do you want to be in a relationship just because its ‘cool’ and all your friends have one. A beau we mean. Heck, even Kantabai seems to have that ‘dreamy look’ in her eyes lately. Do you really want the phone running off the hook and having your newfound love ask you about your whereabouts every single minute of the day? Do you really want to tag him or her along wherever you go, be it to buy your favourite lingerie or to the spa or an IPL match? Do you really want to be told what to wear and that your favourite jeans are so passé? And worst of all, do you want to stop talking to all your guy/girl friends you’ve known for years only because your partner feels insecure about them?
If you are still trying to find the answers to these questions, it is time to sit back and think...
Is ‘love’ suffocating you?
Quite often, though not always, ‘love’ becomes suffocating after a while. At times, so much so that people feel that they are losing their own identity and being only what their loved one wants them to be.
“I was in love with a guy for two years. I don’t remember any weekend when I had the freedom to go shopping alone or hang out with my friends. My boyfriend assumed that my weekends are only for him. I gave up talking to most of my friends who were guys only because he felt insecure with them. Finally, I decided to break up with him and I realised that I had being losing my identity over the years. Now I am happily single and have all the freedom to do what I want to do without being answerable to anyone,” says Satnam who works in a private bank.
Want to be happily single?
Your best friend may be in a relationship that is just getting on her nerves and your cousin’s marriage may be no better than routine household work, then why is it that people feel sorry for you being single? In fact, being single may be the most wonderful thing that could have happened to you. If you are not convinced yet, check out what’s the fun in being single...
•You can go out shopping alone without getting frantic phone calls from your partner to know your whereabouts.
•You can pamper yourself by experimenting with your looks without getting worried whether he or she will like it or not.
•You can go out with all your friends and flirt to your heart’s content without anyone stopping you from doing so. And, if you are still thinking whether this is the right thing to do, don’t trust your ‘conscience’, for it will never stop you from doing anything wrong, it’ll only stop you from enjoying it!
•Grab a packet of popcorn and go out to watch your favourite romantic film without any one to laugh at you for sobbing through the film. Do all the things you love to do and have been missing out in the last few days. (in case you were recently in a relationship and just called it a day)
•Ignore the toxic people in your life, who would tell you that you are single only because you are too ‘picky’, too fat or too old to be in love.
Being single and loving it!
“I’ve been single for the last one year. It’s not that I haven’t got proposals but I just love my freedom. It’s true that being in a relationship gives you a companion but after a while it also starts interfering with your privacy. I think it’s also about setting priorities. My career is much more important to me than being in a relationship and I think I’ll lose my focus if I am committed to someone,” says Nandita (name changed on request), a software engineer.
While it’s true that companionship is a beautiful part of a relationship, privacy is equally important. The tricky part is keeping the balance and knowing where to draw the line. As Arvinder Singh, a psychotherapist and consultant, says, “The most beautiful relationships are the ones that give you space. You can go places if your partner is supportive. So, being in a relationship may not necessarily mean that you lose your independence. Sometimes, spending time alone can also get difficult.”
Being single is not always easy; there are times when you just want to share that special moment with someone....but till that special someone comes along, enjoy some ‘me time’!
Male and single?
More and more men are now choosing to stay single – not because they love their freedom but because they are scared of a bad marriage or ending up marrying the wrong person. At least that’s what a recent survey suggests.
"I wanted to give some women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single - and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties," the Courier Mail quoted Carl Weisman, 49-year-old bachelor, who conducted the online survey to research his book, as saying.
The survey involving 1500 heterosexual men showed that men were 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all.
It also found that about eight per cent of the respondents didn’t want to marry, 62 per cent wanted to marry, of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 per cent who are on the fence. Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children, compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.
Bachelor boys
But how would it be to stay a bachelor all your life only because you are not sure of what the future holds for you or being afraid that you will marry someone who may fail to live up to your expectations...
“I think everybody is scared of marrying the wrong person in today’s world. Why most men fear it is because they are scared of losing their freedom. But you can’t help falling in love, it just happens. If you know your partner and trust him/her, everything with eventually fall in place,” says TV actor Aamir Ali.
Agreeing with Aamir, actor Hiten Tejwani who has been married for four years says, “If you know what you want from your partner, only then you should go ahead with the relationship, else call it quits. It’s extremely important to know and understand each other before you commit.”
It’s all about money, honey!
Financial issues, both positive and negative, may also play a crucial role in men's fear of commitment. "Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman. "While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them," he added.
Agreeing with that, Hiten says, “Financial stability certainly makes it easier for a man to get into a relationship because you know that you’ll be able to take care of your partner.”
Does that also mean that men are afraid of taking responsibility or are not easily ready for commitment?
“It’s not necessarily the fear of commitment or responsibility. It is mainly because people develop insecurity and anxiety as to how things will shape up in the future. Moreover, owing to extreme work pressure and other commitments, these days it has become difficult for men to find enough time for their personal life,” says Dr Samir Parikh, a psychiatrist.
Perfect lives
Another factor that may be keeping men away from getting into a relationship is their search for perfection. High expectations are an important factor that makes men think twice before committing. “Everyone needs companionship. But at times, people’s expectations are rigid which acts as a hurdle in finding a partner,” adds Dr Parikh.
So, if you are expecting your ‘special someone’ to be Miss Perfect or Miss Right, you’d better be prepared for a long, long wait. But if you are certain
that your partner doesn’t mind your snoring or your evening soirees with your buddies, loves your mom and her cooking...then just grab her before it’s too late!
"I wanted to give some women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single - and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties," the Courier Mail quoted Carl Weisman, 49-year-old bachelor, who conducted the online survey to research his book, as saying.
The survey involving 1500 heterosexual men showed that men were 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all.
It also found that about eight per cent of the respondents didn’t want to marry, 62 per cent wanted to marry, of which half won't settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 per cent who are on the fence. Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children, compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.
Bachelor boys
But how would it be to stay a bachelor all your life only because you are not sure of what the future holds for you or being afraid that you will marry someone who may fail to live up to your expectations...
“I think everybody is scared of marrying the wrong person in today’s world. Why most men fear it is because they are scared of losing their freedom. But you can’t help falling in love, it just happens. If you know your partner and trust him/her, everything with eventually fall in place,” says TV actor Aamir Ali.
Agreeing with Aamir, actor Hiten Tejwani who has been married for four years says, “If you know what you want from your partner, only then you should go ahead with the relationship, else call it quits. It’s extremely important to know and understand each other before you commit.”
It’s all about money, honey!
Financial issues, both positive and negative, may also play a crucial role in men's fear of commitment. "Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool," said Weisman. "While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them," he added.
Agreeing with that, Hiten says, “Financial stability certainly makes it easier for a man to get into a relationship because you know that you’ll be able to take care of your partner.”
Does that also mean that men are afraid of taking responsibility or are not easily ready for commitment?
“It’s not necessarily the fear of commitment or responsibility. It is mainly because people develop insecurity and anxiety as to how things will shape up in the future. Moreover, owing to extreme work pressure and other commitments, these days it has become difficult for men to find enough time for their personal life,” says Dr Samir Parikh, a psychiatrist.
Perfect lives
Another factor that may be keeping men away from getting into a relationship is their search for perfection. High expectations are an important factor that makes men think twice before committing. “Everyone needs companionship. But at times, people’s expectations are rigid which acts as a hurdle in finding a partner,” adds Dr Parikh.
So, if you are expecting your ‘special someone’ to be Miss Perfect or Miss Right, you’d better be prepared for a long, long wait. But if you are certain
that your partner doesn’t mind your snoring or your evening soirees with your buddies, loves your mom and her cooking...then just grab her before it’s too late!
Romance, all cooked up
‘Not tonight darling, I'm too tired', was the dreaded bedroom line, which could dampen the ardour of most men.
Wives, tired after a daylong drudgery, were huge turnoffs for most men. But, in a role reversal of sorts, today we have a more helping variety of husbands who don't mind sharing the household chores with their wives. And they are handsomely rewarded for it too, as women find them very sexy.
According to a study conducted by the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, when a man cooks and cleans in the house, women consider it to be an expression of his concern, as it physically reduces their stress. The study reveals that such men are considered to be very sexy by the womenfolk. TOI checks out with some city women, if the formula works for them too.
Lovely feeling
Though most of the people don’t really love the housework, yet there’s no denying the fact that it is an important part of life and does influence relationships.
Nagpur-based interior designer Swati Kriplani says, "It's a lovely feeling when my husband helps me around the house. It makes me feel so pampered. The mornings are very hectic for me. Many a time, it so happens that my husband Vinay makes tea or even breakfast for himself if I am in the gym, or just rushing out of the house. It definitely keeps our relationship healthy because such gestures show that he cares for me and values the work that I put in."
Pleasant surprise
She might be adorned with adjectives like a multitasker, yet the truth remains that along with her professional duties, a woman has to bear the extra burden of household chores as well. In such a situation, a wee bit of help from the man can go a long way in soothing the frayed nerves.
Interior designer Aditi Daga says that every woman needs to feel pampered once in a while. "In the six years of my married life, many times I have cribbed over the work pressure and the drudgery of attending to cooking after a long day at work. But, I remember once I returned late after attending a baby shower, and as I entered home the thought of cooking bogged me down. But, to my surprise I found that my husband had cooked the entire meal and laid it on the table. Seeing the expression of surprise on my face, he said, 'See, I too can do it sometimes.' This has happened just twice in the past six years, but it made me feel so special," she gushes.
In each other’s shoes
But, good things don't last forever. So, the love and care shown by the men by helping in household work is also short-lived and happens in spurts. Says Nandini Babhulkar, a Nagpur-based paediatrician, "My husband Sushrut used to help me when we were newlywed. But, now it is rare for him to do so. He is a good cook and had promised to cook breakfast for me on my birthday, but that did not happen as he had to attend to an emergency at the hospital. I think it is good to be in each other's shoes once in a while, as it creates a better understanding."
Saying that it gives the woman a big sense of relief if the husband is competent enough to handle the kitchen, career counselor, Sapna Sharma says, "I have very busy schedules, but I have never worried about who would cook or take care of the kids, as my husband takes care of all these things. I know I can depend on him and that makes me so happy."
‘It adds to your sex appeal’
Celebrity chef Sanjeev Kapoor on men with culinary expertise: "Men who cook must be considered sexy because I
have a huge female fan following! But jokes apart, cooking involves a lot of experimentation and innovation. And if a man is able to conjure up a tasty dish, then it does add to his sex
appeal.”
Wives, tired after a daylong drudgery, were huge turnoffs for most men. But, in a role reversal of sorts, today we have a more helping variety of husbands who don't mind sharing the household chores with their wives. And they are handsomely rewarded for it too, as women find them very sexy.
According to a study conducted by the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, when a man cooks and cleans in the house, women consider it to be an expression of his concern, as it physically reduces their stress. The study reveals that such men are considered to be very sexy by the womenfolk. TOI checks out with some city women, if the formula works for them too.
Lovely feeling
Though most of the people don’t really love the housework, yet there’s no denying the fact that it is an important part of life and does influence relationships.
Nagpur-based interior designer Swati Kriplani says, "It's a lovely feeling when my husband helps me around the house. It makes me feel so pampered. The mornings are very hectic for me. Many a time, it so happens that my husband Vinay makes tea or even breakfast for himself if I am in the gym, or just rushing out of the house. It definitely keeps our relationship healthy because such gestures show that he cares for me and values the work that I put in."
Pleasant surprise
She might be adorned with adjectives like a multitasker, yet the truth remains that along with her professional duties, a woman has to bear the extra burden of household chores as well. In such a situation, a wee bit of help from the man can go a long way in soothing the frayed nerves.
Interior designer Aditi Daga says that every woman needs to feel pampered once in a while. "In the six years of my married life, many times I have cribbed over the work pressure and the drudgery of attending to cooking after a long day at work. But, I remember once I returned late after attending a baby shower, and as I entered home the thought of cooking bogged me down. But, to my surprise I found that my husband had cooked the entire meal and laid it on the table. Seeing the expression of surprise on my face, he said, 'See, I too can do it sometimes.' This has happened just twice in the past six years, but it made me feel so special," she gushes.
In each other’s shoes
But, good things don't last forever. So, the love and care shown by the men by helping in household work is also short-lived and happens in spurts. Says Nandini Babhulkar, a Nagpur-based paediatrician, "My husband Sushrut used to help me when we were newlywed. But, now it is rare for him to do so. He is a good cook and had promised to cook breakfast for me on my birthday, but that did not happen as he had to attend to an emergency at the hospital. I think it is good to be in each other's shoes once in a while, as it creates a better understanding."
Saying that it gives the woman a big sense of relief if the husband is competent enough to handle the kitchen, career counselor, Sapna Sharma says, "I have very busy schedules, but I have never worried about who would cook or take care of the kids, as my husband takes care of all these things. I know I can depend on him and that makes me so happy."
‘It adds to your sex appeal’
Celebrity chef Sanjeev Kapoor on men with culinary expertise: "Men who cook must be considered sexy because I
have a huge female fan following! But jokes apart, cooking involves a lot of experimentation and innovation. And if a man is able to conjure up a tasty dish, then it does add to his sex
appeal.”
How to win a woman's heart
Try growing stubble, for according to a new research, ladies are more smitten by men with stubbly chins than those with clean-shaven faces or full beards.
According to the study, which was conducted by Northumbria University researchers, stubble is the way to win a woman’s heart. As for the reason, why women find men with stubble attractive: they find them tough, mature, aggressive, dominant and masculine and the best romantic partners.
The findings of the experiment, carried out on British women aged 18 to 44, could explain the appeal of actors such as George Clooney and Brad Pitt who cultivate their unshaven look. The explanation for the preference is not clear, but experts in human evolution say that that facial hair may be a signal of aggression because it boosts the apparent size of the lower jaw.
The research team believes that stubbly men may offer women the best worlds - not too strongly masculine, but mature and with the potential to grow a full beard. The researchers carried out the study using computer technology to alter pictures of 15 men’s faces. Five levels of facial hair were used - clean-shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, light beard and full beard.
The pictures were shown to 76 women who were asked to rate them for masculinity, aggression, dominance, attractiveness, age, and social maturity. They were also asked how desirable each man would be as a short-term or long-term partner. Faces with full beards were judged to be the most masculine, aggressive and socially mature. They were also believed to look five years older.
They were rated the least attractive and the worst choice for a short-term relationship. Men with light beards were considered the most dominant. Those with light stubble were rated the most attractive and as the ideal romantic partner for short or long term.
Clean-shaven men finished bottom for masculinity, dominance, aggression, and social maturity and they were the least favoured choice as a long-term partner. They came second-to-last for attractiveness.
“Facial hair, or beardedness, is a powerful sociosexual signal, and an obvious biological marker of sexual maturity. Facial hair may have been sexually selected by females on the basis of associated male success, despite its threatening appearance. Clean-shaven faces therefore may suggest appeasement, as well as being an obvious sign of sexual immaturity,” the Telegraph quoted the researchers, as saying.
"Increasing levels of facial hair were associated with increased perceptions of aggression, in that bearded faces were perceived as being the most aggressive, whilst clean-shaven faces were rated as being the least aggressive. And as facial hair increased in a linear fashion, so did female ratings of masculinity and dominance,” they added.
According to the study, which was conducted by Northumbria University researchers, stubble is the way to win a woman’s heart. As for the reason, why women find men with stubble attractive: they find them tough, mature, aggressive, dominant and masculine and the best romantic partners.
The findings of the experiment, carried out on British women aged 18 to 44, could explain the appeal of actors such as George Clooney and Brad Pitt who cultivate their unshaven look. The explanation for the preference is not clear, but experts in human evolution say that that facial hair may be a signal of aggression because it boosts the apparent size of the lower jaw.
The research team believes that stubbly men may offer women the best worlds - not too strongly masculine, but mature and with the potential to grow a full beard. The researchers carried out the study using computer technology to alter pictures of 15 men’s faces. Five levels of facial hair were used - clean-shaven, light stubble, heavy stubble, light beard and full beard.
The pictures were shown to 76 women who were asked to rate them for masculinity, aggression, dominance, attractiveness, age, and social maturity. They were also asked how desirable each man would be as a short-term or long-term partner. Faces with full beards were judged to be the most masculine, aggressive and socially mature. They were also believed to look five years older.
They were rated the least attractive and the worst choice for a short-term relationship. Men with light beards were considered the most dominant. Those with light stubble were rated the most attractive and as the ideal romantic partner for short or long term.
Clean-shaven men finished bottom for masculinity, dominance, aggression, and social maturity and they were the least favoured choice as a long-term partner. They came second-to-last for attractiveness.
“Facial hair, or beardedness, is a powerful sociosexual signal, and an obvious biological marker of sexual maturity. Facial hair may have been sexually selected by females on the basis of associated male success, despite its threatening appearance. Clean-shaven faces therefore may suggest appeasement, as well as being an obvious sign of sexual immaturity,” the Telegraph quoted the researchers, as saying.
"Increasing levels of facial hair were associated with increased perceptions of aggression, in that bearded faces were perceived as being the most aggressive, whilst clean-shaven faces were rated as being the least aggressive. And as facial hair increased in a linear fashion, so did female ratings of masculinity and dominance,” they added.
Here's what women want
It’s the untold story.
Feminism has made us want more. We’re greedy like never before. No compromises, please! Rouge did a random poll, here’s what we found out about what women want!
Women want to find true love!
Lusty women, passionate women, one-man women, sigh! Women want the same thing -- they want fairytale. They want to feel like Cinderella. Love still makes the world go round. Model Amanpreet Wahi says, “One thing, that I want the most is a person who loves me unconditionally. Believe me, if you get that one person, your life is perfect. I know many people who want money but what’s life without that someone special who loves you. My life is beautiful because of my boyfriend Raghav. A lot of people envy me for that.” Agrees actor Mona Singh, “I want everything but if I am asked to choose, it would be love.”
Women want to be a tigeress at work!
When you see a woman pitching fresh ideas in every meeting and also cancelling dinner dates with her partner or friends for attending an official gathering, she’s a woman who chooses career, hands down. Sarah Jane Dias, model says, “For me, work is my passion. This definitely doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love to have that special someone but being good at work gives me a high.” Sanya Kapoor, a college student says, “If you have a good career, you get good money with which you can shop, socialise, have nice people around and also get a successful man as your partner.”
Women still want a good marriage!
We’re still traditional. You got it right. We want to be wooed, and then finally get married happily. At least, that’s what a majority of the women dream about. Is it easy? TV actor Shilpa Saklani says, “For me, there’s nothing more important than a good marriage. Making my married life work is an ambition.”
Women want good friends
We all need a shoulder to cry on. The TV soap Friends has given us great lessons in love and frienships. When we’re down, the ‘dial-a-friend’ therapy works wonders. Every woman needs friends. Why isn’t Sex and the City all about great friendships. “If you have good friends around you, nothing can bother you. They guard you like pillars all the time,” says HR consultant Deepti Kalra. Isn’t that what friends are for!
Women want to be high maintainence girls
Show me the money, honey! Yes, that’s what some women love to sing. Gucci bags, Chanel glasses, solitaires, high heels, Armani clothes and a penthouse. Aaah! Now, that’s what women dream of. It’s not only a happy distraction but a reality. “I would like to embark on a shopping spree every now and then, without bothering about my dipping bank balance. This will make me the object of envy for every other woman. Money can buy anything - even a nice guy,” says team leader Smita Kullu.
Women want good sex!
We’ve glamourised sex too much! While men are bragging about the amazing sex they are enjoying, women are left asking for more. Women as you know, don’t need much time to rev up when it comes to sex. Bad sex is a dampener! So, we were not surprised when 70% women voted for good sex. Actor Sherlyn Chopra says, “Sex is very important for me. There’s no greater pleasure than a good sex session. I even use sex toys as I think no man can satisfy me completely.”
Women want to be intellectuals!
Actor Tisca Chopra says, “For me, time is the most desirable thing in this world. There are so many places to visit, so many people to meet. I always feel that if I am not living 60 seconds of a minute, I am not doing justice to my life.”
Feminism has made us want more. We’re greedy like never before. No compromises, please! Rouge did a random poll, here’s what we found out about what women want!
Women want to find true love!
Lusty women, passionate women, one-man women, sigh! Women want the same thing -- they want fairytale. They want to feel like Cinderella. Love still makes the world go round. Model Amanpreet Wahi says, “One thing, that I want the most is a person who loves me unconditionally. Believe me, if you get that one person, your life is perfect. I know many people who want money but what’s life without that someone special who loves you. My life is beautiful because of my boyfriend Raghav. A lot of people envy me for that.” Agrees actor Mona Singh, “I want everything but if I am asked to choose, it would be love.”
Women want to be a tigeress at work!
When you see a woman pitching fresh ideas in every meeting and also cancelling dinner dates with her partner or friends for attending an official gathering, she’s a woman who chooses career, hands down. Sarah Jane Dias, model says, “For me, work is my passion. This definitely doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love to have that special someone but being good at work gives me a high.” Sanya Kapoor, a college student says, “If you have a good career, you get good money with which you can shop, socialise, have nice people around and also get a successful man as your partner.”
Women still want a good marriage!
We’re still traditional. You got it right. We want to be wooed, and then finally get married happily. At least, that’s what a majority of the women dream about. Is it easy? TV actor Shilpa Saklani says, “For me, there’s nothing more important than a good marriage. Making my married life work is an ambition.”
Women want good friends
We all need a shoulder to cry on. The TV soap Friends has given us great lessons in love and frienships. When we’re down, the ‘dial-a-friend’ therapy works wonders. Every woman needs friends. Why isn’t Sex and the City all about great friendships. “If you have good friends around you, nothing can bother you. They guard you like pillars all the time,” says HR consultant Deepti Kalra. Isn’t that what friends are for!
Women want to be high maintainence girls
Show me the money, honey! Yes, that’s what some women love to sing. Gucci bags, Chanel glasses, solitaires, high heels, Armani clothes and a penthouse. Aaah! Now, that’s what women dream of. It’s not only a happy distraction but a reality. “I would like to embark on a shopping spree every now and then, without bothering about my dipping bank balance. This will make me the object of envy for every other woman. Money can buy anything - even a nice guy,” says team leader Smita Kullu.
Women want good sex!
We’ve glamourised sex too much! While men are bragging about the amazing sex they are enjoying, women are left asking for more. Women as you know, don’t need much time to rev up when it comes to sex. Bad sex is a dampener! So, we were not surprised when 70% women voted for good sex. Actor Sherlyn Chopra says, “Sex is very important for me. There’s no greater pleasure than a good sex session. I even use sex toys as I think no man can satisfy me completely.”
Women want to be intellectuals!
Actor Tisca Chopra says, “For me, time is the most desirable thing in this world. There are so many places to visit, so many people to meet. I always feel that if I am not living 60 seconds of a minute, I am not doing justice to my life.”
SEX TURN-OFFS
Men can irk women by:
• Not shaving. The hard brittle hair has the tendency to put her off. When the lady turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, its avoidance.
• Taking inspiration from porn movies and implementing it in the bedroom, without understanding your partner’s needs. In real life, everyone doesn’t like it.
• Taking pictures. Keeping in mind the MMS scandals, she may not trust you.
• Giving love bites. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and scarves for days together.
• Thanking her for having sex with you.
• Turning the other way without a bit of a cuddle or kiss and going off to sleep immediately.
• Not respecting her will on whether she wants the lights on or off.
• Another big turn off is not washing up. Men have thicker skin and also perspire more. Every lady doesn’t like the stale, sticky, fishy smell.
• Being too rough or licking her wet all over the body.
• Expecting the lady to deal with or throw the used precautionary device.
• Assuming that if you are ready for sex, the lady is ready for sex too.
Women can irk men by:
• Presuming that men are always ready and willing to have sex any time, any place.
• Not being assertive in bed and not telling him or guiding him about your likes or dislikes and complaining later.
• Expecting him to be as alert and talkative after sex.
• Not moving at all. Men prefer equal participation.
• Not being spontaneous. Sometimes sex outside of the bedroom is fun.
• Undressing in the dark. If you are feeling shy, dim the lights, but diving under the covers won’t help either.
• Having a bored look on the face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at and indicate that you are not dead.
• Forgetting that the man also likes his body to be touched.
• Leaving him on his own after arousing him.
• Cleaning up immediately afterwards.
• Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard-on
• Not shaving. The hard brittle hair has the tendency to put her off. When the lady turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, its avoidance.
• Taking inspiration from porn movies and implementing it in the bedroom, without understanding your partner’s needs. In real life, everyone doesn’t like it.
• Taking pictures. Keeping in mind the MMS scandals, she may not trust you.
• Giving love bites. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and scarves for days together.
• Thanking her for having sex with you.
• Turning the other way without a bit of a cuddle or kiss and going off to sleep immediately.
• Not respecting her will on whether she wants the lights on or off.
• Another big turn off is not washing up. Men have thicker skin and also perspire more. Every lady doesn’t like the stale, sticky, fishy smell.
• Being too rough or licking her wet all over the body.
• Expecting the lady to deal with or throw the used precautionary device.
• Assuming that if you are ready for sex, the lady is ready for sex too.
Women can irk men by:
• Presuming that men are always ready and willing to have sex any time, any place.
• Not being assertive in bed and not telling him or guiding him about your likes or dislikes and complaining later.
• Expecting him to be as alert and talkative after sex.
• Not moving at all. Men prefer equal participation.
• Not being spontaneous. Sometimes sex outside of the bedroom is fun.
• Undressing in the dark. If you are feeling shy, dim the lights, but diving under the covers won’t help either.
• Having a bored look on the face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at and indicate that you are not dead.
• Forgetting that the man also likes his body to be touched.
• Leaving him on his own after arousing him.
• Cleaning up immediately afterwards.
• Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard-on
SEX ETIQUETTES
Fantasy Exchange : Have the courage to reveal your inner most fantasies. And while you're at it, encourage your partner to reveal his or hers.
• The eyes have it : Try keeping your eyes open during lovemaking. It might intensify your connection - emotionally, physically, and spiritually -with your partner.
• Be spontaneous : Try sex in any other room in the house or the backyard for that matter.
• No criticism in bed : Instead of complaining about what your partner is doing (that is unless you're being hurt or abused), tell him/her what you like.
• Plan time for sex : Do whatever you like to do beforehand, go to a movie or dinner, take a walk, have a glass of wine by candlelight, whatever you like to do as a couple. But set aside that time.
• Ask : You need to ask your partner the same questions that you've asked yourself. What does your partner want from your love life? Talking openly might bring you closer to one another, and that's likely to make sex more interesting for both of you.
• Don't ignore sexual problems : People often shy away from sexuality because they don't want to face failure but these problems need to be addressed head on.
• Lubrication is important : In terms of how aroused a person is, lubrication for a woman is the equivalent of an erection for a man.
• Stop comparing : Don't worry about what everyone else is doing; you do what is right and agreeable to both of you.
• Foreplay matters : Take a hot shower or bath together. Extend your foreplay time.
• Be innovative : A blindfold can add a degree of intimacy and trust in your partner that other things cannot. Read your partner an erotic bedtime story or write a sexy letter describing everything you'd like to do to them.
• Aphrodisiacs : Feed each other sensually suggestive finger foods. The best way to feed each other is naked, of course! This would set the tone for an incredible lovemaking experience.
• The eyes have it : Try keeping your eyes open during lovemaking. It might intensify your connection - emotionally, physically, and spiritually -with your partner.
• Be spontaneous : Try sex in any other room in the house or the backyard for that matter.
• No criticism in bed : Instead of complaining about what your partner is doing (that is unless you're being hurt or abused), tell him/her what you like.
• Plan time for sex : Do whatever you like to do beforehand, go to a movie or dinner, take a walk, have a glass of wine by candlelight, whatever you like to do as a couple. But set aside that time.
• Ask : You need to ask your partner the same questions that you've asked yourself. What does your partner want from your love life? Talking openly might bring you closer to one another, and that's likely to make sex more interesting for both of you.
• Don't ignore sexual problems : People often shy away from sexuality because they don't want to face failure but these problems need to be addressed head on.
• Lubrication is important : In terms of how aroused a person is, lubrication for a woman is the equivalent of an erection for a man.
• Stop comparing : Don't worry about what everyone else is doing; you do what is right and agreeable to both of you.
• Foreplay matters : Take a hot shower or bath together. Extend your foreplay time.
• Be innovative : A blindfold can add a degree of intimacy and trust in your partner that other things cannot. Read your partner an erotic bedtime story or write a sexy letter describing everything you'd like to do to them.
• Aphrodisiacs : Feed each other sensually suggestive finger foods. The best way to feed each other is naked, of course! This would set the tone for an incredible lovemaking experience.
Sex on her mind
Picture this: Champagne, candlelight, a man at the door who craves commitment. Does it sound like every woman’s ultimate fantasy?
For ages the world has been trying hard to figure out what’s going on in a woman's head? What does a woman want: the quintessential question? The answer: champagne, candlelight, a man at the door...most of the times. The stuff most women fantasize about.
It’s not hard to understand actually...women do fantasize. A woman's fantasies are certainly not limited. All have their own peccadilloes. If your body hasn't been called "perky" since Gymboree, in fantasy you can give yourself permission to swing naked from a crystal chandelier. Here's another favourite: a rustic cabin in the woods, pink Champagne and Benicio Del Toro. The reality: a cramped studio in the city, Diet Snapple and a guy who hogs the remote. Don't get me wrong; I've got nothing against the keeper of my remote. It’s just my fantasy and reality never find common ground. But we still continue to fantasize. And yes, if it involves sex, it’s all the better.
Nothing beats a good sex fantasy. Even researchers agree. Linda Wolfe a famous author studied a sample of 15,000 women aged 18-34 years, and less than three percent said they never fantasize. It was seen that females are more likely to prefer erotica with a "softer," more imaginative side than the "harder," more explicit forms preferred by males.
Dr. Nimish Seth, psychologist says: “There’s no such thing as an inappropriate fantasy. A lesbian fantasy is not proof that you're gay; a dominatrix fantasy doesn't mean you ought to run right out and invest in a pair of leather pants. Whether you choose to explore your fantasies—however mild or wild they may be—is up to you. But by all means don't hesitate to let your imagination jump-start your body into a sexier sex life. Sometimes a girl needs a jolt of adventure—if only in her daydreams”.
For ages the world has been trying hard to figure out what’s going on in a woman's head? What does a woman want: the quintessential question? The answer: champagne, candlelight, a man at the door...most of the times. The stuff most women fantasize about.
It’s not hard to understand actually...women do fantasize. A woman's fantasies are certainly not limited. All have their own peccadilloes. If your body hasn't been called "perky" since Gymboree, in fantasy you can give yourself permission to swing naked from a crystal chandelier. Here's another favourite: a rustic cabin in the woods, pink Champagne and Benicio Del Toro. The reality: a cramped studio in the city, Diet Snapple and a guy who hogs the remote. Don't get me wrong; I've got nothing against the keeper of my remote. It’s just my fantasy and reality never find common ground. But we still continue to fantasize. And yes, if it involves sex, it’s all the better.
Nothing beats a good sex fantasy. Even researchers agree. Linda Wolfe a famous author studied a sample of 15,000 women aged 18-34 years, and less than three percent said they never fantasize. It was seen that females are more likely to prefer erotica with a "softer," more imaginative side than the "harder," more explicit forms preferred by males.
Dr. Nimish Seth, psychologist says: “There’s no such thing as an inappropriate fantasy. A lesbian fantasy is not proof that you're gay; a dominatrix fantasy doesn't mean you ought to run right out and invest in a pair of leather pants. Whether you choose to explore your fantasies—however mild or wild they may be—is up to you. But by all means don't hesitate to let your imagination jump-start your body into a sexier sex life. Sometimes a girl needs a jolt of adventure—if only in her daydreams”.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Om Shanti Om
The mother, dressed in the finest of silks (with enough glitter embroidered on it), decorated in the finest jewelry, finishes giving her "aarthi" to an equally decorated deity, against the background of thumping background score (even if it is devotional tune) and waits for her son to take the first blessing, a tradition that he hasn't missed ever in his lifetime. So as there surrounds pindrop silence in the huge prayer hall of the modestly sized mansion, that is conveniently filled with guests, who seem to have no other jobs but to wait for the son to take the first blessing, a helicopter descends from the skies outside the mansion and the son jumps out of it before the chopper has even touched the ground. And the bombastic score kicks in again. Meanwhile, the editor has a merry time intercutting between the beaming mother's face and the athletic son's, who doesn't waste time catching his breath, inspite of the 10K run from the helipad to the prayer hall. The orchestra swells, along with the eyes of the mother, as the son walks into the house with a sense of accomplishment that could only come with conquering Mt. Everest. The jobless loitering guests couldn't be any happier. To the collective applause of the gathered audience (for reasons unknown), the son bends down and takes the first blessing from his mother. The audience becomes overwhelmed (thanks in large parts to the thumping score pumped throughout all the corners of seating auditorium) with joy, happiness and ecstacy, as kerchiefs come out to wipe away the tears streaking down the cheeks at just the same time that goosebumps make their special appearances - another typical moment in the dreamy world of Indian movies. The surprising aspect is, the above description is not from the loud 70's era, which the Hindi filmmakers seem to have taken a great shine on nowadays in the name of homage, but from a contemporary movie from just a few years ago.
Which goes on to say that immaterial of the era, escapism is here to stay. The audience wants the hero to triumph in the end (however stacked the situation is against him), the audience cheers when the guy gets the girl in the end (no matter how mean he has been to her throughout most of the movie), the villain should meet his fitting fate, the end credits should roll against up-tempo beat, Satyameva Jayate, Jai Hind! The audience needs the formula, the audience craves for the formula, only the tools change, only the methodology changes, the formula remains the same. VIVA! FORMULA!
A couple of decades ago, serialized in a local Telugu weekly "Andhra Bhoomi", the famous cartoonist Mallik, created a seminal piece in Telugu literature - a never attempted before, completely cliche-ridden, over the top, farcical parody of the then prevalent conditions in Telugu cinema (though not much has changed from then). The title of the serial was "Superhit", which came with a tagline "ani oka dikkumaalina kadha" (A wretched story). Filled in the story every single caricature known to mankind - on the hero's side - an ultra-rich family, with a reckless, wasteful hero, a doting sister-in-law, a cute neice who mouths dialogues way beyond her age, a brother who is always caught up in his business, and looks harangued for most of the time; on the heroine's side - a handicapped brother, who dreams of standing on his legs, literally, one day, a blind sister, a shawl-draped, bed-ridden mother, who coughs lightly before uttering anything, a portrait of the dead dad hanging on the wall (garlanded, of course), which the shawl-draped mother makes it a point to talk to, whenever she has a cause of complaint against anybody. Oh, and there is also a second heroine, in the near by slum, who is the best thing to have happened to her people and whom the whole slum knows by her name (and vice versa). Create a scheming villain, who always had an eye on hero's property and heroine's chastity, in that order, along with a standard format of heroine hating the hero first, before finally falling to his charms, a compelling reason why the heroine should not marry the hero according to her mother (in a flashback episode, hero's father was the reason why the heroine's family was destitute), some twists and turns and some the fill in the blanks that the readers could fill out even before anyone said 'Go' - Presto! A superhit story served hot and ready! Mallik ended up creating a story that mirrored the readers' (audience's) taste to perfection. Whoever said "Can't beat 'em? Join 'em" couldn't have said it better.
There are two ways of poking fun at something - laughing at it and laughing with it. While the former makes up mockery, the latter accounts for parody, why ch is a more benign and endearing form. Parody is never mean in nature, it wallows in the same system it is poking fun at. Parody has come late to the Indian scene, while it has become a mainstay in the Hollywood fare (The "Airplane" movies, the "Naked Gun" series and most of Mel Brooks' comedies). Though Kundan Shah's "Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron" was an attempt at ridiculing the unholy nexus of the print media with the political machinery, it cannot be completely termed as a parody (inspite of the many hilarious moments, including the final climactic staging of Mahabharat's "Vastra aparaharan" scene, with the blind Dhritarastra chiming in with a timely "yeh kyaa hO rahaa hai"), as the underlying theme is a deadly serious one (pun intended). There are two ubiquitous spheres in the present day society that constanly crave for attention - 1.Politics 2. Movies. While satire handles the role of mocking the political system, parody is the only way of laughing at the dream world and the dream merchants peddling impossible fare to wide-eyed mass audience. Where reality is scarce and escapism rules, where reason ends and fantasy rules, where people openly pledge their allegiance to formulaic fare and decry anything that is little bit preachy and informative, the situation could not get any better to make fun of. And what better way to make fun of a formula film, by making a formula film about a formula film?
Farah Khan has her head planted firmly on her shoulders while shepherding the herd throughout the length of the movie. The plot of "Om Shanti Om" is only an excuse. In fact, the movie would have still worked, even if it were a series of disjointed segments with no continuous narrative (similar to the brilliant Monty Python movies). The story merely sets up the platform to laugh at situations that are funnily bad and hilariously absurd. To term "Om Shanti Om" as a spoof of just the 70s is a great disservice to the movies of the current era, which work no less hard, dishing out the same recipes of the Valmiki and Veda Vyas era. The movie is not merely a parody on movies. It even makes fun of the audience, who thoroughly enjoy such guilty pleasure fare. Here is a situation - the hero is handicapped, not merely to the extent that a hero can be handicapped photogenically, but handicapped in all senses and faculties, with no legs, no arms, no sight, no hearing and no sound. Yet he is still a hero, and deserves every chance to romance his heroine against Alps background. The audience and the makers are unfazed at the impossibility of the situation. Dream sequence - an all empowering possibility that can defy rules, commonsense, intelligence and logic. And so the dysfunctional hero grooves with the international beauties in an item song to commemorate (in fact, rue) the heroine's wedding with someone else. As though the absurdity isn't enough, Javed Akhtar joins the party coining the situation in what could only be termed as bizarrely apt - Dard-E-Disco. "Om Shanti Om" isn't a spoof. It in fact is a tribute - a tribute to everyone who cheered and clapped, when long lost brothers separated during childhood came together in the climax, singing the same song they practiced as kids. It in fact is a tip of the hat - a bow to everybody who yelled at the screen egging the hero to thrash the villain even more for all the injustices he committed during the stipulated movie time. It extends a heartfelt gratitude to all who laughed with the hero, cried with the heroine, growled at the villain, pitied with the second heroine. In effect, "Om Shanti Om" is truly of the people, by the people and for the people. Now that kind of idealism calls for another entirely out of place item song - "Jashn-E-Filmi Zindagi"!
Which goes on to say that immaterial of the era, escapism is here to stay. The audience wants the hero to triumph in the end (however stacked the situation is against him), the audience cheers when the guy gets the girl in the end (no matter how mean he has been to her throughout most of the movie), the villain should meet his fitting fate, the end credits should roll against up-tempo beat, Satyameva Jayate, Jai Hind! The audience needs the formula, the audience craves for the formula, only the tools change, only the methodology changes, the formula remains the same. VIVA! FORMULA!
A couple of decades ago, serialized in a local Telugu weekly "Andhra Bhoomi", the famous cartoonist Mallik, created a seminal piece in Telugu literature - a never attempted before, completely cliche-ridden, over the top, farcical parody of the then prevalent conditions in Telugu cinema (though not much has changed from then). The title of the serial was "Superhit", which came with a tagline "ani oka dikkumaalina kadha" (A wretched story). Filled in the story every single caricature known to mankind - on the hero's side - an ultra-rich family, with a reckless, wasteful hero, a doting sister-in-law, a cute neice who mouths dialogues way beyond her age, a brother who is always caught up in his business, and looks harangued for most of the time; on the heroine's side - a handicapped brother, who dreams of standing on his legs, literally, one day, a blind sister, a shawl-draped, bed-ridden mother, who coughs lightly before uttering anything, a portrait of the dead dad hanging on the wall (garlanded, of course), which the shawl-draped mother makes it a point to talk to, whenever she has a cause of complaint against anybody. Oh, and there is also a second heroine, in the near by slum, who is the best thing to have happened to her people and whom the whole slum knows by her name (and vice versa). Create a scheming villain, who always had an eye on hero's property and heroine's chastity, in that order, along with a standard format of heroine hating the hero first, before finally falling to his charms, a compelling reason why the heroine should not marry the hero according to her mother (in a flashback episode, hero's father was the reason why the heroine's family was destitute), some twists and turns and some the fill in the blanks that the readers could fill out even before anyone said 'Go' - Presto! A superhit story served hot and ready! Mallik ended up creating a story that mirrored the readers' (audience's) taste to perfection. Whoever said "Can't beat 'em? Join 'em" couldn't have said it better.
There are two ways of poking fun at something - laughing at it and laughing with it. While the former makes up mockery, the latter accounts for parody, why ch is a more benign and endearing form. Parody is never mean in nature, it wallows in the same system it is poking fun at. Parody has come late to the Indian scene, while it has become a mainstay in the Hollywood fare (The "Airplane" movies, the "Naked Gun" series and most of Mel Brooks' comedies). Though Kundan Shah's "Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron" was an attempt at ridiculing the unholy nexus of the print media with the political machinery, it cannot be completely termed as a parody (inspite of the many hilarious moments, including the final climactic staging of Mahabharat's "Vastra aparaharan" scene, with the blind Dhritarastra chiming in with a timely "yeh kyaa hO rahaa hai"), as the underlying theme is a deadly serious one (pun intended). There are two ubiquitous spheres in the present day society that constanly crave for attention - 1.Politics 2. Movies. While satire handles the role of mocking the political system, parody is the only way of laughing at the dream world and the dream merchants peddling impossible fare to wide-eyed mass audience. Where reality is scarce and escapism rules, where reason ends and fantasy rules, where people openly pledge their allegiance to formulaic fare and decry anything that is little bit preachy and informative, the situation could not get any better to make fun of. And what better way to make fun of a formula film, by making a formula film about a formula film?
Farah Khan has her head planted firmly on her shoulders while shepherding the herd throughout the length of the movie. The plot of "Om Shanti Om" is only an excuse. In fact, the movie would have still worked, even if it were a series of disjointed segments with no continuous narrative (similar to the brilliant Monty Python movies). The story merely sets up the platform to laugh at situations that are funnily bad and hilariously absurd. To term "Om Shanti Om" as a spoof of just the 70s is a great disservice to the movies of the current era, which work no less hard, dishing out the same recipes of the Valmiki and Veda Vyas era. The movie is not merely a parody on movies. It even makes fun of the audience, who thoroughly enjoy such guilty pleasure fare. Here is a situation - the hero is handicapped, not merely to the extent that a hero can be handicapped photogenically, but handicapped in all senses and faculties, with no legs, no arms, no sight, no hearing and no sound. Yet he is still a hero, and deserves every chance to romance his heroine against Alps background. The audience and the makers are unfazed at the impossibility of the situation. Dream sequence - an all empowering possibility that can defy rules, commonsense, intelligence and logic. And so the dysfunctional hero grooves with the international beauties in an item song to commemorate (in fact, rue) the heroine's wedding with someone else. As though the absurdity isn't enough, Javed Akhtar joins the party coining the situation in what could only be termed as bizarrely apt - Dard-E-Disco. "Om Shanti Om" isn't a spoof. It in fact is a tribute - a tribute to everyone who cheered and clapped, when long lost brothers separated during childhood came together in the climax, singing the same song they practiced as kids. It in fact is a tip of the hat - a bow to everybody who yelled at the screen egging the hero to thrash the villain even more for all the injustices he committed during the stipulated movie time. It extends a heartfelt gratitude to all who laughed with the hero, cried with the heroine, growled at the villain, pitied with the second heroine. In effect, "Om Shanti Om" is truly of the people, by the people and for the people. Now that kind of idealism calls for another entirely out of place item song - "Jashn-E-Filmi Zindagi"!
Show".
Trend is often defined as a precursor to a cliché. A youthful movie becomes successful and the market is flooded with clones and drones; a vengeful movie strikes some chord with the audience and it is treated to different variations of the same blood and gore. Stranger it may seem, because not too many good movies find followers lining up in their paths. A "Siva" was followed by thousands of its minions (pramadha gaNaalu would be a better term), but a "Kshana Kshanam" had no takers. A "Nuvve Kaavaali" opened the floodgates to hundreds of unwanted adaptations, but a "Chirunnavuto" walked alone. Going by this simple sampling, one can fairly predict how "trends" would treat this new innovative movie named "Show".
More than the guts factor, which is required in sizable proportions, to embark upon a movie making adventure such as this, it is the audacity of the maker (Neelakantha) to believe in himself, and attempt at convincing the audience, that it does not need a few hundreds lakhs, a few foreign locales and hordes of characters, to get a point across. Well rounded characters, even without enough motivations behind their actions, but possessing a simple ability of remaining true to their characters without trying too hard to grab the attention of the audience and engross them, are some of the stand out points of these so-called "good movies".
More so in cases where the focus of attention shines on only on a handful characters, the terms sincerity, wit and innovation come into play at every twist and turn. When there aren't too many distractions bothering the audience with their smoke and mirrors act, every word that the character utters comes under the mental microscope and every step that the script takes comes into serious relief. Braving this minefield of a playfield, the maker (incidentally, the script writer too) made sure that the subject matter wasn't too abstract for the audience to understand, or too intricate for them to follow. This bravura performance, fittingly rewarded at the national level, deserves a sound round of applause, for its lucidity in flow and elegance in execution.
If the entire movie is to revolve around two characters, and the setting is in and around a house, the cameraman has to think really hard to frame his shots to avoid repetition and bring out a sense that involves the audience in the proceedings. It is really easy to go overboard on such occasions and overdo the job, making the piece a little too self-conscious, while making the audience appreciating the craft and overlooking the material. Ravi Yadav, the photographer, who walks this thin line between creativity and exuberance, deserves kudos almost on par with the writer-director, for the unique number of ways he composed the different sequences in the movie. If at no point does the movie feel like a ultra low budget movie shot on a 35mm film, it is because of the inventive camera work that went beyond the call of duty of picturising the action of the movie, to the point of depicting the characters in a different angle, literally. Ravi Yadav certainly joined the ranks of a Govind Nihlani or a Ashok Mehta or a Balu Mahendra, for his fantastic work on Show.
One obscure category deserves some serious mention here. Sound mixing, that became a vital part of the movie, in the final act of the movie, was done with utmost attention to the detail elevating the mood of the characters and more importanly the tempo and the drama. The clarity of the sound and the ability to distinguish between the voices (with special mention to the voice that dubbed the lead character's wife's voice), which becomes a important part in shifting the gears, would not had been possible, but for the sharp ear of the mixer.
Surya - the one, who really infused life into the words and thus into the movie, with a tour-de-force performance, should become a serious contender to best actor Nandi, along with Prakash Raj (for Nuvve Nuvve). The way he relegated the female character (in a good way) to becoming just a wall to bounce emotions off, Surya, through his body language (going a little overboard at times, as dictated by the script), and emerged the sole winner from among the ones facing the lens, is a treat to watch and appreciate. One would seriously hope that this movie serves him as a springboard for better roles and even better Performances.
Lastly, if the movie pitch goes something on the lines of - "two characters try to kill some time engaging each other doing nothing but TALKING during a 5 hour period, holed up in a house, by staging a mock play which is in a reflective of the lead character's life" - the producer should either be completely ignorant or supremely confident about the abilities of the maker on pulling off, a risky proposition as this and Manjula proves that she belongs to the latter category. In the celluloid world, filled with dreamy characters occupying perfect worlds, where their only concerns revolve around expressing their love and winning over hearts, here is one that dares to be different that wins over the minds, for a change. We are ready with the three cheers, say when!
More than the guts factor, which is required in sizable proportions, to embark upon a movie making adventure such as this, it is the audacity of the maker (Neelakantha) to believe in himself, and attempt at convincing the audience, that it does not need a few hundreds lakhs, a few foreign locales and hordes of characters, to get a point across. Well rounded characters, even without enough motivations behind their actions, but possessing a simple ability of remaining true to their characters without trying too hard to grab the attention of the audience and engross them, are some of the stand out points of these so-called "good movies".
More so in cases where the focus of attention shines on only on a handful characters, the terms sincerity, wit and innovation come into play at every twist and turn. When there aren't too many distractions bothering the audience with their smoke and mirrors act, every word that the character utters comes under the mental microscope and every step that the script takes comes into serious relief. Braving this minefield of a playfield, the maker (incidentally, the script writer too) made sure that the subject matter wasn't too abstract for the audience to understand, or too intricate for them to follow. This bravura performance, fittingly rewarded at the national level, deserves a sound round of applause, for its lucidity in flow and elegance in execution.
If the entire movie is to revolve around two characters, and the setting is in and around a house, the cameraman has to think really hard to frame his shots to avoid repetition and bring out a sense that involves the audience in the proceedings. It is really easy to go overboard on such occasions and overdo the job, making the piece a little too self-conscious, while making the audience appreciating the craft and overlooking the material. Ravi Yadav, the photographer, who walks this thin line between creativity and exuberance, deserves kudos almost on par with the writer-director, for the unique number of ways he composed the different sequences in the movie. If at no point does the movie feel like a ultra low budget movie shot on a 35mm film, it is because of the inventive camera work that went beyond the call of duty of picturising the action of the movie, to the point of depicting the characters in a different angle, literally. Ravi Yadav certainly joined the ranks of a Govind Nihlani or a Ashok Mehta or a Balu Mahendra, for his fantastic work on Show.
One obscure category deserves some serious mention here. Sound mixing, that became a vital part of the movie, in the final act of the movie, was done with utmost attention to the detail elevating the mood of the characters and more importanly the tempo and the drama. The clarity of the sound and the ability to distinguish between the voices (with special mention to the voice that dubbed the lead character's wife's voice), which becomes a important part in shifting the gears, would not had been possible, but for the sharp ear of the mixer.
Surya - the one, who really infused life into the words and thus into the movie, with a tour-de-force performance, should become a serious contender to best actor Nandi, along with Prakash Raj (for Nuvve Nuvve). The way he relegated the female character (in a good way) to becoming just a wall to bounce emotions off, Surya, through his body language (going a little overboard at times, as dictated by the script), and emerged the sole winner from among the ones facing the lens, is a treat to watch and appreciate. One would seriously hope that this movie serves him as a springboard for better roles and even better Performances.
Lastly, if the movie pitch goes something on the lines of - "two characters try to kill some time engaging each other doing nothing but TALKING during a 5 hour period, holed up in a house, by staging a mock play which is in a reflective of the lead character's life" - the producer should either be completely ignorant or supremely confident about the abilities of the maker on pulling off, a risky proposition as this and Manjula proves that she belongs to the latter category. In the celluloid world, filled with dreamy characters occupying perfect worlds, where their only concerns revolve around expressing their love and winning over hearts, here is one that dares to be different that wins over the minds, for a change. We are ready with the three cheers, say when!
How to Gain Weight... Quick & Easy
Gain Weight Step 1 - eating
Eating is the first and most important factor that is needed to gain weight. It's simple - you need to eat more calories than you burn. This does not mean eating anything and everything that is not nailed down. Carefully plan your meals with foods that will help you gain lean mass, not fat. I suggest 6 meals. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and three other small meals scheduled throughout the day. The goal is to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours.
Focus on foods such as steak, chicken, fruit, milk, vegetables, cheese and assorted types of nuts. It's recommended to eat 4 - 6 pieces of fresh fruit a day, and at least four tall glasses of milk. Milk is a great, cheap protein source - take advantage of it. A sample snack meal would be a glass of milk, an apple, and a hand full of peanuts.
Take time to lay out a meal plan. What you eat is the most important ingredient in a successful weight gain program.
Gain Weight Step 2 - lifting
As stated, proper eating is of utmost importance when attempting to gain weight, but if you do not lift weights, the majority of that gained weight will be fat - not muscle.
When trying to gain weight, I suggest working out three times a week. You need to lift hard and then recover for the next workout. Focus on the big exercises such as squats, deadlifts, bent-over rows, chin-ups, bench press, & military press. These are the exercises that will turn those extra calories into muscle. You are not going to gain much by doing lateral raises and step-ups every workout. You need the multiple-joint lifts that will shock your system and stimulate your body into growth. Focus on getting strong by adding a small amount of weight each workout. If you focus on strength, size will follow. Case in point, look around at your local gym - the strongest guys are also the biggest.
If your training routine is working, then stick with it. If you're not getting the results you need check out Bob Myhal's Ultimate Muscle Mass Training Program. It is, quite simply, the best muscle-gaining program around. It rocks!
Gain Weight Step 3 - supplements
To gain weight, you do not NEED supplements, but they will help you gain the weight quicker. That's what they are, supplements to an already good diet and training program. Think of supplements as the finishing touch.
I like to keep things simple and, therefore, I suggest only two types supplements for those wishing to gain weight. The first is a weight gain shake. The shakes I recommend are ProLab's N Large 2. It's the best value out there. The way N' Large 2 will help is by giving you a large quantity of calories in one small serving. It will provide you with 620 calories in one easy shake and is especially great for people who do not have time for breakfast, or snacks while on the go. Just mix a serving with water or fruit juice and gulp it down in a just a couple of minutes.
The second product is basic Creatine monohydrate. Most people gain 5 - 7lbs in the first two weeks of Creatine use. If you are interested in quick weight gain, and increased energy for your workouts, Creatine is definitely worth a go. American Creatine is a good choice if you're not sure of which product to choose. It's high-quality and inexpensive, a winning combo in my book
How much will you gain?
First, I feel I must cite the obligatory disclaimer of "everyone's body responds in different ways, so results will vary." That said, if you do eat well, lift hard and use just the 2 supplements mentioned above properly, you can expect a weight gain of about 10-15lbs within a month. I hope this article has provided you with an idea of what's needed for successful weight gain.
Eating is the first and most important factor that is needed to gain weight. It's simple - you need to eat more calories than you burn. This does not mean eating anything and everything that is not nailed down. Carefully plan your meals with foods that will help you gain lean mass, not fat. I suggest 6 meals. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and three other small meals scheduled throughout the day. The goal is to eat every 2.5 to 3 hours.
Focus on foods such as steak, chicken, fruit, milk, vegetables, cheese and assorted types of nuts. It's recommended to eat 4 - 6 pieces of fresh fruit a day, and at least four tall glasses of milk. Milk is a great, cheap protein source - take advantage of it. A sample snack meal would be a glass of milk, an apple, and a hand full of peanuts.
Take time to lay out a meal plan. What you eat is the most important ingredient in a successful weight gain program.
Gain Weight Step 2 - lifting
As stated, proper eating is of utmost importance when attempting to gain weight, but if you do not lift weights, the majority of that gained weight will be fat - not muscle.
When trying to gain weight, I suggest working out three times a week. You need to lift hard and then recover for the next workout. Focus on the big exercises such as squats, deadlifts, bent-over rows, chin-ups, bench press, & military press. These are the exercises that will turn those extra calories into muscle. You are not going to gain much by doing lateral raises and step-ups every workout. You need the multiple-joint lifts that will shock your system and stimulate your body into growth. Focus on getting strong by adding a small amount of weight each workout. If you focus on strength, size will follow. Case in point, look around at your local gym - the strongest guys are also the biggest.
If your training routine is working, then stick with it. If you're not getting the results you need check out Bob Myhal's Ultimate Muscle Mass Training Program. It is, quite simply, the best muscle-gaining program around. It rocks!
Gain Weight Step 3 - supplements
To gain weight, you do not NEED supplements, but they will help you gain the weight quicker. That's what they are, supplements to an already good diet and training program. Think of supplements as the finishing touch.
I like to keep things simple and, therefore, I suggest only two types supplements for those wishing to gain weight. The first is a weight gain shake. The shakes I recommend are ProLab's N Large 2. It's the best value out there. The way N' Large 2 will help is by giving you a large quantity of calories in one small serving. It will provide you with 620 calories in one easy shake and is especially great for people who do not have time for breakfast, or snacks while on the go. Just mix a serving with water or fruit juice and gulp it down in a just a couple of minutes.
The second product is basic Creatine monohydrate. Most people gain 5 - 7lbs in the first two weeks of Creatine use. If you are interested in quick weight gain, and increased energy for your workouts, Creatine is definitely worth a go. American Creatine is a good choice if you're not sure of which product to choose. It's high-quality and inexpensive, a winning combo in my book
How much will you gain?
First, I feel I must cite the obligatory disclaimer of "everyone's body responds in different ways, so results will vary." That said, if you do eat well, lift hard and use just the 2 supplements mentioned above properly, you can expect a weight gain of about 10-15lbs within a month. I hope this article has provided you with an idea of what's needed for successful weight gain.
Mr & Mrs Iyer
When a movie is specifically termed as a "commercial" one, one could pretty much gauge the sanity and fantasy levels within the same. Brand it an "Art" movie, regular movie watcher would shun it like the plague. The common perception that art movies are something where one has to engage their gray matters in order to enjoy them, art movies aren't really accessible to an average movie-goer, art movies are too close to the real life and one doesn't need pay money to be reminded of his every day life when he could watch it pass by without any extra charge, are some of the reasons why the parallel movement hasn't really caught on, like the independent film movement in Europe or in America. Of late, be it for the reason that commercial movies has wandered off into the deep end of the mess pool, or be it because of the fact that people started accepting more reality than theatricality in regular fares, movies like "Hyderabad Blues", "Show" etc are finding wider acceptance and larger recognition.
To look back upon Mr & Mrs Iyer, it is difficult to make out, if it is a love story against a communal riot backdrop or a social commentary woven around human emotions, but it clearly succeeds on both fronts. Aparna Sen, who made a brilliant debut with "36 Chowranghee Lane" in the early eighties, deftly balances both the plot points, without going overboard on either of them. A large-scale tragedy seldom affects somebody until it is given a human face. Communal riots, which usually tend to polarize the public opinion, one way or the other, would be viewed under a wholly different light, if the tragedy strikes too close to comfort or the if it is visited upon somebody too close to the heart. Aparna Sen (along with Dulal Dey) weaves a simple story around this point and manages to hold the audience heavily dreading for the tragedy to hit the lead pair and hugely rooting for their safe escape from the clutches of communalism at the same time.
The movie has uncanny similarities in Maachis and Ijaazat, both Gulzar's movies, with regard to plot and its sensible dealing with the issues - be it personal or communal. With patriotism (or essentially communalism) translating to flag waving hero killing the neighboring country's enemies by the dozens and with secularism equating to the hero singing communal harmony sermons on the top of his voice, along with the obligatory members of the minority communities, a realistic treatment of the above mentioned two important issues of the society, was either largely missing or hugely wanting. Govind Nihlani's Tamas, Gulzar's Maachis and to a certain extent Mahesh Bhat's Zakhm, handled the growing menace of communalism, pre and post-independence, not with the heavy-handedness that it is usually dealt with in the regular fare, but with the sensitivity and sensibility, the theme truly demands. These two aspects tend to give the movies their rough and real edges, assaulting the emotions and disturbing the psyche.
The emotional aspect of the movie aside, the setup of the love story (if it can even be called one), no matter how familiar and formulaic, feels fresh and vibrant, thanks to the players before and behind the camera. Konkana Sen Sharma (daughter of Aparna Sen), carries off the role of a devout traditional Tamilian house-wife (fitting the accent and mannerisms perfectly), stumbling (and at times, hamming) during the first act, but regaining her ground, and pulling it off with great conviction at the end. Rahul Bose (of Bombay Boys fame) plays a good foil as a calm and composed Mr. Iyer to a temperamental Mrs. Iyer. The one aspect that sticks out as a sore thumb, is the "too realistic" yet ordinary photography by Gautam Ghose, which captures characters talking in the dark, AS characters talking in the real darkness. The music director, Ustad Zakir Hussain's, a percussionist himself, conscious usage of stringed instruments for the background evocative score, is commendable, for his involvement in understanding of the message of material - strings that tug the hearts and strings that break them.
Mr & Mrs Iyer demonstrates how involving a movie watching experience can get, if it just sticks to the basics. It teaches the importance on the clarity of understanding of the material at hand, by the maker. It just shows how the "ordinary people in extra-ordinary circumstances" theme should be dealt with, by treating extra-orindary circumstances not in a ham-handed way but in an ordinary way. And who better to learn all these than from the master, Aparna Sen!
To look back upon Mr & Mrs Iyer, it is difficult to make out, if it is a love story against a communal riot backdrop or a social commentary woven around human emotions, but it clearly succeeds on both fronts. Aparna Sen, who made a brilliant debut with "36 Chowranghee Lane" in the early eighties, deftly balances both the plot points, without going overboard on either of them. A large-scale tragedy seldom affects somebody until it is given a human face. Communal riots, which usually tend to polarize the public opinion, one way or the other, would be viewed under a wholly different light, if the tragedy strikes too close to comfort or the if it is visited upon somebody too close to the heart. Aparna Sen (along with Dulal Dey) weaves a simple story around this point and manages to hold the audience heavily dreading for the tragedy to hit the lead pair and hugely rooting for their safe escape from the clutches of communalism at the same time.
The movie has uncanny similarities in Maachis and Ijaazat, both Gulzar's movies, with regard to plot and its sensible dealing with the issues - be it personal or communal. With patriotism (or essentially communalism) translating to flag waving hero killing the neighboring country's enemies by the dozens and with secularism equating to the hero singing communal harmony sermons on the top of his voice, along with the obligatory members of the minority communities, a realistic treatment of the above mentioned two important issues of the society, was either largely missing or hugely wanting. Govind Nihlani's Tamas, Gulzar's Maachis and to a certain extent Mahesh Bhat's Zakhm, handled the growing menace of communalism, pre and post-independence, not with the heavy-handedness that it is usually dealt with in the regular fare, but with the sensitivity and sensibility, the theme truly demands. These two aspects tend to give the movies their rough and real edges, assaulting the emotions and disturbing the psyche.
The emotional aspect of the movie aside, the setup of the love story (if it can even be called one), no matter how familiar and formulaic, feels fresh and vibrant, thanks to the players before and behind the camera. Konkana Sen Sharma (daughter of Aparna Sen), carries off the role of a devout traditional Tamilian house-wife (fitting the accent and mannerisms perfectly), stumbling (and at times, hamming) during the first act, but regaining her ground, and pulling it off with great conviction at the end. Rahul Bose (of Bombay Boys fame) plays a good foil as a calm and composed Mr. Iyer to a temperamental Mrs. Iyer. The one aspect that sticks out as a sore thumb, is the "too realistic" yet ordinary photography by Gautam Ghose, which captures characters talking in the dark, AS characters talking in the real darkness. The music director, Ustad Zakir Hussain's, a percussionist himself, conscious usage of stringed instruments for the background evocative score, is commendable, for his involvement in understanding of the message of material - strings that tug the hearts and strings that break them.
Mr & Mrs Iyer demonstrates how involving a movie watching experience can get, if it just sticks to the basics. It teaches the importance on the clarity of understanding of the material at hand, by the maker. It just shows how the "ordinary people in extra-ordinary circumstances" theme should be dealt with, by treating extra-orindary circumstances not in a ham-handed way but in an ordinary way. And who better to learn all these than from the master, Aparna Sen!
The Da Vinci Code
At the center of all the controversy surrounding the book and the movie stands Sex. Opus Dei, Priori of Sion, Knights of Templar, The Secret Dossier - all these terms that had come into vogue ever since Dan Brown published his thriller a few years ago are just diversions to the main issue that has the Catholic Church up in arms - Did Jesus have Sex, did Jesus consummate his relationship with Mary Magdalene, or precisely, Did Jesus engage in normal regular human activities? Populist history (theology, mythology and the different bodies that dealt with the life and death of Jesus Christ) has portrayed Mary Magdalene as a prostitute, who had been rescued by Jesus from the public, casting stones and aspersions against her and her lifestyle. She was inducted into his coterie (disciples) and had been awarded a respectable status both from the historical standpoint and from a religious perspective in all the 4 important gospels. Again, the populist history stopped at this point as far Magdalene was concerned regarding her no more or no less than the rest of disciples following Jesus at that point. The theory, that was in question for some time ago, dusted up and brought into popular culture in the current era, first by the non-fiction publication "Holy Blood, Holy Grail" and later by the fiction "The Da Vinci Code", takes the issue one step further and questions the relationship between Jesus and Magdalene - whether it was purely spiritual or platonic or whether Magdalene was indeed the wife of Jesus - a point that is quite keenly contested and vociferously rejected by the devout Christians the world over in general, and the Roman Catholic Church, in particular.
So what if Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, had physical relationship with her and produced an offspring? A few years ago, one more book (and later made into a movie by the same name) "The Last Temptation of Christ" by Nikos Kazantzakis posed the same question, in that, a bruised and battered Jesus, in his final moments on the cross, briefly entertains the thought of not bearing the burden of sins of the entire humanity earning him a painful crucifixion in the process, but leading a normal life like any other regular human being, getting married and bearing kids. However unlike "Last Temptation" which poses the question in a rather philosophical way, "Da Vinci Code" argues with a straight face that Jesus was indeed married and had most certainly borne an offspring with Magdalene, citing age old documents, secret parchments, hidden codes and sometimes the secrets that lie between the lines. So what if Jesus had a wife and a kid? Would it reduce his divinity any lesser making him a mere mortal? Does it completely wipe away his sacrifice for humanity? Would it totally skew or negate his preachings and teachings about love, affection and tolerance? The questions, though seem innocuously simple, do not have easy answers. The point is not whether Jesus could have had the life of a normal man. The implications surrounding an issue as huge as "Jesus' kid" would become not only mythological in nature but also gigantically political. Entertaining the thought that there indeed was a Jesus' kid and that history had clearly marked his lineage, the order of the religion founded on the belief that Jesus was the Son of God, would question its faith and its foundation time and again, when the world witnesses Jesus' kid and his progeny undergo the same day to day difficulties and hardships that the rest of the world is saddled with.
It would only then seem natural that God's kids and his lineage be bestowed with special powers and privileges than the rest. Miracles would become commonplace; Eradication of the misery, hunger, poverty and other's wordly plagues would be expected of them. And failure to do so would immediately reflect on the belief system. If the grandson of God does not have the capability of bringing a dead person to life, His healing powers are a myth and the God in question does not exist, and the whole belief system is a farce.... or so would the argument go. Therefore the situation was perfectly ripe to whoever founded a religion around the life and death of Christ or the powers that finally vested control of the religion, wipe off any traces of mortality to Jesus thus making him the sole descendant of God. For a conspiracy theory to survive and perpetuate over a period of time, it is not the believability or rather the veracity of the theory that makes it tick, but it is the mere possibility that such a situation might exist that determines how long the theory lasts. Oliver Stone's brilliant movie "JFK" a few years ago plays on this very issue quite dramatically. It may never be known to the world the identity of the killer(s) or the reasons behind the assassination of Kennedy. But Oliver Stone pieces the puzzle in such a way that he creates the possibility of a conspiracy, with everyone right from an ordinary cop in the Dallas Police Department all the way upto the White House dragging even the President Lyndon Johnson into the muddle, to be in on a massive cover up operation. Again, it is not the truth but the possibility that such a situation might exist, however slim the chances are, that determines the lifeline of the conspiracy theory.
In just the same way the conspiracy theory put forth in Da Vinci Code that Medeival Kings colluding with the Catholic Church burned down all the documents that made any reference to the marital life of Jesus, and summoned religious writers to clean up the gospels, publish only those that conformed with the Catholic Church's view of Christianity and relegate the rest to either gather dust or burn up in smoke, has some roots in truth and deduction. The recent unearthing of the "Gospel of Judas" by the archaelogical teams that throws a different light (a more benevolent light) on the relationship between Jesus and Judas as against the accepted traitor-betrayed theory, leads to believe that there is more here than meets the eye. Chruchill once famously said "History is written by the victors". If at the end of the day, Roman Catholic Church stands as the lone victor among the capitulated and the defeated versions of Christianity, it is befitting that the world and history percieve Chrisitianity through the eyes of the Roman Catholic Church, accepting whatever Rome decides that Christ had done or not done religiously, promptly rejecting all other versions that would not agree with the fundamental foundations of the Chruch. Conspiracy? Yes, but, possible? Yes, equally. The reason that such kind of highly contentious and potentially damning situation exists is because of fact that with Christianity, history has as much say in the belief system as pure faith. Jesus was as much a mythical figure as much as he was historical. If it is to believed as per all the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) that vouch for Judas being a traitor who betrayed Jesus for a few gold coins, as a statement of faith, then the Gospel of Judas, that wasn't accorded the same status alongside the other four, which argues against that notion bearing a stamp of history, stands right up against it.
The fact that Dan Brown bases his entire theory on Priori of Sion, a secret society that purports to protect the bloodline of Jesus without revealing their identities to the world for obvious reasons, which included illustrious members like Isaac Newton, Leonardo Da Vinci and many such, was an elaborate hoax in itself. The society was cooked up in the fertile imagination of a French swindler during the period of second world war, who created an entire back history to the society about how it protected Jesus' and Mary's lineage through tightly guarded secrets and tightly lipped personnel, who passed on the secret from generation to generation. That he registered the name of the society in France, registered all his documents with the French National Library in Paris under the name "The Secret Dossier", indicated in them that Magdalene fled to France after Christ's crucifixion, and even insinuated that the bloodline of Jesus are still in France, were all purely patriotic, if not brilliantly clever. Even though Brown's instrument to prove this theory about Jesus was blunt and bent in shape, he did stumble upon a potentially explosive piece in his research about the possibility of Jesus's mortal marital actions. Whether, as he says, this was the greatest lie perpetrated on the mankind since the dawn of civilization can be greatly argued about, there are no arguments that his work remains a highly entertaining piece of fiction, with a dash of conspiracy, backed up by some truths of history. If not for all the crazy conspiracy and unnecessary controversy that Dan Brown welcomed into Christianity, he should at least be commended for prodding every Christian into asking himself this question at a very personal level - Does it matter?
So what if Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, had physical relationship with her and produced an offspring? A few years ago, one more book (and later made into a movie by the same name) "The Last Temptation of Christ" by Nikos Kazantzakis posed the same question, in that, a bruised and battered Jesus, in his final moments on the cross, briefly entertains the thought of not bearing the burden of sins of the entire humanity earning him a painful crucifixion in the process, but leading a normal life like any other regular human being, getting married and bearing kids. However unlike "Last Temptation" which poses the question in a rather philosophical way, "Da Vinci Code" argues with a straight face that Jesus was indeed married and had most certainly borne an offspring with Magdalene, citing age old documents, secret parchments, hidden codes and sometimes the secrets that lie between the lines. So what if Jesus had a wife and a kid? Would it reduce his divinity any lesser making him a mere mortal? Does it completely wipe away his sacrifice for humanity? Would it totally skew or negate his preachings and teachings about love, affection and tolerance? The questions, though seem innocuously simple, do not have easy answers. The point is not whether Jesus could have had the life of a normal man. The implications surrounding an issue as huge as "Jesus' kid" would become not only mythological in nature but also gigantically political. Entertaining the thought that there indeed was a Jesus' kid and that history had clearly marked his lineage, the order of the religion founded on the belief that Jesus was the Son of God, would question its faith and its foundation time and again, when the world witnesses Jesus' kid and his progeny undergo the same day to day difficulties and hardships that the rest of the world is saddled with.
It would only then seem natural that God's kids and his lineage be bestowed with special powers and privileges than the rest. Miracles would become commonplace; Eradication of the misery, hunger, poverty and other's wordly plagues would be expected of them. And failure to do so would immediately reflect on the belief system. If the grandson of God does not have the capability of bringing a dead person to life, His healing powers are a myth and the God in question does not exist, and the whole belief system is a farce.... or so would the argument go. Therefore the situation was perfectly ripe to whoever founded a religion around the life and death of Christ or the powers that finally vested control of the religion, wipe off any traces of mortality to Jesus thus making him the sole descendant of God. For a conspiracy theory to survive and perpetuate over a period of time, it is not the believability or rather the veracity of the theory that makes it tick, but it is the mere possibility that such a situation might exist that determines how long the theory lasts. Oliver Stone's brilliant movie "JFK" a few years ago plays on this very issue quite dramatically. It may never be known to the world the identity of the killer(s) or the reasons behind the assassination of Kennedy. But Oliver Stone pieces the puzzle in such a way that he creates the possibility of a conspiracy, with everyone right from an ordinary cop in the Dallas Police Department all the way upto the White House dragging even the President Lyndon Johnson into the muddle, to be in on a massive cover up operation. Again, it is not the truth but the possibility that such a situation might exist, however slim the chances are, that determines the lifeline of the conspiracy theory.
In just the same way the conspiracy theory put forth in Da Vinci Code that Medeival Kings colluding with the Catholic Church burned down all the documents that made any reference to the marital life of Jesus, and summoned religious writers to clean up the gospels, publish only those that conformed with the Catholic Church's view of Christianity and relegate the rest to either gather dust or burn up in smoke, has some roots in truth and deduction. The recent unearthing of the "Gospel of Judas" by the archaelogical teams that throws a different light (a more benevolent light) on the relationship between Jesus and Judas as against the accepted traitor-betrayed theory, leads to believe that there is more here than meets the eye. Chruchill once famously said "History is written by the victors". If at the end of the day, Roman Catholic Church stands as the lone victor among the capitulated and the defeated versions of Christianity, it is befitting that the world and history percieve Chrisitianity through the eyes of the Roman Catholic Church, accepting whatever Rome decides that Christ had done or not done religiously, promptly rejecting all other versions that would not agree with the fundamental foundations of the Chruch. Conspiracy? Yes, but, possible? Yes, equally. The reason that such kind of highly contentious and potentially damning situation exists is because of fact that with Christianity, history has as much say in the belief system as pure faith. Jesus was as much a mythical figure as much as he was historical. If it is to believed as per all the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) that vouch for Judas being a traitor who betrayed Jesus for a few gold coins, as a statement of faith, then the Gospel of Judas, that wasn't accorded the same status alongside the other four, which argues against that notion bearing a stamp of history, stands right up against it.
The fact that Dan Brown bases his entire theory on Priori of Sion, a secret society that purports to protect the bloodline of Jesus without revealing their identities to the world for obvious reasons, which included illustrious members like Isaac Newton, Leonardo Da Vinci and many such, was an elaborate hoax in itself. The society was cooked up in the fertile imagination of a French swindler during the period of second world war, who created an entire back history to the society about how it protected Jesus' and Mary's lineage through tightly guarded secrets and tightly lipped personnel, who passed on the secret from generation to generation. That he registered the name of the society in France, registered all his documents with the French National Library in Paris under the name "The Secret Dossier", indicated in them that Magdalene fled to France after Christ's crucifixion, and even insinuated that the bloodline of Jesus are still in France, were all purely patriotic, if not brilliantly clever. Even though Brown's instrument to prove this theory about Jesus was blunt and bent in shape, he did stumble upon a potentially explosive piece in his research about the possibility of Jesus's mortal marital actions. Whether, as he says, this was the greatest lie perpetrated on the mankind since the dawn of civilization can be greatly argued about, there are no arguments that his work remains a highly entertaining piece of fiction, with a dash of conspiracy, backed up by some truths of history. If not for all the crazy conspiracy and unnecessary controversy that Dan Brown welcomed into Christianity, he should at least be commended for prodding every Christian into asking himself this question at a very personal level - Does it matter?
iQBAL......
It does not happen very often and not certainly in the current crop of commercial Indian cinema, where the actors rises above the material, brings an amount of respectability, the much needed 'gravitas' that makes the role more believable and endearing. Usually the trend is to parrot whatever is on paper, get the job done and move on to the next one. Essaying a role simply meant that - portray a character as it was concieved than go the extra length and be that character. The blame does not entirely lie on the actors themselves as the roles that they often get to perform are not very much different from one another - angry young man, angry lover, angry anti-establishment guy, angry guy fighting against the anti-social elements and the like. In those rare cases, when the actor does rise above the mediocrity of the material (like Atul Kulkarni in Rang De Basanti), it certainly makes one wonder what he would have done and where he would have gone with a stronger foundation. That is not to say that a good material is any lesser or inferior to a good performance, but in some cases, it provides just the right platform creating enough room for the actor to stretch his limbs, while feeling the character out. The material serves the sole purpose of triggering the motivation and steps out of the way while the actor takes over from there and starts playing the role in ways he feels right, than merely following the printed word on paper. Situations such as these allow the actor to bring his toolset and interact with the role in all the different ways possible, creating a believable impression as though he is living and breathing the character. And in that rare moment when both the actor and the material disappear in the role, movies like Iqbal take shape.
Consider Naseeruddin Shah's performance, the lone one of the holy trinity (sharing the honors with Om Puri and Shabana Azmi) still eking out a living in the commercial medium. His role in Iqbal is etched out in pretty broad strokes - a fallen from grace drunkard, initially forced but later willingly volunteers to help a deaf and mute kid realize his goal. In the hands of a lesser actor, the role would have been reduced to a parody of sorts. The role is just one step away from becoming a filmi cliche. Talented drunkard - lot of scope for brooding and wallowing in self-pity. Turned away by the system - ample room for displaying the Hindi film staple role - anti-establishment angry man. Turns his life around and helps somebody realize his lifelong dream - over the top theatricality against loud bombastic background score. With such seemingly obvious pitfalls all around, Shah's performance stands right and bright, walking along the path of redemption one step at a time, allowing the material to slowly transform his character into what he finally becomes. It does not seem forced, it does not seem rushed and it does not feel artificial in the least bit, when the character finally sobers up and gives up his licentious ways. This is definitely a feat, considering the movie length is only around 2 hours. Sure, enough situations could have been created for establishing the character even more allowing him to live, breathe and grow, but in such restricted space and time, to convince the audience of the genuineness of his intentions and motivations is a direct reflection on the capability of the actor more than the way the role is written. A classic example of the actor rising above the material.
Another gem of a performance among the other glittering ones - Shweta Prasad, the actor portraying the sister of the deaf-mute. She plays Iqbal's voice to the world; she also doubles as the world's voice to Iqbal. In between she has the job of playing the role as more than just an interpreter. Shweta Prasad takes up this difficult proposition with so much enthusiasm, so much life and so much vigor, that the movie would still have worked, had it been named "Khadija" (her character's name, instead of Iqbal) for all intents and purposes. There was an interesting sequence in the movie Roja, when Madhubala stops a state's parade midway to confront a minister and find out about her kidnapped husband's whereabouts. Here an interpreter starts translating her language into Hindi to the minister to make him understand her plight. After a couple of statements, the minister simply asks the interpreter to stop, as he clearly understands the distress that Roja was going through, even though he doesn't quite understand her words. Very powerful and moving moment, that. In just the same way, the scenes where the brother and sister communicate in sign language when they are alone (without any subtitles or a voice-overs explaining what exactly they are talking about) and the way silence sometimes communicates more than the signs and words is just exhilarating film-making. Shweta plays the role without looking down upon her brother, show any pity or act in a condescending way as the issue of her brother's handicap is never played into the equation. To her it is just like speaking another language with another person, only this one does not involve any words. Contrast her performance to the over-played and over-wrought role of Manisha Koirala in Khamoshi, and one would realize the sea of difference between playing a role and portraying a character.
Nagesh Kukunoor deserves all the accolades that come along his way with Iqbal. Ever since Hyderabad Blues he seems to be struggling with finding a middleground between his independent way of film-making and the regular commercial fare. Though not in a completely artistic way, his movies did try to step away from the mainstream, even though most of the themes that he tried in Rockford, Bollywood Calling, Teen Deewarein are pretty much regular commercials. With Iqbal, he makes another attempt at yet another genre fare, the underdog story, but this time, it appears as though he respected the mainstream format and tried to tell his story with those paramaters. The result is nothing sort of refreshing. With the performances more than making up for the gloss and the glitz of the regular fare, Nagesh's output both in the writing and the directing departments finds a perfect tone, that is neither too commercial nor too artistic, but is a fair balance between mind and heart (as he points out through one of his characters, if everything is in the right place, mind and heart are in fact one and the same). Another interesting choice is the way Nagesh remains completely oblivious to the handicap of his main character, instead of harping on the issue and squeeze out some more symapthy, indicating that any handicap, be it physical or mental, is only as obstructing and physically restricting as one allows it to be. Pulling off that aspect in a movie about a majorly handicapped boy is indeed a miracle, like the miracle that happens where Andhra does in fact win the Ranji Trophy in the end, in the movie. Three cheers!
Consider Naseeruddin Shah's performance, the lone one of the holy trinity (sharing the honors with Om Puri and Shabana Azmi) still eking out a living in the commercial medium. His role in Iqbal is etched out in pretty broad strokes - a fallen from grace drunkard, initially forced but later willingly volunteers to help a deaf and mute kid realize his goal. In the hands of a lesser actor, the role would have been reduced to a parody of sorts. The role is just one step away from becoming a filmi cliche. Talented drunkard - lot of scope for brooding and wallowing in self-pity. Turned away by the system - ample room for displaying the Hindi film staple role - anti-establishment angry man. Turns his life around and helps somebody realize his lifelong dream - over the top theatricality against loud bombastic background score. With such seemingly obvious pitfalls all around, Shah's performance stands right and bright, walking along the path of redemption one step at a time, allowing the material to slowly transform his character into what he finally becomes. It does not seem forced, it does not seem rushed and it does not feel artificial in the least bit, when the character finally sobers up and gives up his licentious ways. This is definitely a feat, considering the movie length is only around 2 hours. Sure, enough situations could have been created for establishing the character even more allowing him to live, breathe and grow, but in such restricted space and time, to convince the audience of the genuineness of his intentions and motivations is a direct reflection on the capability of the actor more than the way the role is written. A classic example of the actor rising above the material.
Another gem of a performance among the other glittering ones - Shweta Prasad, the actor portraying the sister of the deaf-mute. She plays Iqbal's voice to the world; she also doubles as the world's voice to Iqbal. In between she has the job of playing the role as more than just an interpreter. Shweta Prasad takes up this difficult proposition with so much enthusiasm, so much life and so much vigor, that the movie would still have worked, had it been named "Khadija" (her character's name, instead of Iqbal) for all intents and purposes. There was an interesting sequence in the movie Roja, when Madhubala stops a state's parade midway to confront a minister and find out about her kidnapped husband's whereabouts. Here an interpreter starts translating her language into Hindi to the minister to make him understand her plight. After a couple of statements, the minister simply asks the interpreter to stop, as he clearly understands the distress that Roja was going through, even though he doesn't quite understand her words. Very powerful and moving moment, that. In just the same way, the scenes where the brother and sister communicate in sign language when they are alone (without any subtitles or a voice-overs explaining what exactly they are talking about) and the way silence sometimes communicates more than the signs and words is just exhilarating film-making. Shweta plays the role without looking down upon her brother, show any pity or act in a condescending way as the issue of her brother's handicap is never played into the equation. To her it is just like speaking another language with another person, only this one does not involve any words. Contrast her performance to the over-played and over-wrought role of Manisha Koirala in Khamoshi, and one would realize the sea of difference between playing a role and portraying a character.
Nagesh Kukunoor deserves all the accolades that come along his way with Iqbal. Ever since Hyderabad Blues he seems to be struggling with finding a middleground between his independent way of film-making and the regular commercial fare. Though not in a completely artistic way, his movies did try to step away from the mainstream, even though most of the themes that he tried in Rockford, Bollywood Calling, Teen Deewarein are pretty much regular commercials. With Iqbal, he makes another attempt at yet another genre fare, the underdog story, but this time, it appears as though he respected the mainstream format and tried to tell his story with those paramaters. The result is nothing sort of refreshing. With the performances more than making up for the gloss and the glitz of the regular fare, Nagesh's output both in the writing and the directing departments finds a perfect tone, that is neither too commercial nor too artistic, but is a fair balance between mind and heart (as he points out through one of his characters, if everything is in the right place, mind and heart are in fact one and the same). Another interesting choice is the way Nagesh remains completely oblivious to the handicap of his main character, instead of harping on the issue and squeeze out some more symapthy, indicating that any handicap, be it physical or mental, is only as obstructing and physically restricting as one allows it to be. Pulling off that aspect in a movie about a majorly handicapped boy is indeed a miracle, like the miracle that happens where Andhra does in fact win the Ranji Trophy in the end, in the movie. Three cheers!
Rags to riches.. & There will be blood
Rags to riches stories generally gain halos around them with the passage of time. People never get tired of listening to them and media never gets tired of writing about them. For all intents and purposes, they are the contemporary fairy tales. There once was a man who was poor and destitute. He failed at everything he tried. Until, fate dealt him a hand that he bet big...and won. And the rest is history, as they say. The factual aspect of the story has a great deal of drama already built into it, that fits quite nicely into the standard three act structure. Setup - poverty stricken character, has been trying for long to get that break, until he finally stumbles on one. Conflict - how, braving all elements, he swims against the tide, against conventional wisdom and emerges victorious. As he reaches the top, the same traits that have helped him survive the competition and stay ahead of the pack, start working against him, causing him to tumble down from his throne. And finally the resolution - how he overcomes the adversity and redeems himself. Take any public figure who has risen through the ranks to becoming the kingpin in his field. The stories of Dhirubhai Ambani selling his fabrics door to door before he founded Vimal, the lore of the media baron Ramoji Rao peddling his pickles on his bicycle, the legend of Nirma Washing Powder are all public knowledge. All these stories celebrate the indomitable spirit of the human nature. It is not somuchas sticking it to the system, as it is the joy of seeing somebody succeed against all odds, through sheer effort. It is the reaffirmation of faith, reassurance on a set of principles. It is the very reason why the public hangs on to their every word, and even a badly written book by one of them becomes an instant best seller at the newsstands. As a wise man who once said "a rich man's joke is always funny", so can be said about the profoundity in the cliche of a self-made millionaire. People believe they earned their right be boorish and boastful, and so the nouveau rich remain the permanent fixture on the celebrity circuit.
But what about all the things that happened on the path from rags to riches? Surely, fate has not spread a bed of roses in their path, making it easy and convenient at every important juncture, and paved the road to success all by itself. What actually happened behind closed doors, the boardrooms, across the negotiating tables? Was it all fair, just, right and moral? In a world with limited resources and unlimited players, is there room for rectitude, or is it even the right strategy to remain straight? When two players contend for the same item, where does wisdom lie - in going hard at it regardless of the ground rules and winning it or recognizing the futility of the exercise and shortcomings in the approach and giving up the race for the right reasons? On whom does time bestow the title of victor - the winner or the just? The phrase 'creation of wealth' is a misnomer for most of the times. Like the energy conservation principle, the creation of wealth always comes at the expense of something/someone. It could be a loss of friendship/relationship or it could come at the loss of oneself. Convenience calls it 'compromise', instead of preferring the more direct 'loss'. A man compromises with his principles, trades his values, and makes a deal with his beliefs, and society lauds it as entrepreneurship. At the end of the journey, after he finally made it to the top, the question would remain whether he is the same person who was at the beginning of the journey. The concept of capitalism muddles the water even further. Rarely has an idea shook the foundations of society and fundamentals of humanity, by celebrating and promoting a culture of selfishness in the name of betterment/advancement, than capitalism. Now if this underbelly of the game, the actual machinations of what really goes behind 'fair' trades and practices, is exposed to the public, would it still put its billionaires on the high pedestal and regard their word as the next commandment from God?
"There will be blood" is a searing saga that examines the effects of growing weight of wealth on a person's psyche, at the turn of the 20th century. Set against the early days of oil exploration in Southwest America, the movie steadfastly remains with the protagonist through all his twists and turns, his choices, his tough trek, his grand rise and his eventual fall. What is interesting in "There will..." is how a set of characters in a desolate place, far flung from the rest of the suave civilization, behave when confronted with new found wealth, particularly when rules guiding the conduct under such circumstances, weren't even set. As a contrast, consider the current times' scenario of a super store opening in a local community. The first act is a Public Relations campaign undertaken by the super store management, wherein it goes above and beyond allaying the fears of locals, assuring that it would usurp the local competition, in fact, it would promote it for the eventual benefit of the customers, goes ahead and makes contributions to the local causes, charities and congregations, and of course, the politicians. Once it is firmly entrenched in the neighborhood, it goes ahead and does exactly opposite of what it has promised - eat up the competition, stifle the opposition, and takes the usual route of lobbying to safeguard its interests, all in the name of standard business practices. Using a similar setup for the movie, the maker relocates the situation to a hundred years ago, and observes how his protagonist deals with a similar dilemma, of rallying the local population around for his cause of drilling an oil well in the area. If it is political demagogues that need to be bought out now, it was religious demagogues then, that need to be placated. The promises were the same then as they are now - new money in the community would usher schools, roads, hospitals, better standards of living - anything for the benefit and welfare of the community, of course.
The brilliance of the direction is how the maker does not reveal the true character of his protagonist until midway, whereby the audience is lulled into believing that all practices the protagonist had been indulging in his rise to the top, is nothing but good business, even if it is at the expense of a little morality. After all, what is morality, if it comes in the way of a good opportunity, and what is opportunity, but the basic building block of the capitalistic society. The dramatic turn which reveals the true identity of the protagonist, as one of cunning, selfish, jealous, and even cruel behavior, blends in nicely with the nature of his work, to the point that it becomes impossible at times to differentiate between the two - his real nature versus his business sense, impossible to figure out, if he is, in fact, enjoying his vitriolic act in the name/line of duty. "There will be blood" is as much about the businessman, as it is about the business itself. In commenting on the lives of the people that built this nation, it offers an uncompromising social commentary on the contemporary society. As the title indicates, a closer look of the underpinnings of the society reveals a gory and a ghastly detail.
But what about all the things that happened on the path from rags to riches? Surely, fate has not spread a bed of roses in their path, making it easy and convenient at every important juncture, and paved the road to success all by itself. What actually happened behind closed doors, the boardrooms, across the negotiating tables? Was it all fair, just, right and moral? In a world with limited resources and unlimited players, is there room for rectitude, or is it even the right strategy to remain straight? When two players contend for the same item, where does wisdom lie - in going hard at it regardless of the ground rules and winning it or recognizing the futility of the exercise and shortcomings in the approach and giving up the race for the right reasons? On whom does time bestow the title of victor - the winner or the just? The phrase 'creation of wealth' is a misnomer for most of the times. Like the energy conservation principle, the creation of wealth always comes at the expense of something/someone. It could be a loss of friendship/relationship or it could come at the loss of oneself. Convenience calls it 'compromise', instead of preferring the more direct 'loss'. A man compromises with his principles, trades his values, and makes a deal with his beliefs, and society lauds it as entrepreneurship. At the end of the journey, after he finally made it to the top, the question would remain whether he is the same person who was at the beginning of the journey. The concept of capitalism muddles the water even further. Rarely has an idea shook the foundations of society and fundamentals of humanity, by celebrating and promoting a culture of selfishness in the name of betterment/advancement, than capitalism. Now if this underbelly of the game, the actual machinations of what really goes behind 'fair' trades and practices, is exposed to the public, would it still put its billionaires on the high pedestal and regard their word as the next commandment from God?
"There will be blood" is a searing saga that examines the effects of growing weight of wealth on a person's psyche, at the turn of the 20th century. Set against the early days of oil exploration in Southwest America, the movie steadfastly remains with the protagonist through all his twists and turns, his choices, his tough trek, his grand rise and his eventual fall. What is interesting in "There will..." is how a set of characters in a desolate place, far flung from the rest of the suave civilization, behave when confronted with new found wealth, particularly when rules guiding the conduct under such circumstances, weren't even set. As a contrast, consider the current times' scenario of a super store opening in a local community. The first act is a Public Relations campaign undertaken by the super store management, wherein it goes above and beyond allaying the fears of locals, assuring that it would usurp the local competition, in fact, it would promote it for the eventual benefit of the customers, goes ahead and makes contributions to the local causes, charities and congregations, and of course, the politicians. Once it is firmly entrenched in the neighborhood, it goes ahead and does exactly opposite of what it has promised - eat up the competition, stifle the opposition, and takes the usual route of lobbying to safeguard its interests, all in the name of standard business practices. Using a similar setup for the movie, the maker relocates the situation to a hundred years ago, and observes how his protagonist deals with a similar dilemma, of rallying the local population around for his cause of drilling an oil well in the area. If it is political demagogues that need to be bought out now, it was religious demagogues then, that need to be placated. The promises were the same then as they are now - new money in the community would usher schools, roads, hospitals, better standards of living - anything for the benefit and welfare of the community, of course.
The brilliance of the direction is how the maker does not reveal the true character of his protagonist until midway, whereby the audience is lulled into believing that all practices the protagonist had been indulging in his rise to the top, is nothing but good business, even if it is at the expense of a little morality. After all, what is morality, if it comes in the way of a good opportunity, and what is opportunity, but the basic building block of the capitalistic society. The dramatic turn which reveals the true identity of the protagonist, as one of cunning, selfish, jealous, and even cruel behavior, blends in nicely with the nature of his work, to the point that it becomes impossible at times to differentiate between the two - his real nature versus his business sense, impossible to figure out, if he is, in fact, enjoying his vitriolic act in the name/line of duty. "There will be blood" is as much about the businessman, as it is about the business itself. In commenting on the lives of the people that built this nation, it offers an uncompromising social commentary on the contemporary society. As the title indicates, a closer look of the underpinnings of the society reveals a gory and a ghastly detail.
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