echoes.................

what hurts is not the past, but the remembering how happy it was, sometimes happiness hurts..especially wen u look at it wit sepia-tinted lenses from a time far away..maybe today has no relation with the yesterday, maybe there is no reason to cry and maybe not enough reason to rejoice but i dont even know how the heart had maneuvered its way across those dingy dark alleys of the mind, that seemed to have been lost in the endless abyss of time and seemed to stop right at the threshold of summer long past..peeping through a window that recalled memories ringing with peals of laughter and loads of joy, a hint of innocence and a loads of love...u are not here today, neither are you, nor u..i am not there either, and yet..why...why does it feel like an unnecessary urge to stand back and grab despairingly at any and every passing memory that pierces the heart and makes the night grow darker? and i cant seem to draw up the energy to stand up straight, shrugg away the thoughts and concentrate on a future to come, a present in hand..is it the fear of the future, that make the already hesitant unsteady steps turn backwards? is it fear of repeating mistakes? is it fear of not havin learnt one's ruthlessly learnt lessons of life and love? is it too much time in hand to explore a buried past? i disagree with the last..time is chosen...i cant seem to smile suddenly..the heart echoes a dull pain and the fingers grow cold...n yet the warmest memory fails to bring a smile and the saddest? well, the saddest , just is that, the saddest...