Female Psychology: Inside the Mind of a Beautiful Woman

Wow, it’s been about 6 months now since I have last written an article. 6 months!!!

If anything, I suppose that this makes it more than clear that I am not going to write something and sign my name to it unless I feel I have something significant to contribute - something unique and that I am actually excited to share…

Finally, that day has come.

Over the past 6 months I’ve been busy with a lot of different things that have both delighted and frustrated me, but the main thing that has occupied my time has been coaching.

Through working with a countless number of guys whom I could never forget, I have begun to formalize and standardize a coaching process that consistently delivers some of the most remarkable reviews this side of Mars.

Of course, anyone could sign up for one of these courses, however not everyone has the time or resources to come to NYC at this point in time. Because of this I set out to create a product that would deliver the same life-changing experience had by everyone who works with me to wherever you are in the world at a price that everyone could afford.

My dream is ‘Fearless’.

More recently, Fearless has been the other thing taking up the majority of my time. I have decided that as I pen a section that I feel would be particularly helpful to you guys - the guys who have been following all of this the longest - that I would post it as an article. Hopefully we can both benefit from this; as you possibly grab an insight that helps things ‘click’ and also give me feedback that will assuredly make the finished product that much better.

Without further ado, I humbly present the content that prompted me to start writing this in the first place:


A common theme that I see from guys I work with - and in our culture at large - is the tendency to look at women, especially the most beautiful ones, as some sort of foreign species.

Guys are always questioning - what should I talk about? what does she want to talk about? what is she thinking? why are women so crazy? - and in fact many of those exact same guys would be shocked to know that many women, even the most beautiful ones, think the same thing about us. All anyone has to do is flip through the “guy advice” in a Cosmo to see what I’m talking about.

A common thing that I’ve told many guys is that meeting, talking to, and attracting members of the opposite sex is fundamentally simple - and that it is only the barriers that our mind creates that makes it so difficult sometimes. By jumping into the mind of a beautiful woman - to better understand where she’s coming from and what she’s thinking - this is one of the first steps in lowering some of those barriers.

Let me start with an oversimplification: Women are insecure.

Now as a disclaimer, of course this does not apply to all women - only to most - and I don’t mean it as an insult, because hell, in today’s day and age the vast majority of us are insecure.

What I’m talking about is that feeling you sometimes have of nervousness, of worrying that she’s judging you, feeling that you’re not good/funny/handsome/cool enough - I’m saying that she’s most likely feeling it too.

In fact, I would say that women on average - believe it or not - are actually more insecure than men.

Think about it. Their entire lives they’ve compared themselves to the airbrushed women in their favorite magazines. They’ve been bombarded with messages that they’re not pretty enough, they’re not thin enough, their face doesn’t look pretty without makeup, their hair isn’t shiny or blonde or whatever enough.

And why do magazines present these airbrushed, almost unattainable images as the standard of beauty? Because insecure people buy more shit they don’t need to feel whole than secure people - but that’s for another article altogether.

And I know what you’re saying: “ok Nick, I follow, most girls feel insecure - but those aren’t the most beautiful ones. Those are the ones who are maybe only ‘6-8’s’. The truly beautiful women, the ones who do live up to the barely attainable standards of beauty in magazines - they’re not insecure”.

I can see why this idea would be attractive. On the surface, it certainly seems to make sense.

There’s even a popular myth going around that incredibly beautiful women at the bar - or anywhere else for that matter - feel as though they have the “most value” wherever they are and that for a man to attract them he has to bring her down a couple of pegs or even to try to elevate his own status to even be considered as a potential mate for her.

First of all, the fact that this type of thinking - that places beautiful women on the same level as a narcissistic dictator who harshly judges the behavior of her prospective suitors - even exists is an excellent example of why there are millions of unhappily single men and women out there.

If you find yourself believing this to some degree than what I will say next will come as a shock to you, but often the most beautiful women (by current societal standards) are, on average, not thinking about themselves as the highest value of people deep down, but rather are the most insecure women of all.

Now I’ll admit that these women are most likely used to being put on a pedestal. So the question stands: how can a human being who is used to being put on a pedestal be, on average, more insecure than everyone else?

Please allow me to explain.

Pretend for a moment that you’re in a particularly good mood one day and you decide to give a dollar to a homeless man asking for spare change. Almost instantly the homeless man transforms into a powerful sorcerer and says that in return for your kindness, he’d like to do you a favor.

He casts a spell and suddenly the world bows at your feet. You have access to anything you want. People are constantly giving you everything for free.

Now he also reminds you that you can’t have such a great gift without there being a catch. First of all, no one could have this kind of power forever, so after 10 years it will suddenly be gone.

Secondly, everyone else is fully aware of your power, and they all want a piece of it for their own benefit. You will constantly be hounded by everyone, not because they give two shits about you, but only because they want to use you and take advantage of you in whatever way they can.

At first it’s a lot of fun - so much fun that you can’t resist taking full advantage of it. Hell, no one could. But after you’ve seen everything and done everything it gets a bit boring. Furthermore as the years roll on you all of a sudden see the end in sight. The window is closing ever so slowly and you begin to grow more and more anxious at the thought of losing your source of power. You’ve gotten so used to relying on it - what the hell will you do when it fades?

In a book titled, “Your Own Worst Enemy”, Kenneth Christian, PHD, discusses how ‘gifted’ children have a tendency to underachieve later in life. I hope he excuses my simplification, but Dr. Christian argues that when adults start referring to a child as ‘gifted’ or one of the brightest in a class, that child tends to get exceptions on things that other students don’t - he receives praise because he is ‘special’ instead of for specific accomplishments he achieves.

Because he values the title of ‘gifted’ for the benefits he receives from it, he becomes fearful of taking risks that lead to failure that could jeopardize this title - and thus underachievement ensues. Just like our story about the sorcerer’s gift, “you’ve gotten so used to relying on it, what the hell will you do when it fades?”

Beautiful women - and hell, most people with a vagina can very much relate to the feeling of receiving praise and special treatment; not for an accomplishment they achieve but for something they didn’t do anything to ‘deserve’. How the hell do you build real confidence in yourself in these circumstances?

They are also used to most people trying to use them and take advantage of them for their own benefit without giving two shits about them. How the hell can you build confidence in others when this is the reality you know?

And what a beautiful woman knows far better than anyone else, is that it is only a matter of time before their ‘golden ticket’ runs out. Time flies, and youth and beauty are gone before you know it. If a woman has gotten so used to relying on them that they’ve been afraid to take risks and build other parts of herself, then what the hell does she do when it fades?

Unfortunately, in our society today, this pattern appears to be the norm more than the exception, and thus it is often the case that the most beautiful women are also the most insecure individuals amongst us.

The question then stands: in light of this information, how should you interact with all individuals, and more specifically the most beautiful of women.

For starters take them off of their goddamn pedestal. I’m not saying be mean to anyone, I’m just saying to start viewing them as they actually view themselves. If acting indifferent toward a woman ever caused her to react positively toward you, it wasn’t because she held herself in such high regard that she had to be taken down a few pegs, in fact it’s actually just the opposite.

If this is what you want, congratulations, you’ve just discovered how to attract insecure women - but what does that say about the standards you have for yourself?

What I recommend is treating everyone the same. You should treat the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen in the same way as the old lady at the bus stop. If you’re not particularly friendly to the old lady at the bus stop then that’s your first assignment.

Then you give them a chance - see how they respond. If they react coldly, then you know that they’re feeling pretty uncomfortable with themselves and now you know why. Remember, this usually has nothing to do with anything you did or didn’t do. In fact, you probably react the exact same way to people whenever you’re feeling uncomfortable. Also remember, the more beautiful the women, the more likely she is to suffer from this insecurity - this lack of comfort. My advice in these situations is to move on, unless you approach them like Mother Theresa with a heart of gold that can melt those walls… but I’ll tell you right now it’s a freaking pain in the ass.

Now, as I said there are exceptions to every rule. There are millions of beautiful women out there who, despite the disadvantages they’ve faced have grown up to be confident and warm. You can relate: when you’re feeling comfortable you generally react warmly to others.

It is in these scenarios, when a woman is feeling comfortable expressing who she really is, her personality then you can now show interest without raising her walls. She’ll still be able to smell bullshit - guys who are just trying to use her for her ‘asset’ a mile a way, but if you take the time and allow her to express her personality, and then compliment and open yourself up in response to show that you’re not insecure either, then you’ve got something that in today’s day and age is unfortunately not all that common to come by.

By realizing that underneath the pretty face is someone exactly like you, someone who has had all of the same experiences, thoughts, emotions, fears, insecurities, doubts, and happiness we take our first steps to truly connecting with that human being. The only walls that exist between the sexes are walls that we create. Unfortunately, nowadays it seems that these walls are the norm instead of the exception. By being a man who breaks them down, however, you will shine like light in a sea of darkness…

and women love shiny things